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You are here: Home / Politics / Happiness Is A Warm Gun

Happiness Is A Warm Gun

by John Cole|  September 13, 20079:54 am| 47 Comments

This post is in: Politics, War, General Stupidity

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Via the Instapundit, Bill Quick:

I have said all along, and I still believe there is one way Bush can save his presidency as well as guarantee a GOP sweep in 2008, and that is to strike hard at the Iranian regime, and keep striking it until it falls.

If he does so, the world will suddenly become a far safer place, and even I will revise my opinion of his watch drastically upward.

And then we can nuke North Korea. And the bad parts of Pakistan. And what are those fuckers in Syria up to? Bombs for everyone!

Permanent war has its political advantages.

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Reader Interactions

47Comments

  1. 1.

    David

    September 13, 2007 at 9:58 am

    Because if there’s one thing we’ve learned from Iraq, it’s that bombing countries with regimes we don’t like until their government is replaced with anarchic civil war makes everything safer.

  2. 2.

    Mr. Moderate

    September 13, 2007 at 10:03 am

    I can see the kick off speech now, “First we’re going to Iran, then in North Korea…then on to China, and Russia, and then all of Europe and Africa until we take the whole world! Byaaah!!!”

  3. 3.

    Andrew

    September 13, 2007 at 10:04 am

    The real question at this point is which countries should we not bomb?

  4. 4.

    Punchy

    September 13, 2007 at 10:06 am

    Because sometimes we have to make the world really, really, really unsafe, unstable, angry, and vindictive before the ponies appear.

    I bet Mr. Quick enjoys beating the crap out of his kids, cuz, ya know, it’s the ONLY way they’ll grow up to be nice, polite, and well-rounded.

  5. 5.

    wasabi gasp

    September 13, 2007 at 10:16 am

    No fair. Securing votes by killing people is cheating.

  6. 6.

    John

    September 13, 2007 at 10:18 am

    I love how he says “and even I will revise my opinion of his watch” as if he’s been some lone critical voice in the wilderness lo these many years. What drugs are these people on, anyway?

  7. 7.

    Bubblegum Tate

    September 13, 2007 at 10:22 am

    “First we’re going to Iran, then in North Korea…then on to China, and Russia, and then all of Europe and Africa until we take the whole world! Byaaah”

    Damn, you beat me to it.

  8. 8.

    grumpy realist

    September 13, 2007 at 10:33 am

    I guess the question is–at what point will the rest of the world gang up on the US and blow us to smithereens as a potential danger to themselves?

    I think through that the Chinese are preferring to simply wait until we totally drain ourselves militarily. “Thank you, we’ll take Taiwan right now. Oh, you don’t like it? How about we not buy any more of your gov’t bonds?”

    If China wanted to, they could definitely put on the pressure. And if we start looking like we’re really serious about going after Iran, you can bet they will….

  9. 9.

    Ted

    September 13, 2007 at 10:33 am

    “If he does so, the world will suddenly become a far safer place” – this seems to be an article of faith on the right but I have never seen even the slightest hint of an explanation for why this would be so. I don’t suppose anyone here can help me out with this?

  10. 10.

    Tim F.

    September 13, 2007 at 10:39 am

    I don’t suppose anyone here can help me out with this?

    The candy and flowers are just underground. All we have to do is remove the top layer of soil and they’ll be fucking everywhere.

  11. 11.

    capelza

    September 13, 2007 at 10:40 am

    Ted, I was told that the rest of the world will just sit back and “take it”, that we are so powerful that they won’t really respond, but let us get away with it..and besides you needs the rest of the world?

    Russia and China really don’t like Iran and so they’d see it in a positive light, and besides we are so powerful.

    Old Europe won’t really do anything, they are too pussy, and besides we are so powerful.

    We’ll just go in and take the oil (editor’s note..but, but I thought this was about freedom and stuff and not about oil), it won’t be hard to drill through the sheet of glass.

    Nobody will do anything..because we are so powerful.

    This is pretty much the conversation I have with wingnuts I know.

  12. 12.

    whippoorwill

    September 13, 2007 at 10:45 am

    Permanent war has it’s advantages

    Well it’s either that or President Hillary and First Gentleman
    William Jefferson Clinton. In the wingnut mind that’s how you spell Armageddon.

  13. 13.

    Jay

    September 13, 2007 at 10:47 am

    Nobody will do anything..because we are so powerful.

    Apparently what Lower Wingnuttia calls “freedom” I call “being a bully”.

    Big surprise there — the only freedom they seem to give a damn about is their own, everyone else can go pound sand.

  14. 14.

    capelza

    September 13, 2007 at 10:50 am

    whippoorwill Says:

    Permanent war has it’s advantages
    Well it’s either that or President Hillary and First Gentleman
    William Jefferson Clinton. In the wingnut mind that’s how you spell Armageddon.

    To see wingnuttia go into apopletic seizures, I’d vote for her. It is the number one reason to vote for her, perhaps the only reason, but in my daydream, seeing the wingnuts flail seeing the Clinton’s back in the White House, knowing Bill is strolling into the Oval Office, that the dreaded Hillary has all the executive privilege that Bush has garnered for that branch of government….yeah, it would almost be worth it.

  15. 15.

    comrad mattski

    September 13, 2007 at 10:51 am

    Man I can’t wait till we bomb the crap out of Luxumbourg!!! Sooner or later the Luxumbourgites will be called the most dangerous threat to america and they will need to be bombed. You know after the 736 countries that are currently the most danergous threat to america are bombed to a threat level below Luxumbourg. I figure if we can keep the replicans in office long enough this should happen sometime in early 2013.

  16. 16.

    Jake

    September 13, 2007 at 11:09 am

    If he does so, the world will suddenly become a far safer place, and even I will revise my opinion of his watch drastically upward.

    Shorter Bill Quick and the Dead: I’ll be anyone’s bitch if they spill enough blood

    .

  17. 17.

    Mr. Moderate

    September 13, 2007 at 11:10 am

    Well it’s either that or President Hillary and First Gentleman

    That will be the quickest way to see the GOP return to the party of small government and drop their love affair with domestic surveillance and a monarch-style executive.

  18. 18.

    Z

    September 13, 2007 at 11:10 am

    Punchy is sooo right. As soon as we bomb the crap out of the Middle-East, the ponies will come!

    There will be 4 ponies: white, red, black, and pale. They will have horseman. But when the ponies come, I might not get to see them if Jesus takes me up to heaven right away.

  19. 19.

    Punchy

    September 13, 2007 at 11:14 am

    To see wingnuttia go into apopletic seizures, I’d vote for her. It is the number one reason to vote for her, perhaps the only reason, but in my daydream, seeing the wingnuts flail seeing the Clinton’s back in the White House, knowing Bill is strolling into the Oval Office, that the dreaded Hillary has all the executive privilege that Bush has garnered for that branch of government….yeah, it would almost be worth it.

    It’s precisely this level of staggering apoplexy they suffer from when considering HC as president that makes me believe they’d be willing to do almost anything to game the elections to prevent it from happening.

    Similiar to the incredible shit drug and meth addicts will attempt or endure just to have access to more drugs. A HC presidency is the anathema to their lifestyle/mindset.

  20. 20.

    Pb

    September 13, 2007 at 11:17 am

    We’ll just go in and take the oil […] it won’t be hard to drill through the sheet of glass.

    Just curious… are there any possible negative consequences to nuking an oil field? What if you’re using one of those “bunker busters”?

  21. 21.

    Brachiator

    September 13, 2007 at 11:32 am

    If China wanted to, they could definitely put on the pressure

    I think they’re already doing it with all those lead-poisoned products that they are exporting to us.

    Just curious… are there any possible negative consequences to nuking an oil field?

    In the 60s Bond movie, Goldfinger planned to nuke Fort Knox so that the gold stored there would be unusable, and his own supply would astronomically increase in value.

    Radioactive oil fields. Do you really want to try to drive a glow-in-the-dark automobile?

  22. 22.

    capelza

    September 13, 2007 at 11:36 am

    The other thing that the wingnuts don’t think about is that if we were to nuke Iran, Russia and China, both of whom have nuclear weapons, large standing armies next door and being, well, next door, are not going to sit by (even if they don’t “like” Iran) and let American companies/government come in and take control of the oil fields.

    It’s the idea that wingnuts have that there will be no consequences that scares me, amazes me and depresses the living bejeezus out of me.

  23. 23.

    Big Worm

    September 13, 2007 at 11:38 am

    How dare you criticize Bill Quick! Don’t you know HE’S THE GUY WHO NAMED THE BLOGOSPHERE?!!?!

  24. 24.

    DougJ

    September 13, 2007 at 11:45 am

    I have said all along, and I still believe there is one way Bush can save his presidency as well as guarantee a GOP sweep in 2008, and that is to strike hard at the Iranian regime, and keep striking it until it falls.

    If he does so, the world will suddenly become a far safer place, and even I will revise my opinion of his watch drastically upward.

    I don’t think that in my spoofing days I ever said anything this crazy. “Guarantee a GOP sweep”….where do you even start with this one?

  25. 25.

    DougJ

    September 13, 2007 at 11:47 am

    I guess the question is—at what point will the rest of the world gang up on the US and blow us to smithereens as a potential danger to themselves?

    I think you already know the wingnut answer to this question: never, not if we blow them to smitereens first.

  26. 26.

    Wilfred

    September 13, 2007 at 11:53 am

    Yeah, that sounds about right.After relentlessly criticizing Bush and his stupid war the one thing that could turn me around is another one. I feel better already!

  27. 27.

    grandpa john

    September 13, 2007 at 11:58 am

    Damn is insanity contagious? it certainly seems to be amongst the wingnuts

  28. 28.

    Bubblegum Tate

    September 13, 2007 at 12:00 pm

    Nobody will do anything..because we are so powerful.

    This is pretty much the conversation I have with wingnuts I know.

    True. And somebody even thoughtfully made a map of the world according to wingnuts.

  29. 29.

    28 Percent

    September 13, 2007 at 12:03 pm

    You LIEBERALS and LEFTARDS will do anything to stop him because you want to deny “W” his place in history. But he is not AFRAID like you of WINNING becasue he is not a LOSER we will go to war with Iran because that is the right thing to do you are the ones who are playing politics because you do not like to WIN.

    Nice try better luck next time LOSERS!!!

  30. 30.

    fecapult

    September 13, 2007 at 12:09 pm

    I have said all along, and I still believe there is one way Bush can save his presidency as well as guarantee a GOP sweep in 2008, and that is to strike hard at the Iranian regime, and keep striking it until it falls.

    So saving face is a causus belli nowadays?

    The Marlboro man wouldn’t need to invade Iran to save his rep – unless he was invading flavor country! Marlboro man = more of a cowboy than W.

    Well it’s either that or President Hillary and First Gentleman
    William Jefferson Clinton. In the wingnut mind that’s how you spell Armageddon.

    I thought the Apocalypse was what pubs were shooting for… or is this the wrong kind of Armageddon?

  31. 31.

    David

    September 13, 2007 at 12:14 pm

    Brachiator Says:
    supply would astronomically increase in value.

    Radioactive oil fields. Do you really want to try to drive a glow-in-the-dark automobile?

    Have you been out cruising at night lately?

    Those neon highlights that make parts of your car glow are all the rage with the kids.

  32. 32.

    Dennis-SGMM

    September 13, 2007 at 12:17 pm

    Of course the bombing of Iran will make the Iranians love us. It’s only natural that a nation whose history and culture predates our own by a couple of thousand years will he happy and excited to take direction from us once we destroy their infrastructure and kill a few thousand people.

    Attacking a second Muslim country will not in any way feed the propaganda that the US is making war on Islam. Quite the contrary; Muslims everywhere will turn their hands to the production of candy and the raising of flowers to throw at our troops.

    It’s not too optimistic to predict that nations everywhere will actually request to be bombed in the interest of advancing Republican politics.

  33. 33.

    David

    September 13, 2007 at 12:21 pm

    capelza Says:

    The other thing that the wingnuts don’t think about is that if we were to nuke Iran, Russia and China, both of whom have nuclear weapons, large standing armies next door and being, well, next door, are not going to sit by (even if they don’t “like” Iran) and let American companies/government come in and take control of the oil fields.

    Didn’t Iran sign a pact with Russia and China a couple of years ago that was basically a military agreement guaranteeing the defense of Iran and its oil fields in case of an attack from third parties?

  34. 34.

    capelza

    September 13, 2007 at 12:24 pm

    Dennis-SGMM, make that a THIRD Muslim country (though I still believe that Afghanistan was/is valid).

    If Bush wants to mend the Shia/Sunni divide, bombing Iran might just do it, but not in a way we would like.

  35. 35.

    Dennis-SGMM

    September 13, 2007 at 12:36 pm

    capelza, You’re right: I stand corrected. If Bush had stopped with Afghanistan world opinion would still be on our side and bombing Iran would be unnecessary.

  36. 36.

    whippoorwill

    September 13, 2007 at 12:53 pm

    fecapult says; I thought the Apocalypse is what pubs were shooting for…or is this the wrong kind of Armageddon?

    Biblical Armageddon == wingnut idea of Hope.
    Metaphorical Armageddon== A second Clinton Administration.

  37. 37.

    cs

    September 13, 2007 at 1:02 pm

    Until this week, I didn’t know who Bill Quick was. And then there was this impressive meltdown by that genius and AUTHOR (28 books! Be jealous now!) Bill Quick (“Did you know I invented the blogosphere? Because I did!”) because other libertarian-esque people did not consider Fred Thompson to be worthy of anything more than snark.

    So he wants Fred to be prez and wants to bomb everything in sight. Nice to know my initial impressions of the man’s character and his intellectual level were correct.

  38. 38.

    Jake

    September 13, 2007 at 1:28 pm

    So saving face is a causus belli nowadays?

    Nowadays and the good old days apparently.

    There are three ways in which a ruler can bring misfortune upon his army:–

    …

    By attempting to govern an army in the same way as he administers a kingdom, being ignorant of the conditions which obtain in an army. This causes restlessness in the soldier’s minds.

    And:

    There are five dangerous faults which may affect a general: (1) Recklessness, which leads to destruction; (2) cowardice, which leads to capture; (3) a hasty temper, which can be provoked by insults; (4) a delicacy of honor which is sensitive to shame; (5) over-solicitude for his men, which exposes him to worry and trouble.

  39. 39.

    Tsulagi

    September 13, 2007 at 1:37 pm

    And then we can nuke North Korea. And the bad parts of Pakistan. And what are those fuckers in Syria up to?

    Damn, why is it always the armpits/shitholes of the planet that get these tards playing with their little guns? Surely Tahiti and the Greek Islands must be naughty, naughty little boys deserving a spanking and occupation.

  40. 40.

    pharniel

    September 13, 2007 at 1:50 pm

    why does sun tzu hate america?
    Strategy and tactics have a Known LIberal Bias!

  41. 41.

    pharniel

    September 13, 2007 at 1:51 pm

    Damn, why is it always the armpits/shitholes of the planet that get these tards playing with their little guns? Surely Tahiti and the Greek Islands must be naughty, naughty little boys deserving a spanking and occupation.

    I for one Welcome our bikini clad overladys

  42. 42.

    semper fubar

    September 13, 2007 at 2:20 pm

    sun tzu is a known commie. ‘nuf said.

  43. 43.

    ATS

    September 13, 2007 at 5:25 pm

    When General Phil SherIdan said, “the only good indian is a dead indian” he wasn’t strung up by his core constituency. Sure, It might work and Rove’s brood has long shown it isn’t above such a tactic.

    Long ago Westbrook Pegler wrote “And the World was Purified” to satirize this bunch, but von Clauswewitz had it best:

    “one nation’s ‘secure borders’ make for its neighbors’ insecure borders.”

    Something we (and Likud) have yet to learn.

  44. 44.

    Steve M

    September 13, 2007 at 10:10 pm

    The comments on his site are just incredible…’Turkey will fall in line.’ Yeah, like they did in ’03? Geez…and the Iranian PEOPLE, who really do like us, are going to turn so fast against us. Jesus.

  45. 45.

    Fats Durston

    September 14, 2007 at 8:48 am

    Attacking a second Muslim country will not in any way feed the propaganda that the US is making war on Islam.

    Um, third?

  46. 46.

    scarshapedstar

    September 14, 2007 at 10:15 am

    Um, third?

    You forgot Tripoli.

    March 4, 1801: never forget.

  47. 47.

    grumpy realist

    September 14, 2007 at 1:11 pm

    Attacking Iran is so mindboggingly stupid that of course I expect this Administration to do it next week.

    Uhh…guys…? We just got $80/bbl oil already. Would you like to lay bets on $200? $300? (Especially with the whole Straits of Hormuz thingie which we’ve already discussed on these boards.)

    (Oh, and did anyone catch Greenspan’s “but I never DREAMED that the subprime mortgage area would turn into such a problem!” Add him to the list….)

    When did Americans turn into such a bunch of blithering stupids? Or were they always this way and I just hadn’t noticed it?

    I guess I welcome our new Chinese overlords….at least the food’s tasty and I can already write most of the characters.

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