Off to meet a bunch of friends for the big game, so I thought I would throw out an open thread. Earlier, in another threads, we played an off-color “game” of sorts, listing our favorite porn titles which were obvious rips on real Hollywood movies. Now, let’s name actual Hollywood movies which COULD be porn titles without changing a thing. My entries:
Blow
All the President’s Men
Have at it in the comments. GO MOUNTAINEERS!
*** Update ***
Left my undisclosed location at halftime to come back to the hotel. CIA reports state that I was not satisfied with the mixology of the bartender at our locale (the margaritas tasted like smashed assholes with lime and I was forced to switch to shots of tequila). On the upside, after 6 shots of tequila, I get downright flirty with 24 year old waitresses (especially if they are extremely pleasant redheads). Now it is time for pizza in the hotel room.
Bonus win for the ALLIES- I wore my Casey Hampton jersey, and apparently there was a table of Steelers fans at the bar, and I was given a free Plantar’s Punch courtesy of STEELERS NATION.
Go Mountaineers!
*** Update ***
We need an IRC channel or something. Maybe a vent server.
Doubting Thomas
The Naked Civil Servant
Doubting Thomas
aka The Larry Craig Story
dom
Deep Impact
Media Glutton
Ferngully
borehole
Somebody once wrote a hilarious post–“10 John Wayne films that sound like pornos but aren’t” or something to that effect–but I can’t find it via Google.
Anyway, the punch line was, “#1: Chisholm.”
Tax Analyst
The Taking of Mustang Pete (1915)
borehole
Pretty obvious, but still–
Close Encounters of the Third Kind
Jaws
Andrew
This is too easy:
12 Angry Men
Some Like it Hot
All About Eve
Jaws
Children of Men
Platoon
Heat
The Heat of the Night
Twelve Monkeys
Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
Shrek
A Man for All Seasons
stogie
Fercryinoutloud, doesn’t anyone remember SNATCH?
Oh, and as far as best parodies, how about “A Dick Runs Through It”?
Dreggas
Actually Shrek, if ya know what it means, would be a horrible name for a porn…
I do believe however that the title “Dorf on:______” could make many porn movies.
borehole
Inside Man
chopper
“Bambi Goes Crazy Ape Bonkers with his Drill and Sex”
Michael D.
Taps!
borehole
The Hills have Eyes
A River Runs through It
Five Easy Pieces
Dreggas
Turner and Hooch
The Money Pit
You’ve got Mail (which actually was spoofed as You’ve got She-male)
Sleepless In Seattle
Scrooged
3 men and a little lady
Oh God
Pecker
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (again spoofed as Pretty Shitty Gang Bang)
Crimson Tide (for fetishists and Red Wings fans)
Brokeback Mountain (hey it doesn’t need to be changed at all)
Wilfred
They Died with Their Boots On
I Cover the Waterfront
Hang’em High
binzinerator
Every Which Way But Loose
Enter The Dragon
Shaft
Dreggas
Low Down Dirty Shame
Caddyshack
stogie
Cool Hand Luke
Easy Rider (#1 happy obvious one)
Three Kings
The Big Lebowski
Best song title that could be a porn title: Come on Eileen
Dreggas
Any Which Way You Can
(personal note Right turn clyde)
Ugh
A Few Good Men
Meatballs
Beat Street
Wilfred
FIST!
The French Connection
Dreggas
Moby Dick
Porky’s
Meatballs
Endless Summer
Summerschool
Cinderella Ferret
Raging Bull
Stuff that Bear!
The Little Bear Movie
Rugged Bear
Naked Lunch
Fun with Dick and Jane
borehole
Combatting heteronormativity:
The Bad News Bears
borehole
And that’s what happens when you don’t refresh.
Dennis-SGMM
Moby Dick
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
Wild Angels
Wilfred
Grease
12 Angry Men
Bang the Drum Slowly
Dreggas
sonofabitch
Ned Raggett
Some years back, when these two movies were in general release, I was delighted to see this movie marquee, one title atop the other:
DICK
THE IRON GIANT
I wished, however, that the titles had been reversed.
scarshapedstar
Above The Rim
The Insider
Dangerous When Wet
borehole
Anacondas: Search for the Blood Orchid
Dennis-SGMM
The two-wetsuit crowd will be all over that one.
Dreggas
A fish called Wanda
elhajjaj
Best porn spoof ever:
“In Diana Jones”
JR
Thunderball
Something’s Gotta Give
Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner
The Incredibles
Animal House
The Big Sleep
Gone in 60 Seconds
Freaky Friday
And my all-time favorite porn title riffing on a real film has to be the simple-yet-elegant “American Booty.”
Dennis-SGMM
and: Three Men and a Balloon
Dreggas
Balls Of Fury
The Sun Also Rises
borehole
Westward Ho
Dreggas
I had that one…
There’s also
“My Big Fat Pool Party”
“My Big Fat Pizza Party”
Fast Times At Deepcrack High
Dreggas
American Pie.
Dreggas
Top Gun
Hot Shots
Real Men
Tomcats
Scream
The secretary
diakron
The Sweet Smell of Success
The Hudsucker Proxy
The Chinese Box
ConservativelyLiberal
Some Disney titles that could be good porn:
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
Pinocchio
The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad
Lady and the Tramp
Big Red
The Love Bug
Herbie Rides Again
Herbie Goes Bananas
Herbie: Fully Loaded
Beauty and the Beast
Holes
Teacher’s Pet
Around the World in 80 Days
;)
a1
Ironically, a great many Tom Cruise movies don’t have to change their titles one bit:
Taps
Losin’ It
Risky Business
Top Gun
Cocktail
Rain Man
A Few Good Men
The Firm
Minority Report
(and, in pre-production, “The Hardy Men”!)
chopper
Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Get Fucked
that’s what it was called, right?
Libby Spencer
I love these games.
Fire Down Below
Sex, Lies and Videotape
Attack of the 50 Foot Woman
ConservativelyLiberal
How about some MGM titles?
He Who Gets Slapped
The Monster
Flesh and the Devil
Naughty Marietta
Boys Town
Thirty Seconds Over Tokyo
The Postman Always Rings Twice
Octopussy
Spaceballs
Thelma & Louise
Get Shorty
The Pink Panther
FLILF Hunter
Apollo 13
douglasfactors
Free Willy
Shag: The Movie
Zuzu
Anybody get these yet?
The French Connection
Dirty Harry
AkaDad
Great Balls of Fire
Dorian
The Lord of the Rings
D.
> Somebody once wrote a hilarious post—”10 John Wayne films that sound
> like pornos but aren’t” or something to that effect—but I can’t find it via Google.
That was the great John Rogers (alias Kung Fu Monkey). The list is here:
http://kfmonkey.blogspot.com/2004/11/top-10-john-wayne-movies-that-could.html
And #1 was “Chisum”
Ugh
Old School
Zuzu
Titanic
Stick It
Driving Miss Daisy
chopper
The Harder They Come
Mornington Crescent
Howard’s End
Abroad with two Yanks
One Man and His Dog
whatsleft
Body Heat
The Bodysnatchers
Best Little Whorehouse in Texas
Bob and Jane and Ted and Alice
Please Don’t Eat the Daisies
Mission Impossible
Jay
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
OK, Steve Martin said it first.
Punchy
Powder
2 Mules for Sister Sarah
JGabriel
Some of the more unfortunately named films of all time come from the Milne ouvre, in particular:
Pooh Party
Welcome to Pooh Corner
Also kind of surprised that no one has yet mentioned:
The Third Man
The Seven Samurai
Master and Commander
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
Holes
Corpse Bride
ConservativelyLiberal
Gotcha! I said ‘Holes’ up above, but still a good list there. I will pass on the Pooh Party though. Welcome to Pooh Corner too.
I don’t get into that shit. ;)
Cain
All bond movies man
Man with the Golden Gun
From Russia with Love
Goldfinger
Octopussy
16 candles
The Incredibles
The Life of Brian
Black Rain
An Indecent Proposal
Thelma and Louise
Snatch
9 to 5
Cain
I’d love to have an IRC channel..
cain
chris
So all this time you’ve been partying like a Democrat, and it took you this long to start voting like one? Tsk tsk. Welcome to the (fun) tribe.
Ranger3
I’m open to participating in a class-action law suit against West Virginia University for pain and suffering caused by the neon yellow jerseys their fotball team wore tonight.
I think I’ve lost 20% of my vision from watching tonights game.
Wilfred
Is it me or was there some narrative missing here?
Indeed.
Krista
It’s a dangerous power — most of us use it wisely, however.
borehole
Thanks, D. I got all sorts of hits for “John Wayne Chisholm,” so I just assumed that was the name of the flick.
Funny thing is, I thought it might be Rogers, but I dismissed that out of hand because whenever I half-remember something funny it’s always him, and what are the chances of that being the case again?
Punchy
WTF?
John also felt the nachoes tasted like roasted turd with a hint of garlic and leather, the bathroom lighting reminded him of a cross between Studio 54 and the confessional at the 82nd Baptist Church on the corner of 51st and MLK, and the chick’s perfume reeked of a fine mix between butterscotch and rancid suburban Boston cottage cheese.
I tease, yet I love the drunk Cole updates.
Jen
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Poon
Andrew
I am a young, pleasant redhead. Remind me to never get drunk with John Cole, or else I may end up “sharing a pizza” in his hotel room.
Dreggas
I have teamspeak and can set up a server when I return from AZ this weekend. Otherwise let me know when and where the IRC channel will be and I will gladly participate!
Pooh
Hard Target
Bounce
Bound (pretty close already)
The Big Red One (ew)
Dangerous Liasons
The Cook the Thief, His Wife and her Lover
Johnny Dangerously (fargin eisholes)
Office Space (spoof title, Orifice Space?)
What Dreams May Come
Kiss the Girls
Shell Goddamnit
All John Waters titles
Hairspray
Crybaby (a fave of a certain republican lawmaker)
Polyester
Pink Flamingos
Serial Mom, even
And the additional Divine w/o Waters:
Lust in the Dust
After a mountaineerless 47-year lifetime, I saw “GO MOUNTAINEERS” twice this week. Odd.
Enlightened Layperson
Of Human Bondage