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You are here: Home / Politics / Domestic Politics / Southern Strategy

Southern Strategy

by Tim F|  November 7, 200711:07 pm| 53 Comments

This post is in: Domestic Politics, Politics

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In a post below I asked what kind of strategy the GOP can run on in ’08 if they can’t pass the laugh test on foreign policy, healthcare, immigration or the economy. Of course there’s always the inchoate mass of angry islamofascist people, and I’m sure that they look forward to all kinds of funny photoshops of Hitlery, yet for a national platform that still feels a bit thin. Writing for one of his eighteen billion blogging gigs, Steve Benen pre-answered my question at John Amato’s site:

Tom Edsall’s report suggests Giuliani will appeal to white conservatives by emphasizing his conflicts with NYC’s African-American community. The idea, apparently, is to deflect attention from his positions on abortion, gays, guns, and immigration by pointing to race — the implicit message being: “How liberal can Giuliani be if he constantly fought with black people in New York?”

It takes a certain kind of genius to leverage Amadou Diallo into an electoral strategy.

Now let’s follow Benen back to his home turf.

The GOP’s House committee has $1.6 million in the bank, but is $4 million in debt. The polls look one-sided in the Dems’ favor. Yesterday’s election results offered very little good news. The party has struggled to stop retirements and recruit favored candidates. The Republican leadership has been so discouraged with the National Republican Congressional Committee that House Minority Leader John A. Boehner (R-Ohio) threatened to fire its chief strategists, and NRCC Chairman Tom Cole (R-Okla.) considered resigning.

And now, the comeback plan is off to a troubled start, because the party doesn’t know where it wants to go.

I guess the answer is that there is no answer. Republicans can’t repudiate their recent past since they never made a credible break with it, even when that decision ties them to policies that they can’t credibly defend. It’s a sticky wicket.

Think that you can help the Republicans out? Leave ideas in the comments. I will log original-sounding suggestions in an update.

Here is my entry on foreign policy: Harness the power of entrepreneurship! Following similar efforts that have produced quantum leaps in science and engineering, offer a $10 billion prize for the first person or consortium who successfully brings a stable democracy to Iraq or similar middle eastern country. Consecutive rounds will disqualify groups that get bogged down in open-ended quagmires.

Let’s hear your thoughts.

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Reader Interactions

53Comments

  1. 1.

    mullah cimoc

    November 7, 2007 at 11:20 pm

    mullah cimoc say Giuliani him make big ashame for all ameriki.

    him take him slut to live in government house while still the marry? Am this “conservative value” ameriki?

    him business partner kerrick Giuliani almost make the homeland security czar of usa but now the investigate and hearing of the whores and the rich man condo on policeman salary. Am him the clean police? Conservative values ameriki?

    him to serving the homosexual and disobey him bible, but still acting the proud. him to wanting man to marry man, man to marry donkey, and woman to marry the woman. so sick and show the destroy of ameriki society.

    him Giuliani to obey every command of masters in tel aviv. him like puppet on fish line. am this make the geo. washington and benjamin frankling proud?

    now the republican of ameriki having so many the gay homosexual like the kink sex act, corruption and cruel—now just opposite—not the family value, this the filthy corruption and amerika to be suffer maybe the earthquaking so terrible?

    for him true info: [email protected] for him aemriki learn.

  2. 2.

    JPL

    November 7, 2007 at 11:31 pm

    Okay, add “spam blogs with anti-semitic crazy anti-Giuliani propaganda” to the list. I must admit that’s probably going to work.

  3. 3.

    laneman

    November 7, 2007 at 11:55 pm

    not that I am cynical, but that bit about success is contra-posisitive to everything that the present repugs are about — so I think your I
    Initial premise is failed before it starts.

  4. 4.

    Pb

    November 7, 2007 at 11:55 pm

    More natural disasters that disproportionately displace Democratic voters–after all, the “Red Tide” (Katrina) apparently worked its magic according to Red State…

  5. 5.

    jake

    November 8, 2007 at 12:23 am

    Giuliani will appeal to white conservatives by emphasizing his conflicts with NYC’s African-American community.

    Yes. Please. I like to hear people laugh. If he takes this route any time the GOP claims to be the party that really cares about African-American’s, I will be deafened by peals of sardonic laughter.

    I can see the campaign slogans now: Vote for Rudy! If he doesn’t shoot ’em, he’ll rape ’em with a stick!

    Freak.

    I do wish people would get this right tho’:

    He closed the Brooklyn Museum after it put on display a painting of the Virgin Mary covered with Elephant dung.

  6. 6.

    r€nato

    November 8, 2007 at 12:25 am

    solve immigration and Iraq in one master stroke – declare war on Mexico and occupy it. We’ll still get to kill a bunch of brown-skinned people who speak a funny language and take their oil, so that will make the xenophobes and oil execs happy. War will get rid of the ‘excess’ population, and those that are left will be needed to rebuild the country. No more illegal immigration by cutting it off at the source! Plus, cheap gas for all!

    Troops will have to leave Iraq to do Mexico, but they can come home to visit their family every other weekend since it’s not half the world away. The other weekends in between they can bang Mexican prostitutes. That solves the whole Iraq issue, yet keeps the country on a war footing which makes neo-cons and Halliburton happy.

  7. 7.

    ScottS

    November 8, 2007 at 12:25 am

    Seriously, they have a shot (especially against Hillary) if they

    *hold down the theocon types by demonizing hollywood on the stump and letting local pols and robocalls demonize gays and single moms so the candidate doesn’t have to

    *appeal to fear (terrorists, immigrants, Chinese, whoever works best this time)
    *appeal to nationalism
    *appeal to militarism
    *taxes are bad

    If the economy tanks they will lose. If not, and if Iraq is better than it is today with fewer US troops, the poisonous stew above (and maybe a little fraud here and there where it can’t be seen) could result in an electoral victory.

    The margins in some blue states will be astonishing, however, while they have to hold on to OH, MO and the Rocky Mountain West. It would take a renaissance in Iraq and a terrible performance by the Dem nominee for the GOP to win the popular vote.

  8. 8.

    Knocienz

    November 8, 2007 at 12:37 am

    Declare the Democratic party to be a terrorist organization. Bush demands that they disband or prove that they are soft on terrorists.

    Predicted result: Democratic leadership loudly objects, and finally reaches a compromise that allows them to run in all odd numbered years.

  9. 9.

    Elvis Elvisberg

    November 8, 2007 at 12:39 am

    The GOP will campaign on fear itself, and its accoutrements– torture, the necessity of occupying Iraq forever, the need to fence out foreigners, etc.

    Other than that… will they really talk about the need for balanced budgets and limited government power? Will they be able to?

    It would take a renaissance in Iraq and a terrible performance by the Dem nominee for the GOP to win the popular vote.

    Yes, a renaissance in Iraq would do the trick quite nicely. Or the Twelfth Imam might return, and tell us all to vote Republican. That also might work.

    I guess, other than entertaining the possibility that Iraq works out great, I agree with ScottS. And the economy will not be doing great. Hopefully it won’t tank.

  10. 10.

    Free At Last

    November 8, 2007 at 12:49 am

    I’m sure Giuliani will use some form of dog-whistle politics to appeal to white Southerners. He won’t come out and say it explicitly, but the message will be “I’ve shown that I know how to put dark-skinned people in their proper place”. And it will work outside of the South as well.

    I’m just curious to see how creative he’ll be.

  11. 11.

    Dreggas

    November 8, 2007 at 1:03 am

    I guess suggesting they bend over and kiss their sorry asses good bye is not very helpful even if it is probably worth practicing?

  12. 12.

    misc

    November 8, 2007 at 1:09 am

    When Bush Senior pushed Saddam out of Kuwait, conventional wisdom said he was on the fast track to a second term. It was unimaginable that he would lose re-election.

    Then the economy hit a minor bump in the road, and Clinton successfully turned the mantra into: “it’s the economy, stupid.”

    I’m willing to bet the advisors of George the Lessor learned that particular lesson, and strived to game the economy as much as possible. Greenspan endorsing adjustable rate mortgages, anyone?

    If the economy tanks… and it appears to be on the brink… good luck Republicans. You’ll need it, though you don’t deserve it.

  13. 13.

    TenguPhule

    November 8, 2007 at 1:15 am

    Free hookers and beer.

    Promise that the people get to live the Republican Senator way of life.

  14. 14.

    nwithers

    November 8, 2007 at 1:17 am

    If the economy tanks they will lose.

    Yeah, the republicans are pretty well boned, since the sub-prime loan, housing, oil, and/or dollar collapse problems ain’t going anywhere for at least six months (even by clap your hands and believe optimistic projections).

    If the corporate guys hadn’t got greedy and spread the wealth a bit more (see the writer’s strike for a classic example), or the neo-cons thought “maybe we should think a bit more on Iraq”, or the theo-cons weren’t well… CRAZY… (and don’t get me started on the internal world of pain pat just opened up by throwing his recommendation to Giuliani) They might not have gotten themselves in this mess.

    Only way the Republicans might pull it out is if the Democrats screw it up completely….

    so, about a 20% chance.

  15. 15.

    nwithers

    November 8, 2007 at 1:21 am

    I’m willing to bet the advisors of George the Lessor learned that particular lesson, and strived to game the economy as much as possible. Greenspan endorsing adjustable rate mortgages, anyone?

    I agree with you there, but there no more Acme toys to juice things along, and the coyote is beginning to look down.

  16. 16.

    craigie

    November 8, 2007 at 1:48 am

    If I were them, I would run on a platform of seceding from the Union. That should get out the true believers.

    Plus, lots of Dems would cross over to help them. It’s win-win!

  17. 17.

    J. Michael Neal

    November 8, 2007 at 2:41 am

    There is only one problem with your post.

    I guess the answer is that there is no answer. Republicans can’t repudiate their recent past since they never made a credible break with it, even when that decision ties them to policies that they can’t credibly defend. It’s a sticky wicket.

    A sticky wicket helps spin. I think you are using the wrong analogy.

  18. 18.

    alphie

    November 8, 2007 at 3:13 am

    Term limits and balanced budgets could make a good Republican platform.

  19. 19.

    Cuzco

    November 8, 2007 at 3:46 am

    Uh … Flag burning amendment!

  20. 20.

    Xenos

    November 8, 2007 at 5:13 am

    While the cricket pitch (field) as whole is sometimes referred to as a wicket, the term ‘wicket’ more properly refers to the stumps and bails that must be hit and knocked apart to get an out. If the wicket is sticky then the component parts do not fall apart when hit by the ball – thus a sticky wicket is a perversely unsolvable problem.

    How the defensive technique of ‘stonewalling’ came to be applied to Nixon, I don’t know.

  21. 21.

    Anne Laurie

    November 8, 2007 at 5:17 am

    [S]olve immigration and Iraq in one master stroke – declare war on Mexico and occupy it. We’ll still get to kill a bunch of brown-skinned people who speak a funny language and take their oil, so that will make the xenophobes and oil execs happy. War will get rid of the ‘excess’ population, and those that are left will be needed to rebuild the country. No more illegal immigration by cutting it off at the source! Plus, cheap gas for all!

    Would you *stop* giving Those People ideas?…

    Seriously, your scenario would actually be attractive to the people currently running the Oval Office, except that Mexico and the Mexicans are too useful to the American Plutocracy as a source of cheap goods, cheap labor, and ever-ready political scapegoats. If “we” declare war on the bottom part of North America — which would inevitably end up spreading south like the stains on Hugh Hewitt’s jammies — who’s going to harvest the crops, wash the dishes, man the factories, and scare the Red Staters into voting against their own self-interests?

    On the other hand, maybe Cheney can convince his corporate sponsors to let him declare war on Canada…

  22. 22.

    conumdrum

    November 8, 2007 at 5:47 am

    Flush the racist rhetoric and shun them as uses it. They’ll lose redneck votes but make gains everywhere else.

    Tell the religious right to go pound salt. History is not on the side of censorship and homophobia. Dobson, Robertson and their ilk will then have huge hissy fits that will only marginalize them all the more in the eyes of the rational.

    Embrace environmentalism. Even a significant percentage of Repubs have moved in that direction, though Al Gore’s movie dealt that trend a setback (and if that ain’t a testament to the bankruptcy of their party, damned if I know what is).

    Stick to what the GOP used to do best… fiscal conservatism (minus the corruption and ass-spreading for big business), and putting the brakes on the Democrats’ nuttier ideas.

    Never happen, of course. They’d rather stick to their “principles” and go sailing off the precipice with Dubya… and we get to watch the party falllllllling into the gorge like Wile E. Coyote. Complete with the faint thud at the end.

  23. 23.

    Xenos

    November 8, 2007 at 6:00 am

    The republicans in Congress are still marching in lockstep with party leadership – these guys are committing suicide. The few that survive within the rump GOP want seniority when the next generation rehabilitates the party in 15 years, I guess.

  24. 24.

    El Cid

    November 8, 2007 at 8:28 am

    Wait — there’s already a $10 Billion prize to keep Iraq unstable, and it flows regularly to Halliburton, Blackwater, e al.

    And they really don’t have to work that hard for it.

    Why would they risk their guaranteed easy while scary big profits on doing something difficult and never ever accomplished?

  25. 25.

    Don Quijote

    November 8, 2007 at 8:42 am

    Easy. 8 step program.

    1) Impeach George Bush
    2) Name a sane republican as VP (could be a bit of a challenge, I am thinking Hagel)
    3) Impeach Dick Cheney.
    4) find another sane Republican, name him as VP.
    5) Find some sucker to clean the mess we have made of the Middle-East.
    6) End the Iraqi Occupation.
    7) Bring the troops home.
    8) Find a new Presidential Candidate that isn’t a complete whack job.

    If they do all of the above, they’ve got a got a shot at beating Hillary.

    Good Luck.

  26. 26.

    chopper

    November 8, 2007 at 9:19 am

    him to serving the homosexual and disobey him bible but still acting the proud, indeed.

  27. 27.

    Don K

    November 8, 2007 at 9:29 am

    conumdrum:

    Stop it, you’re killing me! They could no more do that than they could turn me into a newt.

    Actual Republican strategy:
    – All terror, all the time
    – Flag burning amendment
    – Gay marriage

    IOW, more of the same — change the subject and hope nobody notices.

  28. 28.

    Gregory

    November 8, 2007 at 9:44 am

    It takes a certain kind of genius evil to leverage Amadou Diallo into an electoral strategy.

    Fixed.

  29. 29.

    Liberaltarian

    November 8, 2007 at 9:52 am

    I was going to say something along the lines of give a flying fuck about the everday American citizen, restore their civil rights, call for expat corporations who make billions in the US to pay their fair share of taxes and reign in their consumer abusive behavior, recognize that government is about pooling resources for the common good because ignorant and sick people don’t make for a great country, etc., but really what Don Quijote said about finding candidates that aren’t batshit crazy is basically much more elegant.

  30. 30.

    jenniebee

    November 8, 2007 at 10:01 am

    I’d advise a rash of “entertainment” options to shift public opinion in subtle ways, by normalizing some of the GOP’s latest embarrassments. Some suggestions:

    New, from the people who brought you 24, it’s Waterboard Me! the game show where contestants compete for the chance to win cash and prizes by submitting to “intensive interrogation techniques!” The longer you hold on before tapping out, the more you win!
    Survivor Iraq – We’ll be out in the middle of the desert, on ground of absolutely no value to anybody, not even nomadic camel herders. Interviews with contestants go something like this: “We haven’t seen any kind of violence or anything from Iraqis, but if Cyndi thinks that her alliance with Dave and Mark means that she doesn’t have to bring it to the group competitions she’s got another think coming.”
    Julie Gorin is your host for America’s Next Conservative Comic Star! Do you tell jokes like: “you know what’s different about the workers at Wal Mart? They work!” If so, you could be America’s next Conservative Comic!
    A documentary film, in the style of the one about the National Spelling Bee, covering a Readers’ Digest essay competition on the theme: “Alexander Hamilton said that a national debt is a beneficience, which is more true today than ever before.”

  31. 31.

    Kynn

    November 8, 2007 at 10:06 am

    I’m sure Giuliani will use some form of dog-whistle politics to appeal to white Southerners. He won’t come out and say it explicitly, but the message will be “I’ve shown that I know how to put dark-skinned people in their proper place”. And it will work outside of the South as well.

    Free, that’s called “tough on crime” and “cleaned up the streets of New York,” long-respected code-words for “kicked the brown folks’ asses” in conservative circles.

  32. 32.

    The Other Steve

    November 8, 2007 at 10:15 am

    Frankly, I think the Republican strategy should be exactly what they have been doing. In fact, I think the more Southern the party becomes, the more they’ll appeal to middle America folks.

    So keep putting politicians who sound like Brad Pitt in Snatch out on TV. you get them to explain to the American people why everything is a mess, and I guarantee the Republicans will get more votes than ever.

    After all, if people can’t understand a word you are saying, they believe it’s just because you are smarter than they are, and they trust you more.

  33. 33.

    The Other Steve

    November 8, 2007 at 10:21 am

    If they do all of the above, they’ve got a got a shot at beating Hillary.

    Well, sure. But you think they’re really going to do that?

    I think they’ve got a better shot of hiring Mickey O’Neil as their party spokesperson.

  34. 34.

    canuckistani

    November 8, 2007 at 10:41 am

    How about promising kool-aid, name brand sneakers and a free ride on the next spaceship to come behind a comet?

  35. 35.

    SLE

    November 8, 2007 at 10:49 am

    Re-name the party! That is right, just re-name it so that there are no Republicans to blame for the mess! Call the new party, say, the Faith and Justice party and run on a faith and justice platform, get approximately half the votes in the country.

    Same old faces, new great brand!

  36. 36.

    Andrew

    November 8, 2007 at 10:59 am

    I totally agree with everything that mullah cimoc wrote. I think.

  37. 37.

    Dreggas

    November 8, 2007 at 11:29 am

    TenguPhule Says:

    Free hookers and beer.

    Promise that the people get to live the Republican Senator way of life.

    Well…I dunno…for some that translates to free bathroom stalls and toe tapping lessons.

  38. 38.

    MobiusKlein

    November 8, 2007 at 11:48 am

    Don’t forget leveraging Abner Louima as well.

    http://www.google.com/search?q=abner+louima

    If you wonder what the FBI, CIA, and SS will be up to in a Giuliani presidency, think perforated rectums. No wonder folks like that ‘pish tosh’ mere waterboarding.

  39. 39.

    merciless

    November 8, 2007 at 11:52 am

    I’m still expecting an attack on Iran sometime next spring. It will be done in the dead of night, and by the time Congress gets out of bed and has a cup of coffee, the video footage will already be running on CNN.

    Then we’ll be at WAR, dammit, and you can’t have girlie-men running the country during a time of WAR!

    The flip side to this great idea is that the rest of the world might finally get tired of it and hit us back, militarily, economically, or politically. And the economy would tank. But hey, I’m not saying we wouldn’t get our hair mussed…

  40. 40.

    Michael van der Galiën

    November 8, 2007 at 11:56 am

    I think that halliburton is up to the challenge Tim!

  41. 41.

    Halffasthero

    November 8, 2007 at 12:00 pm

    I always wonder what new gutter politics the next campaign will bring and it is always lower that I guessed. To tell you the truth, the Republicans do not have a magic wand this time around. They have disappointed everyone imaginable. I am not sure what they think is being accomplished by stonewalling in the Senate and House but it really isn’t fooling anyone – except the DC villagers.

    A sign of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. Did 2006 teach them anything? It should have but they ignored it. Virginia and Kentucky should have been the mother of all FINAL wake up calls that what they are doing is not working. The party has simply gone insane and there appears to be no one who can stop it. If they want to kill themselves, they are going about it the right way. I just wish they would not take the country with them which they appear to be doing.

  42. 42.

    Tom Hilton

    November 8, 2007 at 12:11 pm

    Tom Edsall’s report suggests Giuliani will appeal to white conservatives by emphasizing his conflicts with NYC’s African-American community.

    It just might work. There’s a whole lot of wingnuts out there voting for him because they want to see him do to the world what the cops did to Abner Louima.

  43. 43.

    chopper

    November 8, 2007 at 12:43 pm

    If you wonder what the FBI, CIA, and SS will be up to in a Giuliani presidency, think perforated rectums. No wonder folks like that ‘pish tosh’ mere waterboarding.

    according to sean hannity, luima’s injuries were from nothing more than rough gay sex. i guess he’s the expert on perforated colons from teh buttsecks.

  44. 44.

    Free At Last

    November 8, 2007 at 12:57 pm

    …that’s called “tough on crime” and “cleaned up the streets of New York,” long-respected code-words for “kicked the brown folks’ asses” in conservative circles.

    Kynn, You may be right – I don’t speak Code so good like English – but if that’s the case, he’s already been doing the dog-whistle. Does that explain why the Southern fundies love him despite his love of gays, abortions, and anti-gun laws? If so, we know what’s really most important to them. I have to admit, my impression of them from afar (NY) was never so low as to think they’d put ugly JC (Jim Crow) above the blessed JC (not you, John Cole) in such a blatant way. After all, abortions kill babies of all shades, so there is a trade-off for them there.

  45. 45.

    jcricket

    November 8, 2007 at 1:01 pm

    History is not on the side of censorship and homophobia

    Or racism, sexism, demonization of immigrants, anti-environmentalism, never-ending war, anti-evolution/science thinking, being the party of only the rich, being anti-birth control, etc.

    There isn’t a major issue in today’s world that Republican party is on the “right side” of. I’m not talking about nuances regarding which tax policy is best – they are on a determined march to go down as the party that gets everything wrong.

    Obviously they are the party of George “Changing one’s mind is the worst thing evah” W. Bush more than they would ever care to admit it.

    The best thing about their scorched earth strategy is that it alienates huge swaths of people along the way (almost all scientists, immigrants, gays, blacks, women, etc).

    GOP? Party of One? Your table is ready.

  46. 46.

    jcricket

    November 8, 2007 at 1:04 pm

    A sign of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result. Did 2006 teach them anything?

    You do understand the wingnut version of 2006 is very different than the reality-based version.

    In real life it was a massive repudiation of everything the Republicans have been doing (hatred of gays, never-ending war, massive deficits + tax cuts for the rich). Democrats won fielding every kind of candidate (liberal, populist, moderate, etc) – and won in surprising places

    In wingnut-istan, Democrats won only by running DINOs (democrats in name only) and conservatives lost because they didn’t run far enough to the right.

    It’s not really funny, but I for one look forward to the wingnuts taking their theory and running with it. Run a Guliani + Tancredo ticket. Praise the legacy of GW Bush.
    See how far it gets you.

  47. 47.

    Bubblegum Tate

    November 8, 2007 at 1:20 pm

    i guess he’s the expert on perforated colons from teh buttsecks.

    Well, he was a Catholic altarboy.

    (OK, so that was low. But it’s Sean Hannity. Fuck it.)

  48. 48.

    MobiusKlein

    November 8, 2007 at 1:54 pm

    Seriously, I am amazed not a single media mention of Amadou Diallo or Abner Louima has been made around Giuliani, but every rumor about what Bill did shows up on Hillary’s record.

    Need to Google-bomb Giuliani & his record.

  49. 49.

    sglover

    November 8, 2007 at 1:59 pm

    Free hookers and beer.

    Promise that the people get to live the Republican Senator way of life.

    I think you mean something more like this:

    End oppressive police sting operations in our nation’s public toilets!

  50. 50.

    ThymeZone

    November 8, 2007 at 2:50 pm

    Republican Health Insurance:

    Guarantees that if your brain is reduced to three or four functioning cells somewhere in the Medulla Olbongata, at least one Republican with a medical degree will proclaim you almost ready to go home and resume your normal activities.

    Republican Legal Aid:

    Promises that if your life is ruined … or ended … by the malfeasance of some faceless corporation that cut corners to make profits at the expense of your life or health, you’ll get free help filling out a Living Will on your way to hospice, or, if you are dead, your heirs will get one free hour of paralegal services paid for by the U.S. Government.

    Republican Futurecasts:

    Annually, Republican spiritual advisors will explain the imminent Rapture and how you and your faithful friends will be lifted off this mortal coil to a land of free beer and frequent flier miles, while your boss, your ex-spouse, and your neighbor with the rusty car in his front yard remain behind to be pulverized by a lahar.

  51. 51.

    dbrown

    November 8, 2007 at 2:58 pm

    Here is a solution that is 100% guaranteed: the re-pubics need only back the democ-rats on restoring the constitution, ending this god awful war, impeaching pig cheney and then his ass licking trained dog ‘bush the stupid’. The American people will greet the re-pubics as liberators with flowers in the streets.

  52. 52.

    Chris Johnson

    November 8, 2007 at 6:35 pm

    TenguPhule Says:
    Free hookers and beer.
    Promise that the people get to live the Republican Senator way of life.

    But what about the ones that DON’T like dick? :)

  53. 53.

    mclaren

    November 9, 2007 at 3:43 am

    The GOP needs to stop pussyfooting around and put the pedal to the metal. They need to campaign on bringing back the middle ages.

    All of it — witch-burning, public torture, dancing mania, public self-flagellation, and buying indulgences to get into heaven.

    Leeches. They should campaign on using leeches to drain the evil humors from peoples’ bodies.

    Also, weregeld. Let rich people kill anyone they like, as long as they can pay a hefty sum in gold to the family. You could feature this as a replacement for World Federation Wrestling. The CEO of General Walks gets filmed walking down Fifth Avenue, shoots some bystanders on the street for laughs, then showers their families with gold bullion. That would be a serious ratings draw.
    The great thing is that we’re almost there now. The leech stuff we get just by letting medical costs rise, so most of the population becomes uninsured. Then you’d have the psychic surgeons crawling out of the woodwork. We don’t need to bringing back debates about angels dancing on the head of a pin because we’ve got string theory. And when it comes to witch-burning, we’ve got that covered, too — just accuse people at random of being terrorists and taser ’em to death in public. That’s happening already too.

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