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You are here: Home / Humorous / Forrest Gump’s Rescue Fails

Forrest Gump’s Rescue Fails

by John Cole|  September 4, 20057:53 pm| 29 Comments

This post is in: Humorous

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If the situation in new Orleans were not such a mess, this would be hysterical:

EFFORTS by Hollywood actor Sean Penn to aid New Orleans victims stranded by Hurricane Katrina foundered badly overnight, when the boat he was piloting to launch a rescue attempt sprang a leak.

Penn had planned to rescue children waylaid by Katrina’s flood waters, but apparently forgot to plug a hole in the bottom of the vessel, which began taking water within seconds of its launch.
The actor, known for his political activism, was seen wearing what appeared to be a white flak jacket and frantically bailing water out of the sinking vessel with a red plastic cup.

When the boat’s motor failed to start, those aboard were forced to use paddles to propel themselves down the flooded New Orleans street.

Asked what he had hoped to achieve in the waterlogged city, the actor replied: “Whatever I can do to help.”

With the boat loaded with members of Penn’s entourage, including a personal photographer, one bystander taunted the actor: “How are you going to get any people in that thing?”

Never mind. That is funny any way you look at it.

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Reader Interactions

29Comments

  1. 1.

    Brad R.

    September 4, 2005 at 8:15 pm

    He’s still more conpetent than Michael Brown. If only Penn weren’t so left-wing, and he’d have a Medal of Freedom coming his way.

  2. 2.

    capelza

    September 4, 2005 at 8:21 pm

    Well, now Ted Nugent is going to have go in, leaping from a helicopter, buck nekkid with a knife in his teeth and save everyone to keep up the matter/anti-matter balance in check…or the universe will collapse or something. :P

  3. 3.

    salvage

    September 4, 2005 at 8:47 pm

    Oh man that’s just cartoonish.

  4. 4.

    BettyCrow

    September 4, 2005 at 8:55 pm

    Yeah, it’s funny.

    But… doesn’t he at least get a karma point or two for trying? I mean, if I had the money he has, I can easily imagine doing the same thing… and being a complete landlubber, with the same results.

    But karma is karma, neh?

    And yes, he does seem to be at least more competent that Mr. Brown. At least Mr. Penn can watch television.

  5. 5.

    Jon H

    September 4, 2005 at 9:01 pm

    Not that funny.

    Evidently 100 people, who’d been lifted off their rooftops, have since *died* because they were then left at a boat slip with 1400 other people, but not moved on further to real safety, food, and water. Transportation is still needed.

    His boat might have a bunch of entourage on it, but some could *get out* and wait while survivors are transported, until the boat comes back.

  6. 6.

    Jess

    September 4, 2005 at 9:52 pm

    I can’t bring myself to mock someone who put himself on the line to at least try to help–all I’ve done is type my visa card # into the Red Cross site, and I even screwed that up the first time by transposing digits. Even professionals regularly do silly things in high-stress situations; it takes extensive training to learn how to maintain focus.

  7. 7.

    Brad R.

    September 4, 2005 at 10:03 pm

    I can’t bring myself to mock someone who put himself on the line to at least try to help—all I’ve done is type my visa card # into the Red Cross site, and I even screwed that up the first time by transposing digits.

    And y’know what? It was STILL more effective than anything Sean Penn did :-)

  8. 8.

    goonie bird

    September 4, 2005 at 10:10 pm

    TED NUGENT ROCKS SEAN PENN SUCKS

  9. 9.

    rkrider

    September 4, 2005 at 11:07 pm

    a private citizen trying to save lives being made fun of. Ya, that’s a real kneeslapper.

  10. 10.

    Davebo

    September 4, 2005 at 11:15 pm

    Awe come on, it’s funny.

    Forgot to put the plug in. Did we really want him trying to save others if no one in the entourage remembered to put the plug in the boat?

    The guy is trying hard to live up to his caricature.

  11. 11.

    jobiuspublius

    September 4, 2005 at 11:25 pm

    He tried harder than Bob the Builder in Chief.

  12. 12.

    Mark

    September 4, 2005 at 11:45 pm

    Sure there’s an element of humor.

    But what if he had stolen the bus, errrr boat, and been successful? Then would he deserve a medal?

  13. 13.

    Steve

    September 5, 2005 at 1:33 am

    Mark. Well that depends. Did he steal the boat, or liberate it for a good cause? The answer to that appears to depend on what race you are, sadly. :(

    Yeah, this is actually kind of funny. But I do have to give the guy credit for trying. At least he’s tempered himself a bit since the time he punched out the camera man.

  14. 14.

    cali dem

    September 5, 2005 at 1:37 am

    It’s an amusing story and all, but it’s a shame when someone is mocked for trying to do something for others in need. It’s too bad Sean Penn doesn’t realize he can best help in other ways, e.g. getting his friends to kick in some money to reputable charities.

    The Ted Nugent remark about karmic balance was pretty dang funny though.

  15. 15.

    Oliver

    September 5, 2005 at 1:55 am

    Act(s) of Decency by Sean Penn (who I happen to think is a Hollywood blowhard): 1

    Act(s) of Decency George W. Bush: 0

  16. 16.

    bains

    September 5, 2005 at 1:55 am

    That’s rich… too bad he didn’t consult those he was trying to rescue first – anybody that trailers a boat knows about those funny little transom plugs.

  17. 17.

    derek

    September 5, 2005 at 1:56 am

    “a private citizen trying to save lives being made fun of…”

    Yep. Damn funny too.

    Don’t forget the boat plug Sean…

    Moron.

  18. 18.

    bains

    September 5, 2005 at 1:57 am

    Hey jobiuspublius, if I hated Bush as much as you do, would you be happy?

  19. 19.

    jaime

    September 5, 2005 at 2:19 am

    The chickenhawks are a-cluckin’, ain’t they?

  20. 20.

    Rick

    September 5, 2005 at 3:49 am

    To John Cole:

    I have enjoyed reading your blog over the past year. However, over the past week I have been extermely disappointed with your comments regarding hurricane Katrina. Frankly, there’s something wrong with your soul but who am I to judge. I guess you are just balloon juice after all. I can no longer support your blog and I won’t be visiting this blog again.

    Rick

  21. 21.

    StupidityRules

    September 5, 2005 at 3:54 am

    If he hadn’t been a Hollywood celebrity hated by the right, had it still been funny?

  22. 22.

    ape

    September 5, 2005 at 6:04 am

    thanks, rush.

    i wonder how many sources there are for the ‘liberal so dumb he can’t put a plug in’ universal truth?

  23. 23.

    Jack Lindahl

    September 5, 2005 at 10:14 am

    I thought I heard on CNN that “the authorities” werent allowing access to NO by anyone except military, medical, and other rescue personnel.

    What did he (and his entourage) do … just drive in?

  24. 24.

    Seal Pool

    September 5, 2005 at 11:37 am

    This was a parody article that the Herald confused for truth.

  25. 25.

    Jon H

    September 5, 2005 at 11:57 am

    “I thought I heard on CNN that “the authorities” werent allowing access to NO by anyone except military, medical, and other rescue personnel.

    What did he (and his entourage) do … just drive in?”

    Apparently, Harry Connick, Jr. did just that, and personally brought in aid before the feds did.

  26. 26.

    David

    September 5, 2005 at 1:10 pm

    Yeah, sorry, but at least Penn is out there trying to do something. It’s pretty sad sack pathetic to be sitting on your ass making fun of someone’s bad luck as they are really in the shit soup trying to help.

    Come on people. Come on John.

    Penn may be a celebrity and a bleeding heart, but it appears his effort was genuine. And, he is THERE.

    Can any of you losers say the same?

    Didn’t think so.

    Shut the fuck up. Stand down.

  27. 27.

    David

    September 5, 2005 at 1:13 pm

    Yeah, sorry, but at least Penn is out there trying to do something. It’s pretty sad sack pathetic to be sitting on your ass making fun of someone’s bad luck as they are really in the shit soup trying to help.

    Come on people. Come on John.

    Penn may be a celebrity and a bleeding heart, but it appears his effort was genuine. And, he is THERE.

    Can any of you say the same?

    Didn’t think so.

  28. 28.

    chuck

    September 5, 2005 at 3:45 pm

    Yeah, sorry, but at least Penn is out there trying to do something.

    Yeah, but *what* was he trying to do? The personal photographer makes me a mite suspicious.

  29. 29.

    Don

    September 6, 2005 at 1:58 pm

    I think it’s silly stuff but the fact that he had a photog… eh. His career depends on public image and presence just like any politicians does and they alert the media and make sure their appearances are documented, just as the president has done this last week. The big difference is that Penn’s activities didn’t cost me a dime.

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