Balloon Juice - I am Now the Proud

I am Now the Proud Father

Of an 8-month old cat/kitten whom I have named Tunch (after Tunch Ilkin, a former Steeler lineman). I had played with him for an hour last week while I was at the pound, because I wanted to make sure I got an ornery fellow. I also have to have ‘the look’ (pet owners know what I mean) from an animal, to know we are gonna be a good fit. At any rate, Tunch is now tear-assing around my house like he is hopped up on something. I guess the first time out of a cage is kind of liberating. If you would like to see a picture of Tunch, you can go here. He is the third cat down.

And he is ornery. I never knew I had so many fun things in my house until I brought him home.

*** Update ***

This cat owns. He tore around my house for five hours, ignored every toy I bought him, and then attacked a coca cola lid for 20 minutes. He then raced around the house for another hour, and collapsed on top of a heap of clothes. Dig it.

Within six months Twitter will be fully self-driving.

Consistently wrong since 2002

I’d like to think you all would remain faithful to me if i ever tried to have some of you killed.

Prediction: the GOP will rethink its strategy of boycotting future committees.

When do we start airlifting the women and children out of Texas?

Sadly, there is no cure for stupid.

I’d try pessimism, but it probably wouldn’t work.

Give the craziest people you know everything they want and hope they don’t ask for more? Great plan.

“Everybody’s entitled to be an idiot.”

I did not have telepathic declassification on my 2022 bingo card.

A last alliance of elves and men. also pet photos.

Tick tock motherfuckers!

Hot air and ill-informed banter

It’s always darkest before the other shoe drops.

Only Democrats have agency, apparently.

Yeah, with this crowd one never knows.

When I decide to be condescending, you won’t have to dream up a fantasy about it.

JFC, are there no editors left at that goddamn rag?

Being the leader of the world means to be the leader of peace.

Let there be snark.

“But what about the lurkers?”

Motto for the House: Flip 5 and lose none.

This fight is for everything.

It may be funny to you motherfucker, but it’s not funny to me.

I am Now the Proud