Army Loses, WVU blows a spot at the National Championship, I have an earache and have bene drinking since 3pm, and I think I might continue drinking until Monday.
Maybe the Steelers will lose and we can call it a weekend.
0-2
by John Cole| 49 Comments
This post is in: Sports
The Stranger
Don’t forget TNR’s reraction of the Beauchamp lies.
Have another drink, John.
PaulW
Well, now is the time to start providing moral support for your college’s water polo team. Um, you guys do have a water polo team…?
crack
Too bad about WVU. Good luck with the drinking.
MMM
this one was even tough for a life long cub fan….
SERENITY ME NOW – SERENITY ME NOW
demimondian
PaulW comes from UF, IIRC. They have a lot of experience choking this year.
Kit Smith
One can only hope. Go Browns!
tBone
Or the hostage situation staged by Hillary. Only children and the submoronic could believe that she wasn’t behind the whole thing, right, Stranger?
Onward Truthiness Soldiers!
Jim
We’ll ignore the two completely bogus holding calls on #88 unitl mssr. cole regains his sobriety. The #2 curse strikes agian!
fuddmain
Yeah, UF only won two national championships in 2007 (Football and Basketball). Really choked.
demimondian
Meh. I shouldn’t be so nasty. Gainesville’s a fine town, and UF’s a fine school. My grandfather taught there for many years.
It’s just the students that are a problem.
Mean Gene
I was mildly rooting for WVU despite going to Pitt for grad school. Uh, has anyone explained why Steve Slaton didn’t touch the ball for the last 35 minutes of the game? With White going out, isn’t it time to give the ball to Slaton 20 times and run the ball down Pitt’s throat? They gave up like 600 yards rushing to NAVY.
Mark S.
This is the wackiest college football season ever! The title game is going to be Ohio St. vs. . . . Georgia? LSU? Hawaii????
Conservatively Liberal
Oh oh, John is drinking again. Greater Moonie Wingnuttia beware! You screw up while this is going on and John is going to have to write another grand slam post.
That will help put him in a better mood, that is for sure!
I gave up on football years ago. Same with most other sports. I just lost interest, and I have never been a betting person. Life is enough of a gamble already.
It didn’t help that I was a diehard Seahawks fan from day one. They wrote the book on choking. After years of that abuse and anyone would get disgusted with sports.
fuddmain
I’d also like to know why they came out for one of the biggest games in school history dressed as bananas.
fuddmain
What did he teach?
jake
If you sign off “John Cole +EleventyOne,” we’ll call the paramedics and report an ATO.
demimondian
Astronomy.
ThymeZone
Spreading those heliocentrist lies, I suppose.
demimondian
Worse — he claimed to study (get this) ECLIPSING BINARY STARS, great big balls of fire that orbit one another, billions and billions of times as far away as the Sun which orbits our Earth.
Would you believe that? I mean, really!
ThymeZone
No, of course not. If it doesn’t fit into a Diorama at the Intelligent Design Museum, then it can’t be true.
Blasphemer!
jake
Do the people who came up with the phrase Intelligent Design know that it calls to mind ergonomic chairs? Or that the initials suggest thoughts so nasty our minds spend a lot of time suppressing them?
I don’t think so either.
Zuzu
Boo Navy.
Media Glutton
We love ya, John, and have probably been drunk longer than you.
Keith
Bad year to be #1 in college football…
Buck
WVU should have been able to beat Pitt by direct snapping it on every play to Noel Devine. That was probably the most inexcusable loss I have ever witnessed. And yes, I saw App State beat Michigan.
My guess is that the powers that be will give LSU yet another shot.
The BCS is just like the Heisman Tropy. It is political bullshit.
4jkb4ia
The curse of #2 is real.
As the ESPN guys said, when you have only 3 plays the entire third quarter, it is hard to make something happen with one person in particular.
Good for Pitt for triumphing over the awful officiating.
4jkb4ia
I’d put LSU there, too. This is not the basketball tournament. If you have one game to decide everything the contenders should at least have won something.
Punchy
Uh…the hot ones, the smart ones, or the talented ones?
I’m pretty sure you’re mixing up FU and FSU.
Tractarian
Must be the obnoxious ones.
(By the way, FU??? Are you sure you’re not a Seminole?)
fuddmain
He didn’t happen to say things like “howsomeever” and refer to Gainesville as Gainesburg, did he?
Libby Spencer
I don’t know jack about football, but I have a lot of experience with earaches. Try swabbing your ear with some alcohol* on a Qtip. If it’s not too far gone already, it could clear it up. (*The pharmaceutical kind, not the drinking kind).
Andy K
Here’s the hangover cure: Lots of Gatorade/Powerade, a handful of Extra Strength Tylenol, and Sudafed*. The Sudafed dilates the blood vessels that the alcohol caused to constrict, the electrolytes in the sports drinks helps to rehydrate ya more quickly than water will, and the Tylenol dulls the pain until the other two ingredients kick in.
I haven’t had to take “The Cure” in 2 1/2 years, but it never failed me in my binge drinkin’ decades.
*The old formula of Sudafed, w/Pseudoephedrine, not the namby-pamby, new Phenylephrine formula. If West Virginia law is like Michigan law, you’ll have to show yer driver’s license to buy the good stuff.
Punchy
Trying to kill yer liver, eh? Never, ever mix a hangover (and/or drinking in general) and Tylenol. Very, very toxic effects will manifest in the liver. Stick with Advil.
PaulW
Hey, EVERY team choked this year! Except for Hawaii I think.
Oh no.
IanY77
Army, Tennessee, Mizzou, WVU, Oregon, UCLA. Every pick I made yesterday went down, except for the one I cared least about: VT over BC. Lost $50 (lose six, win one, ten bucks a pop).
F&%@!!
/Didn’t reasonably expect UCLA to win, just hate the Trojans.
//Ditto Army re Navy.
PaulW
Just keep digging that hole, demi. You know full well the problems at UF are:
1) No parking
2) Alligators sneaking into our bedrooms at night
3) No parking
4) No water slide parks
5) No parking
Oh, and the condo developers are all evil there. Then again, they’re evil everywhere, so moot point.
Andy K
I never knew that. Wish someone woulda let me know that back-when. But I never cared (note the tense) too much fer my liver anyway.
ThymeZone
Tylenol is the leading cause of acute liver failure in the US.
Mixing it with any significant drinking activity is very dangerous.
Andy K
Christ almighty! I think I’ve been dead fer about 10 years now! That was an enlightenin’ link, TZ.
binky
Aside from #2, it all sounds pretty much like Morgantown. Besides, Ichetucknee ought to count as almost a waterslide, and we have the Mon.
Punchy
Fixed for reality. Who the fuck needs a car in Gainsville, anyway? Weather is tits 11.5 months a year and the campus is perfect for bicycles.
demimondian
Hmm. I never heard “howsomeever” or “Gainesburg”, although I heard “howsosomeever”…
Grandpa died some years ago, back in 1991, at the age of 89. He was emeritus at UF, not full-time. If the person you are thinking of also has those properties, then, yes, he was my grandfather, and, yes, if you look among his grandsons for someone who taught at FAU, then you’ll have located me.
4jkb4ia
Rams 14!
Falcons 0!
With Gus Frerotte!
Bob In Pacifica
I was pulling for WV. I hope it’s not Ohio again in the championship game.
Jay
Yes, John, you did forget to use Dan Rather’s priceless drinking line in your sign-off. THAT, my good man, is funny.
D-Chance.
Ohio St vs LSU.
*yawn*
Mizzou goes from #1 to the “We don’t wanna be here but the school gets a big check” Bowl in one day.
J. Michael Neal
Since Jon hasn’t had the basic decency to start a Steelers thread:
I noticed this last week, but am commenting upon it now. With Troy Polamalu out, Pittsburgh’s starting strong safety is Tyrone Carter. I love it.
There aren’t a lot of things us Golden Gopher football fans have to cheer about, other than that our hockey team would kick the ass of almost all of the schools any of you root for. Even this year, when we aren’t as good as usual. Tyrone Carter is one of those is one of those very few things.
He was an absolute beast here at Minnesota. As a senior, he won the Jim Thrope award as the best defensive back in the country, deservedly, I think. Among other things, he led the Big 10 in tackles, which says something about our defensive line and linebackers, but whadda ya do.
He was, though, a 5’7″ 170 pound beast. Watching his last games, I thought that I was watching the functional end of his football career, unless he decided to start saying “aboot” instead of “about.” What NFL team wants a 5’7″ safety, no matter how efficiently he uses what size he has?
I have been pleasantly surprised. Watching him, I have no doubt that Jon would much rather that Polamalu were playing; he is a lot better than Carter. Still, that’s a hell of a lot of heart and effort Carter shows, to be the backup strong safety for a very good team.
David
Well, the Steelers won, thanks mainly to a Bengals offense best described as Valium in tiger stripes. Wasn’t Carson Palmer good at his job, once upon a time?
Punchy
I got my Master’s from FAU. This is getting really wierd. I’m not sure I’ve met you, but I bet I’ve seen you on campus….