Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

We still have time to mess this up!

Republicans seem to think life begins at the candlelight dinner the night before.

Fuck the extremist election deniers. What’s money for if not for keeping them out of office?

The next time the wall street journal editorial board speaks the truth will be the first.

In my day, never was longer.

Republicans are the party of chaos and catastrophe.

Reality always lies in wait for … Democrats.

My years-long effort to drive family and friends away has really paid off this year.

When someone says they “love freedom”, rest assured they don’t mean yours.

“Jesus paying for the sins of everyone is an insult to those who paid for their own sins.”

Insiders who complain to politico: please report to the white house office of shut the fuck up.

Incompetence, fear, or corruption? why not all three?

Schmidt just says fuck it, opens a tea shop.

They traffic in fear. it is their only currency. if we are fearful, they are winning.

Consistently wrong since 2002

I’d like to think you all would remain faithful to me if i ever tried to have some of you killed.

The worst democrat is better than the best republican.

After roe, women are no longer free.

Damn right I heard that as a threat.

Anyone who bans teaching American history has no right to shape America’s future.

Optimism opens the door to great things.

… pundit janitors mopping up after the GOP

I was promised a recession.

Do not shrug your shoulders and accept the normalization of untruths.

You are here: Home / z-Retired Categories / Site Maintenance / WVU v. Louisville

WVU v. Louisville

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Off to meet a bunch of friends for the big game, so I thought I would throw out an open thread. Earlier, in another threads, we played an off-color “game” of sorts, listing our favorite porn titles which were obvious rips on real Hollywood movies. Now, let’s name actual Hollywood movies which COULD be porn titles without changing a thing. My entries:

Blow
All the President’s Men

Have at it in the comments. GO MOUNTAINEERS!

*** Update ***

Left my undisclosed location at halftime to come back to the hotel. CIA reports state that I was not satisfied with the mixology of the bartender at our locale (the margaritas tasted like smashed assholes with lime and I was forced to switch to shots of tequila). On the upside, after 6 shots of tequila, I get downright flirty with 24 year old waitresses (especially if they are extremely pleasant redheads). Now it is time for pizza in the hotel room.

Bonus win for the ALLIES- I wore my Casey Hampton jersey, and apparently there was a table of Steelers fans at the bar, and I was given a free Plantar’s Punch courtesy of STEELERS NATION.

Go Mountaineers!

*** Update ***

We need an IRC channel or something. Maybe a vent server.

Reader Interactions

77Comments

  5. 5.

    borehole

    Somebody once wrote a hilarious post–“10 John Wayne films that sound like pornos but aren’t” or something to that effect–but I can’t find it via Google.

    Anyway, the punch line was, “#1: Chisholm.”

  8. 8.

    Andrew

    This is too easy:
    12 Angry Men
    Some Like it Hot
    All About Eve
    Jaws
    Children of Men
    Platoon
    Heat
    The Heat of the Night
    Twelve Monkeys
    Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
    Shrek
    A Man for All Seasons

  9. 9.

    stogie

    Fercryinoutloud, doesn’t anyone remember SNATCH?

    Oh, and as far as best parodies, how about “A Dick Runs Through It”?

  10. 10.

    Dreggas

    Actually Shrek, if ya know what it means, would be a horrible name for a porn…

    I do believe however that the title “Dorf on:______” could make many porn movies.

  15. 15.

    Dreggas

    Turner and Hooch
    The Money Pit
    You’ve got Mail (which actually was spoofed as You’ve got She-male)

    Sleepless In Seattle
    Scrooged
    3 men and a little lady
    Oh God
    Pecker
    Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (again spoofed as Pretty Shitty Gang Bang)
    Crimson Tide (for fetishists and Red Wings fans)
    Brokeback Mountain (hey it doesn’t need to be changed at all)

  19. 19.

    stogie

    Cool Hand Luke

    Easy Rider (#1 happy obvious one)

    Three Kings

    The Big Lebowski

    Best song title that could be a porn title: Come on Eileen

  30. 30.

    Ned Raggett

    Some years back, when these two movies were in general release, I was delighted to see this movie marquee, one title atop the other:

    DICK
    THE IRON GIANT

    I wished, however, that the titles had been reversed.

  36. 36.

    JR

    Thunderball
    Something’s Gotta Give
    Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner
    The Incredibles
    Animal House
    The Big Sleep
    Gone in 60 Seconds
    Freaky Friday

    And my all-time favorite porn title riffing on a real film has to be the simple-yet-elegant “American Booty.”

  40. 40.

    Dreggas

    elhajjaj Says:

    Best porn spoof ever:
    “In Diana Jones”

    I had that one…

    There’s also

    “My Big Fat Pool Party”
    “My Big Fat Pizza Party”

    Fast Times At Deepcrack High

  44. 44.

    ConservativelyLiberal

    Some Disney titles that could be good porn:

    Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
    Pinocchio
    The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad
    Lady and the Tramp
    Big Red
    The Love Bug
    Herbie Rides Again
    Herbie Goes Bananas
    Herbie: Fully Loaded
    Beauty and the Beast
    Holes
    Teacher’s Pet
    Around the World in 80 Days

    ;)

  45. 45.

    a1

    Ironically, a great many Tom Cruise movies don’t have to change their titles one bit:

    Taps
    Losin’ It
    Risky Business
    Top Gun
    Cocktail
    Rain Man
    A Few Good Men
    The Firm
    Minority Report

    (and, in pre-production, “The Hardy Men”!)

  48. 48.

    ConservativelyLiberal

    How about some MGM titles?

    He Who Gets Slapped
    The Monster
    Flesh and the Devil
    Naughty Marietta
    Boys Town
    Thirty Seconds Over Tokyo
    The Postman Always Rings Twice
    Octopussy
    Spaceballs
    Thelma & Louise
    Get Shorty
    The Pink Panther

  59. 59.

    whatsleft

    Body Heat
    The Bodysnatchers
    Best Little Whorehouse in Texas
    Bob and Jane and Ted and Alice
    Please Don’t Eat the Daisies
    Mission Impossible

  62. 62.

    JGabriel

    Some of the more unfortunately named films of all time come from the Milne ouvre, in particular:

    Pooh Party
    Welcome to Pooh Corner

    Also kind of surprised that no one has yet mentioned:

    The Third Man
    The Seven Samurai
    Master and Commander
    Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
    Holes
    Corpse Bride

  63. 63.

    ConservativelyLiberal

    Gotcha! I said ‘Holes’ up above, but still a good list there. I will pass on the Pooh Party though. Welcome to Pooh Corner too.

    I don’t get into that shit. ;)

  64. 64.

    Cain

    All bond movies man
    Man with the Golden Gun
    From Russia with Love
    Goldfinger
    Octopussy

    16 candles
    The Incredibles
    The Life of Brian
    Black Rain
    An Indecent Proposal
    Thelma and Louise
    Snatch
    9 to 5

  66. 66.

    chris

    So all this time you’ve been partying like a Democrat, and it took you this long to start voting like one? Tsk tsk. Welcome to the (fun) tribe.

  67. 67.

    Ranger3

    I’m open to participating in a class-action law suit against West Virginia University for pain and suffering caused by the neon yellow jerseys their fotball team wore tonight.

    I think I’ve lost 20% of my vision from watching tonights game.

  68. 68.

    Wilfred

    ). On the upside, after 6 shots of tequila, I get downright flirty with 24 year old waitresses (especially if they are extremely pleasant redheads). Now it is time for pizza in the hotel room.

    Is it me or was there some narrative missing here?

    Maybe a vent server

    Indeed.

  69. 69.

    Krista

    On the upside, after 6 shots of tequila, I get downright flirty with 24 year old waitresses (especially if they are extremely pleasant redheads).

    It’s a dangerous power — most of us use it wisely, however.

  70. 70.

    borehole

    Thanks, D. I got all sorts of hits for “John Wayne Chisholm,” so I just assumed that was the name of the flick.

    Funny thing is, I thought it might be Rogers, but I dismissed that out of hand because whenever I half-remember something funny it’s always him, and what are the chances of that being the case again?

  71. 71.

    Punchy

    the margaritas tasted like smashed assholes with lime

    WTF?

    John also felt the nachoes tasted like roasted turd with a hint of garlic and leather, the bathroom lighting reminded him of a cross between Studio 54 and the confessional at the 82nd Baptist Church on the corner of 51st and MLK, and the chick’s perfume reeked of a fine mix between butterscotch and rancid suburban Boston cottage cheese.

    I tease, yet I love the drunk Cole updates.

  73. 73.

    Andrew

    I am a young, pleasant redhead. Remind me to never get drunk with John Cole, or else I may end up “sharing a pizza” in his hotel room.

  74. 74.

    Dreggas

    I have teamspeak and can set up a server when I return from AZ this weekend. Otherwise let me know when and where the IRC channel will be and I will gladly participate!

  75. 75.

    Pooh

    Hard Target
    Bounce
    Bound (pretty close already)
    The Big Red One (ew)
    Dangerous Liasons
    The Cook the Thief, His Wife and her Lover
    Johnny Dangerously (fargin eisholes)
    Office Space (spoof title, Orifice Space?)
    What Dreams May Come
    Kiss the Girls

  76. 76.

    Shell Goddamnit

    All John Waters titles

    Hairspray
    Crybaby (a fave of a certain republican lawmaker)
    Polyester
    Pink Flamingos
    Serial Mom, even

    And the additional Divine w/o Waters:
    Lust in the Dust

    After a mountaineerless 47-year lifetime, I saw “GO MOUNTAINEERS” twice this week. Odd.

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