Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

It may be funny to you motherfucker, but it’s not funny to me.

How stupid are these people?

Not all heroes wear capes.

If you tweet it in all caps, that makes it true!

Mediocre white men think RFK Jr’s pathetic midlife crisis is inspirational. The bar is set so low for them, it’s subterranean.

They are not red states to be hated; they are voter suppression states to be fixed.

if you can’t see it, then you are useless in the fight to stop it.

The only way through is to slog through the muck one step at at time.

JFC, are there no editors left at that goddamn rag?

Too often we hand the biggest microphones to the cynics and the critics who delight in declaring failure.

Marge, god is saying you’re stupid.

There are consequences to being an arrogant, sullen prick.

75% of people clapping liked the show!

We are builders in a constant struggle with destroyers. keep building.

“But what about the lurkers?”

Republicans: The threats are dire, but my tickets are non-refundable!

If you are still in the gop, you are either an extremist yourself, or in bed with those who are.

Why is it so hard for them to condemn hate?

Usually wrong but never in doubt

White supremacy is terrorism.

When they say they are pro-life, they do not mean yours.

Those who are easily outraged are easily manipulated.

Giving in to doom is how authoritarians win.

Only Democrats have agency, apparently.

You are here: Home / Humorous / Batshiat Crazy Minutemen: Preventing Cattle Emigration

Batshiat Crazy Minutemen: Preventing Cattle Emigration

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This is priceless!

It was supposed to be 14 feet high and topped with razor wire. It was also supposed to send a message to Washington that if the government wouldn’t seal off the southern border, volunteers could.

One farmer interviewed on CNN was just glad it was keeping his cattle fenced in. I filed this under humor because the Minutemen, while completely repugnant to me (I think they are 100% motivated by racism), never cease to make me laugh.

Reader Interactions

25Comments

  1. 1.

    RSA

    Mexican cattle come into our country without documentation, eat our grass, drink our water, and what do they contribute in return? Methane. And they don’t even speak English!

  2. 2.

    Michael D.

    RSA: Don’t even get me started on the number of aborted cow fetuses who could be contributing to the enjoyment of BBQ and milk in this country!

  3. 3.

    Jake

    I’m rolling off my chair here, this is Wall-to-Wall Comedy Gold.

    Simcox described it as “our high-tech, double-layered gauntlet of deterrent.”

    Oh noes! Not the Gauntlet of Deterrent! Does it come with a Cloak of Unseeing and a Sword of Oblivion?

    And please say I’m not the only one who thinks this dude’s name sounds like a sex toy available through 2nd Life.

    “To this day, we still don’t know how much the Minuteman Civil Defense Corps has raised. We don’t have a clue, not a clue,” Wright said.

    Quick! Get that man a military contract!

    Or a large Evangelical Church!

  4. 4.

    Jake

    I need to get out more, I’m finding way too many layers o’ amusement in this story

    Simcox posted his group’s most recent tax filing and an independent audit on the Minuteman Web site. In the audit, the largest expense listed, by far, is for “professional services,” with no further details given.

    We’re all waiting for an explanation, “Mr. Simcox.” [Taps foot]

  5. 5.

    grumpy realist

    Looks like the most productive act would be to get an IRS audit on this guy…what do you want to bet that 99% of that “professional services” money ended up in his pocket?

    Just another con man fleecing the rubes….it used to be the pea-under-the-shell games, now it’s a “double-layered gauntlet of deterrrent.”

    Can’t think of a better bunch of ijdits to use as marks.

  6. 6.

    Dennis-SGMM

    Oh noes! Not the Gauntlet of Deterrent! Does it come with a Cloak of Unseeing and a Sword of Oblivion?

    Ha! Don’t you realize that with a few lucky casts Simcox will be able to level-up the Gauntlet of Deterrent so that it will even resist the Wirecutters of Doom?

  7. 7.

    Garrigus Carraig

    Oh noes! Not the Gauntlet of Deterrent! Does it come with a Cloak of Unseeing and a Sword of Oblivion?

    Ha! Don’t you realize that with a few lucky casts Simcox will be able to level-up the Gauntlet of Deterrent so that it will even resist the Wirecutters of Doom?

    Beware! For the Wirecutters of Doom, it is prophesied, will be rendered powerless, covered by the great Paper of … Covering.

  9. 9.

    Garrigus Carraig

    Or rather crushed by the awesome Rock of … Crushing, which will in turn, you know… Oh lookz, it’s Ron Paul!

  10. 10.

    Bubblegum Tate

    Wait, I’m confused…over at B4B, they’re talking about how the border fence is working. In much the same language that they use to talk about how the surge is working.

    Oh, I get it. It’s just one of the many Bushbot MadLibs–this one is the “________ is working!” page.

  11. 11.

    Sinister eyebrow

    Funny how money raised by these crackpot, black helicopter, militia group leaders keeps on getting lost. Simcox was implicated in the same sort of fraud when he was part of the militia movement and many of the other leaders of the various militias and other anti-government (Income Tax is Illegal!!!) groups also got nailed for this stuff.

    Who knew such concerned citizens would also turn out to be such unscrupulous cheats. What will we tell the children?

    (Also, I have to question the wisdom of bilking heavily armed, angry, conspiracy minded followers out of their money. Seems like an awfully dangerous group to target with Ponzi schemes.)

  12. 12.

    Dennis-SGMM

    If an Illegal Alien casts the T-shirt of Eternity over the top wire of the Gauntlet of Deterrent, the Gauntlet immediately transforms into the Stairway to Heaven.

  13. 13.

    canuckistani

    Looks like the most productive act would be to get an IRS audit on this guy…what do you want to bet that 99% of that “professional services” money ended up in his pocket?

    I’ll take that bet. I’ll bet it ended up in the jockstraps of strippers at the local S&M bar, or in the cash register at Wetsuits-R-Us.

  14. 14.

    Tax Analyst

    Hmmm…”Simcox”…as in “Simulated Cock”, as in “Dildo”. OK, now the name fits.

    Be sure to wear your “Gauntlet of Deterrent” when you’re around this guy.

    Hey, if you have 60 Minutemen you’ve got a song title.

  15. 15.

    Jake

    Be sure to wear your “Gauntlet of Deterrent” when you’re around this guy

    Or when beating off the GOP.

  17. 17.

    Tax Analyst

    Jake Says:

    Be sure to wear your “Gauntlet of Deterrent” when you’re around this guy

    Or when beating off the GOP.

    Always a risky proposition even with protection. It’s better just to stay away from those pricks.

  18. 18.

    chopper

    We’re all waiting for an explanation, “Mr. Simcox.” [Taps foot]

    i’d be real careful tapping your foot in the presence of a republican named ‘simcox’.

  19. 19.

    Punchy

    CNN asked Simcox for responses to all of the allegations made by the former insiders. He replied that all of the allegations, as well as CNN’s investigation, are “a witch hunt” and “part of a smear campaign.” Simcox declined several CNN requests for an interview.

    Because CNN is Teh Evil Media…and…and…all of his leiutenants, associates, friends, investment dealers, helpers, money collecters, enforcers, builders, ex-wives, former hookers, and buisness partners are all Teh Evil Liberals….

    God damn, what are the odds that all of those Go Liberal on ya all at once? Poor guy.

  22. 22.

    Fwiffo

    Simcox posted his group’s most recent tax filing and an independent audit on the Minuteman Web site. In the audit, the largest expense listed, by far, is for “professional services,” with no further details given.

    Professional. They went to TJ and got some hookers.

  23. 23.

    r€nato

    One man actually mortgaged his home and contributed more than $100,000.

    a fool and his money…

    It was a five-strand barbed wire fence that would keep Ladd’s cattle in and keep Mexican cattle out. Ladd said he is happy with the fence. But some Minuteman leaders were stunned. In their first-ever interview, these former Simcox lieutenants told CNN they believed that the groundbreaking was a ploy by Simcox to raise even more money.

    conservatives fooled by one of their leaders? You don’t say!

    “To this day, we still don’t know how much the Minuteman Civil Defense Corps has raised. We don’t have a clue, not a clue,” Wright said.

    Simcox now says that he never promised to build the high-tech security fence on Ladd’s ranch. And he insists the barbed-wire fence really does protect the country.

    he’s got a great future as a GOP politician… or a televangelist.

  24. 24.

    rachel

    r€nato Says:
    …he’s got a great future as a GOP politician… or a televangelist.

    If the cops don’t get him sooner rather than later, yeah.

  25. 25.

    Jake

    I wish I’d thought of this scam. I could use some ready cash.

    Sad thing is, you could still get away with it. Would it be wrong to sell electronic “Illegal Immigrant Detection Devices” to the rubes?

    Um.

    Er.

    Hang on…

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