This would be my speech:
Good afternoon, citizens of Idaho. Good afternoon, friends.
I have an important announcement to make, although it is not the announcement many of you think it will be. I am here to announce to you that yes, I did attempt to solicit sex in that bathroom, and that no, I am not going to resign. I made a mistake. I have some personal issues that are my business, and my business alone, and I will work to resolve them.
I am sorry if I embarrassed you, but I fail to see how a personal transgression somehow makes me unable to fulfill my duties in the Senate. I will not run again in 2008, but let me be clear- I will not resign.
As to my ‘alleged’ friends in the Senate and elsewhere in Washington, let me extend a large and erect middle finger to each and everyone of you. To all of you who came to me privately as a friend over the past few days and told me it was best for the nation and Idaho if I resign, but who did not have the courage to stand up for your friend when a camera was on, let me say this: “GO TO HELL.” Each and every one of you.
All these years in Washington, and you were my supposed to be my friends. Not one of you- not one god damned person in Washington- defended me. You make me sick. You are craven, amoral, shallow, backstabbing, self-serving drama queens, and I hope you all rot in hell. I deserved better.
Maybe it would be easier for everyone if I left quietly, but I am not going to resign. Maybe if one of you, just one of you, had publicly stood up for me, I might have done just that and left, publicly disgraced, but still maintaining a degree of personal dignity. But you didn’t, did you? Instead, it was nothing but long knives in the short of the back from you self-serving bastards. Not one of you asked David Vitter to resign for his mistakes and misdeeds, but somehow I am different.
In short, I have a little over a year left in my term, and I am going to do what I do every day. I am going to go to work, and I am going to do my best to represent the citizens of Idaho and their interests. If you want me out of the Senate, you need to throw me out. I worked too hard to get here, my family has sacrificed for two decades to be here, and I will not be run out of town by the likes of you. Again, if you want me out, you have to throw me out. And I will make it as messy, and as bloody, and as painful as I possibly can. I think you have earned that.
Have a good afternoon.
I think it would be widely discussed afterwards.
*** Update ***
He resigns. My speech was better.