Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

fuckem (in honor of the late great efgoldman)

Wow, I can’t imagine what it was like to comment in morse code.

When we show up, we win.

It’s all just conspiracy shit beamed down from the mothership.

“The defense has a certain level of trust in defendant that the government does not.”

I’m more christian than these people and i’m an atheist.

Let’s not be the monsters we hate.

I swear, each month of 2025 will have its own history degree.

One of our two political parties is a cult whose leader admires Vladimir Putin.

The “burn-it-down” people are good with that until they become part of the kindling.

Wow, you are pre-disappointed. How surprising.

They are not red states to be hated; they are voter suppression states to be fixed.

The press swings at every pitch, we don’t have to.

Accountability, motherfuckers.

But frankly mr. cole, I’ll be happier when you get back to telling us to go fuck ourselves.

Those who are easily outraged are easily manipulated.

Republicans do not trust women.

The arc of history bends toward the same old fuckery.

Putin must be throwing ketchup at the walls.

Hey hey, RFK, how many kids did you kill today?

The gop is a fucking disgrace.

Do not shrug your shoulders and accept the normalization of untruths.

One lie, alone, tears the fabric of reality.

Tide comes in. Tide goes out. You can’t explain that.

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50Comments

  1. 1.

    jg

    Long live Tim.

    Why has Bush stopped issuing signing statements? I hear he’s going to veto a bill because it contains military pay raises (why is it that can a republican say that and not get lynched?) why doesn’t he sign the bill but say he won’t follow tha tpart about pay raises?

  2. 2.

    Pb

    Why has Bush stopped issuing signing statements?

    Because A) vetos make him look tougher with his base, and B) then he’d end up in a fight over signing statements in addition to looking like a loser…

    In summary: Republican Congress = signing statements; Democratic Congress = veto.

  3. 3.

    RSA

    Dissertating can be a life-threatening activity, but most people recover. (It tends to be infectious, unfortunately.)

    And I do wonder about the pay raise issue. Does Bush think he’s immune to accusations of not supporting the troops?

  4. 4.

    srv

    How come no bloggers offer college credit courses? For as much time as the lot of you spend here, you ought to get something for it.

    Imagine a Blog University, with IR, Economics, PoliSci courses. Not like the talent isn’t out there, it’s just untapped, stuck in the brick-and-mortar world.

  5. 5.

    Zombie Santa Claus

    RIP Tim. He would’ve had fun with this batshit craziness:

    I support the Bible, and I don’t want my children learning about Heliocentrism in school. I think this doctrine encourages atheism, Darwinism, and anti-Americanism. I don’t want my tax dollars going to finance this kind of false science. It’s complete rot, and I hope that those of us who come to realize this can ultimately prevail against its propogation amongst OUR children with the money from OUR salaries.

    I can’t wait to hear from the moonbats and the Darwinists and the other rubes on this one, though. Go on, witch doctors. Preach to me how the planet hurtles through the ether, Scriptural and physical evidence to the contrary! Your false doctrines will be cast down on the day when America rediscovers its Christian roots. That is a promise.

  6. 6.

    sidereal

    Alas, poor Tim.
    I did not really know him well.

    Seemed like a cool frood, though.

  7. 7.

    Andrew

    Republican political thought, via recent events:

    Ron Paul is evil because he said that America is to blame for 9/11 even though he didn’t say that.

    Jerry Falwell is awesome even though he said America is to blame for 9/11.

  8. 8.

    Punchy

    Why has Bush stopped issuing signing statements?

    Easy. Signing statements are only as strong as the Congress you have to not call you on such un-Constitutionality. With a Democratic congress, you can believe he knows the instant he punts the raise, he could face a no-brainer impeachment.

  9. 9.

    Dreggas

    Zombie Santa Claus Says:

    RIP Tim. He would’ve had fun with this batshit craziness:

    I support the Bible, and I don’t want my children learning about Heliocentrism in school. I think this doctrine encourages atheism, Darwinism, and anti-Americanism. I don’t want my tax dollars going to finance this kind of false science. It’s complete rot, and I hope that those of us who come to realize this can ultimately prevail against its propogation amongst OUR children with the money from OUR salaries.

    I can’t wait to hear from the moonbats and the Darwinists and the other rubes on this one, though. Go on, witch doctors. Preach to me how the planet hurtles through the ether, Scriptural and physical evidence to the contrary! Your false doctrines will be cast down on the day when America rediscovers its Christian roots. That is a promise.

    Who was it that posited the question for a republican debate was who denied helio centrism? Either that set of paragraphs is some damn good spoof or the writer is batshit crazy. I am betting on batshit crazy since he/she is for bareba…I mean brownback.

  10. 10.

    Zombie Santa Claus

    Seemed like a cool frood, though

    What’s a frood? Is that like a droog?

    Who was it that posited the question for a republican debate was who denied helio centrism?

    That was me. Actually, I was thinking of this Brownback site when I said it, since they’d had an earlier post rejecting heliocentrism and I thought it was the fucking craziest thing I’d ever heard this side of the “let’s nuke Iran” debate.

  12. 12.

    Jake

    A reliable source informs me Tim F. is observing a period of mourning for the late Rev. Falwell.

    Yeah. I did completely make that up. So?

  13. 13.

    Zombie Santa Claus

    Awww, lame. Blogs4brownback totally overplayed its spoof hand.

    I think they’re real. That Fixed Earth website is real. It’s really anti-Semitic, too, I think.

  14. 14.

    MikeF

    Zombie Santa Claus Says:

    Seemed like a cool frood, though

    What’s a frood? Is that like a droog?

    Frood is from Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, I believe.

  15. 15.

    Zombie Santa Claus

    Frood is from Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, I believe.

    Thanks. Been a while since I read that one. (“Droog” is Russian for “friend,” I guess. I know it from “Clockwork Orange.” Not from speaking Russian. We only speak English at the North Pole, you know. That’s all we’ve ever spoken. Used to drive the Byzantines nuts when I couldn’t read their Christmas lists, but it’s their fault for writing them in Greek instead of the language God speaks in the King James Bible.)

  16. 16.

    Zombie Santa Claus

    A reliable source informs me Tim F. is observing a period of mourning for the late Rev. Falwell.

    I hope his brains didn’t get clawed out of his skull once Zombie Jerry Falwell finally managed to dig himself out of that shallow grave they’d planted him in. It’d be a real shame if Tim were the first of the many zombies in Falwell’s horde, roaming our streets and terrorizing our womenfolk with their blood-drenched maws and their insatiable hunger for the flesh of the living.

    Mind you, I’m looking forward to that. But mine is a special case. Living people have my head preserved in a jar, and I’m kind of embittered about it.

  17. 17.

    les

    I don’t know, Zombie SC; I used to think the Brownbackers were for real, but they look like trying to give Jon Swift a run for his money lately. By the way, your fucking geese are still here pooping all over my town. Are they not welcome up there any more? Please, take ’em home.

  20. 20.

    Zombie Santa Claus

    I don’t know, Zombie SC; I used to think the Brownbackers were for real, but they look like trying to give Jon Swift a run for his money lately.

    Sometimes, it’s hard to tell people who are genuinely insane from people who just act like it. That’s why we all swing back and forth on the Darrell question- is he real, or is he spoof? Partially, it’s wishful thinking; if he is real, I’m fucking scared of him. I think it’s the same with the Brownback people, but I lurk on that blog a decent amount, and I kinda think they’re the real thing.

    That Jon Swift guy’s pretty funny, BTW. I hadn’t seen that before.

    By the way, your fucking geese are still here pooping all over my town. Are they not welcome up there any more? Please, take ‘em home.

    We don’t want the fuckers, either. They’re yours. Why don’t you cook yourself a nice goose dinner?

  21. 21.

    Jake

    Mind you, I’m looking forward to that. But mine is a special case. Living people have my head preserved in a jar, and I’m kind of embittered about it.

    You’ll be glad to know another reliable source that could not give his name for fear of having his brains clawed out tells me they plan to graft your rotting cranium onto ZJF’s body. The original plan called for Brad Pitt’s body but they figured Failwell’s paunchy carcass would feel more familiar.

  22. 22.

    les

    Sometimes, it’s hard to tell people who are genuinely insane from people who just act like it.

    That’s a bitch, isn’t it? They should have to wear signs or something. I’m shying away from taking the Brownbackers (my monumentally worthless Senator, as bad luck would have it) for real mostly out of the fear factor, I have to admit.

  23. 23.

    Jay C

    I particularly liked this bit of wisdom from “blogs4brownback”:

    However, for both moral and theological reasons, we should always bear in mind that the Earth does not move. If it moved, we would feel it moving. That’s called empiricism, the experience of the senses. Don’t take my word for it, or the evidence of your own senses,

    Sorta like a real-life (sic) version of “who you gonna believe: the accumulated knowledge of centuries, or your lyin’ eyes?”

    Spoof or not, hilarious.

  24. 24.

    Zombie Santa Claus

    You’ll be glad to know another reliable source that could not give his name for fear of having his brains clawed out tells me they plan to graft your rotting cranium onto ZJF’s body. The original plan called for Brad Pitt’s body but they figured Failwell’s paunchy carcass would feel more familiar.

    Ho ho ho! I’m back, you fuckers!

    So, who gets Zombie Jerry Falwell’s head? My old body? If I had any say in it, they’d graft it onto the Easter Bunny’s body. Or better yet, a Teletubby.

  25. 25.

    Zombie Santa Claus

    That’s a bitch, isn’t it? They should have to wear signs or something. I’m shying away from taking the Brownbackers (my monumentally worthless Senator, as bad luck would have it) for real mostly out of the fear factor, I have to admit.

    I sort of hope that everyone I meet online who scares me is like that. It’s sort of a mental survival technique, that keeps me from smashing my computer and running away screaming every time I think about the Darrells/scs’s/Brownbackers out there.

    Spoof or not, hilarious.

    Agreed. They don’t get much publicity, but if you take the time to trudge through those 40 posts about what kind of a dump Brownback will be taking tomorrow, the rest of them are pretty damn funny.

  26. 26.

    The Other Steve

    Ron Paul is evil because he said that America is to blame for 9/11 even though he didn’t say that.

    Jerry Falwell is awesome even though he said America is to blame for 9/11.

    Ron Paul claimed it was because of US foreign policy.

    Jerry Falwell claimed it was because of the gays and secular heathens.

    Those are completely different. See, Falwell was saying if we had more Republicans, we’d be safe. Ron Paul on the other hand was attacking Republicans.

    The 11th amendment says clearly, tho shalt not attack Republicans.

    So that makes Ron Paul a terrorist.

  27. 27.

    Sstarr

    Just to clarify, the proper phrase from the Hitchiker’s Guide to the Galaxy is hoopy frood. As in “Hey, you sass that hoopy Tim F? There’s a frood who really knows where his towel is!”

    Needless to say, senator Brownback is not a frood. Probably doesn’t even own a towel.

  28. 28.

    The Other Steve

    Poor Tim is dead
    Poor Tim F is dead
    All gather round his coffin now and cry
    He had a heart of gold
    And he wasn’t very old
    Oh why did such a feller have to die?

    Poor Tim is dead
    Poor Tim F is dead
    He’s lookin’ oh so peaceful and serene ([Tim] and serene)
    He’s all laid out to rest
    With his hands acrost his chest
    His fingernails have never been so clean

  29. 29.

    Zombie Santa Claus

    Needless to say, senator Brownback is not a frood. Probably doesn’t even own a towel.

    Ew.

    BTW, I’m sorry you have to live in Kansas, les. That Brownback presentation on snowflake babies was a shameful thing. Sometimes, I think the whole Republican Congress and the Bush Administration are part of some massive spoof to fuck this country over and laugh about it. I don’t know who’s behind it, though. Space aliens, or China, or the Skull and Bones, or something.

  30. 30.

    Andrew

    Sometimes, it’s hard to tell people who are genuinely insane from people who just act like it.

    Any sufficiently advanced spoofery is indistinguishable from madness.

  32. 32.

    The Other Steve

    Sometimes, it’s hard to tell people who are genuinely insane from people who just act like it.

    Naw, the spoofers usually argue as if they are sane.

  34. 34.

    les

    BTW, I’m sorry you have to live in Kansas, les.

    Sometimes I am too. The Kansas repugs have purged undesirables to the point that Brownback is in the (only by comparison) sane wing of the party here. It’s not pretty.

  35. 35.

    canuckistani

    Should we wait out of respect for Tim’s family, or should we say everything we hate about him now?

    Speaking of which, is the period of respect for Falwell over? Can I say he was an evil pigfucker whose corpse should be shredded and boiled in lye for all the hate and poison he spread, or is it too soon?

  36. 36.

    jake

    So, who gets Zombie Jerry Falwell’s head? My old body?

    Both sacred items shall be handed over to Landover Baptist. I won’t disturb you with any further details but according to a heavily redacted document from yet another anonymous source:

    First they’ll take the XXXXXX and dip it in XXXX. After a period of 30 days during which the faithfull will XXXXXXXXXX with XXXXXXXX until they XXXXXXXXXXXX, Betty Bowers will XXXXXXX the with XXXXXXXXXXXX. And then she’ll have a cigarette.

  38. 38.

    Tim F.

    Yeesh people, I have the good sense not to die in the same week as Jerry Falwell. This week has been hell but things should improve soon.

  39. 39.

    Zombie Santa Claus

    Yeesh people, I have the good sense not to die in the same week as Jerry Falwell. This week has been hell but things should improve soon.

    Welcome back. Any thoughts on people who think the entire Universe revolves around the state of Kansas?

  42. 42.

    Rome Again

    It’s a Kanzacentric view.

    How dare you change the spelling, it’s not a Kanzacentric view, it’s a Kansascentric view, because, as we all know, Kansas rhymes with Jesus, and leaving that unique attribute out is just plain blasphemous!

    Think twice before you do that again!

  43. 43.

    Zombie Santa Claus

    How dare you change the spelling, it’s not a Kanzacentric view, it’s a Kansascentric view, because, as we all know, Kansas rhymes with Jesus, and leaving that unique attribute out is just plain blasphemous!

    Jeezus!

  44. 44.

    Rome Again

    Jeezus!

    Did you know that in the “Old” Testament it was a predicted that the one who would try to usurp God’s position would have a name that would become a curse word in the future after the prophecy was written? I say Jesus Christ all the time when I’m mad, how about you?

    Isaiah 65:15 states:
    “And ye shall leave your name for a curse unto my chosen: for the Lord GOD shall slay thee, and call his servants by another name”

    We never go around saying “Lucifer”, and rarely is it heard that someone says something like “that dirty devil”, but whenever something happens that totally pisses us off (us being the general population as a collective whole, but not all inclusive) many times the very first word out of our mouths is “Jesus (F’ing – or H.) Christ” – I added the middle names because many people use those also. Some people think his middle initial is H. too, and you know people didn’t learn that in church.

    Ultimately, to read and understand this scripture I placed above, it would be good to study the entire chapter of Isaiah 65 in context. There is an excerpt in the form of a book chapter written by my friend (warning, the title is a sexually derisive word) which explains this and much more. You are not obligated to study any of this of course, but if you want to see how the scripture opens up when studying what that verse truly says, I’m offering this for your perusal. One of the mistakes the followers of Jesus H. Christ makes (and made eons ago) was to take only certain scriptures and make them stand alone to mean anything the party wanted them to mean, and to also mean something completely different from what the scripture in question was intended to mean. I am trying to avoid doing that, so I offer you this study piece. The writer of the excerpt (which is from a book he wrote and I have shared here before) addresses the curse name about 2/3rds of the way down the page in the section covering Isaiah 65:12-15

    There is your trivia for today. God chose to curse the name and make the name derogatory all by himself, according to Isaiah.

  45. 45.

    Zombie Santa Claus

    Did you know that in the “Old” Testament it was a predicted that the one who would try to usurp God’s position would have a name that would become a curse word in the future after the prophecy was written? I say Jesus Christ all the time when I’m mad, how about you?

    Holy shit!

    We never go around saying “Lucifer”, and rarely is it heard that someone says something like “that dirty devil”, but whenever something happens that totally pisses us off (us being the general population as a collective whole, but not all inclusive) many times the very first word out of our mouths is “Jesus (F’ing – or H.) Christ” – I added the middle names because many people use those also. Some people think his middle initial is H. too, and you know people didn’t learn that in church.

    This reminds me of a Lenny Bruce skit in which he claimed that “Fuck you” should be a compliment to people, because fucking is something very nice that most of us enjoy.

    What does that H. stand for, anyway? Habbakuk? Herbert? Haggard? Henrique? Horatio? Holy? What? I’m not trying to be blasphemous, but I’ve always wondered.

    I don’t have time to read the person’s analysis, but it looks pretty interesting. I’ll check it out later tonight. Thanks!

  47. 47.

    Rome Again

    This reminds me of a Lenny Bruce skit in which he claimed that “Fuck you” should be a compliment to people, because fucking is something very nice that most of us enjoy.

    I agree. LOL

    What does that H. stand for, anyway? Habbakuk? Herbert? Haggard? Henrique? Horatio? Holy? What? I’m not trying to be blasphemous, but I’ve always wondered.

    H – to me is for “Hellraiser” because Hell is described in the New Testament as the pit (see “Fear the Pit and the Snare”), and it is Jesus who is supposed to get you out of it (don’t expect him to though). The missionaries of Jesus’ religion rely on the pit as part of their witnessing (his followers often say “if you don’t have Jesus, you’ll burn in hell for all eternity”), therefore Jesus himself is the “Hellraiser”.

  48. 48.

    RSA

    It’s in the Bible, too! Well, more like the Book of Mormon.

    With one of the chapters being titled “The Book of Ether”, I can imagine pretty much everything being in the Book of Mormon.

  49. 49.

    Tim F.

    Welcome back. Any thoughts on people who think the entire Universe revolves around the state of Kansas?

    They’re obviously crazy – everybody knows that the universe revolves around the Steelers.

  50. 50.

    Zombie Santa Claus

    They’re obviously crazy – everybody knows that the universe revolves around the Steelers.

    Well, if the Steelers move to Wichita or Senator Brownback takes over Santorum’s old seat, I guess we can have a reconciliation of the two beliefs.

    Those people are fucking hilarious, though. I really hope to God someone asks Brownback a question about heliocentrism at the next debate. If he denies it on camera, I’m switching my voter registration to Republican so I can work my ass off to get him nominated.

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