The WaPo, as part of their weekend 4th of July celebration, revisits the Pledge of Allegiance. They list the pledge as it has appeared over the years (there are three versions– the whole God bit was inserted in 1954), and they asked 19 people to write their own variations. My favorite two are Christopher Buckley:
I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America – red and blue – and to the Republic for which it stands, despite all the extremely preposterous people in it.
And David Corn’s, for the sheer bitterness:
I pledge allegiance to the not-to-be-burned flag of the United States of Halliburton and to all the special interests for which it stands, one nation, under Tom DeLay, divided between conservatives willing to defend it and liberals who offer its enemies paid vacations, with profits and pensions for just a few.
The majority of the rest of them are just silly one-worlder stuff, but there is ‘conservative comedian’ Julia Gorin’s version, which stands out:
I pledge allegiance to the flag-burning of the United States of America, and to the republic which the courts command, one nation, above God, indivisible (except for all that race, class and gender warfare), with equality and five-star beach resorts for all terrorists.
HAHAHA! I Heart Gitmo is so funny it should be in the Pledge of Allegiance.
Pan is a Non Stick Goatman
Here’s one my dad taught me:
I pledge a grievance, to the flakes, of the United Steaks of a Merry Cow, and to the Republicans, for which they scam, one ration, under logs, with libations and jugs of wine for owls.
Personally, I’d rather pledge allegiance to the Constitution and to the ideas for which it stands.
A few years ago (in the wake of the Supreme Court decision) I gave a close look at the wording:
I pledge allegience:
TO THE FLAG of the United states of America,
TO THE REPUBLIC for which it stands
If we’re pledging to the country anyway, why pledge to the flag as well?
Because then you get into situations where one’s allegiance to the flag is in direct conflict with one’s allegiance to the republic — such as the issue of flag desecration.
Just a thought…
Jees Parbloo Cheers, Lis! I was just about to write that I’ve always thought the best version would be “I pledge allegiance to the ideals of the United States of America”, etc. — with students being told (as we never were) that the part about “under God” is optional and voluntary. (Which, of course, it is — after all, the Supreme Court ruled back in 1943 that students cannot be forced to recite ANY of the Pledge against their will.)
But that, of course, would be pushing real patriotism rather than the easy fake variety — and we can’t have that. (Just as it’s always easiest, and thus preferred, for Christian conservatives to go after homosexuals as “sinful” because there’s no danger at all that they themselves might ever be tempted by that particular variety of sin.)