Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Never entrust democracy to any process that requires Republicans to act in good faith.

Good lord, these people are nuts.

Stamping your little feets and demanding that they see how important you are? Not working anymore.

Biden: Oh no. We’ve upset Big Pharma again.

Let there be snark.

It’s the corruption, stupid.

The gop is a fucking disgrace.

Ron DeSantis, the grand wizard, oops, governor of FL.

If you’re pissed about Biden’s speech, he was talking about you.

DeSantis transforming Florida into 1930s Germany with gators and theme parks.

If you are in line to indict donald trump, stay in line.

An unpunished coup is a training exercise.

When the time comes to make an endorsement, the pain of NYT editors will be palpable as they reluctantly whisper “Biden.”

Trump’s legal defense is going to be a dumpster fire inside a clown car on a derailing train.

Innocent people don’t delay justice.

Whoever he was, that guy was nuts.

Bad news for Ron DeSantis is great news for America.

American History and Black History can not be separated.

The US Supreme Court is on the ballot in november.

The republican speaker is a slippery little devil.

Russia bombs Ukraine’s maternity hospitals; Republicans in the House can’t sort out supporting Ukraine.

Republican obstruction dressed up as bipartisanship. Again.

“And when the Committee says to “report your income,” that could mean anything!

Dear Washington Post, you are the darkness now.

You are here: Home / Humorous / Jesus Christ!

Reader Interactions

60Comments

  1. 1.

    Peter Johnson

    Please. Are liberals really so frightened of religion that they’ll try to ban talking Jesus Dolls? The symbolism of silencing Jesus will not be lost on voters.

  5. 5.

    capelza

    Anyone have little kids? And barbie dolls?

    The doll will soon enough lose it’s head and become a weapon in some childhood war…and some mother (or father) will find the head, with matted hair, under the couch at a later date.

  7. 7.

    chopper

    i seriously need to buy a bunch of these dolls and a bunch of talking mr T dolls, switch around the voice chips and return them to the shelves.

    i guarantee jesus would become like 500% more popular with the kids.

  8. 8.

    AkaDad

    Are liberals really so frightened of religion that they’ll try to ban talking Jesus Dolls?

    Where in that report does it say Liberals are trying to ban anything? Or are you making stuff up again?

  9. 9.

    Elvis Elvisberg

    This is a super way to blaspheme and trivialize religion all at once.

    And yeah, PJ, you had a good run, time to adopt a new pseudonym and start again.

    Mao is laughing his ass off.

    LMAO.

  10. 10.

    Dennis-SGMM

    I give it 90 days until some fundie is found dead in two wetsuits with one of these dolls stuffed up his ass.

  11. 11.

    Bubblegum Tate

    The doll will soon enough lose it’s head and become a weapon in some childhood war…and some mother (or father) will find the head, with matted hair, under the couch at a later date.

    Which will be proof that the kids are liberal commie nazis who hate Jebus and love terrorists.

  12. 12.

    RSA

    The symbolism of silencing Jesus will not be lost on voters.

    I like the symbolism of a Jesus action figure with kung-fu grip (at least, it appears that way from the photo, which by the way has a nice rock concert-style staging). Finally some deep theological questions can be answered: If Jesus got in a fight with GI Joe, who would win?

  13. 13.

    metalgrid

    Someone needs to hurry up and get the Mary doll out quickly so kids can make a full set and do the fish and toast tea party where they entertain Ken and Barbie.

    For the homos: This should be an excellent addition to the Billy and Carlos doll collection.

  17. 17.

    The Other Steve

    An interested connection of Mafia with Giuliani.

    http://talkingpointsmemo.com/archives/057807.php

    Just do it, the mayor replied.

    Mr. Kerik followed Mr. Giuliani downstairs to a dimly lighted room. There waited Mr. Giuliani’s boyhood chum Peter J. Powers, who was first deputy mayor, and other aides. One by one, they pulled Mr. Kerik close and kissed his cheek.

    “I wonder if he noticed how much becoming part of his team resembled becoming part of a mafia family,” Mr. Kerik wrote. “I was being made.”

    What? No tatoos?

  18. 18.

    Jess

    I don’t know why this line got me giggling, but it did:

    The owner of the company said he started making the doll because he was troubled by a lack of morals and ethics in toys.

    Someone is really unclear on the concept of the purpose of play and toys…how does this compare with the PC attempt to ban violence in toyland?

  21. 21.

    Tim

    wouldn’t it be cool to put the Mr. T voice inside the Jesus doll ?

    “I pity the fool that can’t multiply loaves !”

  22. 22.

    The Other Steve

    The owner of the company said he started making the doll because he was troubled by a lack of morals and ethics in toys.

    Wait, what about the lack of morals and ethics in dildos?

    Is he going to make the Jesus vibrator?

  23. 23.

    Tim

    Wait, what about the lack of morals and ethics in dildos?

    when we’re all in Hell, can I sit next to you guys ?

  25. 25.

    laneman

    capelza sez:

    Anyone have little kids? And barbie dolls?

    And you hat ‘merika because you have, uhm, done something bad by saying…

    Mine kids are locked up atm for their evil thoughts

  26. 26.

    JGabriel

    I’m disappointed. I just got my Talking Jesus Doll ™ and all it says is, ‘Math is hard’ and ‘All your base belong to us’.

  28. 28.

    Cassius Chaerea

    Newbury Comics in Boston used to sell the “Job action figure”. Sackcloth, ashes, boils, bleeding …

  30. 30.

    Krista

    Oh as for the jesus vibrator…as the line goes Let Jesus Fuck You

    Wow. I’m agnostic and the husband is pretty vehemently antitheist, and we both thought that crotch-cross was just wrong on so many levels.

  31. 31.

    Pb

    Is Jesus anatomically correct?

    I’ve heard he was hung.

    For a joke like that, you could get crucified in the wingnutosphere…

  32. 32.

    Dreggas

    Krista Says:

    Wow. I’m agnostic and the husband is pretty vehemently antitheist, and we both thought that crotch-cross was just wrong on so many levels.

    It was, but the baby jesus butt plug was worse.

  34. 34.

    metalgrid

    Dreggas Says:
    It was, but the baby jesus butt plug was worse.

    So when baby jesus cries, does it automagically turn into an enema?

  39. 39.

    maxbaer (not the original)

    Nightjar mentioned the dashboard attachment, I’ll put up the lyrics:

    Well, I don’t care if it rains or freezes,
    Long as I have my plastic Jesus
    Riding on the dashboard of my car
    Through all trials and tribulations,
    We will travel every nation,
    With my plastic Jesus I’ll go far.

  40. 40.

    Tony J

    i seriously need to buy a bunch of these dolls and a bunch of talking mr T dolls, switch around the voice chips and return them to the shelves.

    i guarantee jesus would become like 500% more popular with the kids

    wouldn’t it be cool to put the Mr. T voice inside the Jesus doll ?

    “I pity the fool that can’t multiply loaves !”

    Project Mayhem exists to bring together the people who have good ideas with the people who can make them better!

    That’s made my night.

  41. 41.

    chopper

    wouldn’t it be cool to put the Mr. T voice inside the Jesus doll ?

    i know, right? man, i could have sworn i’ve heard of that idea before.

  43. 43.

    Krista

    It was, but the baby jesus butt plug was worse.

    /curls up into a ball in the corner, whimpering.

  44. 44.

    Dreggas

    Krista Says:

    It was, but the baby jesus butt plug was worse.

    /curls up into a ball in the corner, whimpering.

    hey either way you’ll be filled with the spirit.

  45. 45.

    chopper

    hey either way you’ll be filled with the spirit.

    throw in a coupla wet suits and you’ve got a party.

  46. 46.

    Dreggas

    chopper Says:

    throw in a coupla wet suits and you’ve got a party.

    Every purchase comes with a trial tube of What Would Jesus Lube brand personal lubricant.

  48. 48.

    YellowJournalism

    Wow. I’m agnostic and the husband is pretty vehemently antitheist, and we both thought that crotch-cross was just wrong on so many levels.

    Yes, but it’s endorsed by both Linda Blair and Madonna!

  49. 49.

    Jess

    Wow…I thought my students were bad when they came up their line of 9/11 souvenirs (commemorative box-cutter keychains, etc.), but you guys are truly warped! I can’t wait for this to get linked by some right-wing fundie blog site…

  50. 50.

    jake

    he was troubled by a lack of morals and ethics in toys.

    This rather implies that his toys talk to him and tell him to do baaaaad things. Filthy things…

  51. 51.

    Dreggas

    jake Says:

    he was troubled by a lack of morals and ethics in toys.

    This rather implies that his toys talk to him and tell him to do baaaaad things. Filthy things…

    They make hims a bad, naughty, nasty boy a truly naughty, naughty littl boy.

  52. 52.

    jake

    Oh as for the jesus vibrator

    Well! That gives the Depeche Mode song a new meaning.

    Unless that’s what they were singing about all along.

  53. 53.

    Dreggas

    jake Says:

    Oh as for the jesus vibrator

    Well! That gives the Depeche Mode song a new meaning.

    Unless that’s what they were singing about all along.

    Crucify my love….

  54. 54.

    jcricket

    We go 50 comments and no one notices that Jesus’ General (General JC Christian (Patriot)) has an obvious case of trademark infringement with this doll.

    Which reminds me of this classic from my youth (to the tune of

    Jesus puts his money in the Chase Manhattan Bank
    Jesus puts his money in the Chase Manhattan Bank
    Jesus puts his money in the Chase Manhattan Bank
    Jesus saves, Jesus Saves, Jesus Saves!

    Side order of heresy: Jesus saves, but Gretzy SCORES on the rebound.

    ObJew: Jesus saves, but Moses invests.

  56. 56.

    Dreggas

    We had a buddy christ figure from Dogma that we put velcro on the base of then put the other part on the dashboard and had it set so he was pointing forward “leading the way”

  58. 58.

    YellowJournalism

    Wow…I thought my students were bad when they came up their line of 9/11 souvenirs (commemorative box-cutter keychains, etc.), but you guys are truly warped! I can’t wait for this to get linked by some right-wing fundie blog site…

    That’s nothing. Wait until you see the Virgin Mary Early Warning Pregnancy Test.

  59. 59.

    Jess

    Wait until you see the Virgin Mary Early Warning Pregnancy Test.

    I wish I had thought of that. Yet at the same time I’m strangely glad I didn’t.

  60. 60.

    jake

    That’s nothing. Wait until you see the Virgin Mary Early Warning Pregnancy Test.

    Spoiler alert:

    It involves doves.

Comments are closed.