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You are here: Home / Hope in One Hand

Hope in One Hand

by John Cole|  July 29, 20047:14 am| 15 Comments

This post is in: Democratic Stupidity

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When I was in the army, my platoon sergeant had a particular saying he liked to use whenever someone started a sentence with “I hope…” His gruff response was always:

“Hope in one hand, and then shit in the other. Tell me which one fills up first.”

At any rate, John Edwards promises that “Hope is on the way.” He better hope so, because according to his speech last night, he and Kerry are going to, if elected:

– Provide all Americans with the same health care provided to the Senate.

– Pay for that coverage with tax breaks.

– Create a new education system.

– Put the ‘best’ teachers in the subjects and places they are needed.

– Ensure the safety of 3 million school children daily.

– End the two economies.

– Strengthen and lift up families.

– Pay for college.

– Keep the Bush taxcuts in place for 98% of the people.

– Lift 35 million people out of poverty.

– Feed hungry children.

– Clothe cold children.

– Raise the minimum wage.

– Finish the job on Welfare Reform.

– Say no to anyone inpoverty in America.

– Lead strong alliances.

– Safeguard and secure our weapons of mass destruction.

– Strengthen our homeland security.

– Protect our ports.

– Protect our chemical plants.

– Support our firefighters, police officers, and EMT’s.

– Always use our military might to keep the American people safe.

– Win the war in Iraq because of the strength and courage of our own people.

– Take care of veterans.

– Strengthen the military.

– Double our Special Forces.

– Get NATO into Iraq.

– Get Syria and Iran out of Iraq.

– Forgive Iraqi Debt.

– Bring peace to the Mid-east, including Israel/Palestine.

– Bring the world together.

– Secure loose nukes in Russia.

– Close loopholes in the Nonproliferation Treaty.

A point by point fisking of the speech is unnecessary. One aspect of the speech is correct, though- there are ‘Two Americas.’

One who buys this shit, and one who sees right through it.

*** Update ***

The Reason folks are making fun of the laundry list, too.

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Reader Interactions

15Comments

  1. 1.

    Mason

    July 29, 2004 at 9:55 am

    I actually turned off his speech after 20 or 30 minutes. The class warfare rhetoric, and the crowd responses, was really starting to bother me.

    Lovely way to start off the speech, pre-emptively bashing the Bush campaign about going negative. What have the democrats been doing for 3.5 years? The damn primary race was all about who could hate Bush the most.

  2. 2.

    Rick

    July 29, 2004 at 9:59 am

    Mason,

    I guess that’s why Joe Lieberman showed so poorly: he wasn’t in *that* race.

    Sad to see one of their increasingly rare adults get so dissed. I suspect the worthy Evan Bayh has a similarly blighted future.

    Cordially…

  3. 3.

    Adrian Spidle

    July 29, 2004 at 9:59 am

    REPORT FROM THE FRONT

  4. 4.

    TM Lutas

    July 29, 2004 at 10:01 am

    … and would you like a pony with all that Senator Edwards?

  5. 5.

    CadillaqJaq

    July 29, 2004 at 10:55 am

    “HOPE” is just another four letter word… another way to sit on one’s lazy ass and expect good things to happen whilst doing nothing to create them.

    Thankfully I didn’t catch one word of Edwards’s speech. I have caught blurbs of the new “Great Black Hope,” Barack Obama.

    Does anyone here remember another “hope” from earlier in time? One Julian Bond? A young state rep from Georgia who was actually nominated to high office at the 1968 (?) Democrat convention but because of his tender age he had to graciously decline.

    Now look at him… jeezo-pete! I “hope” Barack does better.

  6. 6.

    physics geek

    July 29, 2004 at 10:57 am

    You forgot to mention his promise:

    To make certain every person in this country has their own Gameboy.

    Hey, it sounded like a Christmas wish list to me; I just added one more item.

  7. 7.

    shark

    July 29, 2004 at 11:30 am

    Don’t forget Tereza Heinz said they’d stop global warming.

    With this policy, they’ll need a cabinet consisting of Harry Potter, Gandalf, Merlin and Allah to pull it all off.

  8. 8.

    Bloggerhead

    July 29, 2004 at 12:11 pm

    It’s scandalous, I tell you, and so unprecedented. How dare a candidate for office make such promises? Obviously, just another naked grab for power by the Democrats, and it’s so unfair, for no Republican would ever stoop to such a level, well, except for compassionate conservatism, uniter-not-divider, humble foreigh policy, blah, blah, and blah.

    By the way, touching anecdate of Ole Sarge, John. It seems to me that you’ve been lately touting your military service almost as much as Kerry does his. Let me guess: you were on your hands and knees, cleaning latrines, and moaned, “I hope I don’t have to do this tomorrow.” Boy, that Sarge really knew how to drive a point home, huh?

    Hey, remember the one where he said, contrasting again hope and feces: “While you’re in this military, you just better hope that the commander-in-chief is never a shit-for-brains, because you’re fucked.” I think we could all learn something from Ole Sarge.

  9. 9.

    Dean

    July 29, 2004 at 12:32 pm

    If you support the war and DIDN’T serve in the military, you’re a cowardly chickenhawk.

    If you support the war and DID serve in the military, you darn well better not mention it too often, or you’re just plain obnoxious.

    Only those who DON’T support the war and DID serve in the military should talk about their service. (And if you didn’t serve, that’s okay. You can always claim you were a Ranger, and if you’re shown to be a liar, nobody’ll mention it again anyway, ‘cuz that’d be gauche.)

  10. 10.

    Tongue Boy

    July 29, 2004 at 12:45 pm

    “- Put the ‘best’ teachers in the subjects and places they are needed.”

    That one really puzzled me. Edwards is running for Vice-President of the United States, not Vice-Chairman of the Chinese Communist Party Central Committee, so what power would he have to fulfill this promise?

  11. 11.

    willyb

    July 29, 2004 at 12:59 pm

    Bloggerhead,

    Nice ad hominem attack on John and the military.

    Edward’s promises are part of the same ole game, practiced by both parties I might add. But the Democrats have elevated these “big lies” to their pinnacle. It’s what you want to do, not what you actually accomplish. Nobody in their right mind would expect that this “chicken in every pot” approach was actually doable. But when the Republicans throw some reality on the liberal fire, the Democrats just demagogue the issues by claiming that Republicans are out to enforce racisism, kill old people by depriving them of health care, starve children, etc., etc..

    Oh well, all of this might just be irrelevant. John Kerry should have no problem getting elected now that the Communist Party, USA has thrown their support behind him. This from The Federalist:

    “Comrade John “Forbsky” Kerry recently received the much-coveted support and endorsement of the CPUSA. No, that’s not a church denomination, but the Communist Party USA. “The CPUSA supports the John Kerry campaign with donations and volunteer effort. We believe that defeating George Bush is the single most important issue this November…”, said a CPUSA spokesman. We have already noted that Kerry and Co. are fond of quoting Langston Hughes, a Communist poet, who said, “Let America be America again.” Certainly they must be aware that Hughes also said, “Goodbye, Christ Jesus, Lord, God, Jehova, Beat it on away from here now. Make way for a new guy with no religion at all — A real guy named Marx, communist, Lenin, Peasant, Stalin, Worker, ME — I said, ME!” So, now that Kerry/Edwards have the full support of the Communists — why is it that those Republican states are red?

    And if you’re still not convinced that Kerry has cavorted with Commies, check out the findings of a Vietnam veterans group that went to Ho Chi Minh City and documented photographs in a museum dedicated to the most notable foreign activists who helped defeat the U.S. Military in Vietnam. There, plainly pictured being greeted by, and receiving an award from Comrade Do Muoi, General Secretary of the Communist Party of Vietnam, is the presumptive Democrat nominee for President of the United States (See http://kerry-04.org/war/hero.php).”

  12. 12.

    Kimmitt

    July 30, 2004 at 1:22 am

    It’s going to be so sweet watching you rightwing nutjobs explode after Kerry takes office and our government starts trying to actually solve problems again, instead of just exacerbating them.

    Yeah, Kerry has ambitious goals. But then, Democrats have a long history of delivering on ambitious goals. It’s Republicans who are reduced to nothing more than mocking the very idea of hope.

  13. 13.

    Gary Farber

    July 30, 2004 at 3:53 am

    Cynic. He’s also going to pick me up milk on the way home, and Chinese food. And, tomorrow, do my laundry.

    Of course, another politician i’ve heard of famously said:

    In this election, they will speak endlessly of risk; we will speak of progress. They will make accusations; we will make proposals. They will feed fear, and we will appeal to hope.

    […]

    For eight years, Clinton and Gore have extended our military commitments while depleting our military power. Rarely has so much been demanded of our armed forces and so little given to them in return.

    George W. Bush and I are going to change that too.

    And who can’t say we’re now ready to invade North Korea or Iran, if necessary?

    Yes, I’m snarky. These are important questions.

  14. 14.

    Slartibartfast

    July 30, 2004 at 6:47 am

    That last bit about North Korea, Gary…can’t find it anywhere. But that was you being snarky, no?

    Not making a mockery of hope, Kimmitt. Just mocking the overemphasis on hope. Not saying hope’s not important…I hope for all our sakes that Kerry actually has something resembling a plan to address the terrorist threat. By your standards, he doesn’t have one, because we haven’t seen it yet.

  15. 15.

    Dean

    July 30, 2004 at 8:54 am

    Kimmitt:

    Okay, I’ll bite:

    LBJ: Vietnam, War on Poverty. Ex-cellent! (Civil Rights Act? Take a look at the number of Republicans who voted “For” and Democrats who voted “Against,” and and I’d venture that that was a cooperative venture.)

    Jimmeh Cottuh: Uh, what ambitious goals did he achieve?

    Bill Clinton, now he DID achieve quite a bit, including NAFTA, WTO, and welfare reform. But, somehow, I don’t get the impression that lots of Democrats are necessarily thrilled by those.

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