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You are here: Home / The War Against Cheetos

The War Against Cheetos

by John Cole|  October 3, 200710:20 am| 34 Comments

This post is in: General Stupidity

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From the comments today:

These guys are, really, just punk-ass bitches with an inferior complex and a month’s supply of Cheetos and orange-stained keyboards.

This has got to stop. I don’t know what Cheetos did to “teh left,” but Cheetos are being unfairly villainized on a daily basis. The worst offenders, by far, are the vile scum at Sadly, No, who can not go a week without smearing this rather American snack. Here they are two weeks ago:

Hey guys, it’s me. If you hang out in the comments at all, you’ve probably seen me chatting away down there. Well today, I swung by this place, and the back door was standing wide open, and….well, it’s obvious that our most beloved troll, Gary Ruppert, really was here. For one thing, it looks like a Cheetos factory exploded in the place, and for another, the smell….well, the less said about that, the better.

And the folks at the Poorman are no better. Here they are smearing Cheetos with the taint of NRO. You don’t have to go too far to find the hate for Cheetos.

Can’t we all just get along?

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Previous Post: « Stay Classy, Protein Wisdom
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Reader Interactions

34Comments

  1. 1.

    Billy K

    October 3, 2007 at 10:24 am

    Peace in our time…

  2. 2.

    Pb

    October 3, 2007 at 10:25 am

    Seems like the 2006 Cheetos for Chickenhawks campaign was a success!

  3. 3.

    Third Eye Open

    October 3, 2007 at 10:35 am

    Cheezus Christ!

  4. 4.

    Ugh

    October 3, 2007 at 10:36 am

    Cheetos suck.

    That is all.

  5. 5.

    Dreggas

    October 3, 2007 at 10:45 am

    I believe this evolved from the following joke:

    A guy goes to the doctor’s and tells the Doc, “Doc I have a problem, my dick is orange.” The doctor takes a look and sure enough the guys dick is orange. The dr. asks “what is your daily routine?” The guy replies “Well, I come home, grab a bag of cheetos and read a playboy.”

  6. 6.

    Krista

    October 3, 2007 at 10:47 am

    I like Cheetos. Does that make me a conservative?

  7. 7.

    Chubbs

    October 3, 2007 at 10:47 am

    A great snack food or the Greatest?

  8. 8.

    canuckistani

    October 3, 2007 at 11:08 am

    It’s a class issue. We effete liberals snack on imported French cheese and wine while we blog, and sneer at the working class chumps with their pork rinds, ketchup flavoured chips and cheetos.
    Not that I have anything against the working class, but it bugs me to see people working against their own class interests because they’ve been suckered by right wing demagogues into a frenzy of nationalism and knee-jerk social backlashing.

  9. 9.

    Svlad Jelly

    October 3, 2007 at 11:33 am

    That’s why I switched to using Funyuns as a snack-food insult. There’s nothing more French than Funyuns. Except maybe French Onion Sunchips, but those fucking rock.

  10. 10.

    kchiker

    October 3, 2007 at 11:36 am

    Face it, John–your liberal indoctrination will only be complete once your keyboard is filled with the remnants of the new Tomato & Mozzarella Pringles.

  11. 11.

    cleek

    October 3, 2007 at 11:52 am

    Tomato & Mozzarella Pringles

    mmm! that’d go awesome with an ice-cold Chelada!

  12. 12.

    wasabi gasp

    October 3, 2007 at 11:56 am

    With a bag of Cheetos you possess the glory of your orange thumb tickling your tonsils as you suck long and hard and fully fear free of embarrassing excuses.

  13. 13.

    Bombadil

    October 3, 2007 at 12:26 pm

    Can we still make war on the “phony Cheetos”?

  14. 14.

    whippoorwill

    October 3, 2007 at 12:30 pm

    This has got to stop. I don’t know what Cheetos did to “teh left,” but Cheetos are being unfairly villainized on a daily basis.

    I’m a Pringles man myself. At least I know they’re made out of potatoes, which the Irish consider health food.

    Can anybody honestly say they know what Cheetos are made from?
    That’s what I thought. Case closed.

  15. 15.

    Jane Finch

    October 3, 2007 at 12:32 pm

    Although both leave orange stains that are the mark of basement pundits everywhere, Cheetos blow when compared to the vastly superior Hawkin’s Cheezies.

  16. 16.

    Chris Andersen

    October 3, 2007 at 12:42 pm

    I’m a Bugles man myself.

  17. 17.

    Jimmmmm

    October 3, 2007 at 1:05 pm

    I’d be happy if “teh right” would satiate their snackin’ jones with Veggie Booty.

    http://foodpoisoning.pritzkerlaw.com/archives/e-coli-roberts-american-gourmet-recalls-veggie-booty.html

  18. 18.

    Tax Analyst

    October 3, 2007 at 1:10 pm

    Can anybody honestly say they know what Cheetos are made from?

    Um…I’ll guess – cardboard dissolved by caustic chemicals and then sprayed with maybe a wood preservative, followed by a trip to an Earl Scheib auto painting location to add and bake in the orange coloring.

    But I might be wrong.

  19. 19.

    whippoorwill

    October 3, 2007 at 1:14 pm

    But I might be wrong.
    October 3rd, 2007 at 1:1

    El correcto, but you left out the sprinkle of powdered Guano.

  20. 20.

    Tax Analyst

    October 3, 2007 at 1:38 pm

    El correcto, but you left out the sprinkle of powdered Guano.

    OH…I didn’t know we were talking about the special “Guano-Flavoured” Cheetos. That’s different, of course.

    I think we have those in our vending machine here at work.

    Thanks.

  21. 21.

    Dreggas

    October 3, 2007 at 1:41 pm

    cleek Says:

    Tomato & Mozzarella Pringles

    mmm! that’d go awesome with an ice-cold Chelada!

    I don’t know who came up with that idea at budweiser but I saw those and thought I would be sick. Budweiser tastes bad enough but add CLAMATO TO IT?

  22. 22.

    cleek

    October 3, 2007 at 1:48 pm

    Budweiser tastes bad enough but add CLAMATO TO IT

    not just any Budweiser, now, it’s Bud Light. you wouldn’t want the taste of beer to overpower the delicate flavor of canned clam squeezins, would you ?

  23. 23.

    Jimmmmm

    October 3, 2007 at 1:49 pm

    Re: Bud-mato.

    Khabad Khlash vendor: “Mountain Dew or crab juice?!”

    Homer Simpson “Ewwww.” (winces in distaste) “Crab juice.”

  24. 24.

    John Cole

    October 3, 2007 at 2:57 pm

    I like Clamato. Lots.

  25. 25.

    Bombadil

    October 3, 2007 at 3:06 pm

    “Who tasted tomato juice, and said, ‘Hm … needs fish!’?”

    — Richard Jeni

  26. 26.

    merlallen

    October 4, 2007 at 6:01 am

    I am deeply ashamed of my liking for Cheetos

  27. 27.

    Krista

    October 4, 2007 at 9:44 am

    I like Clamato. Lots.

    Especially with vodka, tabasco and Worcestershire, in a celery salt-rimmed glass.

  28. 28.

    BIRDZILLA

    October 4, 2007 at 2:50 pm

    And if the wackos from such rediclous groups like CSPI,PCRM have their way CHESTER CHEETA,CHUCKY CHEESE,SNAP,SCRACLE and POP,TOUCAN SAM,TONY THE TIGER,DIG UM,CAPTIAN CRUNCH,LUCKY, and other appeal cartoon guys would be outlawed by these wheatgerm inhaling alfalfa sprouy snorting heath freaks. SCREW MECHEAL JACOBSON,NEAL BENARD,MARION NESTLE and the rest of the food police wackos

  29. 29.

    whippoorwill

    October 4, 2007 at 3:27 pm

    way CHESTER CHEETA,CHUCKY CHEESE,SNAP,SCRACLE and POP,TOUCAN SAM,TONY THE TIGER,DIG UM,CAPTIAN CRUNCH,LUCKY,

    BIRDZILLA

  30. 30.

    whippoorwill

    October 4, 2007 at 3:29 pm

    I was going to say BIRDZILLA food one and all. Empty calories for an empty mind.

  31. 31.

    BIRDZILLA

    October 5, 2007 at 10:44 am

    The only one with a empty head is MICHEAL JACOBSON and the wackos from CSPI i kind of prefer ZINGERS and DOUGHNUTS myself

  32. 32.

    whippoorwill

    October 5, 2007 at 12:05 pm

    BIRDZILLA says

    The only one with a empty head is MICHEAL JACOBSON and the wackos from CSPI i kind of prefer ZINGERS and DOUGHNUTS myself

    Okee Dokee, B , you win. can’t say as I like the food police much either. And anyone who likes ZINGERS has got at least a little something upstairs.

  33. 33.

    Julie

    October 5, 2007 at 7:25 pm

    We effete liberals snack on imported French cheese and wine while we blog, and sneer at the working class chumps with their pork rinds, ketchup flavoured chips and cheetos.

    Ketchup-flavored chips! Yum! Those are awesome. (I’ll bet they would taste awesome with a 1996 Burgundy Pinot Noir… I’m just saying…)

  34. 34.

    whippoorwill

    October 5, 2007 at 8:18 pm

    Ketchup-flavored chips! Yum! Those are awesome. (I’ll bet they would taste awesome with a 1996 Burgundy Pinot Noir… I’m just saying…)

    Bon Appetit’ Mademoiselle .

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