Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

People identifying as christian while ignoring christ and his teachings is a strange thing indeed.

Someone should tell Republicans that violence is the last refuge of the incompetent, or possibly the first.

You are either for trump or for democracy. Pick one.

DeSantis transforming Florida into 1930s Germany with gators and theme parks.

If you voted for Trump, you don’t get to speak about ethics, morals, or rule of law.

Compromise? There is no middle ground between a firefighter and an arsonist.

Every reporter and pundit should have to declare if they ever vacationed with a billionaire.

The republican speaker is a slippery little devil.

Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Books are my comfort food!

This year has been the longest three days of putin’s life.

We’ve had enough carrots to last a lifetime. break out the sticks.

🎶 Those boots were made for mockin’ 🎵

Let me eat cake. The rest of you could stand to lose some weight, frankly.

We can show the world that autocracy can be defeated.

The fundamental promise of conservatism all over the world is a return to an idealized past that never existed.

Welcome to day five of every-bit-as-bad-as-you-thought-it-would-be.

Optimism opens the door to great things.

It’s always darkest before the other shoe drops.

The desire to stay informed is directly at odds with the need to not be constantly enraged.

When you’re a Republican, they let you do it.

The line between political reporting and fan fiction continues to blur.

Our job is not to persuade republicans but to defeat them.

“The defense has a certain level of trust in defendant that the government does not.”

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Reader Interactions

149Comments

  2. 2.

    r€nato

    kowalski sure seems to be going all the way around his elbow to get to his thumb (don’t ask me where I picked up that metaphor).

    It’s really pretty simple; more readers here. I would think every blog has been encouraging its readers to vote early and vote often, so whining about Kos or BJ or whoever putting their thumbs on the poll’s scales is absurd. And the pre-emptive bitching about the content and commenters here is just ever more sour grapes.

    So, naturally, when BJ wins, they’ll dis the poll as meaningless. Of course, if they had won, it would be because RedState.com is the Bestest Blog Evah.

    Keep making them cry, guys. I love the sound of wingnuts wailing and gnashing their teeth in the morning. Sounds like victory.

  6. 6.

    Perry Como

    If Balloon Juice is leading because of Paulite votes, what does that say about Balloon Juice? That it has a large group of people supporting it who believe that the Administration knocked down the WTC and fired a cruise missile at the Pentagon, and appreciates their support? Or is it just because they use profanity openly and are therefore more in step with the new zeitgeist from Kindergarten on up? Or is there something I’m missing about John and Tim’s analysis and commentary that really makes Balloon Juice a better blog? Does popularity in the Weblog awards necessarily connote quality, or just popularity? Does Balloon Juice make people “more comfortable” because it challenges them less? Is it “cooler” — kind of the Cool Uncle to RedState’s Dutch Uncle, the one that’ll let you smoke pot and not tell your parents, as long as you use his Visine?

    This looks like fun!

    Is it because Balloon Juice beats its wife? That its soporific posts cause readers to smash their heads on the keyboard and accidentally vote in the Weblog awards? Or was Balloon Juice really on the grassy knoll? Is Balloon Juice beating Red State because of idiotic posts by 2 bit hacks, like this one? Is it because of the shameless dishonesty and utter lack of integrity that passes for discussion on our site? Does popularity in the Weblog awards mean i can touch a girl? Legally? If I drop a bar of soap in a puddle of mud, is the soap dirty? Why do you drive on a parkway and park on a driveway? Is it “cool” when I Dutch Oven myself?

    [Author’s note: The Editors know where I stand on wet suits. I’m wearing two right now ;)]

  7. 7.

    Michael van der Galiën

    Is it “cool” when I Dutch Oven myself?

    Being Dutch, I do wonder what you mean by that.

    Meanwhile, we lost… Ahwell. It was fun.

    And for what it’s worth: yes redstaters, they won because they allow profanity. We like profanity. It makes us happy.

  8. 8.

    Zifnab

    If it turns out that Balloon Juice is more popular because of its “heterodoxy” or the other reasons I mention, my feeling is: “That’s fine.” I’ve got no problem with being less popular but more informative and focused. I also prefer to support blogs that don’t waste my valuable time, as opposed to those who try to be the online versions of “All Things Considered.”

    Oh snaps! They just compared you to NPR! John, Tim, Mike, … Tom, are you going to take that shit?

  9. 9.

    Punchy

    In other news, how the fuck does this happen?

    An audit by the National Archives inspector general concluded that the library in Simi Valley was unable to properly account for more than 80,000 objects out of its collection of some 100,000 artifacts, the Los Angeles Times reported on its Web site Wednesday night.

    I’m not Demi-like in my math acumen, but my skillz tell me that’s 80% of the items lost and/or mismarked? WTF?

    Am I missing something? (heh). Why would it take an audit to figger out 80% of your shit is gone?

  10. 10.

    r€nato

    I think it’s because of all the free hookers and porn you get here. Sssssh! Don’t tell the RedStaters.

  11. 11.

    John Cole

    That Red State thread was truly entertaining. Some quick thoughts:

    1.) I think the competition is a joke, and have frequently referred to it as the Most Persistent Online Narcissim award.

    2.) Do we have any Ron Paul voters in the readership here? I know there have been a few driveby comments, but I thought most of the readership here thinks Paul is nuts, but right on Iraq.

    3.) Thomas and Moe Lane are almost as bitter as Kowalski is dumb.

    4.) Did I miss the big Kossack push to help us win?

    5.) Did it ever occur to them that the reason we are winning is twofold. For one, Tim and Michael have been brow-beating folks for days now and linked to the actual post so people can, you know, go vote. Second, and most important, I would wager we have more dedicated readers/commenters. They may have more daily hits, but from uncommitted readers and from links by Rush/Instapundit/Hugh/Malkin, etc., and they are people who cruise in, check out the post, and bail. Here, people stick around.

    Of course, they could have a dedicated readership and comment base IF THEY DIDN’T FUCKING BAN EVERYONE who refused to fellate Bush and the GOP leadership.

  12. 12.

    r€nato

    I also prefer to support blogs that don’t waste my valuable time

    heh, indeed! Tell me only things which accord with what I already believe, don’t bother me with inconvenient ‘facts’ which might cause me to waste valuable time reconsidering my ideological premises!

  14. 14.

    r€nato

    Of course, they could have a dedicated readership and comment base IF THEY DIDN’T FUCKING BAN EVERYONE who refused to fellate Bush and the GOP leadership.

    you mean there might be something to that 24% business? Heavens to betsy!

  17. 17.

    Ugh

    Of course, they could have a dedicated readership and comment base IF THEY DIDN’T FUCKING BAN EVERYONE who refused to fellate Bush and the GOP leadership.

    I don’t know how they type with the President’s cock in their mouth.

    This reminds me of the day Bush fired Rumsfeld, much to the bewilderment of various folks at good ole’ redstate, and several critical posts ensued, which I termed them as waking up and saying to themselves “ZOMG! How did the President’s COCK get in my MOUTH?”

    Of course, AcademicElephant eventually got a job working for Rumsfeld after that, so she got to go from virtually fellating him to actually doing so.

  20. 20.

    dom

    For one, Tim and Michael have been brow-beating folks for days now and linked to the actual post so people can, you know, go vote.

    Yeah, but for a week they’ve had the embedded poll (and a plea to vote for Jeff Emanuel in a different category) as the top item on not only the front page, but for every freaking story and diary. In fact, it only disappeared when you all overtook them.

  22. 22.

    r€nato

    most of the readership here thinks Paul is nuts, but right on Iraq.

    considering what’s happening to the dollar (how looooowwww can it goooooo?), that busted clock wrt fiat money might be right before long.

  25. 25.

    r€nato

    I like NPR – especially “All Things Considered.”

    of course you do. You’re part of the Vast IslamoDemoCommieHomoFascist Conspiracy.

  26. 26.

    r€nato

    Ha! They banned the poll for non-conformity.

    “Of course we lost – we didn’t want to win that stupid poll anyway!” /redstate

  28. 28.

    Pb

    Heh. I don’t know what it is that makes Red Staters think that their blog is all that; they just don’t have a very active or healthy community, and they seem to like it better that way. You won’t win any awards, sure, but that shouldn’t be surprising. Although this is funny:

    RedState has a much greater depth of talent in terms of its contributors than Balloon Juice. It regularly hosts blog entries from prominent figures in the Republican/Conservative movement, members of Congress, and garners interviews with leading lights in the Party. These are things you can’t read in newspapers or through mass-distribution emails.

    Newspapers still have some standards? Woo hoo! Also, since when did hackish shilling for the GOP become the measure of ‘depth of talent’… only on Red State! Never change, guys.

    Oh, and if global warming is the greatest scam in history, then where’s my check? Considering the hundreds of billions we’ve already spent on Iraq, I expect to get at least double that back from this global warming scam…

  29. 29.

    r€nato

    I do not think that ‘talent’ means, what they seem to think it means.

    Unless by ‘talent’, they mean Bush-fellating. I’d have to agree with them if that’s the case.

  30. 30.

    Dreggas

    Ugh Says:

    I don’t know how they type with the President’s cock in their mouth.

    Shouldn’t that be: “Now I know why they type, it’s hard to talk with the presidents cock in their mouth.” And before you think “hey wait, how do they see with his pubed (or nuts) in their eyes” I am sure there is a George W Dildo out there on the market somewhere. After all there was an action figure.

  31. 31.

    Fwiffo

    LOLthread:

    Stop ascribing high-minded principles to the slow. They realized there were tips and hits and money to be made off of this kind of behavior.

    Have you started receiving your checks from George Soros yet John?

    I went over to Balloon P*** just to see what you all were talking about. What an unattractive, childish blog.

    Ah yes, to be lectured on maturity by a RedState commenter.

  32. 32.

    The Other Andrew

    God help me, I clicked on that Red State link. I was doing pretty well until they mentioned “the leading lights of the Party,” and then I just cracked up.

    Supporting torture but opposing cursing…that’s…well, the parodies write themselves, at this point.

  33. 33.

    tBone

    Fuck yeah! We fucking won! I knew we could fucking do it! Group hug, motherfuckers!

    Seriously, I think we won because you can use profanity here. That, or our heterodoxy. No offense to Michael D.

  34. 34.

    Bubblegum Tate

    I do not think that ‘talent’ means, what they seem to think it means.

    It clearly does not, and that’s just one small part of the big pot of comedy gumbo that is Asshurt McGee’s thread over there.

  35. 35.

    John Cole

    Have you started receiving your checks from George Soros yet John?

    Good old Thomas. I saw that- Sullivan has always been crazy, but Cole just switched sides for TEH FILTHY LUCRE!

    I would tell Thomas to go fuck himself, but I don’t have an account there and they don’t allow profanity.

  36. 36.

    Pug

    Seems to me that Red State is just a slightly tepid version of Blogs for Bush because they have not yet, as far as I know, called for civil war with Democrats.

    That doesn’t make them interesting.

  37. 37.

    mantis

    I love this part,

    I also prefer to support blogs that don’t waste my valuable time

    The blogs are wasting his time. Stop forcing me to read your open profanity and All Things Considered-ness (a notoriously profane show, I might add). I just don’t have the time!!1!

    You waste your own time, kowalski.

  38. 38.

    The Other Steve

    The reason Balloon-Juice won is because Nancy Pelosi mentioned it on the Congress floor and urged all the Democratic staffers to go vote.

    obviously

  40. 40.

    The Other Steve

    Where urged = Told them to go vote, or she’d have their parents killed.

    Er, I mean cat. And it was Hitlery Clinton, not Nancy Pelosi.

    sorry for all the confusion.

  41. 41.

    tmv

    Showing the kind of keen analysis this group is known for, the handwringing, bitter “Why Are We Losing To Them, Why God, Why?” post is followed by a comment that explains, with absolutely no apparent irony: It’s because we don’t take it too seriously.

    Too perfect.

  42. 42.

    Dennis-SGMM

    Red State lost because their readers are too dumb to know how to do a release/renew on their IP address.

    All your base are belong to us, motherfuckers!

  43. 43.

    capelza

    Poor RedState, don’t they realise that a bunch of their hits are from the evil Left…people go there to see the crazy..often linked from Kos or other scary places.

  44. 44.

    ninerdave

    It’s because we don’t take it too seriously.

    BUT WE FUCKING WON, RED STATE FUCKING LOST BECAUSE THEY ARE FUCKING LOOOOOSERS. HA!! EAT IT RED STATE, YA TOOLS!

    (obligatory profanity, and childishness)

  45. 45.

    BSR

    “Does Balloon Juice make people “more comfortable” because it challenges them less?”

    This line really got me. Red state provides zero challenge to it’s readers, anyone that disagrees or goes against the right wing echo chamber that is red state is instantly banned. How they think anything could be less intellectually challenging then a wingnut reading red state is simply amazing.

  46. 46.

    Krista

    Wilfred Says:

    Fuck Redstate. I just hope winning this thing doesn’t make Balloon Juice respectable.

    Oh please, with riff-raff like us here? Never gonna happen.

  47. 47.

    orogeny

    I do not think that ‘talent’ means, what they seem to think it means.

    I think they’re using is in “checking out the local talent.”

  48. 48.

    The Other Steve

    Poor RedState, don’t they realise that a bunch of their hits are from the evil Left…people go there to see the crazy..often linked from Kos or other scary places.

    Not sure about Redstate.

    But I did vote for Ace of Spades over in the section labeled “Blogs We Monitor and Mock As Needed”. I figured the craziest person should win.

    Sadly no has a guaranteed win over in Comedy.

    And I’m please to see TalkingPointsMemo has taken the lead in best liberal blog.

  49. 49.

    Dreggas

    RedState has a much greater depth of talent in terms of its contributors than Balloon Juice. It regularly hosts blog entries from prominent figures in the Republican/Conservative movement, members of Congress, and garners interviews with leading lights in the Party. These are things you can’t read in newspapers or through mass-distribution emails.

    Redstate is better at fluffing. That’s all that needs to be said. Just because they can have a bobble head circle jerk and not get any on themselves doesn’t mean shit.

    I can suck dick really well myself, that doesn’t mean I should get an award for it. Let’s also not forget these are blog awards not some form of the internet special olympics, drooling on oneself and thumping ones chest are not signs of super-awesomeness.

  51. 51.

    jenniebee

    Does Balloon Juice make people “more comfortable” because it challenges them less?

    Too rich.

    And now I think I’ve filled my quota of reading Teh RS Stupid for the near future. I won’t return until Moe, Kowalski and the rest each submit to me 2000 word essays on how the Jacobins edged out the Girondists and the continuing impact of that outcome on world politics. Please cite original source material!

  52. 52.

    chopper

    you know, i think the whole vote is a joke, given that you can vote every 24 hours if you want, or even more often if you’ve got more than one IP or are pretty savvy with computers.

    but still, hearing RS bitch and complain about not winning a worthless poll? the hell?

    i mean, if this was an actual real award, and RS was some sort of readable, cerebral blog with actual intelligent discussion, they might have a point.

    but this sorta shit:

    That it has a large group of people supporting it who believe that the Administration knocked down the WTC and fired a cruise missile at the Pentagon, and appreciates their support?

    ?? how these hacks have the balls to complain about not winning anything except ‘blog most likely to make baby jesus cry’ is beyond me.

  53. 53.

    Dreggas

    John Cole Says:

    I can suck dick really well myself, that doesn’t mean I should get an award for it.

    Actually, there ARE awards for that (NSFW).

    Ya know, I am not suprised.

  54. 54.

    Zifnab

    Actually, there ARE awards for that (NSFW).

    Wow. He actually googled up an answer. That is so hard core, I’m not sure how to describe it.

  55. 55.

    ImJohnGalt

    I think the competition is a joke, and have frequently referred to it as the Most Persistent Online Narcissim award.

    Can we please rename that to the “Most Persistent Online Republican Narcissism Award”? I like the acronym better.

    Enjoy your M-Porn award, BJ.

  56. 56.

    John Cole

    Wow. He actually googled up an answer. That is so hard core, I’m not sure how to describe it.

    I am in a panel right now that is so boring it makes the Golf Channel in the off-season look positively fascinating.

  58. 58.

    Krista

    Dreggas, you should have blockquoted yourself within John’s blockquote — otherwise, it looks like John’s saying that he’s great at sucking dick.

    Which is amusing as hell, but may not necessarily be factual.

  59. 59.

    Dreggas

    Zifnab Says:

    Actually, there ARE awards for that (NSFW).

    Wow. He actually googled up an answer. That is so hard core, I’m not sure how to describe it.

    I think it was just his way of getting me back for things like the baby jesus butt plug. However it is amusing to note how he was talking about having a nice salad the other day and didn’t comment when asked if it was tossed.

  60. 60.

    Zifnab

    I am in a panel right now that is so boring it makes the Golf Channel in the off-season look positively fascinating.

    Ah, those can suck.

    Golf has an off-season? I just assumed it ran the whole year round cause the game takes so freak’n long to play.

  61. 61.

    Dreggas

    Krista Says:

    Dreggas, you should have blockquoted yourself within John’s blockquote—otherwise, it looks like John’s saying that he’s great at sucking dick.

    Which is amusing as hell, but may not necessarily be factual.

    ROFLMMFAO. Holy shit that is amusing as all bloody hell. OMG!

  62. 62.

    Xanthippas

    What a bunch of whiners. The only reason you guys aren’t stomping the snot out of them even worse is because you didn’t start pimping yourselves in this poll until just a couple of days ago.

    And to answer their questions, yes the readers here are much more devoted (I’ve voted for you guys as many times as I’ve voted for my blog, which is saying something considering how many computers I’ve had to do that at) and also because, as John so eloquantly puts it, the guys here don’t “FUCKING BAN EVERYONE” who doesn’t tow the line. And the result might also have something to do with the fact that RedState is “informative and focused” only if by that they mean “GOP partisans who don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about.”

    For an example of their wisdom there’s this nugget: “Democratic legislators COUNT ON on having people who are so incoherant they can only yell.” Who knew? Last time I checked, that wasn’t in my edition of “Secret Democratic Strategies (DON’T LET KOS SEE THIS!)”

  63. 63.

    Perry Como

    But I did vote for Ace of Spades over in the section labeled “Blogs We Monitor and Mock As Needed”. I figured the craziest person should win.

    Is the award sculpted out of play-doh and bacon?

  64. 64.

    canuckistani

    Or is it just because they use profanity openly and are therefore more in step with the new zeitgeist from Kindergarten on up?

    Poo. Bum. Tittilate.
    *snicker*
    The blog is teh awesome!

  65. 65.

    Cinderella Ferret

    Here is one of my favorite little jibes from the Red State post:

    Does popularity in the Weblog awards necessarily connote quality, or just popularity?

    I know its tough to figure out …. but … wait a minute … the one who gets the most votes … WINS! Sorry for being so slow but I was really muli-tasking here …

    — it always seems to be so deliberately “six of one, half dozen of the other”, one day liberal the next Republican, etc …

    You know–deciding whether I going to be a … liberal or … conservative or … both. Gosh. Decisions, decisions. I just can’t make up my mind which ideology applies to my feeeeeeelllings today.

    That it has a large group of people supporting it who believe that the Administration knocked down the WTC and fired a cruise missile at the Pentagon, and appreciates their support?

    Now THAT is a cheap shot! Every knows it was the Israelis and their sympathizers. C’mon what kind of idiot do you think I am? Jesus! I love Ron Paul. Anyone who can work the Ideologues into that much of a lather certainly deserves some praise. Waterboarding isn’t torture, but Ron Paul is? Schadenfreude, eh? Go ahead! Make my day! Call me a hater. Out here at our fortified compound in the badlands of New Mexico we call it good clean fun. Time for some Tequila Añejo and the Shooting Range. Yah-tah-hey.

  66. 66.

    Dreggas

    You know, these were the same fucking assclowns telling gore to get over it…the irony….it rusteth under their pathetic WATB tears.

  67. 67.

    Face

    would tell Thomas to go fuck himself, but I don’t have an account there and they don’t allow profanity.

    Is this true? Are you fuckin serious?

    I can suck dick really well myself, that doesn’t mean I should get an award for it.

    and then the thread jumped the shark. Anytime a comment makes me physically spit up food that should be going down my hole, that comment should be noted. Thanks Dregs, it looks as it you got me damn near choking and Cole all hot ‘n bothered.

  68. 68.

    Dreggas

    Face,

    and then the thread jumped the shark. Anytime a comment makes me physically spit up food that should be going down my hole, that comment should be noted. Thanks Dregs, it looks as it you got me damn near choking and Cole all hot ‘n bothered.

    Always happy to oblige :D

  72. 72.

    Krista

    And that’s why this blog rocks. Only here can you read about the Chinese economy, airplane games, the separation of Church and State, and fellatio.

    That’s what happens when a blog is cool enough that commenters actually stick around and get to know each other.

  73. 73.

    Bubblegum Tate

    Wow. He actually googled up an answer. That is so hard core, I’m not sure how to describe it.

    If that’s hardcore, then how would you describe the fact that I knew all about the AVN awards without using Google?

    (I know some folks who work in the porn industry. No, none of them are on-camera talent, though one guy did appear in one flick as the “boyfriend” who had to watch his “girlfriend” get filled out like an application.)

  74. 74.

    Dreggas

    Bubblegum Tate Says:

    I couldn’t see the link but if it’s to the AVN then it’s not really what I had in mind I mean really. They make porn that’s nothing but dick sucking contests in a boxing ring for crying out loud.

    That and while the AVN and their conventions are all well and good, they’re so commercial and tame it’s not funny. Events like DomCon tend to be more fun.

  75. 75.

    John Cole

    HEY!

    I don’t want my smut credentials questioned. I knew about the AVN awards without google, as I was watching Real Sex on HBO the other night.

    I just didn’t know what their website was…

  76. 76.

    capelza

    Holy Moly! I just got TU status at Kos! How did that happen?

    I post maybe once a day tops…posted three or four times today and suddenly I have the zap power…

  77. 77.

    Dreggas

    Krista Says:

    And that’s why this blog rocks. Only here can you read about the Chinese economy, airplane games, the separation of Church and State, and fellatio.

    And often all of the above somehow tie together. Like the fact that the republicans running the show are sucking the dicks of the christian right, or vice versa. We can coherently tie the dystopia together. The picture is not often pretty but it is funny as hell.

  79. 79.

    Dreggas

    John Cole Says:

    HEY!

    I don’t want my smut credentials questioned. I knew about the AVN awards without google, as I was watching Real Sex on HBO the other night.

    I just didn’t know what their website was…

    For the record I don’t think anyone questions your smut credentials, you’re a bachelor. If they needed to be questioned that would be really sad.

    That being said I have several friends that work for AVN (not surprising), they agree it’s so commercial now it’s not even funny. Not that the porn itself isn’t mass produced and commercial too but it’s become rather sterile.

  80. 80.

    Dreggas

    capelza Says:

    Holy Moly! I just got TU status at Kos! How did that happen?

    I post maybe once a day tops…posted three or four times today and suddenly I have the zap power…

    it’s not hard you just post regularly and don’t get TR’d you’ll wind up TU’d in no time.

  81. 81.

    capelza

    Auf Englisch, bitte?

    Trusted user stauts. I can troll rate people (not that I care to) and see the hidden comments that have been troll rated out of the public view.

    You get it by getting a ton of reccomends, or at least I thought so….

  82. 82.

    capelza

    Okay, I lied, I posted 11 times today…they shouldn’t have made that “post menopausal crack about Hillary….

    And that FP really is being an ass.

    Anyway…Go Balloon Juice..will you get an e-plaque?

  83. 83.

    Libby Spencer

    Hey my friend writes the legal column for AVN. The articles are really quite good.

    By the way, what’s TU. Or TR for that matter. I haven’t been to Kos in years.

  84. 84.

    John Cole

    Anyway…Go Balloon Juice..will you get an e-plaque?

    I seriously doubt we win. I am still counting on being accused of some sort of perfidy or another, being removed from the competition, and then being called cheaters for the next five years.

    It isn’t like they need to have proof- all they have to do is allege it. Remember, this is the crowd who thinks we don’t torture because Bush says we don’t.

    And then they can give the award to Red State, and all will be well in Greater Wingnuttia.

    And I am totally cool with that, btw. That is how unserious and unimportant these silly awards are.

  86. 86.

    Dreggas

    Libby Spencer Says:

    Hey my friend writes the legal column for AVN. The articles are really quite good.

    By the way, what’s TU. Or TR for that matter. I haven’t been to Kos in years.

    TU = Trusted User

    TR = Troll Rate

    Small world regarding friends who work for the AVN. One of mine writes for blue news or whatever it is called.

  87. 87.

    The Other Steve

    And that’s why this blog rocks. Only here can you read about the Chinese economy, airplane games, the separation of Church and State, and fellatio.

    Not to mention Jenna Jameson.

    How is Jenna Jameson connected? Well, I just mentioned her, and while I have no evidence to support this theory, I’m fairly certain she won some awards at AVN.

  88. 88.

    tBone

    Thanks Dregs, it looks as it you got me damn near choking and Cole all hot ‘n bothered.

    I suppose it’s inevitable that a thread about RedState would devolve into homoeroticism.

  89. 89.

    The Other Steve

    Holy Moly! I just got TU status at Kos! How did that happen?

    HA! I just got TU status again like two days ago. I’m going to go trollrate you now. MOOO HAHAHA!

  90. 90.

    Ned Raggett

    Only here can you read about the Chinese economy, airplane games, the separation of Church and State, and fellatio.

    The continuing power of Monty Python as a role model for life. (Well, them and Rabelais.)

  92. 92.

    The Other Steve

    I seriously doubt we win. I am still counting on being accused of some sort of perfidy or another, being removed from the competition, and then being called cheaters for the next five years.

    Ok, I admit it. I had my dead grandparents vote.

  93. 93.

    capelza

    HA! I just got TU status again like two days ago. I’m going to go trollrate you now. MOOO HAHAHA!

    Oh it’s so ON, buster!

  94. 94.

    Punchy

    Hey my friend writes the legal column for AVN. The articles are really quite good.

    Uh huh. And so are the articles in Playboy, and the advertisements in Penthouse, and the recycled paper in Swank, and the cover art on “Saving Ryan’s Privates”, and……

  95. 95.

    Teak111

    Wow RS takes its rhetorical position so seriously, they are true believers, if not outright koolade drinkers. It hard when you realize not everyone is a zealot. Now, what about that porn and hookers.

  96. 96.

    tBone

    I suppose it’s inevitable that a thread about RedState would devolve into homoeroticism.

    Fixed.

    All of this blockquoting is getting me hot.

  97. 97.

    Libby Spencer

    Small world regarding friends who work for the AVN.

    There does seem to an unusual number of people with friends inside considering the size of this group.

    Uh huh. And so are the articles in Playboy, and the advertisements in Penthouse, and the recycled paper in Swank, and the cover art on “Saving Ryan’s Privates”, and……

    Yeah, yeah. But I’m serious. Mark has done some great investigative pieces. The one he did a while back about the gov’t prosecuting porn vendors while selling the same titles themselves generated a bit of buzz in the MSM even, not to mention gave my personal little blog a big traffic boost when three different A-listers linked to my post on it.

  99. 99.

    Dreggas

    Libby,

    I remember reading that about that. It all was tying into 2257 and the crap we were dealing with in the Alt communities.

    As for the playboy jokes, really the AVN is pretty serious as an organization. Part of their existence other than as a trade group is to fight against the censorship and other shit they face. Kinda like the NCSF but with real money on hand.

  100. 100.

    Tim F.

    Favorite titles of porns that are obvious rip-offs of regular Hollywood films- Forrest Hump and Field of Wet Dreams.

    I nominate Shaving Ryan’s Privates.

  101. 101.

    demimondian

    I would say that around here, it would just as likely that a thread about homoeroticism would devolve into a discussion of the literary merits of RedState.

  102. 102.

    Libby Spencer

    Favorite titles of porns that are obvious rip-offs of regular Hollywood films

    Pulp Friction
    Romancing the Bone
    Cumalot

    Dreggas – they really are a good organization. Kind of like an ACLU for porn.

  103. 103.

    Dreggas

    John Cole Says:

    Offtopic, sort of-

    Favorite titles of porns that are obvious rip-offs of regular Hollywood films- Forrest Hump and Field of Wet Dreams.

    Lord Of The G-String was the best rip off title and one of the most absurd skin-a-max parodies ever. It has to be seen to be believed but it’s worth it just for comedy value.

    But whe can forget such classics as “Robo-Cock” and “King-Dong”?

    However Sully pointed out one the other day I believe it was “Gaytanamo Bay” or “Guantanamo Gay” that was an S&M gay porn flick…go figure.

  104. 104.

    RobR

    Favorite titles of porns that are obvious rip-offs of regular Hollywood films- Forrest Hump and Field of Wet Dreams.

    Allow me to nominate The Twilight Moan.

  105. 105.

    Ned Raggett

    There does seem to an unusual number of people with friends inside considering the size of this group.

    Hahah, I know someone else who worked for AVN as well — she said she had to leave because her libido was heading towards the nonexistent.

  107. 107.

    Davebo

    Favorite titles of porns that are obvious rip-offs of regular Hollywood films- Forrest Hump and Field of Wet Dreams.

    Or obvious ripoffs from other porn flicks.

    Debbie does Dobermans…. If it’s not a porn movie it should be.

  108. 108.

    Michael D.

    Big Trouble in Little Vagina
    Tea Bagger Vance
    Hung Wankenstein
    All Anal on the Western Front
    Willy Wanker and the Fudge packing Factory
    Three Men And A Barbie
    Intercourse With The Vampire
    The Loin King
    Schindler’s Fist

  112. 112.

    ConservativelyLiberal

    RedState has a much greater depth of talent in dick sucking terms of its contributors than Balloon Juice. It regularly hosts blog entries from prominent figures in the Republican/Conservative movement who have not been arrested yet, members of Congress who have not been arrested yet, and garners interviews with leading lights in the Party who have not been arrested yet. These are things you can’t read in newspapers or through mass-distribution emails.

    Fixed.

    Not only is BJ in first place, RedState can’t even see our tail lights! BJ had my votes from the start. Hell, who wouldn’t vote for a BJ?!

  113. 113.

    Bubblegum Tate

    They make porn that’s nothing but dick sucking contests in a boxing ring for crying out loud.

    Hahaha! I’ve actually seen one of those. It started out a little confusing, then becamse sort of funny, but at no point was it ever teh hawtt.

    Didn’t mean to question your smut credentials, John. Carry on.

  114. 114.

    The Other Steve

    They make porn that’s nothing but dick sucking contests in a boxing ring for crying out loud.

    What’s wrong with that?

  115. 115.

    Zuzu

    Yay! B-J won!

    I was hoping Jesus’ General would make a respectable second, but third isn’t to cry over either.

  116. 116.

    Ryan S.

    I nominate Shaving Ryan’s Privates.

    Somehow the idea of letting someone loose with a razor down there always gives me the willies. Not so say one shouldn’t trim the hedges, ladies don’t seem to like the Einstein look.

  118. 118.

    Tax Analyst

    Wow! the Sour Grapes from the RS folks is really illuminating. If BJ hadn’t won I know the reaction here would have been to laugh about it. Honestly, the most satisfying part of the whole thing is to witness their need to attack BJ for being more “popular”. WTF? Is there some crime in being “popular”?

    Reasons to read Balloon Juice:

    Most posters are part of or at least exist adjacent to the “reality-based community”

    Interesting and varied topic threads that range from the ultra-critical to the ultra-farcial

    A wide range of knowledge within the regular posters

    A casual, loose and and generally friendly tone and atmosphere

    We get to swear as much as we fucking want to…

    …and tell off any priss-master who wants to feign superiority over it.

    Reasons to read Red State:

    Keeping up with the current definition of “delusional thinking”

    Guaranteed agreement inherent in all allowed postings

    Supports and propagates a continued state of denial

    Logic and proportion have fallen sloppy dead – and will remain in that State ad infinitum (apologies to Grace Slick)

    Group whining sessions when losing meaningless popularity contests

    No profanity allowed…everybody knows how fucking childish and immature it is to carelessly spew dirty words all over the place. Nobody with any fucking morals or dignity should deign to put up with cocksuckers who curse and talk shit all the fucking time

    Mandatory dress code

    and Pony’s…and Pie, too…

  120. 120.

    Tax Analyst

    Kyle Says:

    You guys are childish and profane.

    Nyah, Nyah..FUCK YOU, WE ARE NOT! – ASSHOLE

  122. 122.

    Dreggas

    Ryan S. Says:

    Somehow the idea of letting someone loose with a razor down there always gives me the willies. Not so say one shouldn’t trim the hedges, ladies don’t seem to like the Einstein look.

    From personal experience it’s easier to let someone do it for you, also from personal experience once it’s done it is full body shiver inducing in a good way.

  123. 123.

    Dreggas

    Kyle Says:

    You guys are childish and profane.

    Fuck you, you fucking fuck.

    oh and as for childish…I know you are but what am I?

  126. 126.

    OniHanzo

    I swear to christ this reminds me of one of the stupidest things to come out of my Bush-hugging brother-in-law’s yap…

    “Well… if you just got rid of the city votes in places like California, it’d be just as red state as Texas is. It’s the urban voters that kill the rural voters in most blue states.”

    “Get rid of them how exactly?”

  128. 128.

    Krista

    Best porn title I ever saw (it wasn’t a spoof of a Hollywood film, but I saw this movie behind a convenience-store counter when I was 9, and the title just struck me as being rather memorable)

    “Yank My Doodle, It’s a Dandy”

  134. 134.

    jake

    The question now: How long will take RS to go from “WaaaaaH! The filthypinkocommieislahomofascists cheated!” to “Ah, we didn’t want that stupid award anyways”?

    Since John “TraitorLibrulCommie” Cole was a founding father, I’m guessing at least a week. In the meantime, set phasers on Maximum Snark in case they come a-calling.

  138. 138.

    Zuzu

    Dreggas Says:

    Zuzu,

    Funny thing is I can’t find the kos post mentioned in that post on humanevents…

    No surprise. Evidently they couldn’t even link to the polling page correctly either.

    The comments are priceless too. How about the one who claimed s/he tried to vote for Redstate but it showed up as a vote for Balloon Juice – typical lefty loonies !!!!

  139. 139.

    Kyle

    Tax Analyst Says:

    Kyle Says:

    You guys are childish and profane.

    Nyah, Nyah..FUCK YOU, WE ARE NOT! – ASSHOLE

    Tax Analyst … you realize I was joking, right?

    Ah, the Internet.

  140. 140.

    Zuzu

    Oops, I meant “typical loony left scam.”

    Or is it eliptical toony soft lamb?

    Pickled noodley tuft slam?

  141. 141.

    incontrolados

    Now that the voting is closed . . . I admit I couldn’t ever vote for Jawa for anything. They are into war porn like no others. I don’t know if ogrish is still in commission. If it isn’t, Jawa took it’s place.

    I understand that this award is important to Tim and especially MikeyD, but I didn’t see how voting for war porn was better than redstaters getting in second place in a silly poll. (yeah I voted, but gees, choosing between a site that is oblivious vs. a site that links to war porn. . . not so difficult to choose.

    My rant is too late to make a difference, I know. Not htat it would have.

  142. 142.

    Xanthippas

    Now that the voting is closed . . . I admit I couldn’t ever vote for Jawa for anything. They are into war porn like no others. I don’t know if ogrish is still in commission. If it isn’t, Jawa took it’s place.

    Seconded. I’d cast a vote for them only if someone forced my cold dead fingers to move the mouse and click.

  143. 143.

    jake

    The comments are priceless too. How about the one who claimed s/he tried to vote for Redstate but it showed up as a vote for Balloon Juice – typical lefty loonies!

    Oh noes! ‘Tis the Great Webblog Diebold Scandal of ’07!

    I suspect we’ll hear this a lot in ’08, after the Democratic candidate for President squashes whatever creep the GOP puts up. “I know it switched my vote because my sooper secret wingnut powerz allow me to keep a running tally of each vote cast!@!”

    Sad.

  146. 146.

    Grumpy Code Monkey

    You guys are childish and profane.

    Goddamned straight. That’s why I love coming here.

Comments are closed.

Trackbacks

  1. […] Off to meet a bunch of friends for the big game, so I thought I would throw out an open thread. Earlier, in another threads, we played an off-color “game” of sorts, listing our favorite porn titles which were obvious rips on real Hollywood movies. Now, let’s name actual Hollywood movies which COULD be porn titles without changing a thing. My entries: […]