The terrorists have responded from our earlier defensive actions, and the results are terrifying. With that last salvo, it is clear that complete and total war has been declared, and we must attack with all of our might with this weapon provided by one of our patriotic citizens:
What better way to send a message to the terrorists than this display of unity and resolve that demonstrates our total committment to all that is good?
In addition to our actions against those who have attacked our homeland, my advisors and I have decided that in order to make sure this sort of cowardly attack never happens again on our soil, we must wage pre-emptive war on a second front against the vicious scum at the Poorman Institute. The facts are clear:
1.) They have weapons of mass distruction and frequently use them on their own population.
2.) They have displayed a willingness to terrorize, and have known and established links with the folks at Sadly, No!.
3.) They have attacked us in the past, and will do so again if left to their own devices.
4.) The CIA has informed me that they are, at this very moment, working towards weapons of even greater power.
The evidence that they are an imminent threat is clear and unambiguous. Containment has failed, and as the decider, I have decided that I must wage pre-emptive war. These are troubling times, and I hope that you pray for our troops as we enter this difficult second phase. I have been assured that we will be greeted as liberators once the leadership at the Poorman is defeated.
As we speak, I am assembling a coalition of the willing. I have reached out to the Brits and the Russians, who, in addition to being long time allies, have proven that they are capable of waging this type of warfare. The French refuse to return our phone calls.
By now you have surveyed the evidence we have assembled, and surely you understand why Shock and Awe is necessary:
I hope you understand why I must take these drastic steps. And remember, they hate us for our freedoms.