Don’t Let The Door Hit You in the Ass

I see Andrew has officially endorsed Kerry, which means that the oak is finally lifted. He is officially irrelevant, and I hope the Democrats have fun defending his incoherency.

At any rate, what is funny is how Andrew announces it:

JOHN KERRY FOR PRESIDENT: The endorsement I once never thought I’d write. Here’s a free link, courtesy of TNR. I’m now headed to an undisclosed location.

You may never have thought it, but it was pretty clear to the rest of us for the past six months. Despite the fact that that you claim the war on terror is your most important concern, it boils down to your sex life. The moment Bush signaled he was in favor of the FMA, you came after him with both guns.

What was most amusing, however, was that you knew it would never pass, Bush knew it would never pass, and that Bush was in favor of civil unions. As a total DC insider, you knew it was something Bush had to say in order to shore up his base. But that was really it- from there the demonization of the entire GOP began in earnest.

The falsifications and fanciful thinking were a joy to read. The subtle insertions of phrases such as “Kerry is the real conservative” into supposedly sober analyses of Iraq were like easter eggs on DVD’s. I have to admit- the outright hysteria was fun to read, too. “Bush is trying to make me a second-class citizen- and put it into the Constitution!,” you would wail. Never mind that this was false- you are still free, to this date, to marry any woman you want. Just like every other male in the country.

At any rate, your transparent and shallow posturing was a joy to behold. It was so obvious that you reminded me of a young child playing hide-and-go-seek. Young children, being ego-centric and having little perspective of the world around them, when playing the game will often stand behind a 4 inch wide tree.

The tree, wide enough to obscure their vision, convinces the child that because he/she can’t see anyone or anything, he/she is clearly hidden. Adults watch this behavior and chuckle, knowing that one day the child will group up and understand his/her foolishness. Alas, in your case of arrested development, it may be too late for such hope.

Now off to your Coy Mistress, Sen. Kerry, and let us know how far you get with gay marriage.

By the way, just as an added extra aside, this is genius reasoning for someone whose ‘chief concern’ is the War in Iraq and the War on Terror:

I know few people enthused about John Kerry. His record is undistinguished, and where it stands out, mainly regrettable. He intuitively believes that if a problem exists, it is the government’s job to fix it. He has far too much faith in international institutions, like the corrupt and feckless United Nations, in the tasks of global management. He got the Cold War wrong. He got the first Gulf War wrong. His campaign’s constant and excruciating repositioning on the war against Saddam have been disconcerting, to say the least. I completely understand those who look at this man’s record and deduce that he is simply unfit to fight a war for our survival. They have an important point–about what we know historically of his character and his judgment when this country has faced dire enemies. His scars from the Vietnam War lasted too long and have gone too deep to believe that he has clearly overcome the syndrome that fears American power rather than understands how to wield it for good.

In other words, Kerry has been wrong on everything to date, but he can’t possibly get this one wrong. This reminds me of the old joke:

Two friends are watching a Western, when during a horse chase scene one friend looks over to his buddy and says “Betcha five bucks the horse falls here in a minute.”

His buddy pauses for a moment, thinks, and says “You’re on!”

Sure enough, the a few scenes later the lead character tries to have his horse jump a fallen log, but they fail to clear the log and take a tremendous spill.”

The loser of the bet reaches into his wallet and says, “Damnit! Here’s your five bucks.”

His friend laughs and says “I can’t take your money. I have seen this movie once before and I knew they were going to fall.”

The loser responds, “Once? I have seen it five times. I was convinced they would finally make the jump this time.”

Sure, Andy. National security is your number one concern.

*** Update ***

Heh. Hehe. Indeed.