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You are here: Home / Humorous / We Must Fight Them Over There, Before They Bring Teh Gay Marriage Over Here

We Must Fight Them Over There, Before They Bring Teh Gay Marriage Over Here

by John Cole|  November 26, 20078:45 pm| 49 Comments

This post is in: Humorous, War on Terror aka GSAVE®, General Stupidity

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We were warned about the dangers of the gay bomb, but we did not pay attention. We should have:

Soldiers manning a checkpoint near Baghdad stopped a wedding convoy to find that the purported bride and groom were wanted terror suspects, an Iraqi Defense Ministry official said Monday.

The Army set up the checkpoint last week in the Taji area, about 12 miles (20 kilometers) north of Baghdad.

The soldiers became suspicious of the convoy because its members — save the “bride” — were all male and because one of the cars in the convoy did not heed orders to stop, the official said.

Also, soldiers said, the people in the car seemed nervous and the groom refused to lift his bride’s veil when soldiers asked him to, according to the official.

Soldiers ordered everyone out of the car, the official said.

Upon inspecting the convoy, soldiers found a stubbly-faced man, Haider al-Bahadli, decked out in a white bride’s dress and veil.

All is not lost, however, as there is no doubt the Iraqi ministry in charge of tallying the numbers of Iraqis returning to Baghdad were thrilled to count the proud couple and their wedding party.

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49Comments

  1. 1.

    Nash

    November 26, 2007 at 9:00 pm

    Saw the title and thought you were getting in early on the Senator Lott story. My bad.

  2. 2.

    HyperIon

    November 26, 2007 at 9:07 pm

    I was just reading the NYT article. As usual, it’s a lot more complicated than “46,030 Iraqis returned last month”.

    Mentioning that this is the number who came over the border in a particular direction and that they are not counting the number going in the opposite direction is enlightening. Also if it’s the poor folks returning because they have run out of money…very sad.

  3. 3.

    demimondian

    November 26, 2007 at 9:08 pm

    Does anybody really buy the story that got Lott-hot-to-trotted out today? I don’t — I think it’s a smear.

    And I say that as someone with an nearly undying distaste for Trent Lott, whom I see as a hypocritical, authoritarian monster.

  4. 4.

    jake

    November 26, 2007 at 9:09 pm

    Upon inspecting the convoy, soldiers found a stubbly-faced man, Haider al-Bahadli,

    Tip for the splodey-dopes: Before you drag race past a check point – Shave.

    The clock is ticking:

    How long until this story works its ways through the eternally churning bowels of Wingnuttistan and comes out as “OMG! GAY PEOPLE R SNEAKING IN THE COUNTRY 2 KILL US!”

    I give it 24 hours, max.

  5. 5.

    Jen

    November 26, 2007 at 9:27 pm

    Possibly a new Conservapedia entry “Homosexual and Islamofascism”

  6. 6.

    Nash

    November 26, 2007 at 9:27 pm

    Actually, demimo, yes, I think with the timing of his stepping down, it is not only highly “buyable”, it’s probable. As they say, time will tell. That means, oh, about a week. I’m patient enough, how about you?

  7. 7.

    jcricket

    November 26, 2007 at 10:02 pm

    Does anybody really buy the story that got Lott-hot-to-trotted out today? I don’t—I think it’s a smear.

    I doubt it’s true – as John at Americablog has pointed out the sourcing blog has a credibility problem, and the source himself has said it’s false.

    Could be other reasons Lott is resigning, but it’s doubtful this was the reason.

    Of course I’ve been wrong before. I seriously doubted you’d actually have a homosexual hooker scandal with both Haggard and Curtis (in WA). Sounds too fantastical to believe.

  8. 8.

    gypsy howell

    November 26, 2007 at 10:04 pm

    Sounds like they got off pretty easy. I thought it was SOP for us to gun down wedding parties in Bagdad.

  9. 9.

    jcricket

    November 26, 2007 at 10:24 pm

    If someone said 3 years ago that we’d have GOP sex/gay scandals involving 7 different cases (Jeff Gannon, Ted Haggard, Mark Foley, Larry Craig, David Ritter, Richard Curtis, Matt Sanchez – that’s all I could think of off the top of my head) you’d have been laughed at (and banned on RedState). Add to that the corruption and bribery scandals still waiting their full day in court/the press (Abramoff, Stevens, Cunningham, Wilkes, Cookie/Buzzy).

    Enduring majority my ass. Enduring scandal fodder, most definitely.

  10. 10.

    Notorious P.A.T.

    November 26, 2007 at 10:37 pm

    Also if it’s the poor folks returning because they have run out of money…very sad.

    I’m sure none of them were going back to Iraq to kill people.

  11. 11.

    Tsulagi

    November 26, 2007 at 10:55 pm

    Upon inspecting the convoy, soldiers found a stubbly-faced man, Haider al-Bahadli, decked out in a white bride’s dress and veil.

    Those Iraqis are becoming more Republican every day. Next they’ll be searching ebay for wetsuits.

  12. 12.

    jake

    November 26, 2007 at 11:00 pm

    Vitter.

    If someone said 3 years ago that we’d have GOP sex/gay scandals involving 7 different cases

    Bob Allen.
    Glenn Murphy, Jr.
    Jim West.

    Crap. I can’t remember the name of the dude in Virgina who had an interesting phone bill. Or the one who allegedly groped the woman in the parking lot. Or the one who choked his mistress. And if you want to count Talevangicals, it looks like Richard Roberts wife might be in male-student related trouble.

    But yes, even I can’t believe the bumper crop of ugly bumping-related scandal the GOP has delivered. Call it the Revenge of the Clenis.

    And despite the laughs I’ve gotten from all of that, I still don’t want to think about Lott nekkid. If there is scandal, please God let it be a plain old case of graft.

  13. 13.

    Psycheout

    November 26, 2007 at 11:35 pm

    This is a new low, John. Is the war on terror funny to you now? Your transformation is indeed complete.

  14. 14.

    demimondian

    November 26, 2007 at 11:42 pm

    Look, Psicko, why don’t you make America a better place for Freddom loving Americans, while simultaneously making Iraq a better place for Christ-loving Iraqis.

    Go volunteer. I tried, but I can’t, so I served as best I could making weapons better. You should do your part, too.

  15. 15.

    Andrew

    November 26, 2007 at 11:54 pm

    I’m willing to accept the simple explanation that Lott wants to resign before tougher ethics restrictions on lobbying come into play. He may indeed be a stall tapper, but I have no doubt that he’s looking to cash in via excessive and unethical lobbying in any case.

  16. 16.

    Goseph Gerbils

    November 27, 2007 at 1:43 am

    Like Andrew, I’d be more inclined to buy an explanation like this:

    By resigning before Jan. 1, 2008, Lott will dodge new ethics laws that would require him to wait two years before taking on a lucrative lobbying gig in Washington, NBC correspondent Kelly O’Donnell reports. And the early resignation will give the Mississippi senator more influence in who would become his successor.

    Mind you, anything’s possible.

  17. 17.

    Pooh

    November 27, 2007 at 2:45 am

    Have you guys seen the picture of the “bride”? It is L O L funny.

  18. 18.

    John Rohan

    November 27, 2007 at 3:44 am

    This was a success, no?

    From all indications, the soldiers were alert, did exactly what they were supposed to, and caught two suspects, without causing any bloodshed to boot.

    I guess it pains “Balloon Juice” to credit the Iraq War with any successes at all, no matter how small, so instead you spin it as some sort of hysterical reaction against gay marriage. Well, to each his own, I guess. Enjoy.

  19. 19.

    conumbdrum

    November 27, 2007 at 5:34 am

    I guess it pains “Balloon Juice” to credit the Iraq War with any successes at all, no matter how small, so instead you spin it as some sort of hysterical reaction against gay marriage. Well, to each his own, I guess. Enjoy.

    John Rohan deserves some kind of award. Something like… oh, Most Humorless Wingnut Ever.

    But then, when your glorious Iraq-victory-to-be turns out to be the biggest foreign policy blunder since Hitler decided to take down Russia… well, I guess taking endless umbrage at them as don’t believe in the shiny, shiny dream anymore is all that sad sacks like Rohan have left. Enjoy, indeed.

  20. 20.

    4tehlulz

    November 27, 2007 at 7:21 am

    John apparently made the wrong kind of joke. I doubt Mr. Rohan and his ilk would be so uptight about a joke that boiled down to MUZZIES = FAGS.

  21. 21.

    jake

    November 27, 2007 at 9:04 am

    John Rohan adds further support to the theory that fRighties are only funny by accident.

  22. 22.

    John Cole

    November 27, 2007 at 9:40 am

    I guess it pains “Balloon Juice” to credit the Iraq War with any successes at all, no matter how small, so instead you spin it as some sort of hysterical reaction against gay marriage. Well, to each his own, I guess. Enjoy.

    Please tell me this is a spoof. Please.

  23. 23.

    Zifnab

    November 27, 2007 at 9:59 am

    Please tell me this is a spoof. Please.

    Spoof or not, apparently he’s a fan. He’s got a post linking back to your “Supporting the Troops” bit.

    At Balloon Juice, there was an interesting exchange when John Cole, perhaps sensing that there might be more to the story, tried stepped in and ask his commenters to cool the rhetoric until all the facts came out. No dice, and some even turned on Mr. Cole himself! Go ahead and read the thread for a few laughs. It’s almost funny that after months of viciously calling the current administration every name under the sun (and with blog categories like “Republican crime syndicate – aka Bush administration” and “Republican Stupidity”), he is somehow “surprised” to see his readers behaving similarly…

    If he’s a spoof, he’s dedicated to the cause.

  24. 24.

    John Cole

    November 27, 2007 at 10:08 am

    At Balloon Juice, there was an interesting exchange when John Cole, perhaps sensing that there might be more to the story, tried stepped in and ask his commenters to cool the rhetoric until all the facts came out. No dice, and some even turned on Mr. Cole himself!

    Free and open exchanges (with, GASP, disagreement) terrify these folks. They really do.

    I have recovered from you all “turning” on me. I am, however, thinking of instituting some loyalty tests to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

    Bastards.

  25. 25.

    Notorious P.A.T.

    November 27, 2007 at 10:14 am

    I guess it pains “Balloon Juice” to credit the Iraq War with any successes at all

    Yes, the bit that started this thread just drips with agony.

    woohoo! We stopped a wanted man who was dressed as a bride! Oh happy day! That was worth 3,800 soldiers, a trillion dollars, and the near-total loss of America’s credibility!

  26. 26.

    Evinfuilt

    November 27, 2007 at 10:19 am

    Sounds like they got off pretty easy. I thought it was SOP for us to gun down wedding parties in Bagdad.

    We couldn’t, as it was 2 males we couldn’t call it a wedding, so standard protocol couldn’t be followed.

  27. 27.

    Zifnab

    November 27, 2007 at 10:33 am

    I am, however, thinking of instituting some loyalty tests to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

    The comfy chair! The soft cushins! No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!

  28. 28.

    Grumpy Code Monkey

    November 27, 2007 at 10:53 am

    Is the war on terror funny to you now?

    Funny or not, it certainly is a joke.

  29. 29.

    jcricket

    November 27, 2007 at 11:35 am

    Ezra Klein made a good point about how, at this point, no amount of individual tactical successes will erase the massive strategic failure that the Iraq war has become.

    While the military finds success in a virtually unbroken line of tactical achievements, intelligence officials worry about a looming strategic failure.

    In other words… you can win a lot of battles but still lose the war, especially in the broadest sense.

  30. 30.

    jcricket

    November 27, 2007 at 11:37 am

    This is a new low, John. Is the war on terror funny to you now? Your transformation is indeed complete.

    This proves my point on the thread about the lack of wingnut humor. They are still very good at manufacturing outrage (out of nothing at all…. sing it with me). They should stick to that.

  31. 31.

    jcricket

    November 27, 2007 at 11:38 am

    Bob Allen.
    Glenn Murphy, Jr.
    Jim West.

    Crap. I can’t remember the name of the dude in Virgina who had an interesting phone bill. Or the one who allegedly groped the woman in the parking lot. Or the one who choked his mistress.

    Geez – I had forgotten about all of those, it really is hard to remember everything.

    And there was the guy in upstate NY who cheated on his wife and had a bunch of DUIs, right? Or am I mixing things up there?

  32. 32.

    TenguPhule

    November 27, 2007 at 11:48 am

    Is the war on terror funny to you now?

    The *”war”* has always been a bad joke, Psyche.

    El Presidente declared it just as his worthless father declared a “war” on drugs.

    OBL couldn’t ask for a better friend.

  33. 33.

    jcricket

    November 27, 2007 at 11:49 am

    And there was the guy in upstate NY who cheated on his wife and had a bunch of DUIs, right? Or am I mixing things up there?

    Shoot – not cheating on wife, but attending frat parties and being a general drunk.

    I think I have scandal fatigue, can’t even bother to look things up anymore. Does anyone have a “Republican scandal compendium” these days?

  34. 34.

    Grumpy Code Monkey

    November 27, 2007 at 11:50 am

    you can win a lot of battles but still lose the war, especially in the broadest sense.

    But I thought Iraq was nothing like Viet Nam.

  35. 35.

    4tehlulz

    November 27, 2007 at 12:02 pm

    And there was the guy in upstate NY who cheated on his wife and had a bunch of DUIs, right? Or am I mixing things up there?

    Teh Googles tell me that was John Sweeney, and also that he was beating his wife, not cheating.

  36. 36.

    jake

    November 27, 2007 at 12:47 pm

    I think I have scandal fatigue, can’t even bother to look things up anymore. Does anyone have a “Republican scandal compendium” these days?

    Run a search on GOP Scandals or GOP Sex Scandal and prepare to be amazed. And kinda icked out.

    Ed Schrock was the guy in Virginia. And I forgot Lonnie Latham, the Southern Baptist minister who got off on a charge of soliciting because unlike some fRighties I could mention he strapped on a pair and admitted he did ask the UC cop to come back to his hotel room but since he didn’t offer him money and it isn’t illegal for consenting adults to have sex, he’d done nothing wrong.

  37. 37.

    jcricket

    November 27, 2007 at 12:52 pm

    Teh Googles tell me that was John Sweeney, and also that he was beating his wife, not cheating.

    Good lord, beating his wife, DUIs, etc. Isn’t one scandal enough – or does the GOP have to fuck everything up at once?

  38. 38.

    jcricket

    November 27, 2007 at 1:47 pm

    Run a search on GOP Scandals or GOP Sex Scandal and prepare to be amazed. And kinda icked out.

    Did either of us mention the wet-suit dildo guy? Not really GOP related, but close.

    And Dan Savage (of Seattle’s “The Stranger” weekly) regularly puts up stuff about all the youth pastors out there molesting kids.

    Really folks, you can’t make this stuff up.

  39. 39.

    Pooh

    November 27, 2007 at 2:10 pm

    or does the GOP have to fuck everything up at once?

    So much to do, so little time.

  40. 40.

    John Rohan

    November 27, 2007 at 3:57 pm

    John Rohan deserves some kind of award. Something like… oh, Most Humorless Wingnut Ever.

    Since I wasn’t joking, your point is useless.

    But then, when your glorious Iraq-victory-to-be turns out to be the biggest foreign policy blunder since Hitler decided to take down Russia…

    I’ll be inclined to agree with you as soon as I see our nation overrun by the enemy.

  41. 41.

    jcricket

    November 27, 2007 at 4:21 pm

    So much to do, so little time.

    It is kind of breath-taking and demonstrates remarkable Republican unity. Oh wait, the party platform doesn’t call for destroying the party from within via a never-ending parade of scandals? Shoot.

  42. 42.

    jcricket

    November 27, 2007 at 4:22 pm

    I’ll be inclined to agree with you as soon as I see our nation overrun by the enemy.

    Talk about moving the fucking goalposts. We now have to be “overrun by the enemy” before you’re proven wrong?

    Good god. You are a moron.

  43. 43.

    Grumpy Code Monkey

    November 27, 2007 at 5:15 pm

    I’ll be inclined to agree with you as soon as I see our nation overrun by the enemy.

    Which enemy? After all, there are so many to choose from.

    And how, pray tell, are small cells of religious fanatics who blow themselves up at the drop of a hat going to overrun the United States? Seriously, by what mechanism do you expect them to do this? What are you so goddamned scared of?

    This grand military adventure has been a damnable waste of lives and coin. I’ve seen more actual strategic thinking by stoned teenagers playing Risk than any of these chuckers.

  44. 44.

    Zifnab

    November 27, 2007 at 6:05 pm

    And how, pray tell, are small cells of religious fanatics who blow themselves up at the drop of a hat going to overrun the United States? Seriously, by what mechanism do you expect them to do this? What are you so goddamned scared of?

    Exactly Johan’s point. By carpet bombing and subsequently goose-stepping across a poor 3rd world country whose brutal internal politics were the only thing holding back a full on Sunni-Shia civil war, we were WAY smarter than Hitler.

    If the Nazis realized they could make such a gigantic mess while funneling money to the politically connected corporate titans who bankrolled their operation on the tax payer’s dime, Hitler would have beaten us to the Iraq punch some seventy years ago.

    If we’d invaded some nascent superpower – say, China for instance – we would have really stepped in it big time. By the WWII time line, the Bush Administration would be surrendering to the French Foreign Legion’s Normandy-style East Coast landing about now, while a few million Chinese conscripts methodically raped and pillaged their way through Topeka, Kansas.

    But Bush played it smart. Rather than picking a fight with some 800 lb gorilla, he shot spitballs at the funny little brown kid at the back of the classroom. Then announced Mission Accomplished while the funny little brown kid hit him in the knee caps with a baseball bat. But that’s nothing compared to what he could have gotten himself into if he hadn’t picked on someone with one thousandth of his military budget and the popular support of a leper.

  45. 45.

    conumbdrum

    November 27, 2007 at 7:59 pm

    John Rohan:

    I guess it pains “Balloon Juice” to credit the Iraq War with any successes at all, no matter how small, so instead you spin it as some sort of hysterical reaction against gay marriage. Well, to each his own, I guess. Enjoy.

    My retort:

    John Rohan deserves some kind of award. Something like… oh, Most Humorless Wingnut Ever.

    John Rohan’s riposte:

    Since I wasn’t joking, your point is useless.

    Wha…? Rohan wasn’t making a big funny? And there I was laughing my gluteus maximus off at his delightfully parodic “outrage.”

    I thrust:

    But then, when your glorious Iraq-victory-to-be turns out to be the biggest foreign policy blunder since Hitler decided to take down Russia…

    John Rohan parries:

    I’ll be inclined to agree with you as soon as I see our nation overrun by the enemy.

    Say, that’s true… we have yet to be overcome by hordes of dusky-hued Ay-rabs, haven’t we? Clearly, the hole that is the Iraq war was worth every dime and drop of blood we threw into it.

  46. 46.

    yet another jeff

    November 28, 2007 at 12:18 am

    Um…John Rohan…see…the reason you were called a humorless wingnut is that you seem to be taking the bit about gay marraige seriously. See, that’s the joke. It’s a more complicated form of comedy than your standard setup/punchline variety. This is black comedy…and that’s black as in dark/morbid/death, not black like african-american.

    Black comedy, also known as black humour is a sub-genre of comedy and satire where topics and events that are usually treated seriously—death, mass murder, suicide, domestic abuse, sickness, madness, fear, drug abuse, rape, war, terrorism etc.—are treated in a humorous or satirical manner. Synonyms include dark humor and morbid humour. Although very similar, it is not to be confused with gallows humour and off-color humour.

    Black comedy should be contrasted with obscenity, though the two are interrelated. In obscene humour, much of the humorous element comes from shock and revulsion; black comedy usually includes an element of irony, or even fatalism. This particular brand of humor can be exemplified by a scene in the play Waiting for Godot: A man takes off his belt to hang himself, and his trousers fall down.

    Black humor is also parodied. A common gag is the humorous reaction to something that is supposedly serious but clearly is not. One example of this are Kenny’s deaths on South Park.

    So, the bit about “teh gay” is not what you think, it’s a joke…and to make matters worse, you also missed the joke in the response to your missing the joke. As Foghorn Leghorn would say “I say, I say that’s a joke, son. I keep a pitchin’ ’em, you keep a missin’ ’em.”

    Just thought I’d throw that out there as a public service, even though inside I hope you keep missing the point. At least this way I’ll feel you’re informed and my guilt at laughing at your reply will be eliminated if you continue…and I do hope you stick around for a while.

  47. 47.

    John Rohan

    November 28, 2007 at 5:32 am

    jcricket said:

    I’ll be inclined to agree with you as soon as I see our nation overrun by the enemy.

    Talk about moving the fucking goalposts. We now have to be “overrun by the enemy” before you’re proven wrong?

    Good god. You are a moron.

    Learn how to read. I was responding to “biggest foreign policy blunder since Hitler decided to take down Russia”. You do know that Russia eventually invaded Germany right? Or am I assuming too much?

    yet another jeff said:
    So, the bit about “teh gay” is not what you think, it’s a joke…and to make matters worse, you also missed the joke in the response to your missing the joke. As Foghorn Leghorn would say “I say, I say that’s a joke, son. I keep a pitchin’ ‘em, you keep a missin’ ‘em.”

    Just thought I’d throw that out there as a public service, even though inside I hope you keep missing the point.

    I knew it was a joke – and that’s the point. Since this was actually a success in Iraq (albeit a small one) the only way it would ever be described on Balloon Juice is by sarcastically changing the subject to gay marriage and Republican scandals. In high school, I knew a lot of guys who made themselves feel important by sitting in the back of the classroom and ridiculing everything and anything (without offering constructive help of their own). They are probably all hanging out on blogs by now.

  48. 48.

    yet another jeff

    November 28, 2007 at 8:06 am

    You know, you really are an amazingly humorless wingnut.

  49. 49.

    Grumpy Code Monkey

    November 28, 2007 at 8:07 am

    Since this was actually a success in Iraq (albeit a small one)

    Wow. Is the bar really set that low now? This kind of reminds me of my junior year in high school, when our football team was so indescribably bad, we’d play the school fight song on a first down.

    If we’re trumpeting an incident this minor as a success (albeit a small one), then we’ve seriously lost perspective on what we’re trying to accomplish over there. This should be considered business as usual. The only reason it deserves mention is because of the humorous aspect of the “bride.”

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