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You are here: Home / WPE

WPE

by Tim F|  December 18, 200612:07 pm| 28 Comments

This post is in: Blogospheric Navel-Gazing

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Paul Kiel at TPM needs your help. I respect what Paul is doing but let’s face it, the task of cataloging our government’s awfulness is too big for one guy. IMO the job calls for a wiki. Dedicate one to the Worst President Ever and another to the Worst Congress Ever and invite the blogosphere to go to town. The TPM empire clearly has the resources for it. Based on a hunch and the remainder of last night’s beaujolais nouveau (pipe down, Demi) I predict that it will be huge.

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Reader Interactions

28Comments

  1. 1.

    Downpuppy

    December 18, 2006 at 1:09 pm

    Comment redacted for security reasons.

  2. 2.

    Punchy

    December 18, 2006 at 1:53 pm

    The next obvious step is to classify the number of troops we have in Iraq (“can’t let them damn ragheads know how many bombs to make!”), followed by the classification of the number of soliders killed (with the requisite gov’t takeover of a number of funeral homes and coffin makers)…

  3. 3.

    Zifnab

    December 18, 2006 at 1:57 pm

    I’m still waiting for them to start classifying election results. We can’t let the enemy think we’re weak by not electing Republicans.

  4. 4.

    demimondian

    December 18, 2006 at 2:19 pm

    _Information about marketing of French wine redacted for security reasons_

  5. 5.

    Face

    December 18, 2006 at 2:22 pm

    beaujolais nouveau

    Is that bottle sold wrapped in a white flag? Yeah, I thought so.

  6. 6.

    Apple Pie

    December 18, 2006 at 2:29 pm

    I’m still waiting for them to start classifying election results. We can’t let the enemy think we’re weak by not electing Republicans.

    No, that wouldn’t work — someone would spill it to the New York Times. The only way to keep from emboldening the enemy is to just not have an election. Otherwise, if the Dems are elected, it sends a message to the terrorists that the president does not have the support of the American people, and it tells them that America is not going to be resolute in the War on Terror. So all those terrorists have to do is blow up a few more cars and the Dems will haul our troops home like a bunch of three-year-olds. So the first step is to put off having an election until we win the War on Terror.

    Of course, we’re going to need the media’s help on this. We would hope that, as Americans, they would want to support our troops and make sure that they succeed. And the media can be a big help to us in this — if they can focus on the positive stories about how well we’re doing in Iraq, and how the American people are 100% behind the president, then that will definitely dishearten the enemy.

    And last of all, we can’t take the risk of having important information fall into the wrong hands. The internet can be a very dangerous tool — we saw how fast all of those lies about the NSA program spread! People were actually angry about the government tapping the terrorists’ phones! Until this war is over, we can’t be too careful — we need the full patriotic cooperation of the telecommunications companies, so that in the U.S., everybody can read what’s on the internet, but the only people who can actually post information ON the internet are those who have been pre-cleared by the Pentagon, so that we know that they are not security risks and only have our country’s best interests in mind. We don’t want to take the risk of our young people being corrupted by terrorist recruiters or anti-American rhetoric from other countries, so if we can find a way to block any non-U.S. domains, that will definitely help matters.

    If we can succeed in doing all of that, we will definitely be triumphant over those evil extremists who want to curtail our freedoms and destroy our way of life!

  7. 7.

    TenguPhule

    December 18, 2006 at 3:35 pm

    Dissent Redacted for National Security Reasons. Remember, Friend Computer is Watching.

  8. 8.

    demimondian

    December 18, 2006 at 3:38 pm

    Remember, Friend Computer is Watching.

    The Computer is your friend, troubleshooter. What are you, some kind of commie-mutant-traitor?

  9. 9.

    chopper

    December 18, 2006 at 4:00 pm

    A comie-mutant-traitor? Please execute yourself, citizen.

  10. 10.

    demimondian

    December 18, 2006 at 4:11 pm

    Hmm. Computer, chopper seems to have access to information concerning commie-mutant-traitors which is not accessible at his current classification level. Is this reason for alarm? I assume you’re allowing him to continue operating in the hopes of revealing more members of a cell; at this point, though, do you think he retains any value in that role?

  11. 11.

    Zifnab

    December 18, 2006 at 4:43 pm

    If we can succeed in doing all of that, we will definitely be triumphant over those evil extremists who want to curtail our freedoms and destroy our way of life!

    Don’t forget to have all those commie-traitor-bastards down at DKos dragged out and shot. If they’ve got aliases, they need to be shot twice.

  12. 12.

    chopper

    December 18, 2006 at 5:20 pm

    my clearance is violet. what is yours, citizen? hold on, first let me get the IntSec ready on speed dial…

  13. 13.

    TenguPhule

    December 18, 2006 at 5:24 pm

    My clearance is magenta. Please prep your standby clone for activation now.

  14. 14.

    Zifnab

    December 18, 2006 at 5:28 pm

    … Perrywinkle Blue?
    Oh god damnit.

  15. 15.

    demimondian

    December 18, 2006 at 5:32 pm

    Citizen, I doubt your veracity. The Computer suggests that you utility is limited at this time, and feels that the City would be better served by redistributing your organic components. [Pulls experimental “chopper chopper tool” from tool scrip, and activates, as ordered.]

    (For those of you following along at home, we’re emulating a session of _Paranoia_, a role playing game in which the world is dominated by a crazy computer that attempts to rule by fear, deceit, and propaganda. THink of the Bush administration, except actually *funny*.)

  16. 16.

    TenguPhule

    December 18, 2006 at 5:39 pm

    Citizen, item “Chopper Chopper tool” is above your security clearance. Please report for termination and recycling. All Hail Friend Computer.

  17. 17.

    demimondian

    December 18, 2006 at 5:42 pm

    Friend, knowledge of my security clearance is above your security clearance. Your atoms are needed elsewhere.

  18. 18.

    demimondian

    December 18, 2006 at 5:44 pm

    C’mon, TP, you can do better than *that*. Surely the Computer gave you “something special” to handle situations like this. (Although I am surprised that the chopper chopper did not dismember me when activated. I certainly would have had it do so when I GM’ed.)

  19. 19.

    TenguPhule

    December 18, 2006 at 5:47 pm

    Citizen, knowledge of the security clearance needed to know of your security clearance is restricted to Friend Computer.

    Disintegration will commence shortly.

  20. 20.

    demimondian

    December 18, 2006 at 5:49 pm

    TP, I salute you. You have a bright future among the ranks of President Bush…err, I mean, The Computer’s…legions.

  21. 21.

    TenguPhule

    December 18, 2006 at 5:49 pm

    demimondian says: Surely the Computer gave you “something special” to handle situations like this.

    *-Steps aside to allow Friend Computer’s Beam Cannon a clear line of fire-*

    Friend Computer does not make mistakes.

  22. 22.

    demimondian

    December 18, 2006 at 5:51 pm

    Indeed. Friend computer is infallible, and has Our Best Interests at heart. I wonder who sabotaged the beam cannon, TP — surely it could not have been one of your clones?

  23. 23.

    TenguPhule

    December 18, 2006 at 5:58 pm

    I wonder who sabotaged the beam cannon, TP —surely it could not have been one of your clones?

    Citizen, only commie-mutie-pinkos with prior knowledge of their sabotage to Friend Computer would ask such a thing.

    Watches Item “chopper chopper” start to smoke and sizzle and decides to duck.

  24. 24.

    demimondian

    December 18, 2006 at 6:17 pm

    *Looks with horror at object in hand smoking and sizzling, and attempts to throw it at TenguPhule*

  25. 25.

    demimondian

    December 18, 2006 at 6:25 pm

    [demi’s clone enters]

    Citizen TP, the computer is pleased that you successfully terminated demi for his traitorous activities. Friend Computer has determined that you are a commie-mutant-pinko-traitor on the basis of believing that a device the Computer distributed to the commie-mutant-pinko-traitor demi would harm you.

    Please report immediately for termination. *Watches as Friend Computer reduces TP to a satisfyingly small, but efficiently smoldering pile of ash.*

  26. 26.

    Krista

    December 18, 2006 at 7:38 pm

    Oh my god, you guys are such geeks. :)

  27. 27.

    chopper

    December 19, 2006 at 11:14 am

    i hear a vulture squad craft coming this way…

  28. 28.

    jake

    December 19, 2006 at 11:23 pm

    Oh my god, you guys are such geeks.

    Take her GPS away until she apologizes.

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