Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

if you can’t see it, then you are useless in the fight to stop it.

Good lord, these people are nuts.

It’s the corruption, stupid.

No offense, but this thread hasn’t been about you for quite a while.

fuckem (in honor of the late great efgoldman)

We still have time to mess this up!

Impressively dumb. Congratulations.

If you tweet it in all caps, that makes it true!

When do we start airlifting the women and children out of Texas?

I really should read my own blog.

This year has been the longest three days of putin’s life.

Their freedom requires your slavery.

When I decide to be condescending, you won’t have to dream up a fantasy about it.

Only Democrats have agency, apparently.

I did not have this on my fuck 2022 bingo card.

Come on, media. you have one job. start doing it.

Not so fun when the rabbit gets the gun, is it?

Tick tock motherfuckers!

A lot of Dems talk about what the media tells them to talk about. Not helpful.

The poor and middle-class pay taxes, the rich pay accountants, the wealthy pay politicians.

Sadly, there is no cure for stupid.

Come on, man.

Republicans are radicals, not conservatives.

Damn right I heard that as a threat.

You are here: Home / Open Threads / Happy Birthday to Me

Happy Birthday to Me

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It is my 37th.

And like all single dorks, my big plans include watching some movies this afternoon while lying on the couch and then having a big dinner and probably watching some more movies.

I think I am going old school today:

I was seven-eight when SW IV came out, and I think I saw it 8 times in the theatre.

Also, a quick shout out to my younger brother and sisters:

The eldest children in families tend to develop higher I.Q.’s than their siblings, researchers are reporting today, in a large study that could settle more than a half-century of scientific debate about the relationship between I.Q. and birth order.

That is right, Devon, Seth, and Anne. I got the looks, the sense of humor, and the brains. Suck it.

Reader Interactions

84Comments

  1. 1.

    Devon Cole

    I’ll remember that when you are in diapers and it comes time to decide whether you should live with me or in a home….

    Just Kidding. Happy birthday!

    -Your younger, wiser sister

  2. 2.

    Jake

    This day will live in infamy … oops, wrong one.

    Beware the Ides of … damn.

    Many happy returns of the day!

    Ya little whippersnapper.

  4. 4.

    Tony Alva

    Holy shit! You’re only 37?! Now it all makes sense. A 37 year old unmarried college professor, lives alone with his cat, who left the military for unknown and suspicious reasons.

    I think we now know why you’ve left the Republican Party, not that’s there’s anything wrong with that.

    Long time reader, infrequent commentor, who shares your disgust with it all wishing you a happy birthday. Too be so young…

    I’d say this occasion calls for some cat blogging!!!

  6. 6.

    norbizness

    I’m a few years behind you, John, and I remember being scared shitless by Star Wars (none of this episode crap) at age 4 or 5; namely “WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO BEN KENOBI!!”

    I was also traumatized by the bald chick getting electrocuted in Star Trek: The Motion Picture and Superman screaming after finding Lois Lane dead in the first Superman.

  7. 7.

    Desargues

    Happy birthday, JC. Sounds like a good plan to spend today. That’s what I do on my B-day, when I’m single. Ain’t nothin’ wrong with movies and a good dinner.

  8. 8.

    ThymeZone

    Happy Birthday John. Thanks for another year of putting up the best blog in town.

    You’ll be happy to know that both of my siblings, born when I was in high school, are older than you are.

  9. 9.

    Rome Again

    The eldest children in families tend to develop higher I.Q.’s than their siblings, researchers are reporting today, in a large study that could settle more than a half-century of scientific debate about the relationship between I.Q. and birth order.

    Oh yeah? Well, I’m the youngest, and all my (much) older siblings are all Limbaugh-listening Republican wingnuts. I think this study is a bit presumptuous, personally.

    John, you’re another year older, congratulations! ;)

  10. 10.

    Rome Again

    You’ll be happy to know that both of my siblings, born when I was in high school, are older than you are.

    I qualify for that statement as well. Hmmmmm.

  11. 11.

    DougJ

    My big plans include watching some movies this afternoon while lying on the couch and then having a big dinner and probably watching some more movies.

    Just like Clinton did while Osama was planning 9/11.

  13. 13.

    Rex

    In the author’s own words:

    I got the looks, the sense of humor, and the brains. Suck it.

    And like all single dorks, my big plans include watching some movies this afternoon while lying on the couch

    Happy Birthday, John!

  15. 15.

    Stu in VA

    Great youtube clip although I would have ranked Vader’s breathing/voice #1.
    They also left out the best Vader line: “Impressive, most impressive” (from the duel with Luke at the end of Empire)

    Happy Birthday John.

  16. 16.

    jg

    Happy B-day John.

    I agree with Rome. Its the youngest who are smartest. I refuse to believe any of my older brothers are smarter than me.

  17. 17.

    Cherub

    Happy Birthday, John. Don’t post much but try to read everyday. GOD, my life is so depressing. lol

  19. 19.

    Tony J

    Happy Birthday, John. And remember, 37 is the new 26. It said so on the Evening News.

    OTOH, I just found out today that my Dad, who for many years was nicknamed ‘Saddam’ by my friends (lookswise only, of course) now qualifies for a bus-pass.

    Shit. My Dad’s a frikkin’ pensioner! That makes me feel remarkably old. Damn you, El Residente! Your insane lust for glory has clouded my best years with gloom.

  20. 20.

    Tsulagi

    my big plans include watching some movies this afternoon while lying on the couch and then having a big dinner and probably watching some more movies.

    Okay, that will make for a birthday to remember when you’re in the diapers stage your sister mentioned, but another option could be to carry out the president’s plea for true Americans. Follow orders one more time on your birthday. Go shopping. Maybe there’s a Madame Palfrey’s store in your area. Would beat Hola Fruita all to hell. ;-)

    Happy Birthday.

  21. 21.

    Wilfred

    Happy Birthday, John.

    . Ain’t nothin’ wrong with movies and a good dinner.

    After, maybe.

  22. 22.

    ThymeZone

    I refuse to believe any of my older brothers are smarter than me.

    If you were older and smarter, you’d understand it.

    Wisdom takes time.

  24. 24.

    Rome Again

    If you were older and smarter, you’d understand it.

    Wisdom takes time.

    Uhhh, TZ, are you SURE you want to go there?

  25. 25.

    semper fubar

    Sigh. I saw SW I in the movie theatre, the first week it came out. With my date. Whom I met in college several years earlier.

    Happy Birthday John, from a well adjusted middle child.

  26. 26.

    John Cole

    What is wrong with all you Dobson wannabees? Just because I am single, in my 30’s, have a cat, drink wine, and eat Hola Fruta doesn’t make me gay.

    I am also going to sneak in some Warcraft this afternoon, too!

  27. 27.

    Rome Again

    No, no, the oldest are definitely the smartest. The youngest are the achievers…

    That’s reversed in my family. They’re all homeowners who drive BMW’s and have powerful corporate jobs. They’re also Clinton hating right-wingers.

    I’m not any of those things.

    Of course, my family could be totally backwards, had it not been for a nasty teacher my oldest brother had in grammar school, my parent’s children would rate as 3 left-handers and 2 right. The left handers are the oldest – who was physically punished for using his left hand, and now has a stutter as a result…. and the two youngest, including me.

    If I had a scale of which ones I get along better with, the other left-hander and almost left-hander would win hands down! The two right-handers live on the planet Mars as far as I’m concerned.

  32. 32.

    Buck

    Just because I am single, in my 30’s, have a cat, drink wine, and eat Hola Fruta doesn’t make me gay.

    In the words of the immortal George Costanza, “but it doesn’t help.”

    Not that there is anything wrong with that.

    Happy Birthday.

  33. 33.

    Rome Again

    Where else can I go? I’m the oldest guy here.

    If you got it, flaunt it.

    Self-interested asshole, that’s not what you tell me in private.

  36. 36.

    Faux News

    Happy Birthday John! Enjoy

    “Poggle the Lesser” in #7 reminds me of a gay bar in Hartford, CT (Nick’s Cafe)circa 1987. On a good night. If you put Poogle in a lime green polyester leisure suit he would have fit right in with the rest of the crowd.

    TZ you aren’t the old timer on here. I got John beat by 10 years.

  37. 37.

    Faux News

    Happy Birthday John! Enjoy

    “Poggle the Lesser” in #7 reminds me of a gay bar in Hartford, CT (Nick’s Cafe)circa 1987. On a good night. If you put Poogle in a lime green polyester leisure suit he would have fit right in with the rest of the crowd.

    TZ you aren’t the old timer on here. I got John beat by 10 years.

  38. 38.

    Rome Again

    TZ you aren’t the old timer on here. I got John beat by 10 years.

    Well FN, TZ’s got me beat by about a decade and a half, I and I got John beat by over 7 years myself. Care to reconsider that?

  39. 39.

    jg

    ThymeZone Says:

    I refuse to believe any of my older brothers are smarter than me.

    If you were older and smarter, you’d understand it.

    Wisdom takes time.

    If you knew my older brothers you wouldn’t say that.

    Rome Again Says:

    No, no, the oldest are definitely the smartest. The youngest are the achievers…

    That’s reversed in my family. They’re all homeowners who drive BMW’s and have powerful corporate jobs.

    In my family I was the first to own a home (even before my parents) plus I have a corporate job and I drive a BMW. That whole study is full of shit.

    John Cole Says:

    What is wrong with all you Dobson wannabees? Just because I am single, in my 30’s, have a cat, drink wine, and eat Hola Fruta doesn’t make me gay.

    No it doesn’t. It just gives us ammo to fling at you for the fun of it. We can have a 40 Year Old Virgin scene with all your habits. ‘You know how I know you’re gay?” “You eat Hola Fruit with your wino cat.”

  40. 40.

    Rome Again

    Well, I’m a persona. I have no actual life.

    Well, then I guess you have no actual opinions, and no actual plans and no actual beliefs, and no actual tastes or distastes… hey this is a fun game, I could play this all day long. ;)

  42. 42.

    Rome Again

    Your Birthday Today
    This is an important birthday for you, especially considering how very, very few of them you’ve got left.

    OMG, well, it’s the Onion, of course it’s not true, so laugh way John, it’s okay. :)

  43. 43.

    ThymeZone

    I am 60. Do I get the “old timer” prize?

    Please send my winnings forthwith!

    (that means “right away” for you young whippersnappers)

  44. 44.

    Rusty Shackleford

    Happy Birthday, John Cole!

    From,

    Another 30-something, thin, well-groomed, cat owning, computer game playing, Star Wars loving bachelor.

  47. 47.

    Rome Again

    ThymeZone Says:

    I am 60. Do I get the “old timer” prize?

    No you aren’t, you’re a persona, you don’t HAVE an age! Get it? You don’t exist, hahahahaha!

  49. 49.

    Mr Furious

    Happy Birthday, John!

    I am the oldest of four, and I will say, if nothing else, I am the most battle-hardened and paved the way for my three sisters… My parents were barely even making an effort by the time my sisters were in high school.

    I can remember coming home from NY and seeing beer splatter stains on the wall and gardens strewn with butts from my sisters parties and they never got nailed for it once. Whereas I spent most of my teen years grounded for the slightest infractions…

    No, I’m not bitter or anything. ;-)

    I turned 39 in May, and while I’m not a guy caught up in the number (I think of myself as perpetually 35), 39 is almost 40, and all of a sudden that is fucking old!

  50. 50.

    YellowJournalism

    What is wrong with all you Dobson wannabees? Just because I am single, in my 30’s, have a cat, drink wine, and eat Hola Fruta doesn’t make me gay.

    I am also going to sneak in some Warcraft this afternoon, too!

    Holy shit, John! You’re a Spiderman-comic-collection-in Mom’s-basement away from being a full-fledged fanboy geek.

    What am I saying? One of my best birthdays as a single gal was a night of old black and white movies and Chinese take-out.

    I’m glad I’m married now.

    Happy birthday, John. Thanks for a great read every afternoon.

  51. 51.

    ThymeZone

    Off topic, but this story just blew me away.

    Time to reinvent the “medical” profession?

    When healthcare is about profits and millions can’t get it, and individual care is about religion and people can’t get appropriate services, isn’t it time to throw away this dysfunctional pile of shit and start over?

    If the healthcare industry and medical practices can’t do better than this, then we don’t need them.

  52. 52.

    demimondian

    Um, Faux? I have Cole beat by ten years, too.

    And TZ has both you and me beat by about 13…

  53. 53.

    Third Eye Open

    Coming from a (relative) youngin’, I wish you the best, and can only hope that I am single, over-educated, and burdened with a plethora of felines when I hit 37!

    -CHEERS!

  55. 55.

    Rome Again

    No you aren’t, you’re a persona, you don’t HAVE an age! Get it? You don’t exist, hahahahaha!

    Come to think of it TZ, you don’t have a yard man either. LMAO… Oh, this is killing me, I could take this sooooooo far! Best fun I’ve had in… gosh, I can’t remember when!

  56. 56.

    whatsleft

    Happy Birthday John! And many happy returns. You seem awfully young for a professor! Congratulations child genius.

    Lucky to have a summer birthday for this whole total self-indulgence day too. Good for you and good on you mate.

  58. 58.

    DougJ

    Just because I am single, in my 30’s, have a cat, drink wine, and eat Hola Fruta doesn’t make me gay.

    Didn’t you just lose a lot of weight as well? I’m just saying…

  59. 59.

    Jake

    Off topic, but this story just blew me away.

    Time to reinvent the “medical” profession?

    Oh what I would give for a bunch of doctors to declare it is against their religion to touch a patient.

    (And what champion class fuckwit thought it was a good idea to have a male examine a rape victim? HELLO?)

    I say it’s time for consumers (that’s us) to stop this nonsense before it gets worse. I have a friend who got a new doctor because the receptionist at her old one was spewing homophobic crap. She walked out of another’s offices because they provided Chick Tracts as reading material.

    So from now on, before you make an appointment, ask your doctor if he or she has any religous beliefs that prevent him/her from providing or recommending all available medical options to a patients. If they say yes, hang up and tell your friends. Trust me, 4 out of 5 doctors love their cash more than they love their God. They’ll figure it out.

  60. 60.

    mrmobi

    Congrats on another turn around the sun, John. Thanks for this place, I like it here.

    I was seven-eight when SW IV came out, and I think I saw it 8 times in the theatre.

    When the first Star Wars movie came out, my wife and I took a friends’ 10-year-old to see it on opening day. Aside from loving it, it was terrific seeing it with a kid, who was so jacked afterward that we stayed and watched it a second time. One of my favorite movie experiences of all time.

    TZ, I completed my farewell to the fifties tour in April, so you may be older than me, but not by much, probably.

    I think I’m going to celebrate John’s birthday by playing “Knights of the Old Republic” tonight.

    God bless light sabers.

  61. 61.

    Faux News

    I am 60. Do I get the “old timer” prize?

    You win TZ! I am a mere 47 years old. 3 years away from my AARP card :-)

  62. 62.

    Faux News

    I am 60. Do I get the “old timer” prize?

    You win TZ! I am a mere 47 years old. 3 years away from my AARP card :-)

  63. 63.

    ThymeZone

    Trust me, 4 out of 5 doctors love their cash more than they love their God.

    Shoot, who doesn’t?

    Give me all your cash. I promise I will say a prayer for you.

    TZ, I completed my farewell to the fifties tour in April, so you may be older than me, but not by much, probably.

    Beat you by just a few months. So far I am liking 60, compared to the alternative :)

  64. 64.

    Kirok

    Happy Birthday, John, from another June 22 baby and WVU grad. I’ve turned 44 today. I saw SWIV in a theatre in Buckhannon, WV, when it first came out. God that was along time ago…

  65. 65.

    mrmobi

    When healthcare is about profits and millions can’t get it, and individual care is about religion and people can’t get appropriate services, isn’t it time to throw away this dysfunctional pile of shit and start over?

    YES.

  66. 66.

    Tom Hilton

    Happy birthday, John!

    You win TZ! I am a mere 47 years old. 3 years away from my AARP card

    For some reason, the AARP sent me a solicitation including a sample membership card when I was about 25. Naturally, I carried the sample card in my wallet. The last time I was ever carded buying liquor (a couple years later), I whipped out the AARP card.

  67. 67.

    Sri Ramkrishna

    Happy Birthday, John! I’m 1 year and a little over a month older than you. :) Been enjoying your site and all the myriad of personalities here. Righteous anger rocks!

    sri

  68. 68.

    over it

    Count me as another born on June 22nd!

    Happy Birthday….enjoy your movies, your dinner and whatever else you get into today! :)

    May your next year on this silly planet be filled with laughter. ;)

  69. 69.

    mrmobi

    Hey John!

    One more thing. Movies. Have you seen Pan’s Labyrinth yet? Very, very good. Also, Children of Men. Not really birthday movies, but good. One final choice, Flags of Our Fathers, by Clint Eastwood. Just terrific.

  70. 70.

    Mr Furious

    I’ll second Children of Men. Fantastic. And I think you already saw the last Bond, flick—not that it wouldn’t be worth a re-watch…

  71. 71.

    John Cole

    I think I’m going to celebrate John’s birthday by playing “Knights of the Old Republic” tonight.

    There needs to be a third.

  73. 73.

    Jay C

    Happy Birthday, John! Mazel Tov!

    Yet another of your devoted BJ followers who shares June 22 as a b’day (albeit I DID get there first. Punk kid.)

    Maybe one day I can boast that I share my natal day with the famous blogger John Cole! Or not.

    Many happy , etc. Hope its a good one.

  75. 75.

    Halffasthero

    Devon Cole Says:

    I’ll remember that when you are in diapers and it comes time to decide whether you should live with me or in a home….

    For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction (rebuttal).

    There is some seriously sharp teeth in that response. Your household sounds frightening! (j/k)

    And I am glad to see other openly geek gamers out there. I passed on Warcraft for too long and won’t get in now.

  76. 76.

    demimondian

    There needs to be a third.

    Third, nothing — there needs to be a second! The thing which posed as KOTOR II was clearly an impostor foisted upon us by the Bush Administration.

    (Although a third would be a true bonus.)

  78. 78.

    Brian Linse

    Happy B-Day, John, you young punk! Enjoy those end-30 B-days, cuz the 40-sumpins bring aches and pains. For now, you are wise beyond your years, but don’t worry, it won’t last.

    xoxo,
    Baddude

  79. 79.

    empty

    It is my 37th.

    So young and so wise! Happy birthday John and thanks for the place and the company.

  80. 80.

    DonkeyKong

    Oh C’mon John. We all know you will celebrate with a muslim call to prayer, followed by chant’s of “Hugh Hewitt is a pooperface.” topped off by unmentionable acts with your cat before aborting it.

    Michelle Malkin can see right into your soul, you godless fister of home schooled children.

    Other than that, Happy Birthday.

  82. 82.

    TAX ANALYST

    “ThymeZone Says:

    I am 60. Do I get the “old timer” prize?

    Please send my winnings forthwith!

    (that means “right away” for you young whippersnappers)”

    Got me beat, dude…I’m a mere 57.

    I’m a day late to the party, but Congrats, John Cole on reaching political maturity at 37. I knew a bright lad like you would see through the current shit-for-brains and zip-for-morals crew currently running things sooner or later.

  83. 83.

    Krista

    Happy (now belated) birthday, John! I hope you had a very enjoyable day indeed.

    By the way, how is birth order calculated when you bring half-siblings into the mix? If I count my half-brother, then I’m the middle child. If not, then I’m the youngest. Oh, the confusion.

  84. 84.

    TAX ANALYST

    Krista, not that I really know the answer to your question, but did you grow up with your half-siblings in the household? I think that would make a difference in how this sort of thing was calculated. For instance, I “gained” 2 step-brothers and a step-sister, but never lived in the same house with them…my own 2 brothers were adults and long-gone from the house and the “stepper’s” were also gone from the nest when my Dad remarried. Lucky me, I was still 16, so I was subject to the ruthless, weird, rule-laden step-mother for a couple of years before I could safely flee and get my own pad. Anyway, no matter how I sliced it I always ended up the youngest, either of 3 or of 6…

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