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You are here: Home / Open Threads / Happy Birthday To Me

Happy Birthday To Me

by John Cole|  June 22, 200510:33 am| 32 Comments

This post is in: Open Threads

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I am 35 today. Place your erectile dysfunction jokes, discussions of male pattern baldness, and walker jokes in the comments.

Got copies of Don Giovanni and Porgy & Bess in the mail from mom, as well as some Reagan USPS stamps and a Steelers display.

My cat’s gift was to eat the tuna I gave him for breakfast with a speed and ferocity unparalleled in the animal universe and to then vomit on the living room floor.

I fogot- I also got a bottle of Teddy Kennedy’s “Sauced” Hot Sauce

*** Update **

I also got a birthday card with a picture of a stern looking (is there any other kind) nun on the front, with the message: “Happy Birthday- Celebrate it however you like.”

On the inside, it said: “You are going to burn in hell anyway.”

The card was from my mother.

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Reader Interactions

32Comments

  1. 1.

    Mary

    June 22, 2005 at 10:35 am

    Carpet or hardwood? And did he go for distance or maximize the splash factor?

    Happy Birthday, John!

  2. 2.

    p.lukasiak

    June 22, 2005 at 10:36 am

    does this mean that you will now be supporting the idea of throwing a couple of hundred more American troops into Iraq, making a draft (for which, at your advanced age, you would be ineligible) necessary?

  3. 3.

    p.lukasiak

    June 22, 2005 at 10:37 am

    oops…

    make that “couple of hundred thousand more American troops”…

    …and…

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOHN!

  4. 4.

    smijer

    June 22, 2005 at 10:56 am

    Hey, at least you won’t have all those erections knocking your walker over and making you fall on that bald head any more.

    A very happy birthday to you, friend.

  5. 5.

    John Cole

    June 22, 2005 at 10:57 am

    Carpet, Mary. It was gross. But at least I found it with my eyes rather than my feet…

  6. 6.

    scs

    June 22, 2005 at 10:57 am

    A few show tunes and a vomiting cat always helps livens up a birthday, I always say. No ED jokes, you’re still a young vibrant blogging machine. Happy Birthday.

  7. 7.

    JG

    June 22, 2005 at 11:08 am

    Happy Birthday John.

  8. 8.

    Stormy70

    June 22, 2005 at 11:27 am

    Happy Birthday! Remember, if your birthday ends in a 0 or a 5, you deserve an extra special gift.

    I have a bulemic cat, who’s head nearly spins around while spewing. The Bissle Spotlifter, $29.99 Target, will work wonders. Also, give only 1/4 can to your kitty, he may slow down.

  9. 9.

    Compuglobalhypermeganet

    June 22, 2005 at 11:33 am

    Happy Birthday, John, and many more!

    And just to make us ALL feel older in sympathy, I just realized that there will be high-school freshmen in the fall who were not yet born when “Smells Like Teen Spirit” was released. Yikes.

  10. 10.

    Jon H

    June 22, 2005 at 11:38 am

    Happy Birthday, John. I’ll be 35 in about a year and 3 months.

    BTW, where are you located relative to Poca, WV? My Mom was born there.

  11. 11.

    Jon H

    June 22, 2005 at 11:39 am

    “And just to make us ALL feel older in sympathy, I just realized that there will be high-school freshmen in the fall who were not yet born when “Smells Like Teen Spirit” was released.”

    And one of them will probably be Tom Cruise’s next wife (after Katie Holmes).

  12. 12.

    shinobi

    June 22, 2005 at 11:56 am

    “And just to make us ALL feel older in sympathy, I just realized that there will be high-school freshmen in the fall who were not yet born when “Smells Like Teen Spirit” was released.”

    Was that by the backstreet boys?

    ;-)

    Happy Birthday!

  13. 13.

    Tim F

    June 22, 2005 at 12:07 pm

    Happy birthday John!

    Let’s see whether I can use my pull with the White House to arrange a dinner with someone special.

  14. 14.

    Ron Beasley

    June 22, 2005 at 12:08 pm

    Happy Birthday John

  15. 15.

    chris Muir

    June 22, 2005 at 12:46 pm

    Happy Birthday, John!

    Now, back in the Permian Age, when I was born…

  16. 16.

    ppgaz

    June 22, 2005 at 12:48 pm

    I’m 23 years your senior, so you’ll understand when I say, Happy Birthday, kid.

    ( wheeze )

  17. 17.

    Michael Demmons

    June 22, 2005 at 12:52 pm

    Happy Birthday, John.

  18. 18.

    Reid

    June 22, 2005 at 1:23 pm

    Perhaps someone will give you one of these as a present.

    Happy Birthday … whippersnapper.

  19. 19.

    Nathan Lanier

    June 22, 2005 at 1:55 pm

    Hey, all right. Happy Birthday.

    35, eh? That’s not so bad.

  20. 20.

    Everyman

    June 22, 2005 at 2:27 pm

    Which means that you are almost halfway to . . .

    Nowhere.

    But seem to be enjoying the trip, nonetheless.

  21. 21.

    Robert George

    June 22, 2005 at 2:36 pm

    John, Happy Birthday! Take my word for it: If you think the jokes are bad at 35, just wait another five years!

    Keep up your fantastic — and incredibly prolific — work here.

  22. 22.

    JPS

    June 22, 2005 at 2:38 pm

    Huh…so when I first started reading your blog (back when it was grump.blogspot.com), you were exactly my current age. You write with authority, so it’s odd to think of you as more or less a contemporary. Anyway, thanks for all the diverting reading, and I hope you have a great birthday!

  23. 23.

    Greyhawk

    June 22, 2005 at 2:45 pm

    Happy birthday – youngster!

    You know you’re getting up there when you feel tempted to click some of those spam links before deleting them…

  24. 24.

    John Cole

    June 22, 2005 at 2:59 pm

    You know you’re getting up there when you feel tempted to click some of those spam links before deleting them…

    Bwahaha.. You made me laugh.

  25. 25.

    Mike S

    June 22, 2005 at 5:43 pm

    Your mom sounds cool. Happy B-day.

  26. 26.

    Bob

    June 22, 2005 at 8:38 pm

    Happy Birthday.

  27. 27.

    Rick

    June 22, 2005 at 11:49 pm

    John,

    Feliz cumpleanos. So, you’re mother is one of those religious nutters, huh? What would Sigmund F. make of that, I wonder.

    Cordially…

  28. 28.

    The Disenfranchised Voter

    June 23, 2005 at 12:06 am

    Happy Birthday John. Hope you had a great one.

Comments are closed.

Trackbacks

  1. Jack O'Toole says:
    June 22, 2005 at 11:56 am

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Balloon Juice’s John Cole reaches the ripe old age of 35 today. “Place your erectile dysfunction jokes, discussions of male pattern baldness, and walker jokes in the comments,” he says.

    …

  2. Gay Orbit says:
    June 22, 2005 at 12:51 pm

    Happy Birthday John Cole

    35 today. I had you pegged as older man!

  3. Accidental Verbosity says:
    June 22, 2005 at 2:14 pm

    Happy Birthday

    To blogger John Cole, who always struck me as older than 35.  He's still a youngster!

  4. Mudville Gazette says:
    June 22, 2005 at 3:09 pm

    AF Academy Update

    The Washington Post reports a result that will satisfy few. It’s an Armed Forces Network solution – country and rock music on the same radio station:WASHINGTON — The Air Force Academy failed to accommodate the diverse religious needs of cadets…

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