Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

You would normally have to try pretty hard to self-incriminate this badly.

Republicans are radicals, not conservatives.

The way to stop violence is to stop manufacturing the hatred that fuels it.

There are a lot more evil idiots than evil geniuses.

I’d like to think you all would remain faithful to me if i ever tried to have some of you killed.

When you’re in more danger from the IDF than from Russian shelling, that’s really bad.

The republican caucus is covering themselves with something, and it is not glory.

Republicans do not pay their debts.

Today in our ongoing national embarrassment…

“I was told there would be no fact checking.”

Sometimes the world just tells you your cat is here.

fuckem (in honor of the late great efgoldman)

Bad people in a position to do bad things will do bad things because they are bad people. End of story.

Anyone who bans teaching American history has no right to shape America’s future.

Never entrust democracy to any process that requires Republicans to act in good faith.

Is it negotiation when the other party actually wants to shoot the hostage?

Fight for a just cause, love your fellow man, live a good life.

We still have time to mess this up!

Those who are easily outraged are easily manipulated.

If you are still in the gop, you are either an extremist yourself, or in bed with those who are.

The line between political reporting and fan fiction continues to blur.

Republicans seem to think life begins at the candlelight dinner the night before.

They fucked up the fucking up of the fuckup!

Impressively dumb. Congratulations.

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Reader Interactions

32Comments

  1. 1.

    ThymeZone

    Wow, these are spit-coffee funny. I really love Number 10, the Diebold one.

    Is that what is meant by a “public key” security model?

    OMFG.

  3. 3.

    Zifnab

    Who would have thought that paying bottom dollar prices to a third world manufacturer making razor thin margin profits in a foreign country would give us faulty and dangerous products?

  6. 6.

    Jen

    This one is just disturbing.

    Masterfoods, the maker of Mars, Snickers, and other candies, abandons plans to begin using animal products in its chocolates.

  7. 7.

    Jake

    Thank God. We’ve been so worried since Lucky dyed his hair jet black and started listening to the Smiths.
    Eli Lilly wins FDA approval to put Prozac into chewable, beef-flavored pills to treat separation anxiety in dogs.

    20 points for slipping a mention of The Smiths but of the ones I clicked through most could have been titled “Generic idiocy from random dumbasses.”

    Number 14 looks intreeeeging.

  8. 8.

    Zifnab

    Sorry, that was in reference to China being the Dumbest Business Moment.

    Although, to be fair, a ton of people made a shit ton of money off of cheapass Chinese imports. And for every leaded-down toy that got caught, you know there was at least one that slipped through. The fact that people got away with it for so damn long makes me think it might have been the most sleazily brilliant.

  9. 9.

    Incertus (Brian)

    Yeah, number 4 was the dumbest of the top 4 in my opinion. And I’m not exactly clear on who was supposed to be so dumb in the China example–China, for making the stuff, us for buying it, or for the companies who offshored all their manufacturing and then couldn’t hit back at the country that gave them all that rope to hang themselves with?

    By the way, the Lilly one wasn’t dumb at all. Do you people know the kind of money people spend on their pets these days?

  10. 10.

    Jen

    And this is just impressive, and it highlights why I would not be a good thief. If I worked in a screw factory (and if any one of you assholes has anything to say about that, you will regret it), it would never occur to me to think, ooh, I’ve got the ticket now, I am gonna get pa-id…

    A worker in a German screw factory smuggles out 2,000 to 7,000 screws per night, ultimately stealing more than a million units. He sells the screws below cost on the Internet, artificially depressing the entire screw market.

  11. 11.

    Keith

    I made it through about 10 of them before I got tired of clicking/waiting for the next page. I didn’t miss some link on the page that says “Click here to view this stuff as a name/description list”, did I?

  12. 12.

    Jen

    Seriously?

    Nine-year-old Shea O’Gorman sends a letter to Apple CEO Steve Jobs suggesting ideas for improving her beloved iPod Nano, including adding onscreen lyrics so people can sing along. She gets back a letter from Apple’s legal counsel stating that the company doesn’t accept unsolicited ideas and telling her not to send in any more suggestions.

  13. 13.

    Dreggas

    A worker in a German screw factory smuggles out 2,000 to 7,000 screws per night, ultimately stealing more than a million units. He sells the screws below cost on the Internet, artificially depressing the entire screw market.

    In the end everyone was screwed!

  16. 16.

    grumpy realist

    Actually, Jen, that’s pretty standard with all companies. The main reason is as a blanket policy to protect themselves against theft of IP lawsuits. If they took suggestions for products from the outside, the next day they’d have some yahoo whining about how company X stole his great idea and they owe him N million dollars.

    (So if you have a great idea dealing with an IPod, get it patented, then approach Apple to sell them the rights.)

  17. 17.

    Tom Hilton

    OT: U.S. Senate Report: Over 400 Prominent Scientists Disputed Man-Made Global Warming Claims in 2007. Take that, lefttards!

    Posted by Marc Morano, former aide to Senator James Inhofe. Yeah, that’s convincing…

  18. 18.

    The Grandest Panjandrum

    28. Keith Richards
    I mean, since there wasn’t any bloody ice on my bloody sidewalk …
    In an interview with a British rock magazine, Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards admits to snorting his father’s ashes: “He was cremated, and I couldn’t resist grinding him up with a little bit of blow.” A day later Richards denies the incident, explaining, “I was trying to say how tight Bert and I were – that tight!”

    Time to pin a note to his sweater and leave him the dog track, eh?

  19. 19.

    Kirk Spencer

    OT: U.S. Senate Report: Over 400 Prominent Scientists Disputed Man-Made Global Warming Claims in 2007. Take that, lefttards!

    Actually, it’s 400 people, most of whom are scientists. And “Most” of them spoke in 2007 — about 80%. Oh, and their disputes range from (paraphrasing) “Global warming is a myth” to “While global warming is occurring and man is a contributor, I’m still skeptical as to how MUCH of a contributor man is.” Oh, actually, I may have miscounted – as many as 100 of the signatures are double-counted. Seems they count the ~100 signers of an earlier letter to “warn against ‘futile’ climate control efforts’ as not the same when they’re individually cited in the main body.

    Last but not least there’s the count of signatures of people, most of whom are scientists, who say man’s contributions to global warming are significant to some degree. Even within the document itself – though it masterfully attempts to hide it – they outnumber the 400 (or is it 300) the report cites.

    Frankly, it’s the same sort of masterful propaganda the tobacco companies put out about how cigarette smoke was NOT harmful. Selective quotes and misleading facts – rarely an easily detected untruth, and in fact rarely an untruth in anything other than the conclusion that ignored all evidence to the contrary. Mankind’s contribution to global warming MIGHT be insignificant, but when facts are shaved and parsed like this it makes me suspect the other side — which has been a LOT more open — is more likely to be right. How does that saying go? Oh, yeah.

    If you have law on your side, pound the law. If you have the facts, pound the facts. If you have neither, pound the table.

  20. 20.

    Keith

    Capt. Jean-Luc Pikachu: Wow, I swear I wasn’t high when I read that, yet I cannot explain how I missed the link being right there staring at me in the face. Thanks for clueing me in!

  21. 21.

    Jen

    She’s 9! Shouldn’t there be a common sense exception? I’m going to try to introduce that to the legal community.

    Today we got an email at work, saying there were cookies provided by a company we do business with.
    An hour later we got an email saying “PUT AWAY THE COOKIES!” for fear of a conflict of interest, we might be violating our own ethical policy.
    Mr. Jen says the less significant the conflict of interest, the more seriously we take it.
    Hence, Halliburton, please accept this $89eleventyone kagoogle dollars with the thanks of a grateful nation.

  22. 22.

    Ted

    OT: U.S. Senate Report: Over 400 Prominent Scientists Disputed Man-Made Global Warming Claims in 2007. Take that, lefttards!

    Following on Spencer’s comment: Psycheout would also like you to know:

    R.J. Reynolds report: Over 400 scientists debunk claims that tobacco causes cancer.

    What an idiot.

  23. 23.

    The Other Steve

    Oh I love the japanese smart toilet. It really will set your ass on fire!

    Even more disturbing… I remember looking at those in a catalog last year and thinking “Wow, that’s a cool toilet.” :-)

    THey also sell a toilet seat that’ll convert your existing toilet into something similar.

  24. 24.

    w.Thomas Smith Jr

    See, I’da put HR2419, Farm Bill Extension Act of 2007, at the top of the list, but then i enjoy my heated toilet seat and Naked Sunday…
    Now if you don’t mind I’m off to write holiday fan fix about killing liberals-
    peppermintsplace.townhall.com/666e9020-007f-485d-9cb8-5386bfa0a121

    “Because the thing that Jane Fonda was tied at was a thing for birds and a augury of bird poop, she woked up with poo in her eye. The fact is, she had bird poo covering all her not anymore lucious body. One or more birds that had perched on her head had left poo. Jane looked around with one eye falling out of her misunderstanding of everything that is right and christian, trying to reminiscences about what its all about and where this pain come from. And then me and a bunch of hillbillies named Paulie, xpressit, and J-Dawg, GunnyG, Crawfish, Ch47jockey, teadrinker, Purplegimp, Nee, and Raging Bunny cut her up into tiny bits and and made us some melted cheese sandwiches with her corpse and danced about on the graves of the Founding Fathers and called usselves Patriots.

    –to be continued—“

  25. 25.

    w.Thomas Smith Jr

    “Pappy was standing in front of her. “You broked my link”, saided Pappy.
    Fonda looked up at the heman, with his bulging member held purple and erect in his manly hand, “I need you to launder my legwarmers. You just can’t leave me unlaundered. It’s against my rights as a citizen of these United States.” Pappy laughed so hard he pooped hisself and Fonda was sure she smelt something bad.

    tinyurl.com/3ble7l

    “Now don’t be breaking my link again,” saided Pappy, “Or I”ll be havin’ Raging Bunny and GunnyG come over there and and put a whompin on youuns”.

  26. 26.

    Jamey

    If Balloon Juice were a business, I’d say that adding Michael D. to the roster of contributors would be the 102d dumbest moment in business.

  27. 27.

    Jarrod

    The fact that number 59 on that list is Radiohead and their released-for-download album completely negates this list. It’s horse shit. If they’re willing to call a successful but unorthodox album release one of the worst ideas of the year they can suck it. Sure not everyone paid, but from Radiohead’s numbers they made a good profit, and all without ad money from the labels.

  28. 28.

    Janus Daniels

    Radiohead #59 may violate any business model that the Fortune crew can understand. Since they didn’t include analysis, or even profits, maybe they don’t want to understand.

  29. 29.

    Aaron

    This list is clearly the 2007 list…
    If this list were by monetary amounts, #1-101 would all be the subprime mortgage fallout related.

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