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You are here: Home / Humorous / Smart Clerk

Smart Clerk

by Michael D.|  December 12, 20078:04 am| 18 Comments

This post is in: Humorous

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Watching CNN this morning. Man robs Dunkin’ Donuts. Clerk grabs tip jar and start beating the guy over the head. Robber leaves with nothing.

Brave clerk, huh? Nope. He did it, not because he was brave, but because he knew the security tapes would end up on YouTube and he didn’t want to look like a pussy!

When a robber started taking cash from his register over the weekend, Dunkin’ Donuts employee Dustin Hoffmann fought back by clobbering the man with a ceramic mug. But Hoffmann admits he was less worried about the stolen cash than how he might look on the video-sharing site YouTube.

When your parents name you “Dustin Hoffman” you already have enough grief in your life. You don’t need YouTube to exacerbate things.

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Reader Interactions

18Comments

  1. 1.

    TheFountainHead

    December 12, 2007 at 8:30 am

    So is it on YouTube?

  2. 2.

    Keith

    December 12, 2007 at 8:33 am

    That *that’s* a method actor!

  3. 3.

    myiq2xu

    December 12, 2007 at 8:33 am

    WTF?

    Somebody tried to stick-up a donut shop? Aren’t they safe anymore?

    What’s next, robbing the police station?

  4. 4.

    jake

    December 12, 2007 at 8:42 am

    I’d say if he was calm enough to think about UTube, he was pretty brave.

    And Confederate Yanker will cluck: “If only the clerk was packing heat, there’d be one less criminal on the street!” in 5…4…3…

  5. 5.

    JR

    December 12, 2007 at 9:29 am

    John Derbyshire has finally found someone to be proud of. Within a week, he’ll complain that more robbery victims should attack their assailants with tip jars, and decry the pussification of Western society that has allowed us to reach a point where unarmed people don’t try to fight armed robbers.

  6. 6.

    chopper

    December 12, 2007 at 9:32 am

    definitely. definitely don’t want to look like a pussy. definitely.

  7. 7.

    myiq2xu

    December 12, 2007 at 9:43 am

    If only the clerk was packing heat, there’d be one less criminal on the street!

    Let’s make gun possession mandatory for all non-felon adults. Sure, things will be pretty scary for a few years, but when the smoke clears, the survivors will be smarter and very polite!

    Think of it as evolution in action.

  8. 8.

    norbizness

    December 12, 2007 at 9:59 am

    It’s true, I think I saw James Woods at the Kwik-E-Mart

  9. 9.

    r€nato

    December 12, 2007 at 10:44 am

    great comments, y’all. I can’t add anything.

    Ooops! I just did.

  10. 10.

    Dreggas

    December 12, 2007 at 11:46 am

    Don’t Youtube me bro!

  11. 11.

    RSA

    December 12, 2007 at 12:00 pm

    that’s a method actor!

    Too damn clever. Wish I’d thought of that (actually, I did, but much later).

  12. 12.

    t4toby

    December 12, 2007 at 3:43 pm

    Reminds me of when James Spader…
    Dammit, norbiz!

    But Dustin Hoffman’s just a wee dude. How did he reach over the counter?

  13. 13.

    t4toby

    December 12, 2007 at 3:43 pm

    Woods, Spader…

  14. 14.

    PaulW

    December 12, 2007 at 4:48 pm

    So it’s true. YouTube will save the world.

    Now only if it allowed for more porn. :(

  15. 15.

    Dreggas

    December 12, 2007 at 6:19 pm

    PaulW Says:

    So it’s true. YouTube will save the world.

    Now only if it allowed for more porn.

    you mean like youporn?

  16. 16.

    DavidTC

    December 12, 2007 at 6:57 pm

    Like I’ve been saying:

    If everyone, when confronted with the choice ‘Your money or your life?’, said ‘My life, asshat. Go ahead and shoot me.’, we’d have maybe 2% more murders, but something like 99% less armed robberies. (And if they were willing to shoot you to get your money, they were willing to shoot you to keep you from identifying them afterwards, and you had a sucky chance of surviving anyway.)

    Of course, everyone in society would have to do that, which is unlikely, and I’m not sure if I’d encourage physically attacking the robbers, as that risks the gun accidentally going off.

    One place this concept would work would be to change the automatic police response to anyone holding a hostage should be to shoot them, period. Yell out a 15 second warning, and then no talking, no negotiating, no nothing except a countdown with a gun pointed at them. If they haven’t released their hostage by then, shoot them. If need be, shoot them through the hostage.

    Within five years absolutely no one would ever take hostages anymore.

  17. 17.

    WarrenS

    December 12, 2007 at 8:17 pm

    A colleague of mine played in a band with a trumpet player whose dad had encouraged him to play trumpet…by naming him Miles Davis and paying for lessons. Dustin Hoffman, huh?

  18. 18.

    myiq2xu

    December 12, 2007 at 10:59 pm

    Woods, Spader…

    Lowe, Spader, “Bad influence?”

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