Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

She burned that motherfucker down, and I am so here for it. Thank you, Caroline Kennedy.

There is no compromise when it comes to body autonomy. You either have it or you do not.

At some point, the ability to learn is a factor of character, not IQ.

When they say they are pro-life, they do not mean yours.

The only way through is to slog through the muck one step at at time.

These days, even the boring Republicans are nuts.

So many bastards, so little time.

No Kings: Americans standing in the way of bad history saying “Oh, Fuck No!”

DeSantis transforming Florida into 1930s Germany with gators and theme parks.

And now I have baud making fun of me. this day can’t get worse.

’Where will you hide, Roberts, the laws all being flat?’

Compromise? There is no middle ground between a firefighter and an arsonist.

The lights are all blinking red.

The willow is too close to the house.

Let’s delete this post and never speak of this again.

I’d like to think you all would remain faithful to me if i ever tried to have some of you killed.

America is going up in flames. The NYTimes fawns over MAGA celebrities. No longer a real newspaper.

It’s easy to sit in safety and prescribe what other people should be doing.

We need to vote them all out and restore sane Democratic government.

People identifying as christian while ignoring christ and his teachings is a strange thing indeed.

After dobbs, women are no longer free.

“Alexa, change the president.”

Since when do we limit our critiques to things we could do better ourselves?

It’s pointless to bring up problems that can only be solved with a time machine.

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Welcome Aboard, Rick

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This is your captain speaking, and I would like to take a moment to welcome Rick Moran aboard the Defeatocrat cruise ship for his maiden voyage. Since Rick is new, I will repost the itinerary for his first morning with the Defeatocrats. The ship will board in Berkeley on May Day.

Defeatocrat Itinerary- Day One

5 AM- Sunrise Yoga Session led by Deepak Chopra. Come join us as we get in touch with our inner selves to a beautiful California sunrise while listening to melodic new age music.

6 AM– Community Showers led by Code Pink and Mothers Against the War. Don’t forget to bring your soap and deodorant, but remember that some of your fellow cruise matesmay be sensitive to perfumes, so no cologne.

7 AM– Vegan breakfast. Come feast on our delicious and fulfilling breakfast by the bay, which will feature all bran cereals with added wheat bulger, unflavored yogurt, and a variety of all natural, home grown fruits- and I don’t mean Harvey Fierstein.

8 AM– Prayer Session led by Al Sharpton and Cindy Sheehan

8:30 AM– Loyalty Oath, trading of black armbands. Duringthis brief session, new cruise members will pledge loyalty the the House and Senate leadership. At this point, you are no longer permitted to refer to Senator Reid as Senate Majority Leader, and must simply call him “Leader Reid” out of deference to our Soviet roots.

10 AM– Q and A Session led by Scott Ritter and Joe Wilson. This will be held in the Y. Arafat Memorial Meeting Room in the local CAIR chapter. In memory of Arafat, date palms and raisins will be served and all attendees will be asked to use a bucket when they need to go to the bathroom

11 AM– Group Therapy- Many notables will be present to help newer members adjust, including Bob Barr, Andrew Sullivan, Greg Drjerijan, and Pat Buchanan.

I think you will find the itinerary eases you in nicely, and remember, there are no fees or charges, because hating America is free.

Reader Interactions

53Comments

  1. 1.

    demkat620

    John,

    You forgot to mention the Many Uses of Hemp demonstration by Woody Harrelson on the Lido Deck at noon.

    Also, Rick asks:

    Will this stiff-necked President who has refused to admit many mistakes in the past be capable of demonstrating such largeness of character?

    Do ya really need anybody to answer that Rick?

  7. 7.

    Jon H

    “Loyalty Oath, trading of black armbands. Duringthis brief session, new cruise members will pledge loyalty the the Hose and Senate leadership.”

    I could be wrong, but I think this page was stuck in the copier, and comes from a flyer distributed by the last Congress.

  8. 8.

    sidereal

    Don’t forget the ‘How to brew a “medicinal” latte in a Hijab’ seminar in the Rachel Corrie lounge at 4:20.

  10. 10.

    The One True Darrell

    The Democrat Party will suffer another 30 years of political irrelevence due to their inability to resist the urge to enable the enemies of the US Military.

    Enjoy your fun comrades, God knows you love to see the United States humiliated. But America will not forget your evil deeds.

  11. 11.

    demimondian

    Man, it’s ugly to see his readers turn on him.

    It is, isn’t it?

    So, Rick…welcome to the initiation to the coalition of the shrilling. Now, ask yourself seriously if you really ever believed in the “mission in Iraq”, or if you felt that the President and the Republican party would never betray you by creating a mission which didn’t exist? Sooner or later, it’s going to hit you that they they did — that’s when you’ll get really angry. Then you’ll understand what John here has been saying for quite a while: that he didn’t leave the Republicans, but that the Party left him.

    For my part, as a confirmed leftie, I’d been thrilled to see a few decades, or maybe a century or two, before the right came back from the dead, but, seeing as it isn’t the right that I despise, but the opportunists which have taken over the Republicans, I’d be content with a few heartfelt apologies and a re-evaluation of what conservatism should stand for.

  12. 12.

    demimondian

    By the way, John — vegans avoid all dairy products, which include yogurt. A suitable substitute is slightly curdled unflavored soy milk.

  13. 13.

    Rome Again

    Enjoy your fun comrades, God knows you love to see the United States humiliated. But America will not forget your evil deeds.

    What makes you think God doesn’t want to see the US humiliated? God enjoys hubris? I think not!

    By the way, this is not an admission that I want to see the US humiliated, I don’t. I would like to see only those who are abusing the Constitution humiliated, not the entire country. The people themselves are not to blame for the hubris that exists, merely those who are in power and like the secrecy our government currently enjoys.

  14. 14.

    Gold Star for Robot Boy

    It is, isn’t it?

    What blows my mind is his readers’ thinking. It’s so… binary. There’s no sign they understand Moran IS a supporter but sees problems. As soon as he points out facts that differ from the party line, he’s a defeatist pussy like all the rest.
    If you’re not with us, you’re against us, I suppose.

  16. 16.

    demimondian

    Truth is, though, that the ones who’re turning on him are, for the most part, not regular readers — they don’t understand where he’s coming from, or they’d be more thoughtful and less…I can’t even find a word for it. Triumphalist, maybe?

    The regulars aren’t commenting right now, let’s see what starts coming out in the next few days.

  17. 17.

    demimondian

    What I want to know is when I start getting my payoff from the leadership for my part in getting John to bring Tim on board, thus initiating his succumbing to the Dark Side.

  19. 19.

    Pb

    That itinerary is fucking hilarious, John.

    Ditto–nice work.

    they don’t understand where he’s coming from

    Me neither–that’s not the Rick Moran I knew–the Rick Moran I knew would be yelling “traitor” over this right now–if a Democrat had said it. I guess some of his posters can’t make that subtle distinction.

  20. 20.

    srv

    You forgot to remind him to bring his vegetable oil tailings – remember the cruise ship is powered only by bio-diesel and the dolphins can only tow it so far.

    Is there an official 7-point plan for wingnut detox?

  22. 22.

    demimondian

    I guess some of his posters can’t make that subtle distinction.

    Now, now, now, Pb. We’re still trying to pull Rick fully into the light. There’ll be time enough to worry about consistency when he’s become our -lap- attack dog.

  23. 23.

    DougJ

    It’s fun to mess with Rick sometimes, but he’s always been on the reasonable side for a conservative. This is a microcosm of what’s happening the Republican party — the 25 percenters are slowly alienating the other 75 percent of the country.

    Soon the whole party will be Malkin and Inhofe types.

    Who’s next to jump ship? Goldstein? Don Surber?

  25. 25.

    mrmobi

    So those who believe I was signing on to the Democrats plan for phased withdrawal are simply wrong. In fact, I think it would be a blunder that would make the blunders made the previous 4 years look tame by comparison. Only those wishing the absolute worst for the United States, Iraq, and the Middle East would advocate such a course of action. Better that we maintain a strong presence in Iraq and allow the various factions to work out their own solutions to the problems facing the country.

    Yep, Rick, that’s us, defeatocrats. We wish nothing but the worst for the United States.

    From what I’ve just read, you apparently are firmly in the “we’ve got the biggest dick,” or the “you broke it, you bought it” school of foreign policy. Henry Kissinger would be proud of you, if he hadn’t also given up on this clusterfuck.

    Just what we need, a truly simplistic approach to a complex problem of our own making. How is what you propose any different from what Bush is proposing? That’s worked out well, huh?

    As far as it being a bigger blunder to have a phased withdrawal than any of the Party of Torture’s previous blunders, you must think we haven’t sufficiently destroyed our military yet. I guess it will take a few more years, eh?

    There’s a line in the movie “As Good as it Get” where the Jack Nicholsen character (an author) is asked how he writes women so well. He replies: “I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability.”
    This works for conservatives as well, I think. Welcome, Rick.

  26. 26.

    Andrew

    Who’s next to jump ship? Goldstein? Don Surber?

    Jeff G. might jump into a schoolgirl outfit to do a L-O-S-E-R cheer, and I’m not sure that would be worse than Malkin.

  27. 27.

    jpe

    Best post ever.

    Will there be a mass same-sex marriage ceremony? Because I think I’m in love with you.

  28. 28.

    Wilfred

    The frothier the soup, the more muddled the metaphor, or something like that:

    One of the biggest obstacle appears to be the chicken everyone believed as long ago as the immediate aftermath of the invasion who would eventually come home to roost; the Kurds and their desire for a large degree of autonomy.

    Rick ‘Iran’ Moran has flown the coup.

  30. 30.

    Scruffy McSnufflepuss

    Rick ‘Iran’ Moran has flown the coup.

    Good point. Bush might as well run for a second term in 2008, since his first term was actually Al Gore’s.

    If we’d stopped this usurping son of a Demon back in 2000, I think it’s fair to say that quite a few things would be different right about now.

  31. 31.

    Walker

    Heading Right » Blog Archive » Separating the Spartans from the Artisans Says:

    […] Rick Moran has been greeted officially by the left’s version of Xertes, in Juan Cole, thus he has become an Artisan? […]

    Does the author of this trackback really think this is the blog of Juan Cole?

  33. 33.

    Tsulagi

    Wow, I see someone has put a lot of thought into their dream itinerary. LOL

    But you completely missed something. The mandatory change of uniform after boarding the reeducation ship so you can fully fit in.

    First you must strip out your Brooks Brothers suit or surplus outlet bought BDU to the cheers of your shipmates. Your new battle peace dress will of course be made from 100% natural fiber, preferably hemp when available. Standard issue unisex Birks will show your solidarity and conformity. Also, don’t forget to pick up your white flag; you never want to miss an opportunity to surrender.

    Funny post.

  34. 34.

    grumpy realist

    Having read Moran’s article, it sounds like a grudging realization that the average American isn’t going to continue handing a blank check to the Iraqis and a whine about the Average American’s unability to understand how These Things Take Time. Also that Bush should be giving way just enough so as to keep as many US soldiers in Iraq for as long as possible so as to give the Iraqis Yet One More Chance.

    The fact that the Iraqi gov’t has absolutely no incentive to stop all this squabbling and Actually Start Governing as long as the US military is around keeping the lid on things seems to have remained totally unnoticed.

    There’s also the fact that a government that doesn’t have enough strength to enforce its own authority is going to fail at some point or other. Because we’re running around acting as the enforcement arm, it’s no wonder that the Iraqi government is held in such contempt by the locals.

  35. 35.

    Dreggas

    Et Tu, Rick? « Blogs 4 Brownback Says:

    […] UPDATE: Sheer idiocy. Those morons at Balloon Juice never know when to quit, do they? […]

    Actually we do, that’s the difference between us and the 28% (ie the rest of you).

    /”\
    |\./|
    | |
    | |
    |>~

  36. 36.

    Tony J

    Good point. Bush might as well run for a second term in 2008, since his first term was actually Al Gore’s.

    Give them another Friedman-and-a-half’s worth of boiling on the hob to reduce the 28%ers down to a thick and gelatinous 20% of Kristianist gloop and we might yet see them calling for something like this. It’s not like they have any great respect for your Constitution to temper their loyalty to El Residente, is it?

    And judging by some of the whack-job posts on the linked thread above, some of these people are crazy enough to claim that, since they’re “only giving the Defeatocrats what they’ve been asking for since 2000”, a refusal to let El Res’ stand would be terribly unfair and hypocritical, and yet further proof of the Great Liberal Conspiracy in action, etc, etc.

    Nutjobs, the lot of them.

  38. 38.

    Davebo

    Few issues have been as over hyped by blogs as Rick’s non-change of heart here.

    Big deal, he admits mistakes, hints at cooperation across the aisle, and finally lands on “give it ten more years” with a slight tweak to the existing non plan.

    As has been noted, I give him less than 72 hours before he’s back pointing out all the treasonous traiters in America.

  39. 39.

    tBone

    Nice itinerary, but a little light on leisure time activities. I’d suggest some contests:

    “Crossing the Border”
    Compete to see who can smuggle the most illegal immigrants into the country. Winner receives a free recreational abortion!

    “Islamofascist Fashion Show”
    Model your favorite headscarf, burqha, or other terrorist couture*. Runners-up will receive coupons for tiedyed “I Hate the Troops” bumperstickers. Grand Prize Winner will receive an all-expenses-paid 3 day/2 nights trip to a terrorist training camp of your choosing.

    *“Strutting your stuff” or “doing your little dance on the catwalk, the catwalk” punishable by death.

  41. 41.

    Davebo

    The best part about being a cheese eating surrender monkey…….the cheese. Try the roquefort Rick it is exquisite.

    Ahh, bleu cheese! How fitting.

  43. 43.

    Scruffy McSnufflepuss

    Aww.. blogs4brownback thinks you guys are all a pack of loons.

    Fuck those douchebags. They’ll be out of business by January 2008. That’s assuming Brownback even lasts that long.

  45. 45.

    Sri Ramkrishna

    Looking at the

    |>~

    representation. I think it’s a commercial for viagra.

    sri

  47. 47.

    The Other Steve

    I read Moron’s piece, and it’s basically a “This would have all worked except for you meddling Kids!” defense.

    He’s blaming the whole misadventure in Iraq on Bush and the American people. Rather than acknowledging that the world doesn’t work like your teenage wet dream, and people aren’t going to listen to your paternistic over indulgences.

  48. 48.

    HyperIon

    he has two followup posts. i agree with this:

    For in the end, that is where the problem lies. The Prime Minister, the major parties in Iraq (SCIRI, Dawa, the Sadrists) have expressed little interest and less desire in affecting the changes in power sharing, de-Baathification, amnesty, reconciliation, and promised constitutional changes that would alter the political climate and start the Iraqis down the road toward a peaceful society. And again, there is nothing the US military can do to push the government off of square one and get this process moving.

    but then he says:

    And lest anyone misunderstand me (or, for those of you who simply didn’t bother to read what I wrote) I am not advocating anything more than a token withdrawal of American troops. And that would be as a consequence of cutting a deal with Democrats in Congress who almost certainly would insist on some kind of cutback of troops if they were to sign on to a redefined mission of fighting al-Qaeda, protecting the Iraqi borders (including the Iran-Iraq border), and preventing a humanitarian catastrophe. Only the significant presence of US troops will prevent the massacre of Sunnis by Shias hell bent on revenge as well as those who wish to make Iraq “Sunni free.” That same presence would probably also prevent a general Middle East war as well.

    so…we can’t win but we must not leave. i don’t see how a token withdrawal accomplishes much. does he mean that our soldiers should stop surging and resume the pre-surge strategy (whatever that was)?

    i *think* maybe what Moran means is: I’m really tired of trying to make my brain believe the Admin BS on Iraq. But (like everyone else) I don’t know what would make the situation tolerable.

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