If you’re male, you will feel pain while reading this story. You’ll also feel for the guy. It must’ve been the most embarrassing moment in his life.
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Come for the politics, stay for the snark.
A lot of Dems talk about what the media tells them to talk about. Not helpful.
Don’t expect peaches from an apple tree.
We are builders in a constant struggle with destroyers. keep building.
They’re not red states to be hated; they are voter suppression states to be fixed.
Hi god, it’s us. Thanks a heap, you’re having a great week and it’s only Thursday!
There is no compromise when it comes to body autonomy. You either have it or you don’t.
I might just take the rest of the day off and do even more nothing than usual.
Never entrust democracy to any process that requires republicans to act in good faith.
I wonder if trump will be tried as an adult.
You can’t love your country only when you win.
Reality always lies in wait for … Democrats.
We still have time to mess this up!
Someone should tell Republicans that violence is the last refuge of the incompetent, or possibly the first.
My right to basic bodily autonomy is not on the table. that’s the new deal.
“woke” is the new caravan.
This year has been the longest three days of putin’s life.
The Supreme Court cannot be allowed to become the ultimate, unaccountable arbiter of everything.
SCOTUS: It’s not “bribery” unless it comes from the Bribery region of France. Otherwise, it’s merely “sparkling malfeasance”.
The worst democrat is better than the best republican.
Tide comes in. Tide goes out. You can’t explain that.
Some judge needs to shut this circus down soon.
They traffic in fear. it is their only currency. if we are fearful, they are winning.
They love authoritarianism, but only when they get to be the authoritarians.
Historically it was a little unusual for the president to be an incoherent babbling moron.
Rudi
The Department of Fatherland Security also wants them to watch out for “brown skins” and traitorous Libruls.
Cindrella Ferret
So he was literally laying pipe. Ouch!
Redleg
Dammit- Cindrella beat me to the punchline.
cleek
CF wins the thread in two. well played!
John S.
I good friend of mine who works for BBC told me that they were going to write the third paragraph as:
Just to see if their readers would freak out. But the editors decided against it in the end, seeing as how they couldn’t find anyone to keep the charade going by mounting a credible defense of the FAIR tax (although they did have several volunteers willing to advance the LOL defense).
Jamey
Of course he was an advocate of the FairTax: the article clearly noted that the ring was cutting off the supply of blood to his head.
Sorry, Michael, but any “big” idea that can be expressed as a cozy digital-age neologism (ie, no spaces, double caps), automatically steps into the credibility batters box with two strikes against.
atari_age
All I need to hear is “if you’re male, you will feel pain” to know I don’t want to click the link. Isn’t it enough I still have memories of “There’s Something About Mary”? :D
Incertus (Brian)
A grinder? Yeech.
r€nato
Gee I sure hope it was the most embarrassing moment in his life. If it wasn’t… what was? That time a Coke bottle got lodged up his rear and he couldn’t fish it out?
yeah, um, about that… that happened to me when I was 10.
No, the fire and police department did not come like in the movie. The only witnesses were the neighbor, the neighbor’s kid and my father…
canuckistani
My legs are crossed, and will remain so throughout the day, until I can think of something not involving angle grinders and penises.
Ed Drone
I haven’t read the story, but the last comment, about grinders, reminds me of a limerick that starts:
“There once was a girl from Mobile…”
Enquiring readers can search the rest out on the web.
Ed
ThymeZone
Nice job, Michael. Really, you’re elevating the blog now, no doubt about it.
I propose a new slogan for BJ: All Queer, All Year.
Great. Lovin it. Christmas really is the most wonderful time of the year. We’re picking out your present.
Michael says: Nice. A gay guy puts up a story about some guy who had to get a cockring cut off, and ThymeXone has to write a bigoted comment in response. I never even considered “gay” when I wrote this. Obviously, you can’t think of anything else.
Zifnab
Careful, I smell LOL! bait. He could be posting this entry about penises entirely to see if he can get a rise out of us crazy liberals so he can show it to all his friends.
Mary
The Road to Wigan Pee-er?
ThymeZone
The thread, or his penis?
Kynn
Just wait until the promised FairTax defense post!
FAIR TAX FAIR TAX
GeoX
Pynchon’s rocket limericks seem apropos at a time like this…
stickler
This:
… deserves the obvious retort, from Homer Simpson:
“You mean the worst day of your life so far, Bart.”
uh_clem
He could be posting this entry about penises entirely to see if he can get a rise out of us crazy liberals so he can show it to all his friends.
Well, at least he’s writing about a subject that he knows something about. That’s a start.
Andrew
Geez, now ImJohnGalt is going to have to change his Michael D. post kill script from “I Like FairTax!” to “I like hearing about penises get stuck in things!”
ImJohnGalt
Uhhhh….consider that killscript in the public domain. While I know that Michael likes the FairTax (despite his weird protestations that he only put that in there to rile us up), I don’t know anything about his love for hearing about penises. Some people find stories like that funny, some don’t (I fall in the latter category). I think it’s the tragicomedy of the event that he was appealing to, rather than the specifics.
That said, I never did find out exactly what financial issues unique to homosexuals that the Fair Tax addressed.
ThymeZone
Fuck you, man. Seriously, you are the biggest wanker that ever posted here.
Fuck you and I hope your little experimental job here is short-lived.
You’re the fucking bigot, and everyone here knows it. Get outta here.
Shut the fuck up.
ThymeZone
And keep your stupid cowardly little remarks out of my posts.
When THE FUCK did BJ start overposting commenters’ posts? Who the fuck are you? Are you so afraid of me that you have to post your little penis shots on top of my posts?
ImJohnGalt
Well c’mon, that’s a pool of exactly three you’re drawing water from.
Unless you mean the comments too, and even then, the biggest wanker?
Andrew
You have to understand that it is the internet equivalent of bathroom stall toe tapping. It’s how gay Republicans communicate.
ThymeZone
Yep. This motherfucker is a mean, cowardly little troll on his own blog. He’s a disgrace, posing as a “gay Republican,” posting penis-in-pipe stories, and then pretending that the resulting comments are “bigoted.” He’s totally dishonest to boot (see the Fair Tax thread of yesterday or whenever it was if you want a good example).
Anyway, I meant what I said.
Andrew
Don’t forget that bastard Tom. I’ll never forgive him.
j/k
More recipes and wine recommendations, please!
ThymeZone
Well the, how fortuitous that John brought us one to play with.
Nice way of saying thanks for three years of supporting his conversion, here’s a lying little prick gay Republican to mind fuck all of you. Enjoy.
ImJohnGalt
I know TZ is a persona, but why the sudden focus on teh Ghey?
Wouldn’t it be enough to say
Anyway, to each his own, but your defense of Larry Craig has been admirable in the other thread, so not quite sure why suddenly it seems you’re using gay as an epithet.
Krista
Um…actually, TZ, neither the post nor the story had anything to do with homosexuality, from what I can see. If you think the topic is silly, that’s your prerogative. (Although really, we’ve always had some silly topics around here — it’d really change the mood around here if all of the posts were dripping with gravitas.) But you were reading something into it that wasn’t there.
tBone
I’m assuming that TZ is going to claim that he just posted this:
as a troll to get everyone all riled up, in accordance with the new BJ policy.
His follow-ups have a distinct lack of LOLing, though, so I’m not sure what the hell he’s up to here.
ThymeZone
Uh, right, I saw those references to penises before I posted and for some reason saw something that wasn’t there.
A “gay Republican” posts a thread based on this and I’m reading something into it? What the fuck do you think this thread was created for? Political discussion?
Yeah, right. Look, if you like Michael D and his dishonest and prickish attitude here, don’t let me slow you down. enjoy the hell out of it and defend him as much as you like.
I don’t have to “claim” anything, I know why I posted it, and I’m glad to explain it to you: The thread is am adolescent troll on the blog by a guy who has, in a short time, built a reputation for cheap trolls on the blog. One of which he actually copped to yesterday. I think the guy is a fucking wanker and I am saying so in my fashion.
Questions?
ImJohnGalt
Well, you could always just install the Balloon-Juice Front Pager Killscript
tBone
Just one – couldn’t you just call the guy a fucking wanker and leave teh ghey out of it?
Unless you think that guys who get their dicks stuck in weird places are exclusively gay, I fail to see how the original post had anything to do with sexual orientation. Or trolling, for that matter. Apparently you’re seeing something I’m not.
ImJohnGalt
Man, you should’ve *seen* what I woke up with when I was single, straight and living in Manhattan. Weird doesn’t even cover it.
tBone
As long as you didn’t require an angle grinder to extricate yourself, it’s all good.
Krista
Nope, I think it was created because it’s a crazy story and rather funny. And I really, really fail to see how Michael posting this in any way entails him trying to turn this site into all gay, all the time.
On a side note, when I was working at a banking call centre, we once got a panicked call from a drunken guy who’d gotten his member caught in the ATM machine. I didn’t take the call, so I don’t recall how it ended. It very well may have been utter bullshit. But having heard some other stories, I’m not as much of a skeptic as I used to be on these matters.
canuckistani
I heard one about a guy with a member piercing who went home with a girl who proceeded to get her tongue piercing caught on his member piercing. He needed to call 911 for help, but didn’t know the address, and she couldn’t tell him because her, uh, mouth was full.
Heard it from a guy who works with local emergency call centre. Probably an urban legend, but pretty funny. In fact, I’m willing to say that stories about guys who get their Peter Johnsons caught in painful situations are universally funny, regardless of the orientation of the teller or listener. I think you owe Michael an apology for this one, TZ.
brendancalling
why was there a metal ring on his dick to begin with? what was this dude fucking?
and why didn’t he just use some oil or something, or even hot water, to loosen the thing?
Phoenician in a time of Romans
From the story: A spokeswoman for Royal Wigan Infirmary said they were unable to comment about the incident.
Too busy laughing…
Ezert
He wouldn’t have had this problem had he gone here.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qb-Kh1oJSGE