Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

A thin legal pretext to veneer over their personal religious and political desires.

Of course you can have champagne before noon. That’s why orange juice was invented.

So it was an October Surprise A Day, like an Advent calendar but for crime.

Following reporting rules is only for the little people, apparently.

In my day, never was longer.

Yeah, with this crowd one never knows.

When I decide to be condescending, you won’t have to dream up a fantasy about it.

Trump’s legal defense is going to be a dumpster fire inside a clown car on a derailing train.

When the time comes to make an endorsement, the pain of NYT editors will be palpable as they reluctantly whisper “Biden.”

This must be what justice looks like, not vengeful, just peaceful exuberance.

Since when do we limit our critiques to things we could do better ourselves?

I’m starting to think Jesus may have made a mistake saving people with no questions asked.

SCOTUS: It’s not “bribery” unless it comes from the Bribery region of France. Otherwise, it’s merely “sparkling malfeasance”.

We are builders in a constant struggle with destroyers. let’s win this.

Oh FFS you might as well trust a 6-year-old with a flamethrower.

I see no possible difficulties whatsoever with this fool-proof plan.

If you’re looking for someone who’s young and athletic, go watch a fucking movie.

Nikki Haley, who can’t acknowledge ‘slavery’, is a pathetic shill.

Relentless negativity is not a sign that you are more realistic.

Only Democrats have agency, apparently.

He wakes up lying, and he lies all day.

It’s easier to kill a dangerous animal than a man who just happens to have different thoughts/values than one’s own.

When someone says they “love freedom”, rest assured they don’t mean yours.

Innocent people don’t delay justice.

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Fan Mail

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I got some more fan mail today:

John,

Been a long time. See you are still an ARA – ardent republican a..hole. If Satan were running on the republican ticket and God on the Democrat – who would you vote for?

ed nugent
marietta, oh

p.s. – still don’t think it was about the oil?

I feel all gushy inside.

BTW- I would vote libertarian, given those choices.

Reader Interactions

23Comments

  1. 1.

    Guipo

    –p.s. – still don’t think it was about the oil?–

    uhhhh if it was, why the hell am I paying 2.15 cents a gallon?

  2. 2.

    JPS

    ‘Cause Bush is an idiot and he fucked up his oil grab, Guipo! Jeez, aren’t you paying attention?

    [For the record, I am kidding. I add this because I know lots of people who would offer that response in all seriousness.]

  3. 3.

    Rick

    “If Satan were running on the republican ticket and God on the Democrat…”

    In such an instance of reversal of usual form, I might well give my vote to the Democrat.

    Cordially…

  5. 5.

    NaturallyTannedConservative

    Where exactly is that oil? At the price I’m paying I’d like to see it!

  6. 6.

    Guipo

    I dont think GOD would run on democrat, since then he would be in government. If god was a democrat, he’d have to admit he didnt exist, and then the universe would disappear. That would be bad. So God would run as a republican, I think.

    Guipo

  8. 8.

    Tongue Boy

    “p.s. – still don’t think it was about the oil?”

    Mr. Nugent has a point. The French resisted the enforcement of UN resolutions regarding Saddam Hussein’s continued violation of the terms of the 1991 truce that ended the first Gulf War because they were afraid they would lose all those yummy oil contracts.

    So Mr. Nugent was right: the war *was* all about oil — at least for one country.

    Yutz…

  9. 9.

    keith edge

    my question is, who would the Libertarians run in such an unholy election? Since we’re talking deities, I’m thinking they’re running Tom Selleck.

  11. 11.

    Kimmitt

    Yeah, so far as I can tell, we’re at “Democrats run this essentially qualified but thoroughly uninspiring guy, while Republicans run Satan” right now.

  15. 15.

    Slartibartfast

    “The War on Metaphor continues.”

    Oh, please. I never metaphor I didn’t like.

    Seriously, there’s something in the definition of metaphor, like “…in order to suggest comparison or analogy…” that doesn’t quite fit your insistence that it’s ordinary metaphor. Maybe you could resort to the “part of the political give-and-take” tactic, and then I could reuse it in return? I’d think that sort of recycling might appeal to you.

  17. 17.

    Sweet Lou

    Didn’t P.J. O’Rourke say that God is a Republican and Santa Claus is a Democrat?

  18. 18.

    Al Maviva

    I “broke up” with a very liberal Dem friend about six weeks ago. She kept on insisting that the war in Iraq was all about the oil. Then I sent her one of the first stories on the France oil deals pending, if the war was averted; and the list of people who received oil-for-food money as bakshish. I also apologized, and admitted she was right. This brought a very nasty “don’t ever talk to me again” email. Fair enough – but I had no idea that simple political truth could freak somebody out that badly.

  19. 19.

    triticale

    I don’t question Kimmet’s judgement. He argues rationally and civilly from a flawed set of premises. I’ve even agreed with him a couple of times on tangential issues, and wish him and his wife all the best.

  20. 20.

    CadillaqJaq

    Al Maviva:

    Truth in today’s political circles is only what fits into one’s current agenda… veracity means nothing.

    Pitiful.

  21. 21.

    Slartibartfast

    Let me be clear: I have absolutely no problem with Kimmitt, other than that his loathing for Bush distracts him in much the same way that any random odor distracts my beagle.

    It’s not enough to keep me from buying him a beer, but it’s enough to keep me chastising him from time to time.

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