Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Museums are not America’s attic for its racist shit.

The lights are all blinking red.

If you voted for Trump, you don’t get to speak about ethics, morals, or rule of law.

Fear or fury? The choice is ours.

Stop using mental illness to avoid talking about armed white supremacy.

“The defense has a certain level of trust in defendant that the government does not.”

Trump should be leading, not lying.

Let’s delete this post and never speak of this again.

This country desperately needs a functioning fourth estate.

if you can’t see it, then you are useless in the fight to stop it.

Petty moves from a petty man.

Every decision we make has lots of baggage with it, known or unknown.

The truth is, these are not very bright guys, and things got out of hand.

Compromise? There is no middle ground between a firefighter and an arsonist.

Tick tock motherfuckers!

This isn’t Democrats spending madly. This is government catching up.

The unpunished coup was a training exercise.

The next time the wall street journal editorial board speaks the truth will be the first.

Weird. Rome has an American Pope and America has a Russian President.

I like political parties that aren’t owned by foreign adversaries.

Republicans cannot even be trusted with their own money.

Impressively dumb. Congratulations.

If you cannot answer whether trump lost the 2020 election, you are unfit for office.

Tide comes in. Tide goes out. You can’t explain that.

You are here: Home / z-Retired Categories / Previous Site Maintenance / Somewhere, Paris Hilton Is Kicking Herself

Somewhere, Paris Hilton Is Kicking Herself

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And saying “Why the hell didn’t I think of that”:

An IDF soldier fled an interrogation room by exposing her breasts to a stunned officer.

The soldier was interrogated at the Biranit army base on the northern border after she refused to undergo a drugs test. A short while after her questioning began the soldier was seen walking out of the interrogation room and heading toward the main gate.

An officer at the base told her she was under arrest and demanded that she return to the interrogation room, at which point the soldier took her shirt off and told the officer: “Let’s see if you can arrest me.”

The soldier took advantage of the officer’s momentary lack of concentration and quickly left the base. She was caught a short while later.

Consider this your nightly open (and wide) thread.

*** Update ***

I can not stop watching this video. I bet I have watched it 40 times and laughed just as hard each time. Does anyone know how I can make it my screen saver?

Reader Interactions

64Comments

  4. 4.

    ConservativelyLiberal

    “Alert! Alert! Be on the lookout for an escaped IDF soldier armed with a pair of breasts, and she is not afraid to use them! Fondle Handle with extreme caution!”

    Some people have all of the luck…

  8. 8.

    ninerdave

    WTF- what happened to Mandy Patinkin on Criminal Minds?

    What is he not on the show tonite? Guess I’ll have to wait until PST prime time to see.

    I go back and forth on whether I like that show or not. Some times is good, others cheesy.

  10. 10.

    Dreggas

    ninerdave Says:

    Speaking of Paris, is it just me, or do you not find her at all attractive.

    it’s not just you. She needs more than that bad nose job.

  11. 11.

    Dreggas

    nightjar Says:

    Dreggas Says:

    Paris couldn’t do that because she really doesn’t have ones big enough to stun them with.

    OUCH!

    what? When the doc was givin her that new nose she should have asked for a new pair!

  12. 12.

    qwerty42

    John Cole Says:

    WTF- what happened to Mandy Patinkin on Criminal Minds?

    I think there was a contract dispute of some sort. I have gone back and forth, so don’t catch it that often. Maybe is temporary?

  13. 13.

    Dreggas

    Ok, if any of you Arizonans are still reading, anyone know a good independent contractor who does cabinets and floors and such who is reasonably priced?

  16. 16.

    lectric lady

    Welcome to the “other side”, John~

    It could not have happened to a better man. We really need your excellent brain!

    I know you will be tough on us, but that you will be fair, especially re: Hillary.

    The ManSide will go to all lengths to trash her, but something tells me you will be fair. That is all I ask.

  17. 17.

    John Cole

    Dead Like Me was a great show.

    I thought I was the only one who watched that. It was a superb show. I initially watched, embarassingly enough, because of Rebecca Gayheart (rawr!).

  18. 18.

    nightjar

    Krista Says:

    I like Mandy Patinkin. Dead Like Me was a great show.

    And what happened to Selma Blair. She just seems to have vanished.

  22. 22.

    Mr. Sifter

    yeah, Dead Like Me was the show about grim repears, they had to take souls away before people died for some reason. The show was great on many levels. The characters did not find peace, or answers to life’s mysteries after death, things just got more confusing. The characters were all alienated from the world they lived in, obviously, since the were undead in a world of the living.

  23. 23.

    Dreggas

    Mr. Sifter Says:

    yeah, Dead Like Me was the show about grim repears, they had to take souls away before people died for some reason. The show was great on many levels. The characters did not find peace, or answers to life’s mysteries after death, things just got more confusing. The characters were all alienated from the world they lived in, obviously, since the were undead in a world of the living.

    I loved that show, the bone dry humor was great.

  24. 24.

    Mr. Sifter

    yeah, quite a funny show. Anyways, So I’m watching Comcast SportsNet right now, on a channel run by Ed Snider, watching a 10 or so minute clip on what a great guy Ed Snider is, for running a free youth Hockey Program. Oh, Ed Snider is also Chairman of the Flyers, so it might also be in his interest to get inner city kids in Philly to become Hockey fans, since inner city kids are not that into hockey. What a Jerk he is, and what a disgrace to journalism the producer of that segment and people who did the voice overs are.

  25. 25.

    Tsulagi

    at which point the soldier took her shirt off

    Now THAT should be SOP. I’d fully support them that.

  27. 27.

    The Other Steve

    via dkos… Colonel Colby Vokey

    This guy was chief of the Marines defense lawyers. He defended the marines charged at Haditha. But he witnessed shit out of gitmo that was too much for him, and now he’s retiring from the Marines.

    The best part, the snarky response. When asked who was responsible for this mess and abuse of the Constitution, he had this reply…

    When asked to identify exactly which officials in the military and the Bush administration he believes have abused the system of justice, Vokey avoids giving an answer. When pressed, Vokey went to his bookshelf, pulled out the Manual for Courts-Martial, and read from Article 88: “‘Any commissioned officer who uses contemptuous words against the president, vice president, Congress'” and a list of other officials, he said, “‘shall be punished as a court martial may direct.'”

    “I need to be careful,” Vokey said.

  29. 29.

    jake

    An IDF soldier fled an interrogation room by exposing her breasts to a stunned officer.

    The was officer stunned before she flashed him? I say we need the who, what, where, how, why on that one.

    Since I’m terminally immature this makes me think of the South Park episode where the granola ski-resort chick distracts people by flashing her boobs.

    Paris couldn’t do that because she really doesn’t have ones big enough to stun them with ^and everyone and their dog has already seen ’em.

  31. 31.

    Dreggas

    Heywood Jablomy Says:

    Do you think this would work with man-boobs?

    nope not even bitch tits. well wait…it may horrify them enough.

  34. 34.

    craigie

    Hey! No link to the breasts?! What’s this hyper-intertubes-thingy for if you can’t give us a link to the boobies?

  35. 35.

    Cinderella Ferret

    If I type anything else stupid tonight I blame it on the Level One Vodka. But! My bitch titties are still flaccid, so things are under control here at the Vice Presidential Candidate News Desk deep in the badlands of New Mexico. My governor–Bill Richardson–is running for VP so I have taken on the unsavory duty of keeping an eye on that twelve-sandwich-eating bastard. Jesus, Bill, have a fucking salad. But, I have give him credit for cutting my taxes, and getting the concealed carry law passed. Hey, hey! Just remember, the next time you drive through New Mexico don’t honk unless you REALLY love Jesus… Yah-tah-hey

  36. 36.

    Gold Star for Robot Boy

    What’s the Fark-y acronym?
    Oh yeah – TTIUWP (This thread is useless without pictures.)

  38. 38.

    Zuzu

    Dead Like Me was a great show.

    I thought I was the only one who watched that. It was a superb show. I initially watched, embarassingly enough, because of Rebecca Gayheart (rawr!).

    It was a great show! Squirrel Nut Zippers rock.

  39. 39.

    Dennis-SGMM

    Did anyone see that Ralph Nader is suing the Democratic Party for trying to prevent him from taking votes from Kerry?

    Who is going to vote for this guy now?

    The would be Pathetic Ralph Nader. The guy who made his bones by killing off the Corvair. Ralph’s yeoman work began with the ’61 Corvair, which actually was a lame car. His efforts reached fruition in the mid-Sixties when Chevrolet stopped making Corvairs. By that time, the Corvair was a pretty good car however, it was too late. A more-than-willing Detroit internalized the lesson: don’t innovate and don’t build small, fuel-efficient cars.

    Thanks, Ralph. You fucking asshole.

  40. 40.

    Atilla the Hun

    And Balloon-Juice is a finalist in the Weblog Awards even with John as a Democrat.

    http://2007.weblogawards.org/news/finalists-announced.php#more

    Best Conservative Blog

    * Say Anything

    * Balloon Juice

    * Sister Toldjah

    * Right Wing News

    * Ankle Biting Pundits

    * Captain’s Quarters

    * Michelle Malkin

    * Ace of Spades HQ

    * The Belmont Club

    * Powerline

    * My Pet Jawa

    * Newsbusters

    What a sad crew to be listed amongst haha. Would be hilarious if you guys won.

  41. 41.

    Aaron

    Its annoying that there are all these shows on, particularly on SCIFI like ‘dead like me’ and they’ve all been canceled so you know they aren’t going anywhere.
    Newest addition: Odyssey 5

  42. 42.

    rachel

    I will never forgive them for cancelling Farscape. Never.

    Dreggas Says:

    ninerdave Says:

    Speaking of Paris, is it just me, or do you not find her at all attractive.

    it’s not just you. She needs more than that bad nose job.

    Education? Even among the idle rich, she seems unusually brainless.

  43. 43.

    Gary Rupert

    The fact is Glen Greenwald is a gaye brazilian sockpuppet.
    The fact is Glen Greenwald was pwned by an american patriot defending your freedoms at knife-point in Korea.
    The fact is Glen Greeenwal was pwned by an upandcoming conservative blogger who is not a retard.
    The fact is Huckabee will be our next president.
    Boo-yah.

  44. 44.

    Gary Rupert

    The fact is my comments will probably be censored by the leftwing media because i speak truth to power.

  45. 45.

    Gary Rupert

    The truth is my posts are being held for censorship.
    The truth is Jaun Cole will claim it is because i am trolling and drunk which is a lie.

  46. 46.

    ConservativelyLiberal

    RedState did not make the cut, and BJ did?

    Oh, that has to be killing them…lol! With this party move by John, I wonder if they will put up a cacophony of caterwauling over a Democrat winning best right wing blog.

    Timing John, timing…

  48. 48.

    Atilla the Hun

    Go B-J Indeed!

    Vote and vote often!

    Looking at the other contenders, if anyone else wins it would simply be a mockery of the awards (as if that hasn’t happened before).

  49. 49.

    jake

    RedState did not make the cut, and BJ did?

    Oh, that has to be killing them…lol!

    My prediction if BJ wins – The fringe loons will edit their recent screechfests over Gore’s win of a Nobel Peace Prize like so: “The Nobel Prize Weblog Awards is run by a bunch of commiefascistsamericahaterz so it is no surprise Al Gore John Cole won.”

    Bets?

  50. 50.

    wvng

    John, You are not alone. Everytime I watch the damn video I laugh harder. It’s all in the details.

  51. 51.

    Bombadil

    Patinkin got into a contract dispute and/or “creative differences” and rather abruptly quit. The writers had to scramble to get his character out of the plot line. He’s being replaced (permanently) by Joe Montagna.

  52. 52.

    Bombadil

    Just looked at the Weblog Awards list. It’s weird — it’s like looking at the Grammy lists and realizing I’ve never even heard of more than half these people!

  53. 53.

    Krista

    And Balloon-Juice is a finalist in the Weblog Awards even with John as a Democrat.

    That’s delightful! But yeah…if you win, John, that’s just more proof of the giant George Soros conspiracy that has taken over America.

  55. 55.

    Punchy

    Ankle Biting Pundits

    /shudders

    I joined this a year ago in an attempt to spoof my way into the “in” crowd. These guys make Assrocket look like Hamsher.

    I learned that it’s not enough to just diss on liberals; you have to actually wish for their physical harm and pledge to beat up (beat off? who knows?) one each day.

  57. 57.

    Jay C

    @Bombadil – 8:15p

    Apparently, the “creative differences” between Mandy Patinkin and the Criminal Minds producers stem from the creative fact that Mandy up and decided one day (a day, btw, after he had re-upped for another season) that he didn’t feel like doing CM anymore, told the execs to fuck off, and just walked. Which, AFAICT, is typical behavior for the Mandster.

    Yes, Joe Mantegna (note sp.) was supposed to be his replacement: but hasn’t appeared in any episodes yet aired. Maybe they can’t pay him ’til they get their advances back from Mandy….

  59. 59.

    The Other Steve

    TEH FACT IZ GLEN GREENWALD IZ GAYE BRAZILIAN SOCKPUPPET.
    TEH FACT IZ GLEN GREENWALD WUZ PWND BY AN AMERICAN PATRIOT DEFENDIN UR FREEDOMS AT KNIFE-POINT IN KOREA.
    TEH FACT IZ GLEN GREEENWAL WUZ PWND BY AN UPANDCOMIN CONSERVATIV BLOGGR HOO IZ NOT RETARD.
    TEH FACT IZ HUCKABEE WILL BE R NEXT PRESIDENT.
    BOO-YAH.

  63. 63.

    ConservativelyLiberal

    Punchy Says:

    Somewhere, Paris Hilton Is Kicking Videotaping letting some dudes she don’t know videotape Herself

    Fixed.

    Fixed better.

  64. 64.

    Dreggas

    ConservativelyLiberal Says:

    Punchy Says:

    Somewhere, Paris Hilton Is Kicking Videotaping letting some dudes she don’t know videotape Herself in a jail cell wearin nothin but black and white striped thigh highs while being a naughty girl.

    Fixed.

    Fixed better.

    fixed betterer.

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