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You are here: Home / The Cell

The Cell

by Tim F|  November 21, 200710:19 am| 85 Comments

This post is in: Blogospheric Navel-Gazing, General Stupidity

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It’s like a window into their mind.

Conservapedia statistics

There are 45,009 total pages in the database. This includes “talk” pages, pages about Conservapedia, minimal “stub” pages, redirects, and others that probably don’t qualify as content pages. Excluding those, there are 19,565 pages that are probably legitimate content pages.

[…]

Most viewed pages

1. Main Page‎ [1,903,172] 2. Homosexuality‎ [1,546,382] 3. Homosexuality and Hepatitis‎ [516,829] 4. Homosexuality and Promiscuity‎ [420,275] 5. Homosexuality and Parasites‎ [387,896] 6. Homosexuality and Domestic Violence‎ [353,244] 7. Gay Bowel Syndrome‎ [345,089] 8. Homosexuality and Gonorrhea‎ [331,173] 9. Homosexuality and Mental Health‎ [278,796] 10. Homosexuality and Syphilis‎ [265,128]

Egads. We’re all Jennifer Lopez now.

***Update***

Let’s unpack this a bit more. If those statistics are right, the page on homosexuality has been viewed 82% as often as the conservapedia home page. Maybe repeated editing amplifies the view count of particularly popular pages, but that still strikes me as just short of insane.

Regadless of whether 81% of conservapedia visitors want to hear bad things about teh ghey or some more rational number like, say, 50%, stuff like this makes it pretty hard to take seriously the tear-stained accusations of intolerance whenever a prominent conservative figure turns out to be a gay whore, a gay porn star or a public restroom perv.

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Reader Interactions

85Comments

  1. 1.

    4tehlulz

    November 21, 2007 at 10:23 am

    7. Gay Bowel Syndrome‎ [345,089]

    Words fail me.

  2. 2.

    scarshapedstar

    November 21, 2007 at 10:24 am

    Does anyone else have the sudden urge to watch “Trapped in the Closet”?

  3. 3.

    scarshapedstar

    November 21, 2007 at 10:26 am

    Also, anyone want to start a pool on how long we have until they “fix their statistics page due to moonbat hackers”? They’re gonna replace all those gay pages with something good and manly and hetero, like pro wrestling…

  4. 4.

    gypsy howell

    November 21, 2007 at 10:26 am

    Ummmm….. “Homosexuality and parasites?”

    So what exactly does that entry consist of — a whole list of republican congressmen and religious right leaders?

    Frankly, I’m afraid to go look.

  5. 5.

    jcricket

    November 21, 2007 at 10:29 am

    It’s impossible to come even close to the success of Wikipedia is you operate with the same “spirit” that RedState does (let’s ban everyone who doesn’t agree with our increasingly narrow set of views). They really do fail to understand Wikipedia is neutral (for the most part). And while it may not be as scholarly as it should, it offers a reasonably accurate summary on most issues (not a liberal or conservative slant).

    Plus, conservative encyclopedia is to real encyclopedia as conservative news outlets are to real news. That is, the conservative versions are just PR for the party and require massive subsidies from rich patrons to even exist.

    These fundamental flaws (failure to grok core purpose, subsidies) is also what dooms their efforts to replicate media successes like the Daily Show.

    It must be strange to be a modern-day conservative. So misunderstanding of how the world works that they’re doomed to forever rail against the wind/time/reality in a futile attempt to get the world to bend to their wishes. The whole “we’re the actors, we make history, you just study it” line of thinking is what’s at fault for this.

  6. 6.

    Zifnab

    November 21, 2007 at 10:32 am

    My god, regular wiki has 16 section blocks on homosexuality. Conservapedia has 35! With such enlightened topics as “Homosexuality and Creationism and the Theory of Evolution”, “Hamilton Square Baptist Church Riot”, and “Peter LaBarbera States Log Cabin Republican’s Purge Mark Foley Picture from Their Website”.

    It… it hurts my brain. Or maybe that’s just all the foot tapping.

  7. 7.

    Andrew

    November 21, 2007 at 10:33 am

    I guess Michael D. is a good fit for the Republican party.

  8. 8.

    jcricket

    November 21, 2007 at 10:34 am

    And, as Tim point out, this obsession with homosexuality (along with the immigrant bashing) is going to doom the Republican party.

    Republicans are going to lose the Latino vote forever, like they lost the black vote with the embrace of the southern strategy.

    And railing against homosexuality with such force (especially while continuing to have gay sex scandals from closeted members) is going to alienate the moderates and anyone under the age of 30 (who support gays, gay marriage, equal rights for gays, etc. with extremely high percentages).

  9. 9.

    Bombadil

    November 21, 2007 at 10:34 am

    It’s like a window into their mind.

    And that, children, is why they invented drapes.

  10. 10.

    Wilfred

    November 21, 2007 at 10:42 am

    And that, children, is why they invented drapes

    Homosexuality and Curtain Design

  11. 11.

    Jen

    November 21, 2007 at 10:44 am

    I’m a lawyer, which means I’m bad at math and had to find some less useful way to be a drain on society. But I’m calculating that the “homosexuality” page view is 81% of the “main page” page view. Even if a whole lot of people have the homosexuality page bookmarked so they can head right to it and see what the important updates in homosexuality are, isn’t that an awfully high percentage of folks? I mean, just statistically speaking could we say that around three-quarters of the people checking out conservapedia are just there for the gay sex?

  12. 12.

    Tim F.

    November 21, 2007 at 10:49 am

    I mean, just statistically speaking could we say that around three-quarters of the people checking out conservapedia are just there for the gay sex?

    Now add all of the anti-ghey pages together.

  13. 13.

    Jen

    November 21, 2007 at 10:49 am

    Are y’all stealing my statistical analyses or are we coming up with this stuff at the same time?

  14. 14.

    Tim F.

    November 21, 2007 at 10:51 am

    Are y’all stealing my statistical analyses or are we coming up with this stuff at the same time?

    We came up with it at about the same time. What really surprises me is that Kevin Drum didn’t get there first.

  15. 15.

    Jen

    November 21, 2007 at 10:56 am

    Wow! If you add all the gay pages together, 215% of the folks going to conservapedia are just there for the gay sex!

  16. 16.

    Tim F.

    November 21, 2007 at 10:57 am

    See what I mean? It’s ludicrous.

  17. 17.

    Dave

    November 21, 2007 at 10:58 am

    John, clearly they are looking for facts about their closeted homosexuality so they know how to deal with issues such as Gay Bowel Syndrome (from here on in, GBS) in a community forum.

    I can hear their thought process now: “While I am not gay, I have been having lots of anal sex with lots of men, and for some reason I find myself pooping a lot more freely than usual. Thus, I shall describe GBS to Conservapedia so others know what to do when this happens to them. Better yet, I’ll denounce anybody else who is gay, saying GBS is God’s punishment for being gay. In this way, I can make up for my closeted homosexual behavior and sit in the corner and cry myself to sleep out of self-hatred, resting easy in a bed full of gay porn stars and crystal meth.”

    Or something like that.

  18. 18.

    Zifnab

    November 21, 2007 at 11:03 am

    I pray to whatever diety divinely inspired Conservapedia that this is yet another one of the notorious conserva-pranks played on the site – on par with the Tree Octopus and that bit about Washington being the only figure other than Jesus to give up earthly power.

    I just refuse to believe that the site is even that popular. I mean, 45k pages. Surely someone has looked at one of those pages more than once.

    Although, when you compare their page on “teh ghey” to their page on, say, “trees” or “bagels“, I can understand why what appears to be the only page with any content is the one receiving all the hits.

  19. 19.

    Punchy

    November 21, 2007 at 11:06 am

    7. Gay Bowel Syndrome‎ [345,089]

    I’m no medical doctor, although I play one on this blog, but really…WTF is this?

    Towel Syndrome? Perhaps…locker rooms suck and all
    Bowl Syndrome? Sugar Smacks floating on top and falling out?
    Gray Bowel Syndrome–too constipated?
    Someone named Gary Bowel have some new disease?

    Is this shit correct?

  20. 20.

    Jackmormon

    November 21, 2007 at 11:06 am

    (from here on in, GBS)

    George Bush senior?

  21. 21.

    Jen

    November 21, 2007 at 11:07 am

    This is from their “bagels” entry:

    Since that time, the definition of bagel has liberalized significantly.

    “Liberalized” is hyperlinked to liberal.

    Truly, they are at the heart of a conspiracy. We will rest at nothing short of all three branches of government, complete control of the media, plus an expansive definition of a bagel.

  22. 22.

    Alan

    November 21, 2007 at 11:07 am

    I used to identify myself as conservative. But it seems, under the tutelage of pundits like Rush Limbaugh and Bill Bennett, that identity has been snatched away by the Religious Right. Now, I no longer have a political identity. Neither do I have a Political Party to identify with. It’s pretty frustrating.

  23. 23.

    Punchy

    November 21, 2007 at 11:12 am

    From Zif’s link on trees…they couldn’t just leave the hell alone with the first sentence. Look what they felt they had to add:

    A tree is a tall plant, usually with a trunk, branches, and leaves.

    Trees are an important part of the Bible. They were created on the Third Day of Creation.[

    Which is followed by this what-the-hell? statement:

    A tree is also a graph with no cycles, so called because they often resemble actual live trees.

    Uh….what?

  24. 24.

    Garrigus Carraig

    November 21, 2007 at 11:14 am

    Blrrghm. Will someone please float a different explanation before my head explodes? E.g., couldn’t some meanspirited moonbat have written a script to ‘stuff the ballot’, as it were?

    Humor me.

  25. 25.

    Jake

    November 21, 2007 at 11:14 am

    Egads, wtf people? I could pledge to give Fuckus on the Family a $100 bucks for each gay person who is half as obsessed with teh strayt and never have to touch my bank account.

    I know, it shouldn’t shock me, it’s just one of those things I try not to think about because it is creeptastic.
    However, this list must be incomplete. I don’t see Homosexuality and Child Molestation or Homosexuality and Bestiality.

    Or did the pervs at Constipadia think that was redundant? Gah.

    Here’s my theory/hope. Phyllis Schlafly’s other son & friends keep running up the hits on those pages so anyone who checks the stats will do pretty much what Tim F. just did.

  26. 26.

    Z

    November 21, 2007 at 11:14 am

    You know, while places like dictionary.com might define homophobia as just fear and/or loathing toward gay people, my friends and I always defined it as the fear of homosexual feelings within the self. As in, people hate gays because they are freaked out by their own gay tendencies. Now I expected some conservatives to be truly homophobic and others to just be simply prejudiced, whether it is because they are religious zealots or because they are rigid about how society should be structured. I am honestly shocked that there is THIS MUCH true homophobia out there. Wow.

  27. 27.

    Face

    November 21, 2007 at 11:15 am

    Is this shit correct?

    Considering that you’re railing against GBS, this becomes funnier.

  28. 28.

    demimondian

    November 21, 2007 at 11:15 am

    A tree is also a graph with no cycles, so called because they often resemble actual live trees.

    Uh….what?

    Yeah — all the trees in my yard grow downwards from a root, are periodically rebalanced, and take log(n) time to search for a given leaf. They’re not typically sorted, though.

  29. 29.

    Zifnab

    November 21, 2007 at 11:15 am

    “Liberalized” is hyperlinked to liberal.

    That’s not even the worst of it. Did you actually check out the conservapedia page on the word “liberal“?

    So freak’n hilarious. No bias here kids.

  30. 30.

    Jake

    November 21, 2007 at 11:18 am

    As in, people hate gays because they are freaked out by their own gay tendencies.

    Ego-dystonic homophobia.

  31. 31.

    RSA

    November 21, 2007 at 11:19 am

    What really surprises me is that Kevin Drum didn’t get there first.

    Steve Benen is on the case at the Carpetbagger. But has anyone considered the possibility that these pages are positive articles about homosexuality? . . .Oh, why do I even bother. This kind of stuff is basically impossible to spoof.

  32. 32.

    Jen

    November 21, 2007 at 11:24 am

    That’s not even the worst of it. Did you actually check out the conservapedia page on the word “liberal“?

    Well, as someone who is nominally employed, there is only so much crazy I can fit into a day, and I had a feeling linking to liberal might land me in a whole new world o crazy. Will try to fit it in later. :)

  33. 33.

    4tehlulz

    November 21, 2007 at 11:36 am

    I just refuse to believe that the site is even that popular. I mean, 45k pages.

    I’m convinced that 90% of its traffic can be traced to liberal blogs, Something Awful, or 4chan.

  34. 34.

    Dreggas

    November 21, 2007 at 11:41 am

    Z Says:

    You know, while places like dictionary.com might define homophobia as just fear and/or loathing toward gay people, my friends and I always defined it as the fear of homosexual feelings within the self. As in, people hate gays because they are freaked out by their own gay tendencies. Now I expected some conservatives to be truly homophobic and others to just be simply prejudiced, whether it is because they are religious zealots or because they are rigid about how society should be structured. I am honestly shocked that there is THIS MUCH true homophobia out there. Wow.

    I always thought the same thing, and have real world proof to back it up. One of my friends in High School was always making gay-bashing jokes and calling people a fag and stuff like that. Once he got out of the town we lived in he came out of the closet. It’s been my experience that the ones who are the the most anti-gay tend to be gay.

  35. 35.

    TenguPhule

    November 21, 2007 at 11:43 am

    OT, but a way to raise your blood pressure (not in a good way)

    And on a lighter note:

    Regadless of whether 81% of conservapedia visitors want to hear bad things about teh ghey or some more rational number like, say, 50%, stuff like this makes it pretty hard to take seriously the tear-stained accusations of intolerance whenever a prominent conservative figure turns out to be a gay whore, a gay porn star or a public restroom perv.

    Statistics are liberal and gay.

    This has been another edition of insights into the Wingnut mind.

  36. 36.

    Punchy

    November 21, 2007 at 11:50 am

    Even more unreal. From that Conservawhatever “liberal” link….under “Liberal Organizations”, they put this:

    Westboro Baptist Church

    Yes, that gay-hating, funeral-protesting bunch of fucks from Topeka, KS. Liberal organization. Uh huh.

  37. 37.

    wasabi gasp

    November 21, 2007 at 11:51 am

    History books speculate at length about “prehistory”, which predates writing. But there is no reliable evidence to support this speculation, and not worth spending time on.

    World History Lecture One

    Nothing to see here, either.

    Evolution

  38. 38.

    jrg

    November 21, 2007 at 11:55 am

    Yeah—all the trees in my yard grow downwards from a root, are periodically rebalanced, and take log(n) time to search for a given leaf. They’re not typically sorted, though.

    And the lord said “let there be preorder traversal”, and there was preorder traversal, and Barney Rubble saw that it was good.

  39. 39.

    wasabi gasp

    November 21, 2007 at 12:00 pm

    Darwin had a book to sell.

  40. 40.

    Teak111

    November 21, 2007 at 12:02 pm

    The “Trustworthy Encyclopedia.” Wow.

  41. 41.

    Punchy

    November 21, 2007 at 12:02 pm

    Wow, all that fascination about sex and teh gay, and yet not a single entry for “gonads”, “pubes”, “cleveland steamer”, “rusty trombone”, or “dirty sanchez”. They have their work cut out for them.

  42. 42.

    Jake

    November 21, 2007 at 12:07 pm

    Don’t forget to do your homework!

    Christ, Andy Schlafly is unhinged.

    Eventually, someone hostile to religion in public life rose to power on the Supreme Court. Justice Hugo Black, a former member of the Ku Klux Klan, pushed the court to ostracize religion from schools and government. He wrote the opinion banning prayer from public schools, and other opinions ostracizing religion. Since then courts have banned the Ten Commandments and now even the Pledge of Allegiance.

  43. 43.

    D-Chance.

    November 21, 2007 at 12:07 pm

    Punchy Says:

    Wow, all that fascination about sex and teh gay, and yet not a single entry for “gonads”, “pubes”, “cleveland steamer”, “rusty trombone”, or “dirty sanchez”. They have their work cut out for them.

    I actually had to Google a couple of those… and now that I know what they are, I’m not ashamed to admit that I didn’t before now.

    Call it my ‘bukkake’ moment.

  44. 44.

    David

    November 21, 2007 at 12:09 pm

    In their…ugh…defense, I rarely see the Wikipedia homepage anymore despite using the site multiple times per day. It’s easier to just type the topic I’m looking for into the URL, and looking at those links to Conservapdeia, it’s even friendlier for that sort of navigation.

    Also, Andy Schlafly is a fucking moron. Okay, I don’t feel quite as dirty now.

  45. 45.

    jcricket

    November 21, 2007 at 12:17 pm

    The more I think about it, the more I like Conservapedia. If Republicans are determined to go down as “wrong” on every issue, at least they’re doing us the favor of conveniently ocumenting their idiocy for the historians.

    I saw, embrace the gay hating, immigrant bashing, evolution denying race-baiting rhetoric. Encourage Republicans to “come out of the closet” and stop using code words like “state’s rights”. Let’s just be honest about this stuff.

  46. 46.

    RSA

    November 21, 2007 at 12:19 pm

    A tree is also a graph with no cycles, so called because they often resemble actual live trees.

    I’m glad they have real experts writing Conservapedia entries. (That “definition” applies only to undirected graphs; for directed graphs, trees are a specialized case of directed acyclic graphs, or DAGs.)

  47. 47.

    Z

    November 21, 2007 at 12:24 pm

    Michael D & Dreggas,

    I’ve just been in touch with my superiors at the Homosexual World Domination HQ, and they said this was all part of the plan. Basically, the first step to convert conservatives is to get them completely obsessed with homosexuality. Then they start cruising parks or public restrooms, next they progress to male prostitutes and meth, finally they become foot soldiers in the Gay Agenda (TM).

  48. 48.

    OxyCon

    November 21, 2007 at 12:27 pm

    The best way to discredit your entire ideological movement is to create a Wiki page with your own bizarre interpretations of reality.
    Heckuva job right wing clownies!

  49. 49.

    Alan

    November 21, 2007 at 12:29 pm

    wasabi gasp,

    That link about evolution is hilarious. Another reason I don’t identify as conservative anymore. The Social Cons and religious zealots of the right are painting themselves into the corner of irrelevance.

  50. 50.

    Fwiffo

    November 21, 2007 at 12:31 pm

    Actually, Gay Bowel Syndrome is a real thing, though straight people can get it (if they’ve been having anal sex). I don’t know if that’s the politically correct term anymore.

    Oddly enough, I heard about it for the first time yesterday reading this Straight Dope article.

  51. 51.

    Bombadil

    November 21, 2007 at 12:53 pm

    I’m laughing here — just clicked on jake’s link and got a popup stating “Conservapedia has a problem”.

    No shit.

  52. 52.

    Jake

    November 21, 2007 at 1:03 pm

    “Conservapedia has a problem”.

    GBS flaring up again?

    A little researching geeking reveals that GBS is sort of the gay male equivalent of “hysteria” which plagued female patients of doctors too lazy to figure out what was really wrong with them.

  53. 53.

    jcricket

    November 21, 2007 at 1:06 pm

    Ah, the Straight Dope. Cecil Adams was like Wikipedia before it existed, in a way. I miss those innocent days of my youth thinking that a weekly columnists book could teach me a lot :-)

    I’ve just been in touch with my superiors at the Homosexual World Domination HQ, and they said this was all part of the plan.

    HWDs are a bunch of cheese-loving surrender monkeys. We here at HOTTIE HQ(1) are much more commited to advancing the gay agenda than you are.

    (1) Homosexuals Openly Trying To Incite Erections

  54. 54.

    Andrew

    November 21, 2007 at 1:09 pm

    I’m glad they have real experts writing Conservapedia entries. (That “definition” applies only to undirected graphs; for directed graphs, trees are a specialized case of directed acyclic graphs, or DAGs.)

    Good dags. D’ya like dags?

    Dags?

    What?

    Yeah, dags.

    Oh, dogs. Sure, I like dags.

  55. 55.

    28 Percent

    November 21, 2007 at 1:20 pm

    .Oh, why do I even bother. This kind of stuff is basically impossible to spoof.

    The gauntlet has been thrown…

  56. 56.

    Jake

    November 21, 2007 at 1:20 pm

    Basically, the first step to convert conservatives is to get them completely obsessed with homosexuality.

    Check.

    Then they start cruising parks or public restrooms,

    Check.

    next they progress to male prostitutes and meth,

    Check. (Reminder: Send bonus to members of the 101st Fighting Hookers.)

    finally they become foot soldiers in the Gay Agenda™.

    That’s why Craig was tapping his feet. He was trying to remember “Is it left, right, left, or right, left, right..? Oh, I’ll ask the guy in the stall next to me.”

  57. 57.

    RSA

    November 21, 2007 at 1:22 pm

    The gauntlet has been thrown…

    Well, you’ve been at this for what, years now, 28 Percent? Let’s see it!

  58. 58.

    John Rohan

    November 21, 2007 at 1:30 pm

    I think you guys should consider the possibility that a lot of those page views are homosexuals or gay activists who want to check out what conservatives are saying about them.

    Just throwing that one out there.

  59. 59.

    Ned Raggett

    November 21, 2007 at 1:30 pm

    Ah, the Straight Dope. Cecil Adams was like Wikipedia before it existed, in a way. I miss those innocent days of my youth thinking that a weekly columnists book could teach me a lot :-)

    I was just rereading some of the old books the other day. Still funny as hell.

  60. 60.

    28 Percent

    November 21, 2007 at 1:32 pm

    This stuff takes time. Time and a certain willingness to open oneself to bizarre, stream of consciousness connections of thought in pursuit of a pre-determined outcome.

    Also, my boss is hovering today. I’m working on it…

  61. 61.

    Zifnab

    November 21, 2007 at 1:36 pm

    HWDs are a bunch of cheese-loving surrender monkeys. We here at HOTTIE HQ(1) are much more commited to advancing the gay agenda than you are.

    (1) Homosexuals Openly Trying To Incite Erections

    Is this going to go down like that bitter feud between the Jewdain People’s Front and the People’s Popular Front of Jewdaia?

  62. 62.

    Jen

    November 21, 2007 at 1:42 pm

    Bloody PFJ.

  63. 63.

    Jake

    November 21, 2007 at 1:45 pm

    I think you guys should consider the possibility that a lot of those page views are homosexuals or gay activists who want to check out what conservatives are saying about them.

    ‘Cos you couldn’t find out by checking a non-insane website or two, reading the news, watching GOP campaign speeches…

    However, if Andy S. thinks the place is frequented by the GIA, maybe he’ll suffer sudden cranial expansion brought on by an overpowering burst of Cog.Dis.

  64. 64.

    jcricket

    November 21, 2007 at 1:45 pm

    Is this going to go down like that bitter feud between the Jewdain People’s Front and the People’s Popular Front of Jewdaia?

    Heretic!

    Speaking of conservative views on Homosexuality

    On today’s program, Dr. Mohler considers whether American culture has shifted so much that future generations will look back on Christians’ commitment to traditional biblical standards of sexuality as quaint, outdated, and indefensible.

    I like the keywords at the bottom

    Valedictorian, Nobel Prize, Income, Maggie Gallagher, Homosexuality, Politics, Barry Bonds, Georgia

    Steroids and baseball – known weapons in the gay agenda, along with nobel prizes, smarts ™ and money.

  65. 65.

    jcricket

    November 21, 2007 at 1:52 pm

    I was just rereading some of the old books the other day. Still funny as hell.

    Yes… Wonder if he’ll ever unmask himself.

    I have fond memories of people like Cecil Adams & Joe Bob Briggs. You just don’t get quality snark like that anymore.

  66. 66.

    Tim F.

    November 21, 2007 at 2:10 pm

    Look, nobody here doubts that conservapedia is the hydrogen bomb of unselfaware culture kitsch, and gay people love that stuff. But if that’s what is driving the traffic to conservapedia then it seems safe to say that pretty much nobody goes there for anything else.

  67. 67.

    Jake

    November 21, 2007 at 2:15 pm

    But if that’s what is driving the traffic to conservapedia then it seems safe to say that pretty much nobody goes there for anything else.

    In other words, Conservapedia is like a public bathroom.

  68. 68.

    theRisingJurist

    November 21, 2007 at 2:15 pm

    It really shouldn’t be called “Conservapedia.” Something like “Religiousrightapedia” or “Fundipedia” would be more apt.

  69. 69.

    Dreggas

    November 21, 2007 at 2:17 pm

    Jake Says:

    That’s why Craig was tapping his feet. He was trying to remember “Is it left, right, left, or right, left, right..? Oh, I’ll ask the guy in the stall next to me.”

    Or he was playing Taps….

  70. 70.

    28 Percent

    November 21, 2007 at 2:21 pm

    This is just a case of typical LIBERAL HYPOCRISY Liberals are supposed to have an “open mind” but you criticize research on homosexuality. So there is only one “right answer” for you but you criticize people who actually INVESTIGATE THE TRUTH and GET ALL SIDES before makeing up they’re minds.

    I would explain it more but you are so LIMITED you wouldn not understand besides I must drive my SUV (ha Liberals I say that because I know it upsets you to see anyone else makeing they’re own choices!) to celebrate the AMERICAN CHRISTIAN holiday Thanksgiving. I will be THANKING GOD that we are really winning in Iraq. I am not going to ask what you will be thanking your flying spaghetti monsters for heh.

  71. 71.

    Jen

    November 21, 2007 at 2:26 pm

    Well, it would upset me if my first grader wrote “makeing they’re own choices” twice…

    I am kind of new on this site. Is 28 Percent a real troll or a parody of one? Seriously, I can’t tell.

  72. 72.

    HyperIon

    November 21, 2007 at 2:28 pm

    wow, those conservipeds are smart:

    One definition of liberal is anything that is not conservative. For example, the American Heritage Dictionary includes this definition of “liberal”:[11]

    * Not limited to or by established, traditional, orthodox, or authoritarian attitudes, views, or dogmas …

  73. 73.

    Dreggas

    November 21, 2007 at 2:48 pm

    Jen Says:

    I am kind of new on this site. Is 28 Percent a real troll or a parody of one? Seriously, I can’t tell.

    I believe the consensus is spoof, but he’s realllll good at it.

  74. 74.

    Jen

    November 21, 2007 at 2:52 pm

    I was thinking spoof, because of the 28 Percent name. I was thinking a real troll would use 11 Percent (Congressional approval).

    If it is spoof, he *is* good.

  75. 75.

    Cyrus

    November 21, 2007 at 2:54 pm

    Punchy Says:

    Westboro Baptist Church

    Yes, that gay-hating, funeral-protesting bunch of fucks from Topeka, KS. Liberal organization. Uh huh.

    Yeah, I noticed it too. And from there, I found the entry on its founder, which was even funnier. The beginning:

    Fred Phelps is a leftist anti-homosexual behavior activist and liberal Democrat.

    Read the whole thing. It was funny, and almost a relief. I wrote a kind of irate e-mail to Andrew Sullivan earlier today about his tendency to call everything conservative good and everything good conservative, set off by a post where he called Bush a liberal. Seeing that tendency taken to its logical conclusion (well, “logical” doesn’t fit, but you know what I mean) at Conservapedia is a breath of fresh air.

    I am kind of new on this site. Is 28 Percent a real troll or a parody of one? Seriously, I can’t tell.

    I’ll give you a hint: check his comments at 1:20 and 1:32.

    Are there any real Republicans around here any more? Michael D. says he’s a Republican, but I mean the guys like TallDave or Stormy or scs, or OCSteve if he still considers himself Republican. John Rohan, maybe?

  76. 76.

    Ted

    November 21, 2007 at 3:43 pm

    When Conservapedia was first setup and was discovered by the lefty blogs, you could barely load the site for days. Schlafly didn’t by anywhere near enough bandwidth for the onslaught of people coming to laugh at the site.

    If you’re getting errors trying to reach it now, that’s probably the reason.

  77. 77.

    Win Gnutistan

    November 21, 2007 at 4:44 pm

    Fred Phelps is a leftist anti-homosexual behavior activist and liberal Democrat.

    What the fuck does that even mean?

    However, I like the tension it must create for the budding consternpediophile.

    If Liberal = Icky and Liberal = Anti-homosexual, then Anti-homosexual = Icky.

    Of course, I still like to think Michael S. edits the thing when his bro. isn’t looking.

    Now, could someone please tell me what exactly is a Behavior Activist?

  78. 78.

    theRisingJurist

    November 21, 2007 at 5:40 pm

    Now, could someone please tell me what exactly is a Behavior Activist?

    I think that’s supposed to be one big concept: anti-homosexual behavior activist. As in, he is an activist who opposes homosexual behavior.

    Maybe they should flesh out their entry on syntax.

  79. 79.

    PaminBB

    November 21, 2007 at 5:54 pm

    Excellent work, 28 Percent at 2:21! But only ONE exclamation mark and NO Clinton references?!?!!!

  80. 80.

    Larv

    November 21, 2007 at 6:05 pm

    That “Tree” entry is easily the funniest thing I’ve read all day, the more so because it’s unintentional.

    “A tree is a tall plant, usually with a trunk, branches, and leaves.”

    That’s it. Not a poor opening sentence, but the full “technical” definition of a tree (followed by 5 sentences on trees in the Bible). That’s a truly comical lack of effort. The Trustworthy Encyclopedia can indeed be trusted to not do anything but tell you what you already know.

  81. 81.

    Chad N. Freude

    November 21, 2007 at 7:01 pm

    That should be

    “A tree is a tall woody plant, usually with a trunk, branches, and leaves.”

    Which ties in nicely with … OK, I really don’t have to say it.

  82. 82.

    Jess

    November 21, 2007 at 9:55 pm

    I assume you’ve all seen this entry at Encyclopedia Dramatica–if not, check it out. Hilarious!

    BTW, what is that bizarre J-Lo clip from?

  83. 83.

    jcricket

    November 21, 2007 at 10:29 pm

    But if that’s what is driving the traffic to conservapedia then it seems safe to say that pretty much nobody goes there for anything else.

    It’s all part of the leftist conspiracy to ruin conservatism. Drive up traffic to their sites, convincing them that they’re more popular than they are, so that the conservatives invest more money into the venture.

    Then pull all the traffic and they go bankrupt.

    It’s the perfect crime, really.

  84. 84.

    Jess

    November 21, 2007 at 10:32 pm

    Then pull all the traffic and they go bankrupt.

    It’s the perfect crime, really.

    Hmmmm…I wonder if that would work?

  85. 85.

    theRisingJurist

    November 22, 2007 at 10:40 am

    BTW, what is that bizarre J-Lo clip from?

    That would be from The Cell (2000), in which JLo plays a psychotherapist literally exploring the mind of a serial killer, played by Vincent D’Onofrio. JLo’s serious-acting-means-whispering aside, it’s a great movie.

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