Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

There are more Russians standing up to Putin than Republicans.

The unpunished coup was a training exercise.

We’re watching the self-immolation of the leading world power on a level unprecedented in human history.

We cannot abandon the truth and remain a free nation.

Today in our ongoing national embarrassment…

With all due respect and assumptions of good faith, please fuck off into the sun.

I have other things to bitch about but those will have to wait.

… gradually, and then suddenly.

The Supreme Court cannot be allowed to become the ultimate, unaccountable arbiter of everything.

Republicans: slavery is when you own me. freedom is when I own you.

Marge, god is saying you’re stupid.

Perhaps you mistook them for somebody who gives a damn.

Let there be snark.

Republican also-rans: four mules fighting over a turnip.

Reality always lies in wait for … Democrats.

Republicans do not pay their debts.

Let the trolls come, and then ignore them. that’s the worst thing you can do to a troll.

Narcissists are always shocked to discover other people have agency.

They punch you in the face and then start crying because their fist hurts.

Let me file that under fuck it.

Trump should be leading, not lying.

Why is it so hard for them to condemn hate?

The desire to stay informed is directly at odds with the need to not be constantly enraged.

Many life forms that would benefit from greater intelligence, sadly, do not have it.

You are here: Home / Humorous / President Bush’s Speech

President Bush’s Speech

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In case you missed it.

President Addresses Nation on the Way Forward to Surging Back Towards Desperately Spinning the Clusterfuck That is Vietraq

In light of recent testimony from untouchable warrior-bookworm General Petrolus, the surge is working, and it will continue to work. Peace is breaking out all over, especially in remote, uninhabitable swaths of useless Iraqi desert, thanks in large part to the military troop surge I done wink and nodded into existence eight months ago. The surge has done everything I hoped it would do, which was buy political time so I can pass the buck to whatever poor son of a bitch – or straight up bitch – occupies the Oval Office come 2008.

Sadly, although Whitehouse.org is a humor site, I fear that this is not too far off the mark.

Reader Interactions

17Comments

  1. 1.

    Zifnab

    Victory is at hand! What have we won?!

    Forty more years in Iraq? Fuck that. How did I get on this game show anyway?

  3. 3.

    Robert Johnston

    It hits the mark pretty well. It’s also three months old.

    I’ve been waiting a while now for the next update from whitehouse.org.

  4. 4.

    calipygian

    Not just warrior-bookworm. Warrior-bookworm-Roger Bannister beehatches!

    http://www.runnersworld.com/article/0,7120,s6-243-297–12348-0,00.html

    Gen. David Petraeus has just challenged me to a push-up contest. A moment later he’s prone–ramrod straight, back and arms rigid. Then in a 90-second blur, he hammers out 81 push-ups while deconstructing David Ignatius’s latest novel. How can anyone keep up with that?

    Our workout unfolds early in September. In less than two weeks, Petraeus, the four-star general who commands the multinational force fighting in Iraq, will fly to Washington. There, he’ll sit before a congressional panel to present a midterm report on the war, which will make him the focal point of headlines and TV newscasts and controversy. But right now, he’s just showing a reporter how to bang out push-ups.

    From the tone of that sycophantic article, push-ups aren’t all that that reporter wants the General to bang out.

  6. 6.

    El Cid

    It sounds like you treasonous bastards are coming close to questioning the glorious, eternal wisdom which is General High Admiral David Augustus Tiberius Lucius Vespasian Julius Flavius Petraeus Maximus the Elder. This is not permitted.

  7. 7.

    Robert Johnston

    Michael: Oh, it’s definitely funny. And thanks for the reminder on Landoverbaptist which, while I’ve always liked it, I’m ashamed to say I didn’t actually have bookmarked until just now.

  8. 8.

    jon

    Vietraq? Where does the obsession with comparisons to Vietnam come from?

    Vietnam was a totally different Asian land war to repress an ideology while really fucking things up by ignoring nationalism. Vietnam wasn’t winnable because we ignored the deeper issues related to their desire to be in charge of their own interests. Vietnam wasn’t a quagmire like Iraq! In Iraq, unlike Vietnam, we can’t just pack up and leave whenever we feel like it. Those ARVNs were total professionals ready to take over their nation upon our departure. In Iraq, there’s absolutely no forces to compare with the on-time, well-equiped, free-of-all-corruption, superior fighting men of the Army of the Republic of Viet Nam we left in charge of that still free nation. And of course, there isn’t a Hanoi Hilton equivalent: not a No-Tel Hotel in sight near Bagdad, that’s for sure.

    Vietraq? Give me a break. Next thing you know, someone will start to compare George W. Bush to Nixon.

  9. 9.

    Robert Johnston

    Next thing you know, someone will start to compare George W. Bush to Nixon.

    Unlikely. There aren’t many Nixon Derangement Syndrome sufferers left out there, and no one else would make that comparison.

  13. 13.

    maxbaer (not the original)

    The surge has done everything I hoped it would do, which was buy political time so I can pass the buck to whatever poor son of a bitch – or straight up bitch – occupies the Oval Office come 2008.

    Therefore, the Dems should nominate someone like Kerry again who will be guaranteed to run the worst campaign in history and throw the election to the Reptilians.

  15. 15.

    Robert Johnston

    Didn’t that used to be a porn site? Or was that the dot-com ending I’m thinking about?

    That would be the dot-gov site that you’re thinking of. I can’t imagine anything more fine tuned to appeal only to the prurient interest than White House press releases over the last seven years.

  16. 16.

    canuckistani

    Next thing you know, someone will start to compare George W. Bush to Nixon.

    Not unless Bush recreates the EPA and scores a major diplomatic coup with a longtime enemy of the US.

  17. 17.

    Delia

    It’s been way too long since I checked out Whitehouse.org. And no, it was never the porn site. I think that was .com.

    Somebody involved in one of the numerous scandals once accidentally sent some emails to this site instead of whitehouse.gov, and the site owner sent them on to Greg Palast. Unfortunately, I forget which scandal it was. I think they were meant for Rove.

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