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You are here: Home / Humorous / Incompetent Design

Incompetent Design

by John Cole|  December 8, 20056:29 pm| 40 Comments

This post is in: Humorous, Science & Technology

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The Flying Spaghetti Monster has a competitor- Incompetent Design:

Q: So is there intelligence in the design?

A: Yes! No, no there isn’t. The thing that perhaps is closest to all of us is our own skeleton, and there are certainly all kinds of stupidity in our design. No self-respecting engineering student would make the kinds of dumb mistakes that are built into us.
All of our pelvises slope forward for convenient knuckle-dragging, like all the other great apes. And the only reason you stand erect is because of this incredible sharp bend at the base of your spine, which is either evolution’s way of modifying something or else it’s just a design that would flunk a first-year engineering student.

Look at the teeth in your mouth. Basically, most of us have too many teeth for the size of our mouth. Well, is this evolution flattening a mammalian muzzle and jamming it into a face or is it a design that couldn’t count accurately above 20?

Look at the bones in your face. They’re the same as the other mammals’ but they’re just squashed and contorted by jamming the jaw into a face with your brain expanding over it, so the potential drainage system in there is so convoluted that no plumber would admit to having done it!

So is this evolution or is this plain stupid design?

Heh (h/t Kos).

And with that, I am off to celebrate the end of another semester. Shiraz and/or martinis seem to be on the agenda.

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40Comments

  1. 1.

    ppGaz

    December 8, 2005 at 6:45 pm

    Maybe it wasn’t Intelligent Design, maybe it was Clever Marketing. Or Artistic Choices.

    I look upon the face of Isabella Rossellini, and I don’t care about engineering, as much as I appreciate the artwork.

  2. 2.

    aaronpacy

    December 8, 2005 at 7:19 pm

    I love it!

  3. 3.

    rilkefan

    December 8, 2005 at 7:36 pm

    Shiraz and gin do not mix well in my opinion, but maybe that’s apropos for grading finals.

  4. 4.

    stickler

    December 8, 2005 at 7:49 pm

    A gentleman always begins the evening with a stiff martini. A gin martini. What comes after that point is entirely up to the gentleman in question and his quaffing companions. If he’s not getting sauced by himself.

    Mr. Cole is already finished? Damn him. I’m still slogging through a huge pile of student papers. One more interminable week.

  5. 5.

    demimondian

    December 8, 2005 at 7:55 pm

    Ahh! Final papers, final projects, and two hundred seventy-three Calculus 1 finals to grade. December and June are the times of year that I am most glad to not be in academia any more…

  6. 6.

    demimondian

    December 8, 2005 at 8:02 pm

    Many years ago, when I was a graduate student, I was team grading a particularly difficult final exam for a second year Calculus course. As this was not an exam I’d helped draft, I sat down during the first fifteen minutes of the exam to do the problems on it. Most of them are fairly stereotyped, and so an experienced instructor can typically draw a picture, look at the numbers, and write down the answer.

    I signed it “Quai Grey (Ding)” and slid it into the stack of papers from my class, walked up to the ninth floor lounge, and waited for the fun to start. Sure enough, about an hour into the process, one of the other grad students looks up and says “This Quay Grey guy? ‘S he any good?”

    “Why?”

    “Well, he’s scrawled down the right figure, and written down the key formula, but he hasn’t shown any work.”

    “Oh. Yeah, well, he talks all the time during my lectures, but he seems to know his stuff.”

    The guy gave me only 8/10 on the problem — he took two points off for not showing my work.

  7. 7.

    Krista

    December 8, 2005 at 8:32 pm

    Incompetent Design totally makes sense. It would seriously screw up the hardcore fundamentalists. God could not have created man, because man is full of flaws, and how could an infallible God create a flawed product.

    ppGaz – It’s been awhile since I’ve heard anybody express an appreciation for Isabella Rossellini — it’s refreshing, especially considering that many of the “great beauties” of my generation tend to be rather classless and vulgar.

  8. 8.

    ppGaz

    December 8, 2005 at 9:02 pm

    ppGaz – It’s been awhile since I’ve heard anybody express an appreciation for Isabella Rossellini—it’s refreshing, especially considering that many of the “great beauties” of my generation tend to be rather classless and vulgar.

    She’s … the classiest woman …. no, classiest person … I can think of.

  9. 9.

    BIRDZILLA

    December 8, 2005 at 9:31 pm

    Evolutionist are a bunch of weenies i mean they depend on a theory based wholy on inconclusive evedence

  10. 10.

    ppGaz

    December 8, 2005 at 10:16 pm

    BIRDZILLA pushes back the frontiers of misspelling and unbearable sentence construction.

    Is a supreme Intelligent Practical Jokester behind it?

  11. 11.

    guyermo

    December 8, 2005 at 10:27 pm

    I’ve never had shiraz. I’ll celebrate my end of the semester with a 6.5 hour drive (weather permitting) to drive to the opposite corner of Minnesota to be home for winter break, so no alcohol for me.

    Unintelligent design…i love it, but not as much as i love how The Producers is looking in previews.

  12. 12.

    JWeidner

    December 9, 2005 at 12:03 am

    Evolutionist are a bunch of weenies i mean they depend on a theory based wholy on inconclusive evedence

    Excuse me for a moment while I spit coffee all over my computer, keyboard and monitor….

    Thank you.

    “a theory based wholly on inconclusive evidence”???
    If evolution is based on inconclusive evidence…what’s intelligent design? I guess it’s a theory based on total bullshit.

  13. 13.

    CaseyL

    December 9, 2005 at 12:16 am

    BIRDZILLA’s gotta be a spoof. Either that, or about nine years old.

  14. 14.

    Kris

    December 9, 2005 at 12:23 am

    Accepting God and evolution does not have to be a trivial concept. Pitting God against science is foolish and ignorant, whether it is an evolutionist or an intelligent design-ist. As a scientist, I have no qualms about being a Christian who loves to do research. In fact, the more research I do, the more I am convinced that a higher power had to have been responsible for it all.

    Science is all about making educated guesses and formulating experiments seeking to understand natural phenomena. Unfortunately, no experiments can be made to prove the existence of God or God’s hand in the creation of the universe. Believing in God is based on faith, not on observation. To add intelligent design to the scientific curriculum in schools would not require science at all. If Christians want to teach intelligent design, they should have a philosophy class on the possible origins of life in the universe and include all non-scientific beliefs.

    The crux of this debate is how it all began. Whatever theory one takes to be true, no one will ever no for certain how it was done. It is my belief that even in the first few books of Genesis, where some say may be mirrored from a Pagan belief; there is no conclusive evidence that the timescale God was working on is the same timescale that humans are accustomed to. I am a firm believer that we (our universe) may be, as String Theory suggests, a slice of a large loaf of bread. Our quest for the understanding of how it all began may never be realized because the facts that make up that understanding probably contain rules that we never could have the capacity of realizing.

    Both intelligent design and evolution have one thing in common, at least. And that is, given a certain set of assumptions that are somewhat understood by proponents of either theory, the universe was created. What if those assumptions are wrong? One example that I can think of is suggested in String Theory. Factually, gravity is a supremely weaker force than all of the other forces that make up our universe, like electromagnetism, the strong and weak forces. What if the force of gravity was just as strong as or stronger than the other forces, but we didn’t realize it because gravity is diffused throughout an unimaginably, infinitely large space that contained more than our universe. What if our universe is a slice of a loaf of bread?

    All in all, maybe God told us everything we needed to know. And maybe we don’t know as much as we think. I will continue to believe in the existence of God as well as cherish science.

    For more info on string theory, there’s a 3 hour long video available at NOVA. You can see all of it online, albeit in bits and pieces at: http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/elegant/program.html

  15. 15.

    Steve S

    December 9, 2005 at 12:26 am

    Birdzilla is a product of the Kansas school system.

  16. 16.

    vinc

    December 9, 2005 at 5:02 am

    no experiments can be made to prove the existence of God or God’s hand in the creation of the universe. Believing in God is based on faith, not on observation.

    This is a common belief, but, I think, not quite accurate. Maybe *your* conception of god is not subject to experimental proof or disproof. Maybe. But many other people’s conception of god certainly is.

    There wouldn’t be all this fuss if people didn’t see a conflict. Their version of Christianity is certainly in conflict with science. Now maybe you can argue that their version is wrong, but believing in the literal creation of the first man from dust is a religious belief, and evolution certainly has things to say about that.

  17. 17.

    Lines

    December 9, 2005 at 9:31 am

    More examples of why God isn’t an engineer:

    What engineer would have placed a playground so close to a waste disposal system?

  18. 18.

    Krista

    December 9, 2005 at 10:05 am

    What engineer would have placed a playground so close to a waste disposal system?

    Hee-hee…nicely put.

  19. 19.

    guyermo

    December 9, 2005 at 10:13 am

    If Ballon-Juice had mojo, I’d give Lines a 4

  20. 20.

    demimondian

    December 9, 2005 at 10:37 am

    What engineer would have placed a playground so close to a waste disposal system?

    From which we can conclude the computer engineering is misnamed.

    Then again, the world’s computer systems do warrant being described as having been developer through “incompetent design?

  21. 21.

    CrockPot

    December 9, 2005 at 11:29 am

    Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, “It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints.” Another said, “No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections.” The last said, “Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?”

  22. 22.

    JWeidner

    December 9, 2005 at 11:38 am

    John,
    Just remember that martinis are like breasts.
    One isn’t enough and three are too many.

  23. 23.

    sean

    December 9, 2005 at 11:40 am

    She’s … the classiest woman …. no, classiest person … I can think of.

    maybe. but she does look a bit like Dave Foley (from Kids in the Hall)

  24. 24.

    Narnia Nerds

    December 9, 2005 at 11:42 am

    Kris-
    THANK you for writing something intelligent rather than simply mocking other people’s words. Apparently most people have a misconception that God would have a desire to create a perfect being. Perfect beings would not ever realize the need for God in their lives. Perhaps God made us inperfect to remind us of our need for Him.

  25. 25.

    TallDave

    December 9, 2005 at 12:45 pm

    It’s sort of amusing anyone would claim the human body is divinely inspired.

    Sort of an insult to God, really.

  26. 26.

    kenB

    December 9, 2005 at 12:59 pm

    Before Incompetent Design, there was Unintelligent Design.

  27. 27.

    chef

    December 9, 2005 at 1:00 pm

    Teeth. Think about it. Teeth. Oh Lord, why don’t they grow in rows like with Sharks.
    Root canals make water-boarding look like a month in the country.

  28. 28.

    Another Jeff

    December 9, 2005 at 1:01 pm

    John,
    Just remember that martinis are like breasts.
    One isn’t enough and three are too many.

    Judging by the fact that he hasn’t posted anything yet today, i don’t think he followed the “three are too many” piece of advice.

  29. 29.

    DougJ

    December 9, 2005 at 1:30 pm

    Shiraz and/or martinis seem to be on the agenda.

    Lay off the Shiraz. Switch to zinfandel or Cote du Rhone.

  30. 30.

    stickler

    December 9, 2005 at 2:00 pm

    Isn’t Shiraz originally a Persian grape?

    Is our host secretly working for the mullahs now?

  31. 31.

    stickler

    December 9, 2005 at 2:08 pm

    And, since we’re cracking wise about martinis while our host sleeps off his hangover, we can’t forget the ageless wisdom of Dorothy Parker:

    “I like to have a martini,
    Two at the very most.
    After three I’m under the table,
    After four I’m under my host!”

  32. 32.

    ubernerd83

    December 9, 2005 at 2:09 pm

    I’ll be celebrating the end of the semester with cheap beer and Boone’s. Apparently, students have a much tighter budget than professors with which to celebrate.

  33. 33.

    Zach

    December 9, 2005 at 2:10 pm

    Barry Ritholz over at the Big Picture blog just added the tag/category unscience. He’s referring to global climate change, but intelligent design has to be a strong sibling.

    Zach

  34. 34.

    ppGaz

    December 9, 2005 at 3:55 pm

    It’s sort of amusing anyone would claim the human body is divinely inspired.

    I dunno, man. I’ve seen several where the only thing I could think of to say say was, “Oh, God.”

  35. 35.

    stickler

    December 9, 2005 at 4:27 pm

    I’ll be celebrating the end of the semester with cheap beer and Boone’s. Apparently, students have a much tighter budget than professors with which to celebrate.

    It’s more that we can’t afford the pain meds that your menu would require. Cheap beer and Boone’s is a great way to have a seriously technicolor hangover. Especially if the beer is Schmidt. Don’t get Schmidt-faced.

    Quality, not quantity, is the key.

  36. 36.

    jahyarain

    December 9, 2005 at 6:03 pm

    Pitting God against science is foolish and ignorant, whether it is an evolutionist or an intelligent design-ist.

    thank God someone realizes this! beliveing “this is all an evolutionary accident” is the same as believing in, well, ANY religion. it’s like getting a republican to balance your checkbook. there are dumber things you could do, but not many.

  37. 37.

    Krista

    December 9, 2005 at 6:45 pm

    Perfect beings would not ever realize the need for God in their lives. Perhaps God made us inperfect to remind us of our need for Him.

    Hm. That’s very thought-provoking. One could also think that perhaps human beings are basically born perfect, acquire imperfections, and then spend the rest of their lives acquiring new imperfections while trying to eradicate their existing ones. Why are we this way? I don’t know, and I think it’s foolish to even presume to know — and that’s why I self-identify as being Agnostic.

  38. 38.

    stickler

    December 10, 2005 at 1:22 am

    One could also think that perhaps human beings are basically born perfect…

    Ah, Krista, that depends on where you stand regarding “original sin.” Most orthodox Christians (non-wingnut heretic, Gospel o’Glory, that is) would point out the ramifications of that apple in Eden episode.

    Adam had to learn to toil. And Eve got childbirth — without an epidural, too, at least until the last 30 years or so.

  39. 39.

    CaseyL

    December 10, 2005 at 12:39 pm

    And Eve got childbirth—without an epidural, too, at least until the last 30 years or so.

    Back before childbirth became subject to theocratic law and male medical oversight, midwives probably used quite a few analgesics to ease the pain.

    The first medical establishment-approved analgesic for labor pain that I know of was chloroform. Queen Victoria referred to it as “that blessed, blessed chloroform” – and her endorsement was vital, in that it silenced British prelates who kept harping that anything which lessened the pain was contrary to God’s Law.

  40. 40.

    BIRDZILLA

    December 11, 2005 at 4:00 pm

    If you think we came from apes then you have been reading NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC too long

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