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You are here: Home / In Soviet Russia, Irony Picks Up You

In Soviet Russia, Irony Picks Up You

by Tim F|  January 28, 20088:43 am| 17 Comments

This post is in: General Stupidity

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After years of hectoring from the west about its less-than-perfect devotion to American-style democracy, Russian President Vladimir Putin will respond in his own special way.

MOSCOW — A new Russian-backed think tank is being set up to publicly critique the state of U.S. and European democracy as Moscow goes on the offensive to counter what it views as unjustified Western criticism of its own political system.

A prominent lawyer says President Vladimir Putin endorsed his plan to open monitoring offices in New York and Paris to study the U.S. and French political systems and recommend improvements.

So what kind of advice can we expect from our new Russian watchdogs? Let’s see how they do it in Vodka country.

MOSCOW — The Russian government on Sunday denied an opposition leader’s application to appear on the March 2 presidential ballot, clearing a path for the Kremlin’s favorite candidate to run all but unchallenged.

Even if the opposition leader, Mikhail M. Kasyanov, stayed on the ballot he would face an uphill fight. The Russian state controls virtually all broadcast and print media and oversees the remainder by making an example of reporters who step out of line. Thus:

Mr. Kasyanov, a former Kremlin insider who has become a critic of the centralization of power and official corruption under President Vladimir V. Putin, had not been expected to campaign on an even footing against Dmitri A. Medvedev, the Kremlin’s candidate. Mr. Putin, who is nearing the end of his second term, is not permitted to run again under Russian law.)

Mr. Medvedev, a first deputy prime minister, has been receiving fawning coverage each day on the broadcasts of national television stations, which are state-controlled. With the backing of the Kremlin, the government and Russia’s largest political party — all led by Mr. Putin — Mr. Medvedev’s campaign has nearly bottomless resources.

Imagine the snappy report covers. Everything I Need To Know In Life I Learned At The KGB. Leadership Secrets Of Leonid Brezhnev. Reduce Your Press Freedoms In Fifteen Days. Better Living Through Oligarchy.

Then again, in recent years American democracy has become a target-rich environment. If the rooskis have an idea how we can prevent another one one of those no-precedent Supreme Court Decisions that grants equal protection to exactly one guy (work that out in your head), I’m all ears.

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Reader Interactions

17Comments

  1. 1.

    4tehlulz

    January 28, 2008 at 8:47 am

    Obligatory Bush looked into his soul post.

  2. 2.

    Punchy

    January 28, 2008 at 9:07 am

    Completely OT:

    Why is Freddy T’s ugly-ass mug still contaminating my computer monitor in a polly ad? Who’s still paying for this?

    As for the post, GREAT title, Tim. A little Yakov in the morning is a good thing.

  3. 3.

    Jen

    January 28, 2008 at 9:31 am

    Well, if we’re getting called on the death penalty by the likes of Mexico and Turkey, it’s only a matter of time before Russia starts lecturing us on executive power…

    going back O/T again, I missed inco insisting, again, that I am a man, baby, last night because I was watching Netflix videos online like I said I was going to…the selection sucks, but the quality is great…doesn’t take long to load but is seamless and great-looking unlike what I think of for streaming. Anyone know what technology that is? If they get more titles up I could definitely see them losing the DVDs by mail thing altogether, and pretty quickly, too.

  4. 4.

    Bob In Pacifica

    January 28, 2008 at 9:31 am

    After the Cold War Putin (KGB) is running Russia and Bush (son of CIA) is running America.

    Giving away your freedom, or giving state powers to secret police, or both, tends to produce this.

  5. 5.

    Zifnab

    January 28, 2008 at 9:37 am

    If the rooskis have an idea how we can prevent another one one of those no-precedent Supreme Court Decisions that grants equal protection to exactly one guy (work that out in your head), I’m all ears.

    Doesn’t that sound suspiciously like the judicial equivalent of Terri Shavio?

  6. 6.

    Zifnab

    January 28, 2008 at 9:47 am

    See, and the sad thing is that in a sane world made of sensible people doing the right thing, this would be a step forward. Russia SHOULD be monitoring the democracies of the US and France for the exact same reasons that the US and France should be monitoring the “democracy” of Russia.

    More transparency, more access, a more open and available government – these are good things.

    But when you’ve got American FOX News and the Russian state-owned equivalent, this is just going to turn into an international smear campaign where rumors are reported as facts and lies are reported as “developing stories”. Now we get a giant wad of bullshit in the system to make sorting out facts from rumors and lies that much more difficult.

    More and more we’re seeing people take up positions of power and prominence for the specific purpose of fucking with the heads of the global populace while selling them a bill of false goods in order to ruthlessly exercise uncontested, criminally incompetent authority. It’s like they set out to redefine the word “evil” in a 21st century context.

  7. 7.

    Garrigus Carraig

    January 28, 2008 at 9:59 am

    American democracy has become a target-rich environment.

    True. But this gambit is basically a little-known Russian dance. They have an odd but fascinating sense of humor.

    Those countries whose advice might be of value are withholding, presumably because they are enjoying watching our slow, darkly entertaining decline.

  8. 8.

    Cain

    January 28, 2008 at 10:00 am

    going back O/T again, I missed inco insisting, again, that I am a man, baby, last night because I was watching Netflix videos online like I said I was going to…the selection sucks, but the quality is great…doesn’t take long to load but is seamless and great-looking unlike what I think of for streaming. Anyone know what technology that is? If they get more titles up I could definitely see them losing the DVDs by mail thing altogether, and pretty quickly, to

    It’s windows media + DRM. It’s also why we can’t watch the damn movies on Linux or Mac. I have to boot into windows to watch any of the movies. But as you say, the selection is poor. On the otherhand, I can amuse myself with several episodes of Knight Rider when I get bored.

    cain

  9. 9.

    Caidence (fmr. Chris)

    January 28, 2008 at 10:04 am

    I don’t think this is entirely on the government’s tab. Regarding shot journalists: in Russia, organized crime isn’t just a parasite on business, it IS business. You go trying to make sense of how things work, you end up dead.

    Of course, I think this is how the government likes it.

    Imagine if Exxon had weapons and Bush could just call up Lee Raymond, have the Better Business Bureau shot up.

    Note: if any a yous edits the above statement to tell me that Exxon indeed has guns… I’m going to be really sad

  10. 10.

    Caidence (fmr. Chris)

    January 28, 2008 at 10:11 am

    It’s windows media + DRM. It’s also why we can’t watch the damn movies on Linux or Mac. I have to boot into windows to watch any of the movies. But as you say, the selection is poor. On the otherhand, I can amuse myself with several episodes of Knight Rider when I get bored.

    Best version of this:

    (Backstory: I’m geeked up. If I want to steal a movie, I can effortlessly. However, I’m an honest dude. So… )

    I go buy a DVD copy of the Bourne Ultimatum. I get my (Completely legal, updated) Windows XP SP2 laptop. Slide in the DVD. I get the only DVD player I own and have loaded: Windows Media Player.

    Load the DVD.

    “This disc is an unauthorized copy. Copyright protection prevents playing.”

    Goddamnit I hate Microsoft.

    (Lucky for me, Media Player Classic (has nothing to do with MS) is a godsend)

  11. 11.

    Pb

    January 28, 2008 at 10:15 am

    My favorite was always China’s annual report–The Human Rights Record of the United States.

  12. 12.

    Jen

    January 28, 2008 at 10:16 am

    I watched Dexter. It has David from Six Feet Under on it. It was ok. Creepy and disturbing, but o.k.

  13. 13.

    mark

    January 28, 2008 at 10:20 am

    Mr. Medvedev, a first deputy prime minister, has been receiving fawning coverage each day on the broadcasts of national television stations, which are state-controlled. With the backing of the Kremlin, the government and Russia’s largest political party — all led by Mr. Putin — Mr. Medvedev’s campaign has nearly bottomless resources.

    Not unlike it was here in 2000 with the corporate press fawining over that retard Bush. It’s only gotten worse in the last 7 years.

  14. 14.

    Jake

    January 28, 2008 at 11:14 am

    But when you’ve got American FOX News and the Russian state-owned equivalent, this is just going to turn into an international smear campaign where rumors are reported as facts and lies are reported as “developing stories”.

    Awww, can’t we at least hope that Shrill O’Lielly will pop a blood vessel?

  15. 15.

    TenguPhule

    January 28, 2008 at 11:53 am

    Note: if any a yous edits the above statement to tell me that Exxon indeed has guns… I’m going to be really sad

    I hate to be the bearer of bad news….

  16. 16.

    Cyrus

    January 28, 2008 at 2:33 pm

    Those countries whose advice might be of value are withholding, presumably because they are enjoying watching our slow, darkly entertaining decline.

    I’m not sure how true this is. Their governments probably aren’t offering advice, because institutions tend to be slow and tend to prefer the status quo. Individuals and non-profits and so forth probably are offering advice which is simply going unheard, because the signal to noise ratio is so low.

  17. 17.

    Chuck Butcher

    January 28, 2008 at 5:17 pm

    Unheard advice? Keerist on crutch, we’ve got BushCo, the Supremes, the rest of Congress, and a big chunk of skeered wabbits for citizenry and you think we need advice? We’ve got all the information we need – I guess what we don’t have is enough pissed off people with firearms.

    Yes, I agree; killing people is a poor solution, but more fucking advice is plain stupid.

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