Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

The jury literally has a bell they can ring to force Trump to show up on command. Greatest thing ever!

Anyone who bans teaching American history has no right to shape America’s future.

Consistently wrong since 2002

The revolution will be supervised.

The problem people have with Biden’s age is the color of the VPs skin.

Republicans are the party of chaos and catastrophe.

Washington Post’s Catch and Kill, not noticeably better than the Enquirer’s.

Cole, when it comes to calico cats, restraint is overrated.

If you’re pissed about Biden’s speech, he was talking about you.

The fundamental promise of conservatism all over the world is a return to an idealized past that never existed.

When your entire life is steeped in white supremacy, equality feels like discrimination.

Republicans got rid of McCarthy. Democrats chose not to save him.

Impressively dumb. Congratulations.

Sitting here in limbo waiting for the dice to roll

Biden: Oh no. We’ve upset Big Pharma again.

Relentless negativity is not a sign that you are more realistic.

If you’re looking for someone who’s young and athletic, go watch a fucking movie.

Every day Vance writes another chapter in the book called “Worst VP Pick Ever”.

with the Kraken taking a plea, the Cheese stands alone.

Books are my comfort food!

Spilling the end game before they can coat it in frankl luntz-approved dogwhistles.

No Justins, No Peace

Innocent people don’t delay justice.

Republican speaker of the house Mike Johnson is the bland and smiling face of evil.

You are here: Home / Open Threads / Happy Birthday To Me

Happy Birthday To Me

by | 32 Comments

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I am 35 today. Place your erectile dysfunction jokes, discussions of male pattern baldness, and walker jokes in the comments.

Got copies of Don Giovanni and Porgy & Bess in the mail from mom, as well as some Reagan USPS stamps and a Steelers display.

My cat’s gift was to eat the tuna I gave him for breakfast with a speed and ferocity unparalleled in the animal universe and to then vomit on the living room floor.

I fogot- I also got a bottle of Teddy Kennedy’s “Sauced” Hot Sauce

*** Update **

I also got a birthday card with a picture of a stern looking (is there any other kind) nun on the front, with the message: “Happy Birthday- Celebrate it however you like.”

On the inside, it said: “You are going to burn in hell anyway.”

The card was from my mother.

Reader Interactions

32Comments

  1. 1.

    Mary

    Carpet or hardwood? And did he go for distance or maximize the splash factor?

    Happy Birthday, John!

  2. 2.

    p.lukasiak

    does this mean that you will now be supporting the idea of throwing a couple of hundred more American troops into Iraq, making a draft (for which, at your advanced age, you would be ineligible) necessary?

  3. 3.

    p.lukasiak

    oops…

    make that “couple of hundred thousand more American troops”…

    …and…

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOHN!

  4. 4.

    smijer

    Hey, at least you won’t have all those erections knocking your walker over and making you fall on that bald head any more.

    A very happy birthday to you, friend.

  6. 6.

    scs

    A few show tunes and a vomiting cat always helps livens up a birthday, I always say. No ED jokes, you’re still a young vibrant blogging machine. Happy Birthday.

  8. 8.

    Stormy70

    Happy Birthday! Remember, if your birthday ends in a 0 or a 5, you deserve an extra special gift.

    I have a bulemic cat, who’s head nearly spins around while spewing. The Bissle Spotlifter, $29.99 Target, will work wonders. Also, give only 1/4 can to your kitty, he may slow down.

  9. 9.

    Compuglobalhypermeganet

    Happy Birthday, John, and many more!

    And just to make us ALL feel older in sympathy, I just realized that there will be high-school freshmen in the fall who were not yet born when “Smells Like Teen Spirit” was released. Yikes.

  10. 10.

    Jon H

    Happy Birthday, John. I’ll be 35 in about a year and 3 months.

    BTW, where are you located relative to Poca, WV? My Mom was born there.

  11. 11.

    Jon H

    “And just to make us ALL feel older in sympathy, I just realized that there will be high-school freshmen in the fall who were not yet born when “Smells Like Teen Spirit” was released.”

    And one of them will probably be Tom Cruise’s next wife (after Katie Holmes).

  12. 12.

    shinobi

    “And just to make us ALL feel older in sympathy, I just realized that there will be high-school freshmen in the fall who were not yet born when “Smells Like Teen Spirit” was released.”

    Was that by the backstreet boys?

    ;-)

    Happy Birthday!

  16. 16.

    ppgaz

    I’m 23 years your senior, so you’ll understand when I say, Happy Birthday, kid.

    ( wheeze )

  21. 21.

    Robert George

    John, Happy Birthday! Take my word for it: If you think the jokes are bad at 35, just wait another five years!

    Keep up your fantastic — and incredibly prolific — work here.

  22. 22.

    JPS

    Huh…so when I first started reading your blog (back when it was grump.blogspot.com), you were exactly my current age. You write with authority, so it’s odd to think of you as more or less a contemporary. Anyway, thanks for all the diverting reading, and I hope you have a great birthday!

  23. 23.

    Greyhawk

    Happy birthday – youngster!

    You know you’re getting up there when you feel tempted to click some of those spam links before deleting them…

  24. 24.

    John Cole

    You know you’re getting up there when you feel tempted to click some of those spam links before deleting them…

    Bwahaha.. You made me laugh.

  27. 27.

    Rick

    John,

    Feliz cumpleanos. So, you’re mother is one of those religious nutters, huh? What would Sigmund F. make of that, I wonder.

    Cordially…

Comments are closed.

Trackbacks

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    …

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