• Menu
  • Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

Before Header

  • About Us
  • Lexicon
  • Contact Us
  • Our Store
  • ↑
  • ↓
  • ←
  • →

Balloon Juice

Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Some judge needs to shut this circus down soon.

Dear legacy media: you are not here to influence outcomes and policies you find desirable.

I’m starting to think Jesus may have made a mistake saving people with no questions asked.

Never entrust democracy to any process that requires Republicans to act in good faith.

The media handbook says “controversial” is the most negative description that can be used for a Republican.

Innocent people do not delay justice.

I would gladly pay you tuesday for a hamburger today.

Every one of the “Roberts Six” lied to get on the court.

I’d hate to be the candidate who lost to this guy.

They are lying in pursuit of an agenda.

Let there be snark.

“Just close your eyes and kiss the girl and go where the tilt-a-whirl takes you.” ~OzarkHillbilly

Not so fun when the rabbit gets the gun, is it?

The way to stop violence is to stop manufacturing the hatred that fuels it.

They think we are photo bombing their nice little lives.

There are a lot more evil idiots than evil geniuses.

Radicalized white males who support Trump are pitching a tent in the abyss.

“Everybody’s entitled to be an idiot.”

They spent the last eight months firing professionals and replacing them with ideologues.

A norm that restrains only one side really is not a norm – it is a trap.

Every reporter and pundit should have to declare if they ever vacationed with a billionaire.

“A king is only a king if we bow down.” – Rev. William Barber

Proof that we need a blogger ethics panel.

This country desperately needs a functioning fourth estate.

Mobile Menu

  • 4 Directions VA 2025 Raffle
  • 2025 Activism
  • Donate with Venmo, Zelle & PayPal
  • Site Feedback
  • War in Ukraine
  • Submit Photos to On the Road
  • Politics
  • On The Road
  • Open Threads
  • Topics
  • Authors
  • About Us
  • Contact Us
  • Lexicon
  • Our Store
  • Politics
  • Open Threads
  • 2025 Activism
  • Garden Chats
  • On The Road
  • Targeted Fundraising!
You are here: Home / Humorous / New Poll

New Poll

by Michael D.|  December 5, 20074:49 pm| 37 Comments

This post is in: Humorous, Politics

FacebookTweetEmail

A new poll suggests Mitt Romney is the candidate most people would like to beat the hell out of in a bar fight. Most voters would like to kick the shit out of John Edwards, too, just not in a bar.

Related: Just heard on Wolf Blitzer’s, The Situation Room: “The most important thing for candidates in Iowa is for voters to show up.” If I didn’t watch CNN, I would know nothing.

FacebookTweetEmail
Previous Post: « Credit Where Credit’s Not Due
Next Post: A Late Night Laugh »

Reader Interactions

37Comments

  1. 1.

    Jay

    December 5, 2007 at 4:56 pm

    I think the Wolf Blitzer comment is funnier than the Onion story.

  2. 2.

    calipygian

    December 5, 2007 at 5:20 pm

    I’d love to sucker punch 9iu11ani if I weren’t scared that he’d order a few of New York’s Finest to stick a plunger up my ass in retaliation. After they got through walking his dog, of course.

  3. 3.

    jnfr

    December 5, 2007 at 5:21 pm

    Did anyone else catch Wolfie talking to Huckabee about the Dumond case? I thought Huckabee was somewhat incoherent (saying Clinton had commuted the sentence before Huck was governor and then later saying he himself had refused to commute the sentence twice – huh?), though he did get a little good old-fashioned Clenis-bashing in.

  4. 4.

    skip

    December 5, 2007 at 5:26 pm

    It’s wasn’t Wolf’s fault. The daily instructions from Avignor Liebermann were late and garbled in transmission.

  5. 5.

    Dreggas

    December 5, 2007 at 5:42 pm

    jnfr Says:

    Did anyone else catch Wolfie talking to Huckabee about the Dumond case? I thought Huckabee was somewhat incoherent (saying Clinton had commuted the sentence before Huck was governor and then later saying he himself had refused to commute the sentence twice – huh?), though he did get a little good old-fashioned Clenis-bashing in.

    I didn’t see it but I have heard the Huckster was quoted as saying:

    “No one could have predicted this man would do this again”.

    Sounds awfully similar to:

    “No one could have predicted that terrorists would use planes as missiles.”

    Complete with warnings sent to Huckabee about this person. The real shiv in this one though is the fact that the guys was released because of CDS.

  6. 6.

    grumpy realist

    December 5, 2007 at 6:10 pm

    Actually, I’m wondering whether that “no one could have predicted….” isn’t going to be the shark-jumping bit.

    The question is to see if TDS, SNL, or any of the others manages to do a riff on it.

  7. 7.

    Cain

    December 5, 2007 at 6:36 pm

    I don’t understand why this murderer had so many backers in right wing radio that he would feel pressured to release him from prison. Morever, were these so called backers hung out to dry for their support of this guy? Seems like someone should get bitch slapped.

    cain

  8. 8.

    Zifnab

    December 5, 2007 at 6:43 pm

    I don’t understand why this murderer had so many backers in right wing radio that he would feel pressured to release him from prison.

    So, right wing radio gets listened to by lots of people with too much money and waaaaaay to much free time. People with too much money and time provide a great deal of political capital. Governors of Arkansas like political capital and try to accrue it. The convict in question murdered a distant relative of Bill Clinton, and that’s the Republican political equivalent of dropping a grenade into a bucket full of napalm.

    Raping and murdering poor women ain’t so bad when you stack it up against causing the Demoncratic President of the United States to cry. The only regret Drumond backers had at the end of this debacle was that Drumond didn’t kill another Clinton relative.

  9. 9.

    Cindrella Ferret

    December 5, 2007 at 6:47 pm

    Well now we know why Wolf went into Journalism, and not rocket science.

    Mike Huckabee? Dead. Done. Finito. Stick a fork in him. When this Dumond thing gets more light he is going to make Dukakis look like a law and order conservative. Reverend Huckabee has a lot of splainin to do. Murray Waas has a great post on the Dumond case and also wrote about an ex-aide for Huckabee who claims the Reverend is lying… Read both pieces and the articles he links to at the bottom.

    I went to the library today and got a copy of Huckabee’s campaign book. Read it, in particular the section on this case and judge for yourself how disingenuous and self-serving Reverend Huckabee portrays his role in this case. It is truly breathtaking. We expect better judgment from a school principal.

  10. 10.

    calipygian

    December 5, 2007 at 6:54 pm

    On March 7, 1985, while Dumond was awaiting trial, two masked men with guns and knives burst into his house. They hog-tied him. They raped him. And then, with surgical scalpels, they castrated him. The two monsters acted on the orders of local Sheriff Coolidge Conlee.

    The sheriff retrieved Dumond’s testicles from Dumond’s blood-spattered house.

    The sheriff then placed the body parts in a jar that he displayed on his desk with the admonition: “That’s what happens to people who fool around in my county.”

    Since Huckabee is obviously stupid enough to believe drunken Steve Dunleavy at The New York Post, he didn’t think that Dumond was capable of committing rape after Dumond was freed.

    And BTW – it was obviously Bill and Hillary who were the masked men in that story. I’m suprised Dunleavy just didn’t come out and say it.

  11. 11.

    guyermo

    December 5, 2007 at 6:55 pm

    Tomorrow on the Situation Room Wolf Blizer will discuss whether or not he’d still have his beard if he shaved and determine that it will depend on how many blades are in his razor.

  12. 12.

    guyermo

    December 5, 2007 at 6:56 pm

    The question is to see if TDS, SNL, or any of the others manages to do a riff on it.

    not until they get back from strike, which probably won’t be any time soon (unless i’ve missed something in the past couple days). and when they do get back, it’ll be old news.

  13. 13.

    Andy K

    December 5, 2007 at 7:35 pm

    “The most important thing for candidates in Iowa is for voters to show up.”

    And if no voters show up the delegates are divvied up accordin’ to the results of a “Iowa Death Cage Battle Royale”, right?

    I’ll put $5 down on Hillary in the Dem’s cage match. And I’m in fer $10 on Bob Dornan on the GOP side. I heard he’s hangin’ around Cedar Rapids prayin’ that no one casts a vote.

  14. 14.

    Chad N. Freude

    December 5, 2007 at 7:40 pm

    Well now we know why Wolf went into Journalism

    When do you think he’ll begin to practice it?

  15. 15.

    Doubting Thomas

    December 5, 2007 at 7:46 pm

    Most voters would like to kick the shit out of John Edwards, too, just not in a bar.

    Just a friendly reminder that you don’t speak for most voters… hell, you’re Canadian after all!

    It might have been more appropriate to have replaced “most voters” with “I”.

  16. 16.

    Tom Hilton

    December 5, 2007 at 7:51 pm

    Didn’t Woody Allen say something like 90% of life is just showing up?

    Mike Huckabee? Dead. Done. Finito. Stick a fork in him.

    Yes, but not because of the Wayne Dumond story in itself. The story is suddenly getting a lot of play now (after being common knowledge for, what, forever or so?) because the ‘free-market’ fundamentalists are terrified of having a Republican candidate who’s only 99.9% anti-tax. They’re the ones who will make sure Huckabee doesn’t come close to having a shot at the nomination (which, realistically, he doesn’t anyway–even if he won in Iowa, he doesn’t have the organization to take advantage of it), and it won’t be just Wayne Dumond that they use to do it.

  17. 17.

    AnonE.Mouse

    December 5, 2007 at 8:43 pm

    I’d like to beat the shit out of Giuliani in a bar fight,but I don’t look good in a dress.Could I beat the shit out of him at an IHOP or a Yankees game instead?

  18. 18.

    Cindrella Ferret

    December 5, 2007 at 9:37 pm

    And BTW – it was obviously Bill and Hillary who were the masked men in that story. I’m surprised Dunleavy just didn’t come out and say it.

    That is a given for anything that happened in recorded history with no other “logical” explanation. I suspect it was Vince Foster plus an accomplice and THAT is why Hillary had to have him bumped off. Much more plausible don’t you think?

    Could I beat the shit out of him at an IHOP or a Yankees game instead?

    Please do! Make sure its on PPV so I can watch.

    When do you think he’ll begin to practice it?

    Touche! Practice being the operative point here! Thanks for helping me clear that one up.

    …even if he won in Iowa, he doesn’t have the organization to take advantage of it …

    Excellent point. No return to Hope, as it were.

  19. 19.

    yet another jeff

    December 5, 2007 at 9:40 pm

    “The most important thing for candidates in Iowa is for voters to show up.”

    Yeah, and whether or not to kill yourself is one of the most important decisions a person can make.

  20. 20.

    myiq2xu

    December 5, 2007 at 9:47 pm

    The most important thing for candidates in Iowa is for voters to show up.

    This reminds me of Bill Clinton’s response when someone asked him what Hillary needed to do to win – “Get the most votes.”

  21. 21.

    PaulW

    December 5, 2007 at 9:57 pm

    Related: Just heard on Wolf Blitzer’s, The Situation Room: “The most important thing for candidates in Iowa is for voters to show up.”

    In other news, it was reported on ESPN that a new study showed teams that score the most points tend to win their games.

  22. 22.

    jcricket

    December 5, 2007 at 10:20 pm

    In other news, it was reported on ESPN that a new study showed teams that score the most points tend to win their games.

    Wolf Blitzer meet John Madden. John Madden, Wolf Blitzer.

  23. 23.

    JR

    December 5, 2007 at 10:30 pm

    jcricket nailed it: Blitzer is to news what Madden is to sports.

  24. 24.

    The Other Steve

    December 5, 2007 at 10:36 pm

    jcricket nailed it: Blitzer is to news what Madden is to sports.

    Christ, just what we need.

    Wolf Blitzers News 2008, now from EA Games!

  25. 25.

    wasabi gasp

    December 5, 2007 at 10:47 pm

    Hillary Clinton is the candidate most people would like to kick in the nuts.

  26. 26.

    Robert Johnston

    December 5, 2007 at 10:49 pm

    And I always thought that Mitt Romney was the candidate most people would like to lock naked, in a cage, on the roof of their car, while driving.

  27. 27.

    Snarkilicious

    December 5, 2007 at 10:50 pm

    And BTW – it was obviously Bill and Hillary who were the masked men in that story. I’m suprised Dunleavy just didn’t come out and say it.

    Well, I don’t know about Bill, but what do you want to bet that it was Hitlery that sliced off Dumond’s nuts, hmmm? And probably with a wicked grin & cackle while she did it.

    The Repugs better lock up their peckers if they go up against her. Guiliani tried that for NY-Sen, and just look what she did to his prostate. If it weren’t for Viagra, the poor shlub would still be wearing dresses and impotently hanging (& not banging) with wife #2.

  28. 28.

    D-Chance.

    December 5, 2007 at 10:50 pm

    This will be your blogswarm tomorrow:

    Dan Bartlett

    That’s what I mean by influential. I mean, talk about a direct IV into the vein of your support. It’s a very efficient way to communicate. They regurgitate exactly and put up on their blogs what you said to them. It is something that we’ve cultivated and have really tried to put quite a bit of focus on.

    Conservative Blaghistan should be a fun read.

  29. 29.

    wasabi gasp

    December 5, 2007 at 11:07 pm

    Kucinich is the candidate most Martians want to ring up when their bag runs dry.

  30. 30.

    Jess

    December 5, 2007 at 11:07 pm

    I’d love to sucker punch 9iu11ani if I weren’t scared that he’d order a few of New York’s Finest to stick a plunger up my ass in retaliation.

    How about taking a baseball bat to him in a dark alley?

    As for whether Hillary was one of the “masked men,” if she were I think she’d have the election locked up right now.

    This reminds me of Bill Clinton’s response when someone asked him what Hillary needed to do to win – “Get the most votes.”

    You’d think that’d be a given, but after the last couple of elections…?

    And now the most important question: which two candidates would you want to see in a nude mud-wrestling match?

  31. 31.

    Johnny Pez

    December 6, 2007 at 12:19 am

    Could I beat the shit out of him at an IHOP or a Yankees Red Sox game instead?

    Fixed.

  32. 32.

    fecapult

    December 6, 2007 at 1:05 am

    Related: Just heard on Wolf Blitzer’s, The Situation Room: “The most important thing for candidates in Iowa is for voters to show up.”

    Is Wolf auditioning for Madden’s spot now?

  33. 33.

    Sensitive Pony Tailed Girly Man

    December 6, 2007 at 9:29 am

    My main man Willard M. is going to take 45 minutes to discuss his faith. That’s plenty of time to be for Mormonism, then against it, uncertain about the whole thing, and then for it again. Don’t worry, whatever your position is, Willard will have something for you.

    God Bless Amerika!

  34. 34.

    canuckistani

    December 6, 2007 at 11:18 am

    It’s a logical impossibility, but every Republican candidate is worse than all the others. Maybe they could borrow Vladimir Putin, who at least has a winning track record and an excellent soul.

  35. 35.

    Jess

    December 6, 2007 at 12:08 pm

    It’s a logical impossibility, but every Republican candidate is worse than all the others.

    Maybe they could have M.C. Escher design a polling chart?

  36. 36.

    yet another jeff

    December 6, 2007 at 1:06 pm

    Don’t forget Quayle’s “If we do not succeed, then we run the risk of failure.”

  37. 37.

    Ted

    December 6, 2007 at 9:53 pm

    Actually, just having voters show up is not the most important thing for candidates in Iowa. The most important thing is for *voters who are your supporters* to show up.

Comments are closed.

Primary Sidebar

On The Road - UncleEbeneezer - Eastern Sierra Fall Foliage 2024- McGee Creek, CA (Part 7/8) 3
Image by UncleEbeneezer (11/11/25)

We did it!

Recent Comments

  • Jay on Together We Can Be a Force for Good (Nov 11, 2025 @ 9:07pm)
  • ExPatExDem on Together We Can Be a Force for Good (Nov 11, 2025 @ 9:06pm)
  • iKropoclast on Tuesday Morning Open Thread: One Must Imagine Sisyphus Happy (Nov 11, 2025 @ 9:06pm)
  • HopefullyNotCassandra on Together We Can Be a Force for Good (Nov 11, 2025 @ 9:05pm)
  • Ramona on Together We Can Be a Force for Good (Nov 11, 2025 @ 9:04pm)

Balloon Juice Posts

View by Topic
View by Author
View by Month & Year
View by Past Author

Featuring

Medium Cool
Artists in Our Midst
Authors in Our Midst
On Artificial Intelligence (7-part series)

🎈Keep Balloon Juice Ad Free

Become a Balloon Juice Patreon
Donate with Venmo, Zelle or PayPal

Calling All Jackals

Site Feedback
Nominate a Rotating Tag
Submit Photos to On the Road
Balloon Juice Anniversary (All Links)
Balloon Juice Anniversary (All Posts)
Fix Nyms with Apostrophes

Balloon Juice Mailing List Signup

Social Media

Balloon Juice
WaterGirl
TaMara
John Cole
DougJ (aka NYT Pitchbot)
Betty Cracker
Tom Levenson
David Anderson
Major Major Major Major
DougJ NYT Pitchbot
mistermix
Rose Judson (podcast)

We did it!

Site Footer

Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

  • Facebook
  • RSS
  • Twitter
  • YouTube
  • Comment Policy
  • Our Authors
  • Blogroll
  • Our Artists
  • Privacy Policy

Copyright © 2025 Dev Balloon Juice · All Rights Reserved · Powered by BizBudding Inc

Share this ArticleLike this article? Email it to a friend!

Email sent!