Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

I wonder if trump will be tried as an adult.

Our job is not to persuade republicans but to defeat them.

DeSantis transforms Florida into 1930s Germany with gators and theme parks.

Imperialist aggressors must be defeated, or the whole world loses.

Pessimism assures that nothing of any importance will change.

Come on, man.

Come on, media. you have one job. start doing it.

Take hopelessness and turn it into resilience.

So it was an October Surprise A Day, like an Advent calendar but for crime.

The party of Reagan has become the party of Putin.

Bad news for Ron DeSantis is great news for America.

Republicans choose power over democracy, every day.

JFC, are there no editors left at that goddamn rag?

And now I have baud making fun of me. this day can’t get worse.

It’s always darkest before the other shoe drops.

“I never thought they’d lock HIM up,” sobbed a distraught member of the Lock Her Up Party.

T R E 4 5 O N

Republicans can’t even be trusted with their own money.

Reality always lies in wait for … Democrats.

A thin legal pretext to veneer over their personal religious and political desires

Joe Lieberman disappointingly reemerged to remind us that he’s still alive.

A snarling mass of vitriolic jackals

After roe, women are no longer free.

Is it irresponsible to speculate? It is irresponsible not to.

You are here: Home / Politics / Hugh Hewitt Suicide Watch

Hugh Hewitt Suicide Watch

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“Yes, my lord. If we count the votes from Eriador and Gondor, and add them together, it does look better.”

I was a little hesitant to read Hugh this morning, because I need to face facts, after a Romney loss in NH last night I might actually overdose from schadenfreude. However, I recognize my duty to you all, so I checked to see what the GOP establishment’s Grima Wormtongue was up to:

I will update the box above when the final results from New Hampshire are posted.

The first thing to note is that even with Iowa’s and New Hampshire’s Independents added in, Romney has won more votes in Iowa and New Hampshire combined than McCain, and almost certainly significantly more Republican votes.

Someone call Al Gore and let him know he is President.

Reader Interactions

89Comments

  1. 1.

    Zifnab

    Hey now, John. Enough silver medals in this type of race and you can broker for gold. Don’t give up hope yet. We may still see Romney buying his way onto the ballot if he twists enough arms and greases enough palms.

    If I can still cheer for John Edwards, Hugh is well within his rights to pom-pom for Romney. At least until Florida.

  4. 4.

    grumpy realist

    Actually I was just thinking of the cranial explosions that would occur in the Republican party if Romney consistently managed to pull close silvers in all the primaries, although the gold would keep rotating among the others (McCain, Huckabee, Giuliani…uh, who else has a smidgen of hope of winning?)

    So yes indeed, it could be possible for Romney to get to the final line with more delegate votes than anyone else, although he had consistently never really hit it out of the park. The perfect “none of the above” vote.

    This would be so amusing….

  5. 5.

    LiberalTarian

    I think I’m going to beg off the political smack for a while. I want to worry about policy, not gonads, skin and hair.

    Speaking of hair, did anybody notice the back of Tweety’s head in the coverage last night? Man, that guy REALLY needs a hair cut. That mouse-plastered long mullet thing he has going looks like a skull cap made of real human skin. Ugh. I thought he was off-putting from the front–he’s Hannibal Lecter from the back. [shudder]

  6. 6.

    merciless

    I was too busy watching him with his arms folded tightly about his chest, trying to maintain some kind of cool on national teevee, when you know what he really wanted to do was to walk over and smack Rachael Maddow across the face.

    I’m with John. I’m overdosing. Eat it, Chris!

  9. 9.

    cleek

    “He-he-he can’t hear you. He’s a d-d-deaf and d-d-dumb Indian.”

    that was probably too subtle of a reference. Brad Dourif who was Grima in LOTR, was also Billy Bibbit in Cookoo’s Nest.

  10. 10.

    srv

    John, it’s 2008 – I think you need to add a general “Suicide Watch” category, because none of the Republicans can agree what that word means anymore.

  11. 11.

    Billy K

    that was probably too subtle of a reference. Brad Dourif who was Grima in LOTR, was also Billy Bibbit in Cookoo’s Nest.

    And still…crickets…

  12. 12.

    cleek

    And still…crickets…

    just FYI, Grima is not a WOW character, he was in Lord Of The Rings. that’s his picture, at the top of the post.

  15. 15.

    Mike

    Brad Dourif who was Grima in LOTR, was also Billy Bibbit in Cookoo’s Nest.

    And the Doc in Deadwood. Cocksucker!

  17. 17.

    pharniel

    *John Cole* Says:

    Does anybody else think John needs a WOW intervention?

    Someone needs a refresher in dork. What does Grima have to do with WoW?

    Grima wishes he was as well known as Illidan, Slyvanis or any other WoW character?

    but yha, Grima is like, proto-geek (back when they were called ‘boffins’) until his ressruection at the hands of new line.

  18. 18.

    myiq2xu

    Soon Hugh and Pantload and the rest of the Keyboard Kommandos will be holed up in a bunker in Berlin Wingnuttia, ordering around armies that don’t exist as their world collapses in on them.

    Do you think one of them will marry MM before they commit suicide?

    Reality is a bitch.

  19. 19.

    Billy K

    Since WoW encompasses all that is dorky…

    EVERYTHING!

    Thank you, TOS.

    Yes, I know Grima Wormtongue is from LOTR. WOW is just shorthand for obsessive geekdom; Otaku if you like. John, you seem to talk more and more about WOW and such, and now you’ve even posted a pic from LOTR on your front page.

    The WOW intervention comment wasn’t because you posted a picture form WOW (I know it’s not), but because WOW seems to have propelled you into a dangerous level of geekdom.

    And I was just joking about it. Really. Some of my best friends are geeks. Wait – all my friends are geeks. OK, I don’t have any friends; but if I did – they’d be geeks.

  20. 20.

    Billy K

    Do you think one of them will marry MM before they commit suicide?

    No, but I think they’ll declare a same-sex version of Mut’ah al-Nisa, valid only in the bunker, to be legal.

  21. 21.

    gypsy howell

    Be fun if all the republicans took a turn at winning in the various primaries. Which state do you think Fred will take the gold in?

    (Yeah, yeah, I know — the jokes write themselves: REM sleep state.)

  23. 23.

    Zifnab

    Brad Dourif who was Grima in LOTR, was also Billy Bibbit in Cookoo’s Nest.

    And he was Byron Stamphill in “Murder In The First” where he starred against Henri Young played by Kevin Bacon.

    I win!

  24. 24.

    Jen

    And the girls are conspicuously absent on the thread, again…

    Anything besides the geekdom and the great epithet debate…?

  26. 26.

    annagranfors

    oh…I thought you meant, like, I could sign up here to watch him commit suicide.

    shit. whatevs.

    (ba DUM dum dum! ha ha! just kidding! I love all my GOP Albino Manboob brethren and do not wish them ill! ha ha!)

  27. 27.

    Jake

    Do you think one of them will marry MM before they commit suicide?

    Michelle Malkin? Michael Medved?

    Either way: [shudder]

  28. 28.

    Z

    Hugh won’t commit suicide. There is still a good shot that his man-crush will win the nomination in the end. Even if it goes to Huck or McCain, he will just do what all of them do, pretend he REALLY supported the winner all along.

  30. 30.

    LiberalTarian

    Ward Oda Wings?

    I surrender my geek card. I obviously have had too much of a life outside of Geektopia. :(

  31. 31.

    tBone

    Grima wishes he was as well known as Illidan, Slyvanis or any other WoW character?

    I don’t know about John, but someone here needs a WoW break.

  32. 32.

    trollhattan

    I thought Baby Hughey was busy positioning himself a day or two ago for a McCain nomination leading to an eventual Dem victory, so that he could deploy his powerful “I told you so!” juju.

    Or something like that. Anyway, thank you John for venturing there so that the weaker, like myself, din’t gotta.

  33. 33.

    TheFountainHead

    I think I’ve ODed on politics and blogs in the last five days…think I’m gonna go play some WoW…the worst I’ll have to hear about there is Chuck Norris…

  34. 34.

    maxbaer (not the original)

    I kind of hope Willard does win one. A brokered convention might be fun. Kind of like West Side Story or the bloods and crips. Only with less rhythm and more carnage.

  35. 35.

    Punchy

    Grima wishes he was as well known as Illidan, Slyvanis or any other WoW character?

    but yha, Grima is like, proto-geek (back when they were called ‘boffins’) until his ressruection at the hands of new line.

    /scratches chin, walks away slowly shaking head…

  37. 37.

    Timb

    He really said this: “Florida is a red state”. It is? Because it went for Bush by five points in ’04 or because Gore won more votes there than Bush did in ’00? Hillary can win that state. Hell, even Obama can win that state. As the GOP continues to race bait with its “Immigration” issues, Florida Hispanics trend ever more Democratic:

    http://static.crooksandliars.com/2007/07/mtp-todd-florida.jpg

    58 to 20? Jeez.

    Red state? Probably not.

    Getting all worked over Romney?!?

    Personally, I don’t care very much which Dem emerges (I would prefer Obama or Edwards to Clinton), but how can a person care so much about Romney (unless he or she is cashing checks)? Romney inspires passion and devotion? Mitt Romney?!

    Yeah, I don’t see that.

  38. 38.

    Cyrus

    tBone Says:

    Grima wishes he was as well known as Illidan, Slyvanis or any other WoW character?

    I don’t know about John, but someone here needs a WoW break.

    Quite possibly, but if so, it’s not the person you’re quoting. I think he meant to write “Sylvanas.”

  39. 39.

    Ned Raggett

    A vision, John’s Grima reference. In fact, it makes me think of this:

    “Even if the delegates are won, it will take a number beyond reckoning, thousands to win the general election.”

    “Tens of thousands.”

    “But my lord, there is no such force.”

    *steps out onto balcony to see nothing and hear nothing but distant crickets*

    “Hmm. You are correct.”

  40. 40.

    LiberalTarian

    OK, so this isn’t computer geeky, but if you’ve heard Redbird‘s cover of “Buckets of Rain” you can’t help but feel good …

    Buckets of rain
    Buckets of tears
    Got all them buckets comin’ out of my ears.
    Buckets of moonbeams in my hand,
    You got all the love, honey baby,
    I can stand.

    I been meek
    And hard like an oak
    I seen pretty people disappear like smoke.
    Friends will arrive, and disappear,
    If you want me, honey baby,
    I’ll be near.

    Like your smile
    And your fingertips
    Like the way that you move your hips.
    I like the cool way you look at me,
    Everything about you is bringing me
    Misery.

    Little red wagon
    Little red bike
    I ain’t no monkey but I know what I like.
    I like the way you love me strong and slow,
    I’m takin’ you with me, honey baby,
    When I go.

    Life is sad
    Life is a bust
    All ya can do is do what you must.
    You do what you must do and ya do it well,
    I’ll do it for you, honey baby,
    Can’t you tell?

    Copyright © 1974 Ram’s Horn Music

    OK, enough distraction for one day.

  41. 41.

    grumpy realist

    Well, it looks like Romney is going dark in Florida and ? Michigan ? (am too lazy to go back to TPM), so my sweet scenario of Mitt getting silvers in all states and thus clobbering the Rotating Others is unlikely.

    Still might occur, though, even if Mitt slacks off. Would be funny as hell.

    (A girl can dream, can’t she?)

  42. 42.

    Zifnab

    Well, it looks like Romney is going dark in Florida and ? Michigan ? (am too lazy to go back to TPM), so my sweet scenario of Mitt getting silvers in all states and thus clobbering the Rotating Others is unlikely.

    Still might occur, though, even if Mitt slacks off. Would be funny as hell.

    Dark in Florida and SC. He’s banking it all on Michigan. That, or pooling his resources to give one big punch at a time. I don’t really blame him for tuning out SC, as that’s solid Huckabee turf. Losing Florida would hurt him too much, so I’m betting he’ll be back there.

  44. 44.

    Krista

    Grima wishes he was as well known as Illidan, Slyvanis or any other WoW character?

    but yha, Grima is like, proto-geek (back when they were called ‘boffins’) until his ressruection at the hands of new line.

    I recognize some English words in there somewhere….

  45. 45.

    Bombadil

    Well, it looks like Romney is going dark in Florida and ? Michigan ?

    Florida and South Carolina. He’s putting his eggs in the Michigan basket, hoping there are enough people still alive, and alert enough to vote, who remember his daddy was governor there.

  48. 48.

    John S.

    He really said this: “Florida is a red state”. It is?

    Florida is a confused state.

    Most of the metropolitan areas like Miami, Ft. Lauderdale, West Palm Beach, Orlando are all pretty heavily Democratic. The rest of the state, including a few large pockets like Jacksonville and some parts of the west coast, is pretty heavily Republican.

    It all comes down to who turns out to vote. In 2000, well we all know what happened down here. In 2004, most Democrats were pretty lukewarm towards Kerry and turnout wasn’t that great.

    In 2008, Florida is going Democratic. I don’t care who the nominee is. Mark my words, this state will be blue this year.

  50. 50.

    conumbdrum

    Well, it looks like Romney is going dark in Florida and ? Michigan ?

    Florida and South Carolina. He’s putting his eggs in the Michigan basket, hoping there are enough people still alive, and alert enough to vote, who remember his daddy was governor there.

    Ah, yes, George Romney. The kind of reasonable Republican they just don’t make anymore… mainly because today’s base would drive them from the party with pitchforks and lengths of lead pipe.

    The Mittster’s an apple that fell a long, long way from the tree.

  51. 51.

    conumbdrum

    Does Hugh Hewett have to stand before the mirror plucking Mitt Romney’s pubic hairs from between his teeth before he turns in at night? Inquiring minds want to know.

  52. 52.

    D-Chance.

    OK, so now CNN says, “Whoops, maybe Bill Richardson AIN’T getting out of the race”.

    Know hope.

  53. 53.

    tBone

    Quite possibly, but if so, it’s not the person you’re quoting. I think he meant to write “Sylvanas.”

    I’ll have to take your word for it. You win (?) Biggest WoW Geek of the Thread (thus far).

    This thread is pretty good evidence that Stargate is NOT science fiction. Damn! What portal did I just step through?

    This is the Aperture Science Testing Facility. Please note, we have added a consequence for failure. Any contact with the chamber floor will result in an unsatisfactory mark on your official testing record, followed by death. Good luck.

  54. 54.

    D-Chance.

    Grrrrr. Now, minutes after Dobbs retracts, the Blitz comes back on and says Richardson IS dropping out with an announcement tomorrow morning (per AP).

    Christ, CNN is a fucking joke.

  55. 55.

    Anne Laurie

    I was too busy watching [Matthews] with his arms folded tightly about his chest, trying to maintain some kind of cool on national teevee, when you know what he really wanted to do was to walk over and smack Rachael Maddow across the face.

    Naah, Tweety was just trying to keep from clutching his own groin on-camera. All grils are vaguely skeery to Matthews, but the thought of Dread Pirate Hillary replacing his man-crush Dubya is going to leave him curled in a fetal position in front of the world and Tom Brokaw before November. (Remember, Matthews was the greatest on-air cheerleader of Commander Codpiece’s flight suit, and has since spoken with slavering admiration of Fred Thompson’s “musky scent of Aqua-Velva.”)

    As for why Mr. Hewitt’s man-boobs deflate in sympathy with Willard Romney’s sorrows, last summer HH published a book about which Publishers’ Weekly says:

    “According to Hewitt, Mitt Romney-billionaire venture capitalist, consummate family man, gifted and media-savvy politician-would be unstoppable in the coming presidential race were it not for one niggling line on his resumé: he’s a Mormon. In this unashamedly partisan volume, Hewitt attempts to refute the claim… while analyzing & burnishing his conservative and leadership credentials. Hewitt is an agreeable, if inelegant, writer… This is an efficient and effective exercise in political hagiography.”

    It is to be hoped that a savvy businessman like Hugh got his payment from Willard in advance, and yet I’m sure he would prefer per-item royalties not go to the shredder so far in advance of November 2008.

  56. 56.

    The Other Steve

    OK, so now CNN says, “Whoops, maybe Bill Richardson AIN’T getting out of the race”.

    Did anybody even notice?

    At least if Ron Paul dropped out, there would be the silent scream of a million Paultards committing honorable seppuku.

  57. 57.

    Robert Johnston

    Someone call Al Gore and let him know he is President.

    I’d settle for someone calling Chuck E. Cheese and letting him know that he’s President. It would still be a step up on a step up from the current situation.

  59. 59.

    Anne Laurie

    Ah, yes, George Romney. The kind of reasonable Republican they just don’t make anymore… mainly because today’s base would drive them from the party with pitchforks and lengths of lead pipe.

    If my quite conservative Michigan in-laws are any indication, “Vote Mitt — you loved George!” is going to have the same resonance as “Buy our new Taurus — you loved the ’64 Mustang!”

  62. 62.

    dr. luba

    He’s putting his eggs in the Michigan basket, hoping there are enough people still alive, and alert enough to vote, who remember his daddy was governor there.

    Don’t forget that McCain won Michigan in 2000, beating Bush by over 100,000 votes. He’s relatively popular here. I just got a recorded phone call from him, and he’s going all out campaigning. Then again, I voted for him last time, crossing party lines because I really, really hated and feared Bush. (And I was right to do so. It’s not easy being Cassandra.)

    I may do so again, just to fuck with the Republicans, as the dems aren’t letting our caucuses count for much, and no one is running. We’ll see.

    BTW, don’t forget that Jesse Jackson won Michigan in 1988 with 55% of the vote. That was fun!

    OT/ I would like to thank all you Balloon Juicers for making me feel so not a geek in comparison…………..

  63. 63.

    The Other Steve

    If my quite conservative Michigan in-laws are any indication, “Vote Mitt—you loved George!” is going to have the same resonance as “Buy our new Taurus—you loved the ‘64 Mustang!”

    I have no clue who was Governor of my state 20 years ago, much less 40. :-)

    I heard this Romney guy had something to do with AMC. I thought AMC was Ted Turner’s baby though. [That’s a joke you dorks!]

  64. 64.

    myiq2xu

    Robert Johnston Says:

    Someone call Al Gore and let him know he is President.

    I’d settle for someone calling Chuck E. Cheese and letting him know that he’s President. It would still be a step up on a step up from the current situation.

    I’m wondering who is gonna tell Bubble Boy he ain’t the Deciderer no more next January 20st.

  65. 65.

    The Other Steve

    OT/ I would like to thank all you Balloon Juicers for making me feel so not a geek in comparison…………..

    That’s what I love about World of Warcraft.

    You know my friends used to call me a major league geekazoid for spending 4 hours a day playing netrek, and later Doom, RTCW, Call of Duty, and BF2. Hell, I once passed up a date back in college because I had a league game scheduled in netrek.

    WoW has made me look like a totally normal well adjusted person by comparison! :-)

    But then I never did play muds. Muds were like WoW only even more pointless.

  66. 66.

    myiq2xu

    I have no clue who was Governor of my state 20 years ago, much less 40.

    20 years ago – George Deukmejian

    40 years ago – Ronnie Raygun

  67. 67.

    myiq2xu

    That’s what I love about World of Warcraft.

    You know my friends used to call me a major league geekazoid for spending 4 hours a day playing netrek, and later Doom, RTCW, Call of Duty, and BF2. Hell, I once passed up a date back in college because I had a league game scheduled in netrek.

    We didn’t have video games when I was a kid. By the time they came along, I had already discovered something waaaay better. You geekazoids have probably never seen it, but you may have heard of it.

    It’s called “pussy”

  68. 68.

    The Other Steve

    We didn’t have video games when I was a kid. By the time they came along, I had already discovered something waaaay better. You geekazoids have probably never seen it, but you may have heard of it.

    Good thing for you, back then the women didn’t have standards.

  69. 69.

    myiq2xu

    Good thing for you, back then the women didn’t have standards.

    They still don’t God bless ’em!

  71. 71.

    skippy

    reading this thread, where the posts alternate between mitt vs. mccain and lord of the rings vs. world of warcraft, i notice that the tone and content of both themes seem to strangely, but quite nicely, merge.

    both subjects are otherworldly, cantankerous, cartoonish and ultimately irrelevant to the real world.

    in other words, geeks = wonks!

  72. 72.

    myiq2xu

    oh…I thought you meant, like, I could sign up here to watch him commit suicide.

    Yeah, whatever happened to truth in advertising?

  73. 73.

    cleek

    I have no clue who was Governor of my state 20 years ago, much less 40

    whoever he was, there’s a damned good chance he was a Democrat. they don’t like no GOP governors here in NC.

  75. 75.

    Pb

    You know, that Wormtongue picture already looked a fair bit like Gore to me, enough so that I was wondering if it had been photoshopped like that. Then I tried doing exactly that, and it didn’t look much different, so go figure.

  77. 77.

    Tax Analyst

    myiq2xu Says:

    I have no clue who was Governor of my state 20 years ago, much less 40.

    20 years ago – George Deukmejian

    40 years ago – Ronnie Raygun

    Sad, but true.

  80. 80.

    Zuzu

    Don’t forget, these are the folks who insisted in 2000 that GWB actually won more square miles…of tumbleweed … or was it fence posts … ?

    It’s gonna be a lo-o-o-ng year.

  81. 81.

    heywood jablomy

    Couple more silver metals and Mitt can melt them down and make a nice big silver bullet to pierce Huckabee’s heart.

  82. 82.

    Blue Jean

    I’m wondering who is gonna tell Bubble Boy he ain’t the Deciderer no more next January 20st.

    Heck, nobody’s gonna tell him. They’re just going to say “Guess what, George? You’re going on another vacation! And it’s going to be a loooong vacation! And we won’t even bother you with charts and aides and boring briefings you don’t understand! We won’t even let the press come! Won’t that be nice? Now, wipe the drool off your chin, there’s a good boy.”

  83. 83.

    Spider97

    The first line of the thing is what really makes it: “facts first, then analysis.”

    Yes, that’s some analysis. Employing the same type of critical eye as does George Bush when surveying the situation in Iraq.

    So thanks for the analysis, Hugh. As we say in the South…. ‘Preciate it. ‘Preciate the hell out of it.

  84. 84.

    Bombadil

    I have no clue who was Governor of my state 20 years ago, much less 40

    20 years ago: Mike Dukakis
    40 years ago: John Volpe

    But I had to look it up.

  85. 85.

    jeffbatt2000

    What did Hugh say that was wrong? Mitt does lead in the delgate count right now and that’s all that matters.

    And to all you guys still saying you think the current President is dumb, where’s your MBA from an Ivy League School? They must be easy to obtain…

  86. 86.

    Bombadil

    And to all you guys still saying you think the current President is dumb, where’s your MBA from an Ivy League School? They must be easy to obtain…

    Hell, if Shrub can get one, you probably only need 25 cents and two Cap’n Crunch box tops.

  87. 87.

    Z

    I’m wondering who is gonna tell Bubble Boy he ain’t the Deciderer no more next January 20st.

    They don’t have to tell him, all they have to do is move his office down to the basement. As long as they let him keep his flight suit and/or stapler he’ll be fine.

  88. 88.

    grumpy realist

    jeffbatt2000, the point is that Mitt DOESN’T lead in the delegate count. Check the numbers reported in the AP/ABC story. Huckabee is presently leading.

    So what if ol’ Georgie got an MBA from Harvard? He seems to have done bloody feck with it afterwards. I can’t think of a single business venture he was involved in that he didn’t have to be rescued from the results of his incompetence by Daddy or one of Daddy’s buddies.

    More personally, one of my friends (top-rated chess player, engineer, businessman, and all-around great guy) had some dealings with Bush back in the 1990s and told me “Bush is the stupidest guy I have ever met.”

  89. 89.

    Grumpy Code Monkey

    20 years ago: Bill Clements (first R to be Governor of Texas since Reconstruction)
    40 years ago: John Connally

    Yeah, I had to look it up like a loser.

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