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You are here: Home / Sports / New Self-Help Group Announcement

New Self-Help Group Announcement

by | 31 Comments

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As a public service to my readers and the blogospehere community, I am announcing the formation of a new self-help group. The group is called:

“My NFL team sucks and is making me miserable, but I love them anyway.”

Invitations are open to anyone afflicted*, but I would like to officially send invitations to the following people:

Oliver Willis, whose Redskins are 4-8.

Matt Stinson and Tacitus, whose Bucs are 5-6.

Kevin Holtsberry, who, like me, is a fan of the pathetic and puny Steelers (4-8).

Dodd Harris and William Sulik, both long-suffering Raiders fans.

Others may feel free to list their name and team affiliation below in the comments. I can’t promise this will help, but I guess it is nice to know you are not suffering alone.

* Arizona Cardinals fans will be given complete lifetime membership without any questions asked.

*** Update ***

I doubt even this would help my Steelers.

Reader Interactions

31Comments

  1. 1.

    Dodd

    Count me in. :-(

    BTW, you interested in a little action on next week’s Raiders-Steelers game? I’m thinking it’ll be a “which team will suck *less*” kind of thing….

  6. 6.

    Emperor Misha I

    A year too late, John.

    For the last four years or so, I could have used your self-help group a LOT, but then Campo got kicked out (Bless the L-rd), and my Cowboys started playing football again.

    Still, who knows what the future holds? I’ll keep you in mind if they take another dive into oblivion, that’s for sure.

    To those of you struggling with conflicting emotions right now: Hang in there. There IS light at the end of the tunnel.

    Yes, it sounds improbable, I know, at least that’s what I would have told YOU a year ago, but hang in there.

  7. 7.

    JimBobElrod

    When it comes to long-time suffering, can’t none of you hold a candle to us downtrodden Lions fans. You poor babies.

  9. 9.

    Mike

    I probably have credentials to lead the group. I am from Cinicnnati and have been a Bengals fan since I became aware of the existence of football, about the same time the Bengals came into existence. Finally, the word “Bungles” has been stricken from the commentators’ vocabularies!

    Note to current sufferers: hang in there!

  10. 10.

    Mitch

    Wide right!!!!!!. 2 words every Bill fan will remember for the rest of their existance. At least they were Superbowl material at one point. Always a bridesmaid.

  12. 12.

    Ralph Gizzip

    Wide right? Yeah right. Talk to me about “The Fumble” and “The Drive” and don’t forget Mike Haynes’ interception way back when. To see Art “The Fart” Modell hoist the Lombardi trophy as a “Ratbird” was like a knife in my heart.

  13. 13.

    Ken Hahn

    Try living in greater Los Angeles. No team at all. I refuse to root for the Lambs since Georgia ran off to St. Louis and the Raiders always belonged in Oakland. To live in the second largest metro area in the US and have the wonderful option of travelling 100 miles to see the Chargers is beyond misery. You all at least have teams, hang in there. It could be worse.

  16. 16.

    Johno

    I’m with Ralph on the comfortable misery of Browns fandom. At least the rest of youse didn’t get a “mercy expansion” from the NFL to replace your original team.

    And don’t cry for the Stillers, Cole… at least your boys have fielded a quality team as recently as five years ago. Five years ago I was crying into my Bernie Kosar beer mug and plotting elaborate revenges on Art Modell.

  17. 17.

    CadillaqJaq

    I’m thoroughly convinced now that God does have a sense of humor after watching my hapless Detroit Lions run rough-shod over Bret Favre’s Green Bay Packers on Thanksgiving Day.

    How about that FSU-Fla game? Go Bobby!

  20. 20.

    Glenn

    My name is Glenn (Hi Glenn). I am 29 years old, and (sob, sob) I’m a NY Football Giants fan. I don’t know what went wrong, or why I still root for them. I just always try to keep my hopes up. But I know its all over. Is it wrong to root for a high draft pick?

  21. 21.

    David Block

    Well I was an Oilers fan until Bud “Asshat” Adams shipped them off to Nashville. In high school, my HS band played for one of the two games they won in in their 1-13 years. Now I live in the Dallas area. For a while in Shreveport, where the team was the Saints. Like Misha, I’m glad Campo has departed.

  22. 22.

    Perry

    I’m also a long-suffering Raiders fan. Worse, I live in Tampa, so after the last SuperBowl I had to go out rioting all by myself…

  23. 23.

    Ralph Gizzip

    Super Bowl? What’s a Super Bowl?

    “Ain’t never been there. They tell me it’s nice.”

  25. 25.

    Highway

    I’m in the Redskins camp, as well, with their megalomaniacal owner (“Hey, I love fantasy football! Deion? Bruce Smith? Jeff George? I’ve heard of all those guys!”). I also don’t know if it’s better or worse living close to Baltimore, and having to listen to the Crows fans go on and on. I swear they are the most insecure fans ever. But at least I don’t have to watch all the Redskins’ games.

  26. 26.

    Split Lip

    GO CHEFS!!!!!

    How weird that both the Faiders and the Fucs are so weak the next year after the Super Bowl.

  27. 27.

    jackson

    I remember seeing a story about how the Bengals in the ’90s were, comparitively, the worst team over a decade in pro SPORTS history. Not just football. Pro sports. So two points:

    1) It will get better, and relatively quickly, for all you guys, and

    2) If your team has made it to the playoffs in, say, the last five years, this all seems a wee bit whiny.

    Especially the Steelers. I mean…come on. You guys make the playoffs EVERY FREAKING YEAR. Think of this year as a one-year vacation.

    And the Niners. Come on. Give me a break.

    Who dey! FOR ONCE!

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