Not a national one. A regional disgrace, and this hits right in the gut:
The name and the character may take some getting used to. But move over Stevie Steeler and The Terrible Fan: The mascot named yesterday as part of the 75th anniversary season of the Steelers is … Steely McBeam.
No. It won’t, because I will refuse to get used to it. As a matter of fact, after this post, I will refuse to acknowledge it.
Here is a picture of the disgrace:
I have always been proud of the fact that we don’t have cheerleaders (maybe because the thought of South Side girls in short skirts and revealing tops terrifies most sane people), and this just is stupid and unnecessary. We don’t need a mascot. We have a football team. We have Yuengling. We have Imp and Iron. We have Primanti’s and Kielbassa and 5 Superbowl Trophies and Myron Cope and Tunch Ilkin and the Terrible Towel and Mean Joe Greene and the Steel Curtain and the Immaculate Reception and we don’t need a stupid mascot.
*** Update ***
Here is the URL for the Steelers front office contact info. Give them a piece of your mind.
I really can not tell you how much I dislike this idiotic mascot, but here is a start:
Please quietly kill this embarrassment, and I promise you we will all pretend it never happened.
I think this was my first bit of web activism.
But look at that woman’s ‘beaming’ face. She’s already thinking of the murderous puns that Steely will inspire this season.
Cue Nelson Muntz:
We need to get out the torches and pitchforks and run this…thing out of town. It’s an abomination. The Steeler Nation must rise up and make the Rooneys do the right thing.
Steely McBeam ?
No. Absolutely fucking not. The ghost of Art Rooney will have someone’s head for this.
I guess “Tod the Rod” didn’t test well in focus groups.
Seriously, [snicker] you have my sympathies. [chortle]
A mascot a yellow belly….yeah, I can see the Steelers are going to be ribbed good this year.
I give it 3 months before some intrepid up-and-coming male porn star adopts “Steely McBeam” for himself.
Maybe he can QB on the side.
I can see how older Steelers fans might be upset at the whole lameness of the thing. But management was thinking of the Steeler Youth and how youngsters these days need a strong role model. Is there a Steely McBeam song? If not, I think I can provide some catchy lyrics.
“Where you been, John? The whole steel industry’s gay.”
If you’re going to have that guy running around, just call him “The Steeler” or something… no need to come up with a stupid “Jaundice McPenis” nickname.
Oh, this is so going to happen. A Steelers sing-and-dance tune. So everyone can do the Limbo and Kiss-Cam at the stadium while gyrating to “The Worthlessberger Waltz” or Rump Shaker with alternate lyrics including the phrases “Porter has an order for disorder” and “The Bus has left the station”….
Freak’n awesome. This is just too hilarious.
But you can at least take comfort in the fact that if your mascot is kinda a joke, your team is still taken seriously. Meanwhile, I’ll be back in Houston silently praying for the Texans not to embarass themselves.
Is there a McDonald’s tie-in?
Yuengling? I though ‘burghers were IC drinkers…
Steely is a bit Village Peoply, isn’t he? maybe:
‘I wanna play in Pitts – burgh, P.A.’
‘We’re comin’ atcha from Pitts – burgh, P.A.
And if they were going to have a mascot, the dick-heads really should have used “Steely Dan”.
Now I don’t hate the Patriots mascot so much. Yours is much worse.
The Pirates have Mazerowski’s home run.
The very spot where the ball flew over the fence is marked with a plaque and is a sort of shrine to Pirate fans and baseball fans everywhere. People in Pittsburgh still talk in hushed tones about Maz’s homer.
The Steelers have the Immaculate Deception, an imaginary interception in a crucial game. Is there a marker on the ground out there where the ball bounced off Fuqua –er, Tatum — er, flew miraculously — into the hands of Franco Harris? I don’t think so.
Much space has been given to analyses that show the ball first bounced off the offensive player last on its way to Harris, but in my view, that hoopla was intended to obfuscate the true controversy … whether the ball bounced off the ground into Harris’ hands. Is that spot where they should put the plaque? I think you see my point.
Given that, I don’t think McBeam is all that embarassing.
Disavow the phantom play, and I’ll join your campaign to get rid of McBeam.
Anyone else reminded of one of my favorite MST3K episodes, Space Mutiny? They might as well have named the mascot Big McLargeHuge or Thick McRunfast.
At least will get to watch VY beat us twice.
Well, my day has oficially been ruined.
What the fuck were they thinking?
A travesty, hopefully this won’t last long. It’s one thing for the guy to look goofy, but that is also a terrible name.
You’re not alone, John. Check out this KSK post.
Holy crap. those comments are absolute genius. Check ’em out:
I married a South Side girl–Mt Lebo. I think she looks great in a skirt.
Maybe you meant the Nor’sahd?
Most mascots look dumb, and professional franchises in serious sports towns need them like they need holes in the head.
That said, this thing is unusually goofy-looking, and that name is just mind-bendingly stupid.
At least it gives an occasion for Steely Dan allusions. Turn to the Eagles, the neighbors are laughing.
This story almost makes Wally the Green Monster’s existence acceptable, though.
Careful John, they’ll say you’re a terrist. Although the more I look at Cirrhosis McJaundiced the more I understand your distress. Hopefully a lot of players will “accidentally” slam into the thing when they run out of bounds.
Third Eye Open
Steely McBeam? Are you fucking kidding me?
makes me almost feel better about my Dolphins mascot. LOL!!
You think you’ve got it bad; I think the Houston Texans’ mascot is a plush, miniature version of Governor Rick Perry, who endlessly primps his hair rather than pay attention to the game.
This could not have happened to a more deserving team.
Won Four, Bought One.
Any team that has Steely McBeam as a mascot must truly suck rocks.
Oh shit! That’s even worse than when the SF Giants tried to introduce “Crazy Crab” as a mascot.
You have my utmost sympathy and condolences.
If they tried that in Oakland, ol’ Steely would never be seen again after getting snatched into the Black Hole before the opening kick-off of the first home game. (Raider fans once cheered when their own quarterback had his leg broken.)
yet another jeff
As a longtime Cowboys fan…I have to say that this is an abomination and just wrong wrong wrong. I’ll do what I can to help.
He looks like Lanternjaw McJaundicepants.
John your statement regarding the lack of Stiller charleeders —“maybe because the thought of South Side girls in short skirts and revealing tops terrifies most sane people”
is offensive to many of my best memories of Friday and Saturday nights of undergrad. We were actively looking for the South Side girls in short skirts, revealing tops and slightly mussed hair. :)
That Steely McBeam’s a jag.
He has a wife, you know. You know what she’s called? She’s called… ‘Incontinentia’. ‘Incontinentia McButtocks’.
yet another jeff
norbizness, that’s not a plush, miniature version of Governor Rick Perry, it’s actual Governor Rick Perry. Few people like to talk about it but he’s huggably soft…although a bit reminiscent of the puppet Angel turned into in the Smile Time episode.
Gov. Perry is a Plushie?
-Department of Irresponsible Rumor Transmission
yet another jeff
Oh god…have I just created the idea of GOP governor cosplay?
He is very Cheeze-Whiz yellow. Also scarrily chiseled with eyebrows that looked like they could have been a unibrow. I know mascots can fall in the funny or scarry catagory, but this one looks like he need to be treated for jaundice.
As far as porn names go, Steely McBeam is pretty good.
If you want a porn star for a mascot that is.
As a Raider fan still bitter over the travesty of the immaculant deception in ’72, this tells me that “justice” has finally caught up the the Steelers.
Steely McBeam? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!! How humiliatingly stupid can you get?
Guess I could pile on, but you already know that has got to be the lamest ass mascot in the country for any major team in any sport. Who came up with that nauseatingly cutesy, mcdonaldsey name? If I was in the stadium and a Steelers fan I’d want to puke every time they announced Steely McBeam.
LOL. That’s good.
Needs more Manimal.
yet another jeff
Sort of like what Bruce Campbell would look like as a guest on The Simpsons.
I think Stealy looks ok, but that name, Steely McBeam, is like something out of an 80s teen movie. Don’t the Steelers have a Marketing dept? They are going nowhere this year anyway.
“Life in hell” will start to describe Steelers fans if this happens. And I do not doubt that Raiders fans are celebrating this moment. I saw that game and cringed at how it was decided.
yet another jeff
Shouldn’t that steel worker look more…I dunno…unemployed?
yet another jeff
I can just hear James McMurtry’s “Can’t Make it Here” over the PA system…
I believe this to be a spoof of the reich-wing’s favorite cheerleader,Chimpy McFlightsuit.
Give me a Primanti Bros Cheese Steak.
I keep trying to come up with something snarkily amusing but nothing I can think of is as funny as the picture.
I can’t wait to see the Steeler’s home opener.
Yeah, I’m a Raider fan, and I’m enjoying this way too much.
The name worked for him when was a gay porn star, why not as a mascot?
Anyone remember Crazy Crab?
I know it’s not from here, but that gets my vote for POTD.
“Attack of the Fudgepackers from Mars” starring Steely McBeam.
I’ve been laughing so much at this all day long that people in other offices are starting to look at me like I’ve lost my mind.
There’s only one thing left to say:
DAMN YOU SCOTT BEAUCHAMP!
Yes, totally. Gristle McThornBody! Bolt Vanderhuge!
OK Steeler’s fans, this weekend your team will the Skins. Bidding to arrange an unfortunate accident for Pissy McWatersports starts at $100.
Why do you hate the America’s workers?
While it’s true you have Yuengling, Steely McBeam would be more in the tradition of Iron City.
Looks like any one of Romney’s service-dodging sons. There are five choices, all of them resembling Steve Garvey.
What? I thought Yuengling belonged to us here in Pennsylvania’s real city. You guys just can’t get over the fact that Rolling Rock is now a yuppie douchebag drink.
As a Chiefs/Bears fan all I can say is “Ha Ha, Ha, Ha Ha Ha”
Fuck a Steeler
Steely, Beam me up!
On the bright side, Steely is only slightly dumber than the Browns’ mascot.
Speaking of the Simpsons, how could I have forgotten about this clip?
Bart: Dad, why did you bring me to a gay steel mill?
Homer: (sobbing) Oh, I don’t know. This is a nightmare! (yells at gay steelworkers) You’re all sick!
Steelworker: Oh, be nice!
Just checked the Chargers schedule.
I am heartbroken you aren’t bringing that, that, that… to San Diego.
Imagine 72,000 people ROTFLTAO.
Yeah John…check a map sometime…pottsville (yuengling’s location) is far closer to philadelphia than stupid pittsburgh…and besides, we know beer more than you with victory in the suburbs…but i mean, i guess you guys have iron city………
If they really must insist on a mascot, how about the ghost of Art Rooney smoking a big ole stogie. Now that would be a fine Steeler mascot.
Mike- that Browns mascot looks weirdly like Dennis Kucinich
I think that is Bill Cowher’s actual chin they used to construct Steely McBeam. Has anyone seen Bill lately?
Mike- that is not the Browns mascot. The browns have 4 dogs as there mascot. The Brownie elf is from the 50’s and 60’s.
As a Browns fan… Steely McBeam is the best thing to happen in a looooooooong time.
Fuckin Steelers homos.
And here I was thinking her name was Molly McButter. *shrug*
Wow… just… wow.
Anyone else think he looks like a Simpsonized version of Bill Cowher?
And what’s with the yellow spideyman outfit under the black wife-beater?
All I can think of is…”Northern Redneck”
And the poor girl in the picture doesn’t want anything to do with that thing.
Feel sorry for you Steelers Fans. Good luck with that!