As there is no football on, I just watched SS Doomtrooper, which may be the worst movie ever made. Ever.
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Come for the politics, stay for the snark.
How stupid are these people?
“Facilitate” is an active verb, not a weasel word.
Bad people in a position to do bad things will do bad things because they are bad people. End of story.
The most dangerous place for a black man in America is in a white man’s imagination.
There are some who say that there are too many strawmen arguments on this blog.
Jesus, Mary, & Joseph how is that election even close?
If you tweet it in all caps, that makes it true!
This country desperately needs a functioning fourth estate.
It’s the corruption, stupid.
The party of Reagan has become the party of Putin.
Tick tock motherfuckers!
You know it’s bad when the Project 2025 people have to create training videos on “How To Be Normal”.
“Perhaps I should have considered other options.” (head-desk)
It’s pointless to bring up problems that can only be solved with a time machine.
They are not red states to be hated; they are voter suppression states to be fixed.
The Giant Orange Man Baby is having a bad day.
You don’t get to peddle hatred on saturday and offer condolences on sunday.
I’d hate to be the candidate who lost to this guy.
This must be what justice looks like, not vengeful, just peaceful exuberance.
We still have time to mess this up!
Fuck these fucking interesting times.
He wakes up lying, and he lies all day.
Giving up is unforgivable.
Nothing says ‘pro-life’ like letting children go hungry.
chopper
fantastic.
PaulW
I see such crappy storytelling, and yet I can’t even get a damn novel written. Sigh.
tbogg
Obviously the Sci-Fi network is not showing Alien Apocalypse in your neck of the woods today.
Bombadil
Anything with Bruce Campbell in it has at least some redeeming value.
Don McArthur
Pfui. Obviously the worst movie ever made was the Uma Thurman version of ‘The Avengers.’ A close second was the Sylvester Stallone film ‘Driven.’ The only two movies I ever walked out on in 50+ years of filmgoing.
alphie
I think Corin Nemec’s effort in Mansquito makes up for S.S. Doomtrooper.
Pb
There are a couple of different categories here… namely, movies that actually made it into a movie theater, vs. made-for-cable dreck. One of the worst “sci-fi” movies I ever saw in a theater would have to be Sphere. But when you’re talking about made-for-cable movies on the sci fi channel, almost all of those are horrible. They were showing The Black Hole the other day, which looked really bad. Incidentally, the #1 bottom Sci-Fi movie on the IMDB is Ultra Warrior. And the bottom Sci-Fi movie to officially be in the IMDB’s Bottom 100 is Transmorphers (at #8).
Keith
Supposedly “Ballistic: Eps and Severs” is the worse movie on Rotten Tomatoes. On IMDB, I think it used to be “Manos: Hands of Fate”. It’s hard for me to say what is the worst movie I’ve seen since even bad ones are often bad enough to be good (for instance, “Head of the Family” is terrible, but has a good camp value and good nudity). I will say recently I couldn’t get through 2 minutes of “Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector”. I picked up on it right when he’s on the toilet for several minutes (including sound effects) after which his date does the same thing.
I really can’t sit through Plan 9 even for camp value…it’s too boring.
myiq2xu
Worse than “Anaconda?” Worse than “Dr. Dolittle 2?”
Worse than “Ishtar?”
Glad I watched the re-run of Erin Brockovich instead.
myiq2xu
“Jeepers Creepers” was so bad I was rooting for the monster to kill everybody.
capelza
“Ballistic: Eps and Severs” was actually not that bad a film for that type of genre. I was suprised that it had that reputation. I think there’s a band wagon effect going on there.
Sigh..SciFi Channel. They do some really good productions (or at least show them..like Dune), but anymore I know the Saturday night movie is going to be cheesy, cheesy, cheesy and filmed arounf Vancouver.
I got to agree the Doomtrooper movie hit a new low, though. I can sit through a mountain of cheese, because I expect it, but that one was truly bad,
The husband and I tried to watch some Larry the Cable Guy dvd one of the crew had praised to the skies and we lasted about 10 minutes, only becuase we didn’t bother asking each other before that.. “Do you like this????”. That guy is the least funny “comedian” I can think of.
And truth…anything with Bruce Campbell is worth it..including Alien Apocalypse.
Dennis-SGMM
I just think that it’s a shame the Robert Clary was unavailable to play the Frenchman in “SS Doom Trooper”. That would have made it perfect.
g-rant
Here’s what David Cross has to say about Larry the Cable Guy.
Bubblegum Tate
Bruce Campbell = Teh Awesome
This Doomtrooper business sounds right up my alley. Obviously, I have a great affinity for shitty movies. If you’re looking for some other Corin Nemic awesomeness, I suggest Killer Bud, featuring the comedy dream team of Corin “Parker Lewis” Nemic and David “Bud Bundy” Faustino, plus Robert Stack and a variety of snack called “Feedbags.” Either that or Infested starring Seth Green, Seth Green’s haircut, Alfonso Ribero (playing a gangsta-ass dude), Clint Howard, and gigantic ticks mutated by the plant steroids used by evil, evil pot growers. Good times.
jnfr
I dunno, John. We watched “Ghostrider” last night, I think that stinker would give any other movie a run for the “Worst Ever” title.
I’d put it right up there with “Anaconda”.
JGabriel
Hmm, I remember seeing “Event Horizon” in the theater, which, with Laurence Fishburne, Sma Neill, and Joely Richardson, you’d figure has got to be at least ok.
So there I am, settled in my seat looking forward to a cool SF story about people travelling through a black hole, and instead, the plot of the film is:
The ship came back from a black hole … AND IT’S ALIVE! AND POSSESSED!
Shit. Utter shit.
Inesplicably, it has a 6.0 rating at IMDB. Maybe it works if you know going in to expect a cheesy horror film.
Nah, even then, it still sucked.
A.Political
I beg to differ, Doomtrooper is an American cinemtaic masterpiece. Comparing it to foreign efforts of course leaves it far, far short, but in terms of other American cinema this ranks right up there with the best of them, I mean compare this to Rush Hour 3 or even Catwoman, it comes out ahead.
I think the production values of Doomtrooper far outweigh those of Mansquito ;)
Incertus (Brian)
One day I plan to walk into the Sci-Fi offices and ask for a basket of money with which to make a film. When the person I talk to asks me about the plot, I plan to reply “let’s not pretend you care.”
But they show Dr. Who and Battlestar Galactica, so I can’t fault them completely.
A.Political
“But they show Dr. Who…”
============
They need to just re-run the Tom Baker Dr.Who episodes and the world would be a better place :)
jnfr
You never forget your first Doctor.
I tried to talk my husband into watching Mansquito today, but he didn’t fall for it.
Incertus (Brian)
They need to just re-run the Tom Baker Dr.Who episodes and the world would be a better place
Thank gods for Netflix.
AkaDad
The worst movie I’ve seen, is Demon Island.
Instead of watching this, I should have had my prostate examined…
PaulW
I started watching Tom Baker, but I was there when he regened into Peter Davidson and for some reason the fifth Doctor’s the one I’m most fond of (but in a manly hetero way, mind you!). I still think there was something going on between the Fifth Doc and Tegan…
Bruce from Missouri
I suspect that Wikipedia entry was far more entertaining than the movie….
A.Political
“I started watching Tom Baker, but I was there when he regened into Peter Davidson and for some reason the fifth Doctor’s the one I’m most fond of”
I can appreciate that, although my first taste of Dr.Who was watching Jon Pertwee in severe re-runs in like grade 4 or 5, until my local PBS station got rights to newer episodes and then I was intro’d to T Baker. I hated when the watcher showed up and delivered Davidson, but I still enjoyed the show afterwards regardless. And regardless, if it quacks like a duck….
fred
Ha ha, I found myself watching that schlock today as well. Quite the weekend Sci-Fi channel has lined up, I’ve been glued to it for hours on end.
Royston Vasey
Check out Tom Baker as the narrator/voice-over guy on the British comedy show “Little Britain”
=)
“The game of tennis was invented in 1982 by Dr Jonathan Tennis when he had the idea of fusing the popular sports of Badminton and Swing Ball.”
Bruce Moomaw
I’m still trying to recover from “Hellraiser” — which I actually paid to see, for reasons which in retrospect remain a complete mystery to me. That was the only movie I’v ever been to which made me yearn to have a hat to hold in front of my face as I left the theater. (It’s true that the audience didn’t actually boo it at the end, as they did “The Black Hole”; but that’s probably just because they were too nauseous.)
Robertl
Having never heard of this movie before I had to look it up on Wikipedia. I saw one of the “stars” was Ben Cross. He seems to have become a latter day Donald Pleasance. After having prominent parts in well regarded movies(Pleasance in The Great Escape, Cross in Chariots of Fire) both capitalized by spending the rest of their carerrs appearing in cheesy crap. Tough profession.
Mark-NC
Gabriel Says:
Hmm, I remember seeing “Event Horizon” in the theater.
Yep – absolutely horrible movie.
For me, the discussion isn’t about the worst film ever. It’s about the worst film ever that Hollywood spent money producing, hiring big name actors, and then hyping to come get you to pay money to see it.
All time worst for me is “Bewitched” with Nicole Kidman and Will Ferrel. I DON’T recommend anybody wasting the time to even read the reviews.
Face
Bad movies, eh? I nominate “Hostel”.
Ugh
Howard the Duck?
Aaron
Sorry, its a tie with every other made for sci-fi channel movie.
Seth
If you haven’t seen Feeders, then you don’t get a vote in the Worst Movie Ever debate. Yes, I actually rented this at a Blockbuster once. I can’t imagine what it was actually doing there.
http://www.moviesonline.ca/movienews_3702.html
Seth
BTW, it is like amateur porn…without the sex…only worse.
Frank
It can’t possible be worse than Kill Dozer.
myiq2xu
The only movie I actually walked out of was “Hellraiser,” but “Hellraiser Bloodline” was even worse.
yet another jeff
Not a mention of “Cuffs” or “Stop or My Mom Will Shoot”? I was really high, thought they might be funny that way…but not even then. I think I ended up watching something on Discovery Channel about skull shaping in Nazca, Peru.
Bruce Moomaw
You mean you actually saw “Hellraiser” and then deliberately watched one of the SEQUELS?
jh
Amateurs!
The worst movies EVAR are
MP Da Last Don in which music mogul/rapper Percy ‘Master P’ Miller plays – get this – the illegitimate offspring of a mafia don named……Don CORLE-fuckin’ONE.
I also submit for your consideration – Death Bed: The Bed that Eats.
George B.
“Manos- The Hands of Fate” was unspeakably awful. Also, whoever was behind “I Spit on Your Grave” needs to be in an asylum for the criminally insane. Wes Craven deserves a stern talking-to, at the least, for “Last House on the Left.” As does David Lynch for “Eraserhead.”
“I Spit on Your Grave” has to be the most objectionable movie ever made, though. A girl gets gang-raped, then remorselessly murders her rapists. That’s it. That’s the whole movie. You spend half the film watching a brutal rape, wincing in agony the whole time; then the other half of the film you watch the rapists get their genitals chopped off. What is the point of this film?
Paul
My nominees are:
Battlefield Earth (with John Travolta). American savages manage to fly 1000 year old F-16 fighter jets and defeat Aliens which beat those same jets a millenium ago when they conquered the planet. Oh, yeah, and a nuclear bomb can destroy an entire world.
Solar Crisis (also with Corin Nemec). Lots of big names, lots of bad SF. Strangely enough, the new movie Sunshine borrows some concepts from this idiotic turkey.
Sstarr
The worst movies I’ve seen are Zardoz and Starcrash. Of the two, Starcrash is by far the worst. It’s an Italian made sci-fi movie starring David Hasselhoff. The movie was made two years after Star Wars. The plot: a band of plucky misfits must find and destroy a planet sized super-weapon. One of the characters has a light saber. Ahem.
Seth
Starcrash sounds awesome. Seriously.
Bubblegum Tate
To point out that rape is bad, m’kay? Uh, and if you commit rape, you’ll get your cock-n-balls lopped off. You know, kind of like how night follows day.
BTW, has anybody else ever watched any of the totally awesomely awful Christian rapture movies? They’re grrrrrreat!
Gus
Killdozer, awesome! I was about 9 when they aired that, and I loved it.
Dreggas
Ghostrider – being a fan of the comic I was pleasantly suprised by the movie and did enjoy it. Now granted it could have been bloodier since Ghostrider was not known to be very nice.
Hellraiser – Now granted, it was not like the story it was based off of, “The Hellbound Heart” by Clive Barker but I could really appreciate the mythos behind the movie, the iconography of it, and of course the violence. I loved the first 3, some of the newer ones are even better getting more into the “psychology” of what the cenobytes represent. Of course while Hellraiser was bloody the coup de grace came in Hellbound: Hellraiser 2, at least WRT to the uncut version, during the mattress scene.
Sci-Fi Channel Movies – WRT to originals, most are indeed cheesy but the crews who work on the sequels or homages to other movies do them justice. For example, Sci-Fi did the second Dungeons And Dragons film and it was teh awesome from the vantage point of a D&D fan, in other words it wasn’t some stupid hollywood film like the first. Second: Puppet Maseter vs. Demonic Toys starring (cue the ultimate camp) Corey Feldman, again it capitalized on all the stuff that made those movies great and then some. Finally the new Pumpkinhead they did for Halloween. Now while I prefer the original Pumpkinhead costume over the CGI’ed one in the new movie it captured everything that made Pumpkinhead a great B horror flick.
Howard The Duck – amusing, but then again I was a kid when I saw that one so it was more amusing to me then.
deadzone
OMG! Love the Sci-Fi channel original movies! They are often some of the funniest things you will see ever, and this includes most movies that are supposed to be comedies!
Doomtrooper certainly did not disappoint!
So, who caught last weekends Spider-based sci-fi showings?! Oh man, Ice Spiders was a hoot! :)
Nothing beats the Shark movies they have made though. Hammerhead Shark Frenzy, and all of those great movies based off of the Giant Megladon Shark! Driving into the jaws of a shark on a waterski FTW! :)
George B.
You don’t understand. The movie glorifies the rape, as well. It dwells on every aspect of it for what feels like hours. By the time you’re halfway through watching it, you hate yourself for even renting the film. You feel like a horrible person, and you feel like crawling into a hole and dying.
Julie
I love them, too. Then again, I’m a big Mystery Science Theater 3000 fan. ;)
And, yes, Ice Spiders was awesome, but not quite as awesome(-ly bad) as In the Spider’s Web or whatever the most recent one was called. Poor Lance Henriksen. I spent half the movie trying to figure out a) what his character’s actual plan was and b) what kind of accent the lead actress kept trying so desperately to hide. It was a little bit Australian, a little Dutch, with maybe a dash or two of something Eastern European thrown in there.
Boa vs. Python and Mansquito remain my all-time favorites, though.
Catsy
Oh, gods. I got stuck watching SS Doomtrooper when I was at work on Saturday. The Sci Fi channel was on, and by the time we realized how bad it was, we were both transfixed by the craptastic suckiness of it. We spent the next hour trying to avoid noticing that it was there, but it was impossible to avoid.
The Wolfenstein comparisons are spot on, and yes, the Wikipedia article really is more entertaining than the movie itself.
Personally, though, I think its shittiness pales in comparison to Chain of Command, or The Ninth Gate. Those are three and a half hours of my life that I will never, ever get back.
Dreggas
Hey I liked The Ninth Gate.
Tax Analyst
“Atragon” – Movie about a giant flying submarine with a big-old drill bit on the nose…Yup, that’s so it can bore through anything. The version I saw had incredibly bad dubbing and absolutely no sense of continuity…at some point there’s a meeting between the Japanese Super-sub commander and the Emperor of the Mu Empire (which exists below the ocean’s floor – although curiously everyone in the movie, including the Mu-ish people, look an awful lot like the Japanese) and the scene pans to the Sub guy and the clock on the wall behind shows 12:30, he says a few words and goes to the Mu Emperor, who spits out a few lines of retort and then back to the Sub-guy…it’s 2:45 behind him. Sub-guy was indifferent to the “Save the World” plot until the Mu-ish people kidnapped his daughter…that lit his fire and he decided he might as well save the world since he was gonna have to kick the Mu’s asses anyway while he was rescuing his daughter. Maybe it’s not the “worst”, but it’s certainly ludicrous enough…good thing I was stoned when I watched it.
Catsy
“Atragon” – Movie about a giant flying submarine with a big-old drill bit on the nose…Yup, that’s so it can bore through anything.
Well, it sure sounds capable of boring me.
Peter File
SS Doom trooper was the biggest sack of donkey shite i have ever seen. I got so bored i actually ripped off my own face and ate it, this was during the first ten minuites of the film.
When if i fist saw the visual effects for the doom trooper i made a little chocolate bomb in my pant, this is because i relised i had just acidentally killed my dog as my boredom had lept out of my head and stabd it in the balls.
After the movie had finsish i decided i wud slit my throat film it and watch it, to my suprise it was a lot more interesting and less painfuill then this sack of fucking monkey nipple!
Ben Dover
When i heard the news that my dad was killed by a wild goat i was very very depressed and was so upset.
So my friend recomended this film SS Doom trooper for me to watch, he said it would make me feel better.
And it did, this was so bad that i actually forgot about my dad, my ambition now is to find who made this film and slap a sticker on there head saying “NOB”