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You are here: Home / Kitchen Knives- Sharp, Pointy, and a Dire Threat to the British Empire

Kitchen Knives- Sharp, Pointy, and a Dire Threat to the British Empire

by John Cole|  May 27, 200510:21 pm| 10 Comments

This post is in: General Stupidity

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Words fail me:

A&E doctors are calling for a ban on long pointed kitchen knives to reduce deaths from stabbing.

A team from West Middlesex University Hospital said violent crime is on the increase – and kitchen knives are used in as many as half of all stabbings.

They argued many assaults are committed impulsively, prompted by alcohol and drugs, and a kitchen knife often makes an all too available weapon.

The research is published in the British Medical Journal.

The researchers said there was no reason for long pointed knives to be publicly available at all.

They consulted 10 top chefs from around the UK, and found such knives have little practical value in the kitchen.

None of the chefs felt such knives were essential, since the point of a short blade was just as useful when a sharp end was needed.

The researchers said a short pointed knife may cause a substantial superficial wound if used in an assault – but is unlikely to penetrate to inner organs.

No mention of the threat that pointy-headed academics with too much time on their hands pose.

And, I must note, as hilarious as this story is, the BBC treatment is even funnier. The story comes complete with a picture of a knife AND a knife wound.

This reminds me of one of my favorite Archie Bunker quotes:

Meathead: “Do you realize guns are the cause of over 60 percents of deaths in America?

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Reader Interactions

10Comments

  1. 1.

    Axeman

    May 28, 2005 at 12:23 am

    Yep. Apparently Cricket bats, knitting needles, and Scissors are next. Then probably shovels, and rakes, poles in general. It looks like they’ve overlooked the biggest, deadliest weapon of them all though: The motorcar. Those things kill a sight more people than any other household object. Why not ban those next?

  2. 2.

    Adam

    May 28, 2005 at 2:25 am

    I’m sure they’ll get around to it. They can cut crime and greenhouse gas emmisions all at once!

  3. 3.

    BadTux

    May 28, 2005 at 2:54 am

    In other whacky British news, the British agency in charge of rating television shows has deemed that an episode of the television show “Dr. Who” is not allowed to be shown to children. The reason? Apparently cruelty to a Dalek (which, in that show, is an evil robot that wishes to exterminate all life in the galaxy). Apparently Dr. Who makes fun of the captured Dalek’s ambitions to exterminate all life in the universe, and the Dalek commits suicide in despair, oh woe! Seems that cruelty to evil beings that want to exterminate you just isn’t suitable for children in Britain…

    – Badtux the Curious Penguin

  4. 4.

    Oberon

    May 28, 2005 at 9:48 am

    You misquoted Archie Bunker. I remember that episode, and Archie actually said:

    “Would it make ya feel bettah if they wuz all pushed outta windahs?

  5. 5.

    John Cole

    May 28, 2005 at 9:51 am

    Actually, I think it was the blonde chick who said it, and Archie said thrown instead of pushed. I can;t remember, though, so I just copied that from some guy who had written about it. I guess I forgot to attribute it to him.

  6. 6.

    Stormy70

    May 28, 2005 at 9:54 am

    Soccer kills more people in Britain, will they outlaw that hooligan sport?

  7. 7.

    Kimmitt

    May 28, 2005 at 11:20 am

    Of course, Britain’s murder rate is one quarter that of the US, so while they’re definitely being silly here, in general they must be doing something right.

    source.

  8. 8.

    Darrell

    May 28, 2005 at 11:55 am

    Actually Kimmitt, murder rates in the UK are soaring since their gun ban while murder rates in the US have been dropping. The UK has a higher rate of robbery than we have in the US, as the thieves know they have little chance of being shot by gun owning citizens, and criminals in the UK will soon not have to be worried about being stabbed either it seems

    Quote from linked article:
    “England and Wales have the highest crime rate among the world’s leading economies, according to a new report by the United Nations.”

    Tell us again Kimmitt how successful the UK ban on guns (and knives?) has been

  9. 9.

    Kimmitt

    May 28, 2005 at 2:03 pm

    From the article you linked:

    Commander Andy Baker, who is in charge of more than 900 detectives investigating all murders in London, blamed drugs and a greater availability of guns.

    Sounds like you’re right — the ban hasn’t been successful enough.

    Seriously, it’s not like the UK is alone in this; the US murder rate is at least twice that of any other industrialized country, and the vast majority of them have far more restrictive gun laws (Switzerland being the extreme exception). Also, you’d better believe I’d rather be robbed than shot, thanks.

  10. 10.

    shark

    May 28, 2005 at 7:02 pm

    You missed an even more classic exchange later on in the episode, where Archie proves VD is more dnagerous than guns:

    Archie: How many people want guns?

    Meathead: Too many!

    Archie: Ok smart guy, now how many people want VD?

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