Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Thanks to your bullshit, we are now under siege.

Everybody saw this coming.

Yeah, with this crowd one never knows.

Usually wrong but never in doubt

We still have time to mess this up!

The GOP is a fucking disgrace.

The willow is too close to the house.

Every reporter and pundit should have to declare if they ever vacationed with a billionaire.

It’s a doggy dog world.

And now I have baud making fun of me. this day can’t get worse.

In after Baud. Damn.

After dobbs, women are no longer free.

Republicans do not pay their debts.

This country desperately needs a functioning Fourth Estate.

Their boy Ron is an empty plastic cup that will never know pudding.

Today’s GOP: why go just far enough when too far is right there?

Republicans choose power over democracy, every day.

They fucked up the fucking up of the fuckup!

Technically true, but collectively nonsense

As long as McCarthy is Speaker, the House will never be in order.

Teach a man to fish, and he’ll sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

Bad news for Ron DeSantis is great news for America.

You don’t get rid of your umbrella while it’s still raining.

I’ve spoken to my cat about this, but it doesn’t seem to do any good.

You are here: Home / Open Threads / Happy Birthday To Me

Happy Birthday To Me

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I am 35 today. Place your erectile dysfunction jokes, discussions of male pattern baldness, and walker jokes in the comments.

Got copies of Don Giovanni and Porgy & Bess in the mail from mom, as well as some Reagan USPS stamps and a Steelers display.

My cat’s gift was to eat the tuna I gave him for breakfast with a speed and ferocity unparalleled in the animal universe and to then vomit on the living room floor.

I fogot- I also got a bottle of Teddy Kennedy’s “Sauced” Hot Sauce

*** Update **

I also got a birthday card with a picture of a stern looking (is there any other kind) nun on the front, with the message: “Happy Birthday- Celebrate it however you like.”

On the inside, it said: “You are going to burn in hell anyway.”

The card was from my mother.

Reader Interactions

32Comments

  1. 1.

    Mary

    Carpet or hardwood? And did he go for distance or maximize the splash factor?

    Happy Birthday, John!

  2. 2.

    p.lukasiak

    does this mean that you will now be supporting the idea of throwing a couple of hundred more American troops into Iraq, making a draft (for which, at your advanced age, you would be ineligible) necessary?

  3. 3.

    p.lukasiak

    oops…

    make that “couple of hundred thousand more American troops”…

    …and…

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOHN!

  4. 4.

    smijer

    Hey, at least you won’t have all those erections knocking your walker over and making you fall on that bald head any more.

    A very happy birthday to you, friend.

  6. 6.

    scs

    A few show tunes and a vomiting cat always helps livens up a birthday, I always say. No ED jokes, you’re still a young vibrant blogging machine. Happy Birthday.

  8. 8.

    Stormy70

    Happy Birthday! Remember, if your birthday ends in a 0 or a 5, you deserve an extra special gift.

    I have a bulemic cat, who’s head nearly spins around while spewing. The Bissle Spotlifter, $29.99 Target, will work wonders. Also, give only 1/4 can to your kitty, he may slow down.

  9. 9.

    Compuglobalhypermeganet

    Happy Birthday, John, and many more!

    And just to make us ALL feel older in sympathy, I just realized that there will be high-school freshmen in the fall who were not yet born when “Smells Like Teen Spirit” was released. Yikes.

  10. 10.

    Jon H

    Happy Birthday, John. I’ll be 35 in about a year and 3 months.

    BTW, where are you located relative to Poca, WV? My Mom was born there.

  11. 11.

    Jon H

    “And just to make us ALL feel older in sympathy, I just realized that there will be high-school freshmen in the fall who were not yet born when “Smells Like Teen Spirit” was released.”

    And one of them will probably be Tom Cruise’s next wife (after Katie Holmes).

  12. 12.

    shinobi

    “And just to make us ALL feel older in sympathy, I just realized that there will be high-school freshmen in the fall who were not yet born when “Smells Like Teen Spirit” was released.”

    Was that by the backstreet boys?

    ;-)

    Happy Birthday!

  16. 16.

    ppgaz

    I’m 23 years your senior, so you’ll understand when I say, Happy Birthday, kid.

    ( wheeze )

  21. 21.

    Robert George

    John, Happy Birthday! Take my word for it: If you think the jokes are bad at 35, just wait another five years!

    Keep up your fantastic — and incredibly prolific — work here.

  22. 22.

    JPS

    Huh…so when I first started reading your blog (back when it was grump.blogspot.com), you were exactly my current age. You write with authority, so it’s odd to think of you as more or less a contemporary. Anyway, thanks for all the diverting reading, and I hope you have a great birthday!

  23. 23.

    Greyhawk

    Happy birthday – youngster!

    You know you’re getting up there when you feel tempted to click some of those spam links before deleting them…

  24. 24.

    John Cole

    You know you’re getting up there when you feel tempted to click some of those spam links before deleting them…

    Bwahaha.. You made me laugh.

  27. 27.

    Rick

    John,

    Feliz cumpleanos. So, you’re mother is one of those religious nutters, huh? What would Sigmund F. make of that, I wonder.

    Cordially…

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Trackbacks

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