• Menu
  • Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

Before Header

  • About Us
  • Lexicon
  • Contact Us
  • Our Store
  • ↑
  • ↓
  • ←
  • →

Balloon Juice

Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Yeah, with this crowd one never knows.

Israel is using food as a weapon of war. Unforgivable.

Democrats have delivered the Square Deal, the New Deal, the Fair Deal, and now… the Big Joe Biden Deal.

Something needs to be done about our bogus SCOTUS.

Some judge needs to shut this circus down soon.

Never forget that he train is barreling down on Trump, even as he dances on the tracks.

Fuck these fucking interesting times.

Conservatism: there are people the law protects but does not bind and others who the law binds but does not protect.

We’re not going back!

You are so fucked. Still, I wish you the best of luck.

He really is that stupid.

Only Democrats have agency, apparently.

Republicans are radicals, not conservatives.

Jack be nimble, jack be quick, hurry up and indict this prick.

Putting aside our relentless self-interest because the moral imperative is crystal clear.

Accountability, motherfuckers.

How can republicans represent us when they don’t trust women?

A thin legal pretext to veneer over their personal religious and political desires.

Make the republican party small enough to drown in a bathtub.

Republicans got rid of McCarthy. Democrats chose not to save him.

Historically it was a little unusual for the president to be an incoherent babbling moron.

The poor and middle-class pay taxes, the rich pay accountants, the wealthy pay politicians.

Every reporter and pundit should have to declare if they ever vacationed with a billionaire.

I didn’t have alien invasion on my 2023 BINGO card.

Mobile Menu

  • Four Directions Montana
  • Donate with Venmo, Zelle & PayPal
  • Site Feedback
  • War in Ukraine
  • Submit Photos to On the Road
  • Politics
  • On The Road
  • Open Threads
  • Topics
  • COVID-19 Coronavirus
  • Authors
  • About Us
  • Contact Us
  • Lexicon
  • Our Store
  • Politics
  • Open Threads
  • 2024 Elections
  • Garden Chats
  • On The Road
  • Targeted Fundraising!
You are here: Home / Yoda, or an Army Officer?

Yoda, or an Army Officer?

by John Cole|  October 29, 20073:31 pm| 61 Comments

This post is in: Blogospheric Navel-Gazing, General Stupidity

FacebookTweetEmail

Now it is time for this week’s game, which we will call “Yoda or an Army Officer.” Below are a series of quotes. Your goal is to determine if they were uttered by Jedi Master Yoda or Col. Steve Boylan.

1.) “Truly wonderful the mind of a child is.”

2.) “I am interested in this issue. What I am doing about it does not concern you. ”

3.) “Do or do not; there is no try.”

4.) “Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size, do you?”

5.) “Interesting is what I find it.”

6.) “No! No different. Only different in your mind. You must unlearn what you have learned.”

7.) “Pray tell, where do you think he is and how long have you fantasized that he has been here?”

8.) “Always in motion the future is.”

9.) “Good, bad or indifferent…I will not judge. That is our system and we must work with it.”

10.) “That is why you fail.”

Answers below the fold. Good luck!

Answers:

1.) Yoda
2.) Col. Boylan
3.) Yoda
4.) Yoda
5.) Col. Boylan
6.) Yoda
7.) Col. Boylan
8.) Yoda
9.) Col. Boylan
10.) Yoda

It wasn’t easy, was it? Clearly Col. Boylan was channeling the force.

FacebookTweetEmail
Previous Post: « Simple Answers to Simple Questions
Next Post: Monday Night Open Thread »

Reader Interactions

61Comments

  1. 1.

    neil

    October 29, 2007 at 3:35 pm

    No, it was pretty easy.

  2. 2.

    Pinko Punko

    October 29, 2007 at 3:38 pm

    Last night, this conversation having I was!

    Touche!

  3. 3.

    Jake

    October 29, 2007 at 3:38 pm

    4. confused me for a second.

    I think your next contest should pit Boylan against Owens:

  4. 4.

    atari_age

    October 29, 2007 at 3:41 pm

    I’m kicked that you picked up on that – I thought it was just me being a geek. It’s #5 that made the link for me.

    That whole story is so bizzare, and the odd grammar just adds to the weirdness.

  5. 5.

    Davebo

    October 29, 2007 at 3:41 pm

    It doesn’t matter because the Colonel never sent the email.

    And even if he did he was right to.

    Get it?

    CESSPOOL!

  6. 6.

    scarshapedstar

    October 29, 2007 at 3:42 pm

    9 got me.

  7. 7.

    El Cid

    October 29, 2007 at 3:46 pm

    John Cole has mocked the verbal style of a serving military officer in Iraq.

    This is exactly the moral equivalent of handing Osama bin Laden a suitcase nuclear weapon and a free flight to Washington DC.

    You are warned: the right wing blawrgosphere will not take this lying down. Well, actually they will, but they will type furiously as if they aren’t.

  8. 8.

    jenniebee

    October 29, 2007 at 3:47 pm

    This is a man who has made a successful career in public relations, and he writes like this?

    Why haven’t I finished my novel yet? What am I doing with my life?

  9. 9.

    Billy K

    October 29, 2007 at 3:48 pm

    That Yoda site isn’t very accurate.

    “Not victory Obi won. The shroud of the darkside has fallen. Begun the clone war has.”

    It’s “Not victory, Obi Wan. The shroud of the Dark Side has fallen. Begun this clone was has.”

    I call for a full investigation.

    P.S. Didn’t even have to Google it, suckas!

  10. 10.

    John Cole

    October 29, 2007 at 3:48 pm

    John Cole has mocked the verbal style of a serving military officer in Iraq.

    Are they even agreeing he wrote it now, or are we still doing that song and dance?

    This is exactly the moral equivalent of handing Osama bin Laden a suitcase nuclear weapon and a free flight to Washington DC.

    Actually, according to the comments section at Glenn’s, one right-wing blogger has already asserted that publishing Boylan’s email address was a gift to the terrorists.

  11. 11.

    DougJ

    October 29, 2007 at 3:49 pm

    Does this mean Yoda is the one who created the first, fake email? That he used his Jedi powers to spoof the appropriate IP addresses?

    Why does Yoda hate America?

  12. 12.

    ThymeZone

    October 29, 2007 at 3:53 pm

    Funny as hell, I think your post is.

    Amused I am.

  13. 13.

    El Cid

    October 29, 2007 at 4:01 pm

    John Cole Says:

    John Cole has mocked the verbal style of a serving military officer in Iraq.

    Are they even agreeing he wrote it now, or are we still doing that song and dance?

    Apparently John Cole thinks it’s okay to make fun of something which possibly could have been done by a serving military officer in Iraq.

    The rightwing will proudly condemn as a traitor John Cole for daring to imagine that there possibly could be something one could imagine as having been done by a serving military officer in Iraq which hypothetically could be wrong, or made fun of.

    You shall not pass.

  14. 14.

    capelza

    October 29, 2007 at 4:01 pm

    Actually, according to the comments section at Glenn’s, one right-wing blogger has already asserted that publishing Boylan’s email address was a gift to the terrorists.

    OMGZ! The terrorists will send him nasty e-mails! Between Bob Owens and snark from Sadr the guy doesn’t stand a chance.

  15. 15.

    John Cole

    October 29, 2007 at 4:03 pm

    OMGZ! The terrorists will send him nasty e-mails! Between Bob Owens and snark from Sadr the guy doesn’t stand a chance.

    Given the past few weeks of idiocy, these guys probably thing a computer virus is fatal.

  16. 16.

    Ugh

    October 29, 2007 at 4:13 pm

    9.) “Good, bad or indifferent…I will not judge. That is our system and we must work with it.”

    Wait wait wait. What is this three periods in a row thing? Did he really type three periods in a row? Hah! I just checked the full email and he did NOT type three periods in a row where you said he did !!!1!1!ONE!!1 John Cole hates America, apple pie and the little baby Jaysus!!!

    What do you mean he actually did type three periods in a row? That just proves my point!!!! If you truly loved America you would not have pointed that out in the first place. Another victory for the terrorist provided by the Dhimmicrats.

  17. 17.

    Cinderella Ferret

    October 29, 2007 at 4:14 pm

    OMGZ! The terrorists will send him nasty e-mails! Between Bob Owens and snark from Sadr the guy doesn’t stand a chance.

    Given the past few weeks of idiocy, these guys probably [think] a computer virus is fatal.

    Nah! Colonel Steve probably has a really big light saber to vanquish them with.

    I guess size does matter, eh?

  18. 18.

    Dreggas

    October 29, 2007 at 4:18 pm

    Just a question for the Ex-Mil guys like myself here,

    Are any of you disturbed by the fact that this guy, who has a bird on his collar and is expected to lead men, can’t even respond to an email without it being 8-up?

    I mean seriously, I just hope this isn’t a reflection of the entire officer corps.

  19. 19.

    jcricket

    October 29, 2007 at 4:18 pm

    Does this mean Yoda is the one who created the first, fake email? That he used his Jedi powers to spoof the appropriate IP addresses?

    A long time ago… in a galaxy far away… a jedi master was busy eating cheetos and spoofing emails from Darth Vader…

    I think that’s how it went.

  20. 20.

    ConservativelyLiberal

    October 29, 2007 at 4:20 pm

    Watch, someone on the right will point out that with advancing technology, soon it will be possible for “teh turrists” to send suicide emails. Open the attachment and BOOM!

    I think I am going to head over to Symantec’s web site and see if they have released Norton Anti-Moron 2008 yet. I need something to protect my computer when I visit places like RedState, CY, CQ and so on.

  21. 21.

    Davebo

    October 29, 2007 at 4:28 pm

    Are any of you disturbed by the fact that this guy, who has a bird on his collar and is expected to lead men, can’t even respond to an email without it being 8-up?

    Ask The Commissar.

  22. 22.

    Jimmmmm

    October 29, 2007 at 4:31 pm

    Holy William Shawn, Col. ylan’s in syntactical trouble. Somebody activate the Woolcott Gibbs signal!!

  23. 23.

    lysias

    October 29, 2007 at 4:33 pm

    Boylan isn’t just an O6 bird colonel. His specialty seems to be PR. I mean, at least his last three jobs have all been PR. What kind of publicist is he?

  24. 24.

    Jimmmmm

    October 29, 2007 at 4:34 pm

    “Actually, according to the comments section at Glenn’s, one right-wing blogger has already asserted that publishing Boylan’s email address was a gift to the terrorists”

    Yeah, terrorists with a sophisticated sense of humor, maybe…

  25. 25.

    Starwarsgeek

    October 29, 2007 at 4:58 pm

    I know the Original Trilogy by heart, so it was child’s play for me. Others might have more difficulty though.

  26. 26.

    KCinDC

    October 29, 2007 at 5:03 pm

    The Great Orange Satan himself has linked here and given his blessing to John. This can only mean trouble.

  27. 27.

    Zifnab

    October 29, 2007 at 5:03 pm

    I know the Original Trilogy by heart, so it was child’s play for me. Others might have more difficulty though.

    It’s not so hard to decipher if you can distinguish wisdom from illiteracy.

  28. 28.

    Zifnab

    October 29, 2007 at 5:06 pm

    Btw, John, you may not be the biggest fan of DKos, but the Big Orange Satan loves you to death. You’re two for two on the Kos frontpage regarding Col. Boylan.

  29. 29.

    El Cid

    October 29, 2007 at 5:09 pm

    It’s not so hard to decipher if you can distinguish wisdom from illiteracy.

    Can there be those who decipher illiterately? Does that include deciphering innumerately?

  30. 30.

    Delia

    October 29, 2007 at 5:16 pm

    A long time ago… in a galaxy far away… a jedi master was busy eating cheetos and spoofing emails from Darth Vader…

    I think that’s how it went.

    Corrupted the Jedi the cheetos did, leading them to the Dark Side, to neocons and Flying Keyboard adventures until their wits gave out.

  31. 31.

    Chris Johnson

    October 29, 2007 at 5:16 pm

    Quote number five, the funny brings :D

  32. 32.

    Sparkles the Iguana

    October 29, 2007 at 5:25 pm

    It’s not the grammar that’s weird, it’s the syntax.

  33. 33.

    salvage

    October 29, 2007 at 5:30 pm

    OLLAI

    (Out loud Laughing am I)

  34. 34.

    Cassius Chaerea

    October 29, 2007 at 5:34 pm

    Front paged by Kos you are.

  35. 35.

    Jake

    October 29, 2007 at 5:38 pm

    Watch, someone on the right will point out that with advancing technology, soon it will be possible for “teh turrists” to send suicide emails. Open the attachment and BOOM!

    Wasn’t that a plot from X-Files or The Lone Gunmen?

    (Laugh at my geekness, you must)

  36. 36.

    Node of Evil

    October 29, 2007 at 5:39 pm

    ‘Are any of you disturbed by the fact that this guy, who has a bird on his collar and is expected to lead men, can’t even respond to an email without it being 8-up?’

    What I want to know is who in the heck plans an invasion and doesn’t send enough men to guard all of the ammo dumps and weapons caches, then turns a blind eye while the local population loots them at will. That has to be one of the biggest strategic blunders in recorded history.

  37. 37.

    Melissa McEwan

    October 29, 2007 at 5:42 pm

    I can’t decide who you hate more: the troops or Jedis!

  38. 38.

    demimondian

    October 29, 2007 at 5:43 pm

    Thus is it not, Cassius. Rather, twice is Cole FP’ed by kos today. Never have I been FP’ed — (not to mention cleverer) cole funnier than me is.

  39. 39.

    Node of Evil

    October 29, 2007 at 6:05 pm

    ‘…one right-wing blogger has already asserted that publishing Boylan’s email address was a gift to the terrorists.’

    Yeah, you could, like, totally use visual traceroute to expose his location! (Yes, I tried it. Thankfully the military is smart enough to block traceroute-related packets, thus thwarting the evil plans of Mr. Greenwald).

  40. 40.

    Libby Spencer

    October 29, 2007 at 6:27 pm

    Now you’ve done it John Cole. I have it on good authority that even as I type this, both the House and Senate are meeting behind closed doors to hammer out resolutions of condemnation.

  41. 41.

    Dreggas

    October 29, 2007 at 6:28 pm

    salvage Says:

    OLLAI

    (Out loud Laughing am I)

    MALOIA

    (My Ass, Laughing Off I am)

  42. 42.

    eyeball

    October 29, 2007 at 6:35 pm

    SHOTEST BOYLAN: “STUPID IS AS STOOPIT DO.”

    For what it’s worth I will lend credence to the possibility that Boylan has subcontracted some of his e-mail responses to a small cadre of Baghdad p.r. subordinates, one of whom might be responsible for the juvenile, unprofessional, snotty response to Glenn Greenwald, as well as some of the other flame-mails.

    I have to imagine that Boylan gets many hundreds of emails a day from outlets of all types, with bloggers a growing majority. It would be a 24/7 job to answer them all and still handle overall spin duties. But because Boylan wants to be the Voice, he lets a few subordidnates use his email account when he’s busy elswhere. i can’t really blame him for that. In theory they should be trusted pros who can speak in his name. The risk of course is of some arrogant loose cannon fubaring the setup with traceable off-the-reservation stupidnesses. Now Boylan can’t throw this prized peon under the bus. But he can’t lie and say he sent the email himself, So he chooses the weaseliest path – deny he sent it but don’t express worry that his email account is badly compromised. In any scenario, his cred is shot to bits.

  43. 43.

    Chris

    October 29, 2007 at 6:49 pm

    Wasn’t that a plot from X-Files or The Lone Gunmen?

    (Laugh at my geekness, you must)

    No, but it was the plot of Neal Stephenson’s rather awesome Snow Crash. Sort of.

  44. 44.

    The Other Andrew

    October 29, 2007 at 6:51 pm

    Somewhere, some terrorist is signing him up for a Richard Simmons e-newsletter.

  45. 45.

    Travis

    October 29, 2007 at 7:29 pm

    Actually, according to the comments section at Glenn’s, one right-wing blogger has already asserted that publishing Boylan’s email address was a gift to the terrorists.

    What are they going to do? Send him anthrax in an attachment?

  46. 46.

    jake

    October 29, 2007 at 8:29 pm

    Somewhere, some terrorist is signing him up for a Richard Simmons e-newsletter.

    I think you’re on to something: Thanks to DADT a soldier can be chucked out of the military based on hints and rumors. First they fill Boylan’s in-box with e-mails from JizzMasters. Then they acquire other service members’ e-mails. Next thing you know the US military is decimated. Back home the Pentagon suggests eradicating DADT but that touches off riots in states that begin with an “I.” The IslamoFascistJihadis slip into the country while we’re distracted and before you know it they’re in control and Osama bin Laden is ass-raping Ace of Basement on the steps of the Capitol.

    But other than that it would suck.

  47. 47.

    Bentley Stanforth

    October 29, 2007 at 8:39 pm

    Ha, the first thing I thought when I read Boylan’s email wasn’t about the politicization of the military or how inappropriate his comments were, but that, jeez, this dude writes like Yoda. I’m glad I’m not the only one.

  48. 48.

    fisheye

    October 29, 2007 at 8:52 pm

    Interesting is what I lost it.

    Dagobah, almost a Baghdad word jumble

  49. 49.

    trishb

    October 29, 2007 at 9:21 pm

    No, but it was the plot of Neal Stephenson’s rather awesome Snow Crash. Sort of.

    And an X-files episode, Kill Switch from season 5 or so, co-written by William Gibson.

  50. 50.

    MonkeyBoy

    October 29, 2007 at 9:48 pm

    eyeball said:

    … the possibility that Boylan has subcontracted some of his e-mail responses to a small cadre of Baghdad p.r. subordinates, one of whom might be responsible for the juvenile, unprofessional, snotty response to Glenn Greenwald, as well as some of the other flame-mails.

    I have to imagine that Boylan gets many hundreds of emails a day from outlets of all types, … . It would be a 24/7 job to answer them all and still handle overall spin duties.

    Boylan’s email to Greenwald was unsolicited. It was complaining about something Greenwald wrote.

  51. 51.

    TenguPhule

    October 29, 2007 at 11:16 pm

    Fear leads to Anger. Anger Leads to Hate. Hate…leads to Wingnuttia.

  52. 52.

    TenguPhule

    October 29, 2007 at 11:18 pm

    Always two there are. No more, no less.

    The master to hold power.

    And the apprentice to crave it.

  53. 53.

    Punchy

    October 29, 2007 at 11:36 pm

    I just shat myself laughing reading this thread. Good times.

  54. 54.

    Phoenix Woman

    October 29, 2007 at 11:46 pm

    I haven’t decided; he’s a political officer all right, but is he zampolit or a commissar?

  55. 55.

    Zuzu

    October 29, 2007 at 11:54 pm

    Really, it’s almost art:

    To your question: Were there any truth to what was being said by Thomas?

    Answer: An investigation of the allegations were conducted by the command and found to be false. ….

    As to what will happen to him?

    Answer: ….. Under the various rules and regulations, administrative actions are not releasable to the public by the military on what does or does not happen.
    It’s official!

  56. 56.

    Delia

    October 30, 2007 at 12:03 am

    What I want to know is who in the heck plans an invasion and doesn’t send enough men to guard all of the ammo dumps and weapons caches, then turns a blind eye while the local population loots them at will. That has to be one of the biggest strategic blunders in recorded history.

    Foolish blogger! Told the terrorists you have. Hitherto awed by Bush’s brilliance and Boylan’s PR blitz they were. Investigated by wingnuts you will be.

  57. 57.

    Dissento

    October 30, 2007 at 9:23 am

    Backwards ran sentences, until reeled the mind.

  58. 58.

    mrmobi

    October 30, 2007 at 9:55 am

    John, I got them all correct! I’m such a Star Wars geek it was easy, although number 5 gave me a pause.

    Will you enter my name in the drawing for the suitcase nuke?

  59. 59.

    bartcopfan

    October 30, 2007 at 10:24 am

    “I know the Original Trilogy by heart, so it was child’s play for me. Others might have more difficulty though.”

    Nah. I nailed 10 out of 10 having seen only bits and pieces of Star Wars I. (But I did read about Boylan’s bloviations at Digby’s just yesterday!)

Comments are closed.

Trackbacks

  1. Greenwald…. errr…. Ellensburg, again. | BitsBlog says:
    October 29, 2007 at 4:42 pm

    […] John Cole / Balloon Juice:   Yoda, or an Army Officer? […]

  2. Gay Orbit » Quiz Time says:
    October 30, 2007 at 10:44 am

    […] Quiz TimePosted by: MichaelYoda, or Col. Steve Boylan?      […]

Primary Sidebar

Recent Comments

  • Asparagus Aspersions on Arizona In The Crosshairs (Apr 17, 2024 @ 5:26pm)
  • Baud on I Am All For This! (Apr 17, 2024 @ 5:25pm)
  • Harrison Wesley on I Am All For This! (Apr 17, 2024 @ 5:24pm)
  • Mike in NC on I Am All For This! (Apr 17, 2024 @ 5:22pm)
  • Steeplejack on I Am All For This! (Apr 17, 2024 @ 5:21pm)

🎈Keep Balloon Juice Ad Free

Become a Balloon Juice Patreon
Donate with Venmo, Zelle or PayPal

Balloon Juice Posts

View by Topic
View by Author
View by Month & Year
View by Past Author

Balloon Juice Meetups!

All Meetups
Talk of Meetups – Meetup Planning
Proposed BJ meetups list from frosty

Fundraising 2023-24

Wis*Dems Supreme Court + SD-8
Virginia House Races
Four Directions – Montana
Worker Power AZ
Four Directions – Arizona
Four Directions – Nevada

Featuring

Medium Cool
Artists in Our Midst
Authors in Our Midst
Positive Climate News
War in Ukraine
Cole’s “Stories from the Road”
Classified Documents Primer

Calling All Jackals

Site Feedback
Nominate a Rotating Tag
Submit Photos to On the Road
Balloon Juice Mailing List Signup
Balloon Juice Anniversary (All Links)
Balloon Juice Anniversary (All Posts)

Fix Nyms with Apostrophes

Balloon Juice for Ukraine

Donate

Twitter / Spoutible

Balloon Juice (Spoutible)
WaterGirl (Spoutible)
TaMara (Spoutible)
John Cole
DougJ (aka NYT Pitchbot)
Betty Cracker
Tom Levenson
David Anderson
Major Major Major Major
ActualCitizensUnited

Political Action 2024

Postcard Writing Information

Balloon Juice for Four Directions AZ

Donate

Balloon Juice for Four Directions NV

Donate

Site Footer

Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

  • Facebook
  • RSS
  • Twitter
  • YouTube
  • Comment Policy
  • Our Authors
  • Blogroll
  • Our Artists
  • Privacy Policy

Copyright © 2024 Dev Balloon Juice · All Rights Reserved · Powered by BizBudding Inc

Share this ArticleLike this article? Email it to a friend!

Email sent!