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You are here: Home / z-Retired Categories / Site Maintenance / WVU v. Louisville

WVU v. Louisville

by John Cole|  November 8, 20076:01 pm| 77 Comments

This post is in: Site Maintenance

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Off to meet a bunch of friends for the big game, so I thought I would throw out an open thread. Earlier, in another threads, we played an off-color “game” of sorts, listing our favorite porn titles which were obvious rips on real Hollywood movies. Now, let’s name actual Hollywood movies which COULD be porn titles without changing a thing. My entries:

Blow
All the President’s Men

Have at it in the comments. GO MOUNTAINEERS!

*** Update ***

Left my undisclosed location at halftime to come back to the hotel. CIA reports state that I was not satisfied with the mixology of the bartender at our locale (the margaritas tasted like smashed assholes with lime and I was forced to switch to shots of tequila). On the upside, after 6 shots of tequila, I get downright flirty with 24 year old waitresses (especially if they are extremely pleasant redheads). Now it is time for pizza in the hotel room.

Bonus win for the ALLIES- I wore my Casey Hampton jersey, and apparently there was a table of Steelers fans at the bar, and I was given a free Plantar’s Punch courtesy of STEELERS NATION.

Go Mountaineers!

*** Update ***

We need an IRC channel or something. Maybe a vent server.

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Reader Interactions

77Comments

  1. 1.

    Doubting Thomas

    November 8, 2007 at 6:06 pm

    The Naked Civil Servant

  2. 2.

    Doubting Thomas

    November 8, 2007 at 6:08 pm

    aka The Larry Craig Story

  3. 3.

    dom

    November 8, 2007 at 6:09 pm

    Deep Impact

  4. 4.

    Media Glutton

    November 8, 2007 at 6:10 pm

    Ferngully

  5. 5.

    borehole

    November 8, 2007 at 6:11 pm

    Somebody once wrote a hilarious post–“10 John Wayne films that sound like pornos but aren’t” or something to that effect–but I can’t find it via Google.

    Anyway, the punch line was, “#1: Chisholm.”

  6. 6.

    Tax Analyst

    November 8, 2007 at 6:12 pm

    The Taking of Mustang Pete (1915)

  7. 7.

    borehole

    November 8, 2007 at 6:18 pm

    Pretty obvious, but still–

    Close Encounters of the Third Kind

    Jaws

  8. 8.

    Andrew

    November 8, 2007 at 6:19 pm

    This is too easy:
    12 Angry Men
    Some Like it Hot
    All About Eve
    Jaws
    Children of Men
    Platoon
    Heat
    The Heat of the Night
    Twelve Monkeys
    Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
    Shrek
    A Man for All Seasons

  9. 9.

    stogie

    November 8, 2007 at 6:21 pm

    Fercryinoutloud, doesn’t anyone remember SNATCH?

    Oh, and as far as best parodies, how about “A Dick Runs Through It”?

  10. 10.

    Dreggas

    November 8, 2007 at 6:22 pm

    Actually Shrek, if ya know what it means, would be a horrible name for a porn…

    I do believe however that the title “Dorf on:______” could make many porn movies.

  11. 11.

    borehole

    November 8, 2007 at 6:22 pm

    Inside Man

  12. 12.

    chopper

    November 8, 2007 at 6:22 pm

    “Bambi Goes Crazy Ape Bonkers with his Drill and Sex”

  13. 13.

    Michael D.

    November 8, 2007 at 6:24 pm

    Taps!

  14. 14.

    borehole

    November 8, 2007 at 6:25 pm

    The Hills have Eyes

    A River Runs through It

    Five Easy Pieces

  15. 15.

    Dreggas

    November 8, 2007 at 6:28 pm

    Turner and Hooch
    The Money Pit
    You’ve got Mail (which actually was spoofed as You’ve got She-male)

    Sleepless In Seattle
    Scrooged
    3 men and a little lady
    Oh God
    Pecker
    Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (again spoofed as Pretty Shitty Gang Bang)
    Crimson Tide (for fetishists and Red Wings fans)
    Brokeback Mountain (hey it doesn’t need to be changed at all)

  16. 16.

    Wilfred

    November 8, 2007 at 6:29 pm

    They Died with Their Boots On

    I Cover the Waterfront

    Hang’em High

  17. 17.

    binzinerator

    November 8, 2007 at 6:30 pm

    Every Which Way But Loose
    Enter The Dragon
    Shaft

  18. 18.

    Dreggas

    November 8, 2007 at 6:31 pm

    Low Down Dirty Shame
    Caddyshack

  19. 19.

    stogie

    November 8, 2007 at 6:32 pm

    Cool Hand Luke

    Easy Rider (#1 happy obvious one)

    Three Kings

    The Big Lebowski

    Best song title that could be a porn title: Come on Eileen

  20. 20.

    Dreggas

    November 8, 2007 at 6:32 pm

    binzinerator Says:

    Every Which Way But Loose

    Any Which Way You Can

    (personal note Right turn clyde)

  21. 21.

    Ugh

    November 8, 2007 at 6:34 pm

    A Few Good Men
    Meatballs
    Beat Street

  22. 22.

    Wilfred

    November 8, 2007 at 6:34 pm

    FIST!

    The French Connection

  23. 23.

    Dreggas

    November 8, 2007 at 6:36 pm

    Moby Dick
    Porky’s
    Meatballs
    Endless Summer
    Summerschool

  24. 24.

    Cinderella Ferret

    November 8, 2007 at 6:37 pm

    Raging Bull

    Stuff that Bear!

    The Little Bear Movie

    Rugged Bear

    Naked Lunch

    Fun with Dick and Jane

  25. 25.

    borehole

    November 8, 2007 at 6:42 pm

    Combatting heteronormativity:

    The Bad News Bears

  26. 26.

    borehole

    November 8, 2007 at 6:43 pm

    And that’s what happens when you don’t refresh.

  27. 27.

    Dennis-SGMM

    November 8, 2007 at 6:45 pm

    Moby Dick
    A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
    Wild Angels

  28. 28.

    Wilfred

    November 8, 2007 at 6:46 pm

    Grease
    12 Angry Men
    Bang the Drum Slowly

  29. 29.

    Dreggas

    November 8, 2007 at 6:46 pm

    sonofabitch

  30. 30.

    Ned Raggett

    November 8, 2007 at 6:48 pm

    Some years back, when these two movies were in general release, I was delighted to see this movie marquee, one title atop the other:

    DICK
    THE IRON GIANT

    I wished, however, that the titles had been reversed.

  31. 31.

    scarshapedstar

    November 8, 2007 at 6:48 pm

    Above The Rim

    The Insider

    Dangerous When Wet

  32. 32.

    borehole

    November 8, 2007 at 6:51 pm

    Anacondas: Search for the Blood Orchid

  33. 33.

    Dennis-SGMM

    November 8, 2007 at 6:51 pm

    Dreggas Says:

    sonofabitch

    The two-wetsuit crowd will be all over that one.

  34. 34.

    Dreggas

    November 8, 2007 at 6:54 pm

    A fish called Wanda

  35. 35.

    elhajjaj

    November 8, 2007 at 6:55 pm

    Best porn spoof ever:
    “In Diana Jones”

  36. 36.

    JR

    November 8, 2007 at 6:55 pm

    Thunderball
    Something’s Gotta Give
    Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner
    The Incredibles
    Animal House
    The Big Sleep
    Gone in 60 Seconds
    Freaky Friday

    And my all-time favorite porn title riffing on a real film has to be the simple-yet-elegant “American Booty.”

  37. 37.

    Dennis-SGMM

    November 8, 2007 at 6:55 pm

    and: Three Men and a Balloon

  38. 38.

    Dreggas

    November 8, 2007 at 6:57 pm

    Balls Of Fury
    The Sun Also Rises

  39. 39.

    borehole

    November 8, 2007 at 6:57 pm

    Westward Ho

  40. 40.

    Dreggas

    November 8, 2007 at 6:58 pm

    elhajjaj Says:

    Best porn spoof ever:
    “In Diana Jones”

    I had that one…

    There’s also

    “My Big Fat Pool Party”
    “My Big Fat Pizza Party”

    Fast Times At Deepcrack High

  41. 41.

    Dreggas

    November 8, 2007 at 6:59 pm

    American Pie.

  42. 42.

    Dreggas

    November 8, 2007 at 7:00 pm

    Top Gun
    Hot Shots
    Real Men
    Tomcats
    Scream
    The secretary

  43. 43.

    diakron

    November 8, 2007 at 7:00 pm

    The Sweet Smell of Success

    The Hudsucker Proxy

    The Chinese Box

  44. 44.

    ConservativelyLiberal

    November 8, 2007 at 7:02 pm

    Some Disney titles that could be good porn:

    Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
    Pinocchio
    The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad
    Lady and the Tramp
    Big Red
    The Love Bug
    Herbie Rides Again
    Herbie Goes Bananas
    Herbie: Fully Loaded
    Beauty and the Beast
    Holes
    Teacher’s Pet
    Around the World in 80 Days

    ;)

  45. 45.

    a1

    November 8, 2007 at 7:21 pm

    Ironically, a great many Tom Cruise movies don’t have to change their titles one bit:

    Taps
    Losin’ It
    Risky Business
    Top Gun
    Cocktail
    Rain Man
    A Few Good Men
    The Firm
    Minority Report

    (and, in pre-production, “The Hardy Men”!)

  46. 46.

    chopper

    November 8, 2007 at 7:32 pm

    Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Get Fucked

    that’s what it was called, right?

  47. 47.

    Libby Spencer

    November 8, 2007 at 7:36 pm

    I love these games.

    Fire Down Below
    Sex, Lies and Videotape
    Attack of the 50 Foot Woman

  48. 48.

    ConservativelyLiberal

    November 8, 2007 at 7:37 pm

    How about some MGM titles?

    He Who Gets Slapped
    The Monster
    Flesh and the Devil
    Naughty Marietta
    Boys Town
    Thirty Seconds Over Tokyo
    The Postman Always Rings Twice
    Octopussy
    Spaceballs
    Thelma & Louise
    Get Shorty
    The Pink Panther

  49. 49.

    FLILF Hunter

    November 8, 2007 at 7:41 pm

    Apollo 13

  50. 50.

    douglasfactors

    November 8, 2007 at 7:42 pm

    Free Willy
    Shag: The Movie

  51. 51.

    Zuzu

    November 8, 2007 at 8:03 pm

    Anybody get these yet?

    The French Connection

    Dirty Harry

  52. 52.

    AkaDad

    November 8, 2007 at 8:05 pm

    Great Balls of Fire

  53. 53.

    Dorian

    November 8, 2007 at 8:35 pm

    The Lord of the Rings

  54. 54.

    D.

    November 8, 2007 at 8:41 pm

    > Somebody once wrote a hilarious post—”10 John Wayne films that sound
    > like pornos but aren’t” or something to that effect—but I can’t find it via Google.
    That was the great John Rogers (alias Kung Fu Monkey). The list is here:

    http://kfmonkey.blogspot.com/2004/11/top-10-john-wayne-movies-that-could.html

    And #1 was “Chisum”

  55. 55.

    Ugh

    November 8, 2007 at 8:57 pm

    Old School

  56. 56.

    Zuzu

    November 8, 2007 at 9:02 pm

    Titanic

    Stick It

    Driving Miss Daisy

  57. 57.

    chopper

    November 8, 2007 at 9:22 pm

    The Harder They Come

  58. 58.

    Mornington Crescent

    November 8, 2007 at 9:38 pm

    Howard’s End

    Abroad with two Yanks

    One Man and His Dog

  59. 59.

    whatsleft

    November 8, 2007 at 9:43 pm

    Body Heat
    The Bodysnatchers
    Best Little Whorehouse in Texas
    Bob and Jane and Ted and Alice
    Please Don’t Eat the Daisies
    Mission Impossible

  60. 60.

    Jay

    November 8, 2007 at 9:52 pm

    Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

    OK, Steve Martin said it first.

  61. 61.

    Punchy

    November 8, 2007 at 10:20 pm

    Powder

    2 Mules for Sister Sarah

  62. 62.

    JGabriel

    November 8, 2007 at 10:55 pm

    Some of the more unfortunately named films of all time come from the Milne ouvre, in particular:

    Pooh Party
    Welcome to Pooh Corner

    Also kind of surprised that no one has yet mentioned:

    The Third Man
    The Seven Samurai
    Master and Commander
    Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
    Holes
    Corpse Bride

  63. 63.

    ConservativelyLiberal

    November 9, 2007 at 12:20 am

    Gotcha! I said ‘Holes’ up above, but still a good list there. I will pass on the Pooh Party though. Welcome to Pooh Corner too.

    I don’t get into that shit. ;)

  64. 64.

    Cain

    November 9, 2007 at 1:02 am

    All bond movies man
    Man with the Golden Gun
    From Russia with Love
    Goldfinger
    Octopussy

    16 candles
    The Incredibles
    The Life of Brian
    Black Rain
    An Indecent Proposal
    Thelma and Louise
    Snatch
    9 to 5

  65. 65.

    Cain

    November 9, 2007 at 1:34 am

    I’d love to have an IRC channel..

    cain

  66. 66.

    chris

    November 9, 2007 at 1:38 am

    So all this time you’ve been partying like a Democrat, and it took you this long to start voting like one? Tsk tsk. Welcome to the (fun) tribe.

  67. 67.

    Ranger3

    November 9, 2007 at 1:42 am

    I’m open to participating in a class-action law suit against West Virginia University for pain and suffering caused by the neon yellow jerseys their fotball team wore tonight.

    I think I’ve lost 20% of my vision from watching tonights game.

  68. 68.

    Wilfred

    November 9, 2007 at 6:02 am

    ). On the upside, after 6 shots of tequila, I get downright flirty with 24 year old waitresses (especially if they are extremely pleasant redheads). Now it is time for pizza in the hotel room.

    Is it me or was there some narrative missing here?

    Maybe a vent server

    Indeed.

  69. 69.

    Krista

    November 9, 2007 at 7:47 am

    On the upside, after 6 shots of tequila, I get downright flirty with 24 year old waitresses (especially if they are extremely pleasant redheads).

    It’s a dangerous power — most of us use it wisely, however.

  70. 70.

    borehole

    November 9, 2007 at 7:58 am

    Thanks, D. I got all sorts of hits for “John Wayne Chisholm,” so I just assumed that was the name of the flick.

    Funny thing is, I thought it might be Rogers, but I dismissed that out of hand because whenever I half-remember something funny it’s always him, and what are the chances of that being the case again?

  71. 71.

    Punchy

    November 9, 2007 at 9:48 am

    the margaritas tasted like smashed assholes with lime

    WTF?

    John also felt the nachoes tasted like roasted turd with a hint of garlic and leather, the bathroom lighting reminded him of a cross between Studio 54 and the confessional at the 82nd Baptist Church on the corner of 51st and MLK, and the chick’s perfume reeked of a fine mix between butterscotch and rancid suburban Boston cottage cheese.

    I tease, yet I love the drunk Cole updates.

  72. 72.

    Jen

    November 9, 2007 at 9:51 am

    Indiana Jones and the Temple of Poon

  73. 73.

    Andrew

    November 9, 2007 at 10:28 am

    I am a young, pleasant redhead. Remind me to never get drunk with John Cole, or else I may end up “sharing a pizza” in his hotel room.

  74. 74.

    Dreggas

    November 9, 2007 at 11:32 am

    I have teamspeak and can set up a server when I return from AZ this weekend. Otherwise let me know when and where the IRC channel will be and I will gladly participate!

  75. 75.

    Pooh

    November 9, 2007 at 2:54 pm

    Hard Target
    Bounce
    Bound (pretty close already)
    The Big Red One (ew)
    Dangerous Liasons
    The Cook the Thief, His Wife and her Lover
    Johnny Dangerously (fargin eisholes)
    Office Space (spoof title, Orifice Space?)
    What Dreams May Come
    Kiss the Girls

  76. 76.

    Shell Goddamnit

    November 9, 2007 at 8:57 pm

    All John Waters titles

    Hairspray
    Crybaby (a fave of a certain republican lawmaker)
    Polyester
    Pink Flamingos
    Serial Mom, even

    And the additional Divine w/o Waters:
    Lust in the Dust

    After a mountaineerless 47-year lifetime, I saw “GO MOUNTAINEERS” twice this week. Odd.

  77. 77.

    Enlightened Layperson

    November 10, 2007 at 2:20 am

    Of Human Bondage

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