Apparently the tinkerbell strategy works so well that if you clap loud enough, more troops appear:
The U.S. military is weighing new directions in Iraq, including an even bigger troop buildup if President Bush thinks his “surge” strategy needs a further boost, the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff said Monday.
Marine Gen. Peter Pace revealed that he and the chiefs of the Army, Marine Corps, Navy and Air Force are developing their own assessment of the situation in Iraq, to be presented to Bush in September. That will be separate from the highly anticipated report to Congress that month by Gen. David Petraeus, the top commander for Iraq.
The Joint Chiefs are considering a range of actions, including another troop buildup, Pace said without making any predictions. He called it prudent planning to enable the services to be ready for Bush’s decision.
Interesting. Anyone have a spare division in their basement?
Dave
…but we are winning the war John. We just need a little more time until the Iraqis can get on their feet, build a consensus government, rebuild the oil fields and have the Sunni’s and Shiites and Kurds all together around one big dinner table laughing and partying although out the night! The roads inlaid with roses are almost complete.
…and what about The Children John? What happens to them if we leave?
Why do you hate The Children John?
The Other Steve
Yeah, because slow escalation worked so wonderfully in Vietnam, we should repeat the mistake.
Chad N. Freude
Well, first they set the recruiting standard to “Breathing”. Then they extend all tours to forever. Finally, they impress people illegally crossing the Mexican border with Mexico into the army. It’ll be a cakewalk.
Tom Hilton
‘Oh yeah? You and what army?’ used to be just a schoolyard taunt. Now it’s a stock response used by anyone who doesn’t want to give in to pressure from Gringolandia. I just love it when Republicans literalize a metaphor.
Pb
Well, this could help explain why Republicans filibustered the Webb Amendment–as Bill Hicks once put it, they are “in the unenviable position of being for the war, but against the troops”….
Dreggas
Perhaps they raised an army of snowflake soldiers? You know, they were just snow-flake babies but through the effective use of bovine growth hormone they’re now rabid killing machines. Bring on the Clone army I say.
Chad N. Freude
Oops. Sorry about that redundant repetition about the Mexican border with Mexico.
Chad N. Freude
I like Dreggas’s snowflake suggestion. Why use embryos for medical research when you can send them into battle to be killed?
Chad N. Freude
“Send in the clones.”
Grumpy Code Monkey
That would normally be funny, but I’ll bet real money that at least one wingnut will propose this idea seriously. .
Gold Star for Robot Boy
Actually, I’ve thought America could kill two birds with one stone by asking the illegals to enlist – with the carrot of full citizenship.
The Army gets its tr00pz, and not even the reddest of rednecks could deny a man his rights as an American if he was willing to die on the streets of Baghdad.
Of course, Michelle Malkin would have kittens, because then we’d be training this brown horde for the inevitable Reconquista, but is that so different than giving enlisted skinheads training in explosives and weapons?
Chad N. Freude
They’re well on their way already.
BFR
Insert “Army of One” punchline here.
Also this:
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/bush_commits_one_additional_troop
Sirkowski
Think again.
caustics
Bet large. Go all in:
VidaLoca
This would make a lot of sense if someone (named, oh I don’t know, “Cheney” maybe) were concerned that the much-ballyhooed Petraeus assessment might not be promising enough ponies to keep the surge going. With two reports in hand they’ll be much more able to cherry-pick the most optimistic elements from both and try to convince us all to go along for another Friedman or two. “Oh look! Our ‘commanders in the field’ disagree! We must stay the course!”
Under any other scenario though this looks like duplication of effort.
You’d think if Pace (or Cheney) trusted Petraeus (and the situation he’s managing) enough to come to the correct conclusion he’d be off doing something else. Oh wait, he is:
Rumsfeld may be gone but the consequences of Rumsfeld live on.
Gold Star for Robot Boy
Makes sense. Foreign nationals serving as mercenaries is a concept probably as old as war itself.
Gold Star’s theory on why Americans instinctively shudder at the thought of hiring mercenaries: Washington (supposedly) kicking the asses of drunk Hessians at Trenton.
Dreggas
Oh horseshit. First off the Military would have to remove the section of the UCMJ prohibiting the speaking of a foreign language between two people in uniform (for example we had two latino Drill Sergeants when I was in BCT, they said quite clearly that they would be fined heavily and face other repercussions if they were to speak in spanish with one another while in uniform).
Further, most coming to this country do not speaka-da-english. Yeah you can give them a gun and point down range but that don’t mean shit when you are yelling orders in the field.
Of course we also already give citizenship to those who join the armed forces, however they still need command of the english language in order to be in. Amazing how much theses assholes will fuck up the military just to avoid what needs to happen, a draft.
Gold Star for Robot Boy
Will. Never. Happen.
Whether it should’ve is another discussion.
Dreggas
Oh I know it will never happen because it would guarantee a lynching of most of congress.
Chad N. Freude
Well, a draft would give an opportunity to serve to those brave young Republicans who are unable to participate in the war they so ardently support due to other priorities. Except, of course, those who have really stringent other priorities, like being related to a politician.
RSA
Instead of building a fence along the border with Mexico, we build a loooong overpass, one that goes all the way to Iraq. Two birds with one stone, baby.
Dreggas
This is what I don’t get, my dad is a vietnam vet, he derided Clinton for being a draft dodger yet cheney and bush are his heroes. It’s amazing his head doesn’t explode from that type of thinking.
caustics
I agree that a draft proposal is a non-starter on both sides of the aisle, but damn… that would be one hell of an interesting debate if it were put to a vote.
Chad N. Freude
Suicide bombers would just blow it up. Oh, wait, they won’t be able to because we’re fighting them over there so they won’t blow stuff up over here.
Dreggas
It would make the chickenshits on both sides put up or shut up. Yes it is a non-starter but the ultimate smackdown would be seeing someone with the balls to say that “if you support the war and believe it’s right then you’ll vote to have a draft, after all Iraq is the front line isn’t it?”
I would want to see every one of them squirm.
Chad N. Freude
Your father is not alone. Many people seem to be immune to cognitive dissonance. I think it’s time to update Emerson: “Any consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.”
tBone
I’m concerned about the environmental repercussions of this. If we increase troops levels too much, the entire country could be defoliated due to the traditional flower-shower that arriving troops receive.
And what if the cocoa bean fields in the Sunni Triangle are trampled in the rush to pick the few remaining flowers in the country? Iraq would have to begin importing the vast quantities of chocolate required to properly greet our troops. The consequences to the global economy could be immense.
Chad N. Freude
(tB – That was excellent.)
Not to mention the grain shortage that would result from the volume of flour required to provide enough cake to walk on.
Bubblegum Tate
Also, that’s how they would follow teh tr00ps home!
Cain
If there are no troops left here, who the hell are going to be protecting us here? Pray, Pray to Ralph.
cain
jake
If you’re not snarking, please check the history of civil rights for African-Americans in this country. You will not find “Returned home from WWII, greeted as heroes, offered a seat on the front of the bus.” Wind Talkers? Yep, they were showered with flowers and candies. Shit, Iraqis who serve as translators can’t get help from this fucking government, never mind Mr. Redd Neck.
And didn’t my sinator say that turrists could cross the border dressed as Mexcuns? They’re all brown anyways. Now you wanna put ’em in the army? Are you crazy, boy? [/channeling red necks]
Give them guns? No, no, no. They’ll be sent over as … uh … Human Bullet and Shrapnel Collectors. Yeah. Its sort of like searching for IEDs. Only not.
I think you’ll see convicts in for non-violent crimes being offered a choice between serving out their sentence and suiting up for Uncle Sam. If that doesn’t work there’s always the mother rapers and father stabbers.
Rome Again
Excuse me, but dogs don’t have kittens.
Glen
I never thought about the Snowflake Battalion (that would be company 30F?). Brilliant.
Given my age, the image that came to my mind was all of the G.I. Joe dolls that boys (and some girls) tossed out when they hit puberty. Physically perfect. Uncomplaining (no matter how many tours they served). Obviously, we were all pre-programmed, America-hating, surrender monkeys, all.
Glen to the mother ship: my job here is done. Beam me up.
Chad N. Freude
Rome, why do you insult our canine friends? Dogs are good companions, loyal, friendly, protective. I think it would be more appropriate to say barracudas don’t have kittens, or, if you want to stay with mammals, rats don’t have kittens.
jrg
“if”? try “when”. As if Bush is capable of realizing that nearly everyone else in the country was right, but he was wrong. I sense another round of “What the ‘merican people need to understand is…”
Proper uses of “if”:
“if” Congressional Dems have any balls, they will impeach before the congressional Republicans decide to.
“if” my dog’s butthole was square, it would poop tiny bricks.
Rome Again
Not the Dogs of War!
Tsulagi
It could be done, just like 30k were “found” for The Surge. They’ve already got the guys bent over, it’s just a matter of how much less grease and how fast/how often they have them assume the position.
Some time back I saw one frequent commenter at Fred! State had a brilliant solution. The dipshit essentially said if the Army weren’t now such pussies trying to be nice by pandering to liberals, there would be no tours, troops would just stay until the job was done. When they’re not busy lining up tossing their room keys and panties at Fred to woo him to commit, they’re really smart like that on RS.
Okay now that’s funny. This admin feeling constrained by UCMJ. That’s a good one.
Cain
Rome Again,
You’re barking up the wrong tree. Now stop waggin your tail and get back to the thread. I believe we were talking about those mongrels in the white house.
cain
ConservativelyLiberal
Fixed.
Anyone who is collecting those old tin toy soldiers better make sure that they have not been
stolen“recruited”.Hmm, what does a military do best? Make war. And what will these military ‘leaders’ recommend? Gee, I wonder… NOT.
This is beyond absurd. If it was not for the nukes we have on hand, we would be ripe for an attack from another world power right now. That, and only that, is what is preventing it from happening, IMO.
This is a total disgrace.
Bucket Of Truth
Pb, thanks for the Bill Hicks quote. We need his particular genius more than ever and I am certain he would have had a field day with our current situation. Here’s a couple of my random favorites:
Hicks suggested that pro-lifers, rather than going after medical centers, should “lock arms and block cemeteries.”
“You know we armed Iraq. I wondered about that too, you know. During the Persian Gulf war, those intelligence reports would come out: ‘Iraq: incredible weapons – incredible weapons.’ How do you know that? ‘Uh, well … we looked at the receipts.'”
“One of my big fears in life is that I’m going to die, and my parents are going to have to clear out my apartment and find the porno wing I’ve been adding to for years. There’ll be two funerals that day.”
Christianity has a built-in defense system: Anything that questions a belief, no matter how logical the argument is, is the work of Satan by the very fact that it makes you question a belief. It’s a very interesting defense mechanism and the only way to get by it – and believe me, I was raised Southern Baptist – is to take massive amounts of mushrooms, sit in a field and just go, “Show me.”
“Hey buddy, my daddy died for that flag.”
“Really? I bought mine. Yeah, they sell them at K-Mart and shit.”
“He died in the Korean War.”
“Wow, what a coincidence. Mine was made in Korea.”
No one – and I repeat, no one – has ever died for a flag. See, a flag … is just a piece of cloth. They may have died for freedom, which is also the freedom to burn the fucking flag, see. That’s freedom.
Kirk Spencer
Dreggas said:
Oh? Would you be so kind as to tell me the UCMJ article? Here, I’ll give you a hand. Here’s a list of the punitive articles:
Now, I’ll tell you what was the possible case. It’s possible that an officer in their chain of command gave an order that these two NCOs were referencing, in which case they be charged with violating article 92. But I can guarantee that there is NO UCMJ article that specifically orders what you’re describing.
jake
Now it’s fixed.
Chad N. Freude
I love the way you crafted that phrase.
I really liked Malkin’s performance in Ichorus Line.
Rome Again
Touche`
Rome Again
Mongrels? You mean woofs in baaa-aaa-aaaa fur?
Cain
no no, that’s sheeps in cur’s clothing.
cain
Geoduck
One possibility I saw raised semi-seriously in another blog: pull all US troops out of South Korea.
rachel
New left-wing talking point: Say what you like about him, but President Clinton didn’t surrender our Korean allies to the Commie hordes!
myiq2xu
Perhaps we could use a couple of those old Nazi “Ghost” divisions left over from WWII. The ones that only existed on paper but no one dared to tell Hitler didn’t exist. We could pay for them with all the increased revenues that the government got by cutting taxes on the rich.
Zifnab
That was always a personal favorite of mine, and they were saying it back in Gulf War I. Things like that really take you back to a better time.
Cyrus
As others have said, there could be a draft (ha!) or we could pull our troops out of South Korea… and Japan and Germany and bases in the states and everywhere else that isn’t the Middle East. Or we could try the libertarian solution: raise the salaries or some other benefits that soldiers get until individuals decide the money from the career is worth the risk. However, I imagine that would get pretty damn expensive…
I think what’s most likely to happen is a combination of the backdoor draft and lowering of standards that we’ve been seeing for the past few years. When that proves to just slow down the drop in troop levels rather than actually resulting in an increase, they’ll change how they count. They’ll start counting all troops and support personnel and call it combat troops, and then they’ll count all Americans citizens estimated to be in Iraq, even the mercenaries and members of volunteer groups and stuff, and say that’s the number of troops we have over there.
canuckistani
The wingnuts will not accept the notion of naturalizing immigrants who have served in the military. I’ve seen this, though I can’t find a link, but the argument is that the Roman empire fell because they filled the legions with barbarian mercenaries instead of good honest Romans. When barbarian armies appreoached Rome, the mercenaries wouldn’t fight them. I’ll leave it as an exercise for the reader to fill in the connections.
As for a source of troops for the Surge II Electric Boogaloo, I’ll risk invoking Godwin’s Law by pointing out the historical precedent of recruiting soldiers from the youth wing of your own political organization. I’m sure there are lots of Young Republicans ready to go.
Chad N. Freude
True.
Grumpy Code Monkey
Well, IINM there’s also the issue that the Army doesn’t really want a draft either. The military is far more reliant on high technology than it was back in the Vietnam era, and the days of taking a kid off the farm and putting him on the front line after six weeks of boot are gone.
Also, when you’re on foot patrol in Baghdad, would you really want to put your life in the hands of a green recruit who really doesn’t want to be there?
Punchy
Here’s a suggestion. Use Illegal Mexicans to invade Israel, who then blames Syria, so that our Special Forces can invade Iran, who then orders Lebanon to fire rockets into Iraq, where al-Malaki and his posse will be a month-long bender/vacation and struck dead as they relax in his West Baghdad Spa and Ammo Resort. Wolfowitz is named the new Prezdunt of I-wreck and forces all oil to be sold to Exxon, who then can produced wicked cheap gas, and more importantly, KY Jelly. The huge supply of KY lowers the price to 7 cents, and men everywhere are suddenly not interested in fighting wars anymore.
Problem solved.
Jake
And if you get the clap you’ll eventually start to hallucinate troops that don’t exist. This symptom follows the delusion there is a chance in hell Iraq will get better before it gets worse. In its final stages the patient is soothed by visions of ponies eating the candies and flowers the grateful populace threw at the soldiers.
Cassidy
“Now, I’ll tell you what was the possible case. It’s possible that an officer in their chain of command gave an order that these two NCOs were referencing, in which case they be charged with violating article 92. But I can guarantee that there is NO UCMJ article that specifically orders what you’re describing.”
There is a regulation somewhere that exists regarding this situation. It isn’t a punitive article, but it says something along the lines of only using another language in regards to official business or linguistics training. We had to deal with this in our S-3 when two hipanic Soldiers were ocnstantly spekaing to one another in Spanish and no one understood them.
Punchy
That’s why you need 8 year old Mexicans in the Army. Most of them know both languages, and as such make great translators in hospitals, PTA conferences, and Fallujah. Consider how much money and material resources you’ll save making all those XXXS flak jackets and feeding them a straight diet of Blow-Pops and Pixie sticks.
Dreggas
I believe they said they would receive an Article 15 (stays on their record and takes a good chunk of their pay) among other things, this was also back in 96-97 so forgive me if I do not recall the other things they said. I do recall the article 15 because those were handed out like candy to some privates in training.