John Scalzi took a field trip:
Imagine, if you will, a load of horseshit. And we’re not talking just your average load of horseshit; no, we’re talking colossal load of horsehit. An epic load of horseshit. The kind of load of horseshit that has accreted over decades and has developed its own sort of ecosystem, from the flyblown chunks at the perimeter, down into the heated and decomposing center, generating explosive levels of methane as bacteria feast merrily on vintage, liquified crap. This is a Herculean load of horseshit, friends, the likes of which has not been seen since the days of Augeas.
And you look at it and you say, “Wow, what a load of horseshit.”
Ah, if only the conservatives would build a museum to every one of their fringe ideas. Imagine the great writing that would come from visiting the Islamofascism Awareness Center. The Laffer Library. A Clinton Death List ride at Disney…with animatronic lesbians! Madame Tussaid’s Wax Corner. If Oral Roberts U can pull $70 mil out of thin air then the moneybags who aren’t giving much to Republicans this election cycle can make one of these great ideas a reality.
Jen
I’d like to see a Gun Museum, where you can bring a concealed firearm loaded with cop-killer bullets and no safety. That would have real Darwin Award potential.
RSA
Excellent. I’ll add, based on a half-remembered National Lampoon cartoon panel, a Second Amendment Gallery showing how the NRA and gun-toting Americans have helped keep this country free and safe, with exhibits to include the protection of Japanese-American citizens from internment, scenes from the civil rights movement, and perhaps Oklahoma City.
Jake
Don’t forget the sprawling cathedral dedicated to St. Ron. Drink from the font of Trickle Down Economics and be healed of your afflictions!
And what about a Rapture Amusement Park? I’m surprised LaHaye & Jenkins have settled for a video game and a lame ass movie.
Tim F.
That’d be a long wait for water.
guyermo
So John Scalzi is Biff
Cindrella Ferret
As a mathematician, I’d like to say that the currently accepted scientific theory is evolution. But, some competing ideas have been proposed, such as Intelligent Design and Pastafarianism, and discussion to include one should include the other, as these ideas are equally valid.
Tsulagi
Oookay, I think Scalzi pretty much covered the full visual range of horseshit. I got the picture.
Speaking of horseshit, I would fully expect to soon see this banner at the entrance of the Creation Museum.
Cindrella Ferret
Oh, and Intelligent Design = Creationism in a tuxedo (per a colleague of mine.)
Incertus (Brian)
There’s one giant museum to all that stuff already in the planning stages. The George W. Bush Presidential Library.
Oh come on–you knew it was coming.
Pb
Jake,
Well, there was this, until Robertson… well, you know.
Jen
Pb, that’s so funny. Pat Robertson really has a window into God’s mind, doesn’t he? I wonder what the divine punishment for endorsing Guiliani will be?
RSA
Good one, Pb. Too bad–the refreshment stands selling loaves and fishes would have been great (and they’d never run out of anything).
Cindrella Ferret
Tsulagi,
No fair! That link needs a warning. Coffee on the screen, man. Hysterically funny. I starting to laug….. hahahaha …… Thanks. You made my day.
Ed Drone
“Pb, that’s so funny. Pat Robertson really has a window into God’s mind, doesn’t he? I wonder what the divine punishment for endorsing Guiliani will be?”
That’s easy — Rudy Giuliani.
Unfortunately, the punishment could be shared by the rest of us.
Ed
Zifnab
Corrected for Graemer.
Jen
That’s clever, but see, God prefers his retribution to be entirely unrelated to the offense so that only the truly enlightened can make the connection. If you don’t crack down on gays and feminists, you get 9/11.
SpotWeld
Ah, if only the conservatives would build a museum to every one of their fringe ideas.
Karl Rove Presidential Museum and Library?
Bubblegum Tate
Awesome
r€nato
Incertus beat me to it.
Bombadil
Mmmmmm…..animatronic lesbians!
jcricket
Fixed.
Billy K
Intelligent Design = Creationism in a
tuxedolab coat.jcricket
Speaking of creationism – with debates about evolution being forced on us by an increasingly shrill wingosphere, is it any wonder why our children are suffering in their schooling?
Europe and Asia are laughing at us about this bullshit religiosity (and I’m not one who thinks religion itself is a bad thing, being Jewish) we’re forced to endlessly debate about in schools.
So not content to fuck us up geo-politically through unnecessary wars, torture and the abrogation of international treaties, Republicans are also trying to fuck up our children’s futures by ignoring environmental threats, fucking up their school funding, and creating useless debates about long-solved scientific issues.
jcricket
I think they actually have those already (buy two).
Snarkily, if you watch Nip/Tuck, I’d argue that the two actresses playing lesbians right now are pretty animatronic.
trishb
Here’s another good take on the pile o’ horseshit: Fun at the Creation Museum
Tony J
Intelligent Design = Creationism
inwearing atuxedopair of thick-rimmed spectacles and it’s hair slicked into a side-part.Dreggas
Hey leave Graeme Frost outta this, he went to one of those private schools and got that great edumacation bush always talks about!
les
…you obviously don’t know jack about biology. Thanks for playing.
Punchy
For all you fucks who believe there’s no evidence of intelligent design? I give you:
Jessica Alba
Only God could have possibly designed something so phine.
binzinerator
And Al Dente is their God incarnate. Oops. I meant con carne.
Kind of scary how if you removed the word Pastafarianism, that would no longer be a parody. Cuttin’ it close, Cindre.
binzinerator
If you say so. My heart still belongs to Emma Thompson.
Any day Emma’s going to realize her mistake and call me. Any day now…
canuckistani
Conversely, we have Ann Coulter. Same designer, so I consider your case refuted.
Cinderella Ferret
I require Proof that I don’t know jack. All Theorems presented without rigorous proof will be pitched into Conjecture Hell. What is your evidence that Intelligent Design and Pastafarianism ARE NOT of equal scientific validity? Au contraire!
OK OK I know mathematical proof and scientific proof are not the same, but I only wish to use my powerful and awesome intellect to impress the chicks. Its hard being a geek out here in the badlands of New Mexico. It really upsets me that someone doesn’t want me to play anymore. Boo Hoo.
binzinerator
No that only supports the case for an Anti-Christ.
I keep waiting for her horsey face to loosen and fall off, revealing a pointy goatee, fangs and horns. It must suck to have to depilate one’s chin every day.
One may be tempted to argue that to have an Anti-Christ one must also have a Christ. But it could also be that Satan runs both shows. If I were Satan, that’s what I’d do — what could be more evil than that? Such duplicity! So many deceived souls! Hoo, I’m bad!
bago
You don’t know jack has at least seven sequels.
The Other Steve
OOOOHHHHHHH NOOEEEEESSSSS!!!!!!
The Counter Clinton Library has CLOSED!
Apparently nobody cared. I didn’t even realize they gave up like 2 years ago.
Dreggas
After reading this whole thing am I the only one eager to pitch a new movie to any of the big studios called “Jurassic Ark”? It would be a thriller, ya know, raptors all loose on the ark goin after Noah and the family…
jack fate
Some of you might find this hilarious, some of you might be offended*. By the way, this is a true story. Seriously, there’s video.
*You’ve been warned!
BIRDZILLA
WE DIDNT LIVE IN THE TREES WE DIDNT HANG BY OUR TAILS WE DIDNT COME FROM ANY APE YOU ATHEISTIC PINKO MEAT HEAD and we all know that RICHARD DAWKINS is a ATHEISTIC PINKO MEAT HEAD
Dreggas
Warned? Hell that was funny shit!
Dreggas
Ah hell.
Tax Analyst
Don’tcha hate when that happens? I think I did it once here.
W. Kiernan
Punchy: Jessica Alba… Only God could have possibly designed something so phine.
Very well, but by the same reasoning the existence of Bjork clearly indicates that Christianity is wrong; there must be at least seven distinct omnipotent Gods, of whom at least two are completely insane.