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You are here: Home / Politics / Domestic Politics / A Present for the Texas Legislature

A Present for the Texas Legislature

by John Cole|  February 13, 20088:11 pm| 51 Comments

This post is in: Domestic Politics, General Stupidity

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NSFW IMAGE REMOVED.

Up yours.

Consider this an open thread.

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Previous Post: « The Madness Continues
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51Comments

  1. 1.

    Denny

    February 13, 2008 at 8:27 pm

    Um, John, could you be a little more careful with images like that – that is really, really not work safe. Fortunately I’m in a more-or-less private office and my screen doesn’t face the door, otherwise that could have been really uncomfortable.

  2. 2.

    Tax Analyst

    February 13, 2008 at 8:27 pm

    Sorry, I’m at work and don’t have time to figure out how to do the link correctly. Think this might be amusing anyway.

    http://www.amiright.com/parody/misc/traditional1090.shtml

    I wonder if this affects the Mississippi law?

  3. 3.

    calipygian

    February 13, 2008 at 8:30 pm

    Jeez.
    I’m a federal worker and I wont be able to visit your blog tomorrow because of that.

    Now I’ll have to find other blogs to waste time at.

  4. 4.

    Snark Based Reality

    February 13, 2008 at 8:32 pm

    Keeping it classy I see.

  5. 5.

    ThymeZone

    February 13, 2008 at 8:36 pm

    I don’t get it. Why is a picture of George Bush and Dick Cheney a “present for the Texas legislature?”

  6. 6.

    orogeny

    February 13, 2008 at 8:37 pm

    Weirdest thing…over the last couple of weeks we’ve gotten 8-10 calls from “Al Franken for Senate,” from a 402 area code. Every time we answer, they hang up. We live in Alabama. Anyone have any idea why this is happening?

  7. 7.

    4tehlulz

    February 13, 2008 at 8:53 pm

    NSFW IMAGE REMOVED.

    Goddammit. I go do one errand and I miss the good stuff.

  8. 8.

    Tax Analyst

    February 13, 2008 at 9:00 pm

    Too bad you had to, uh, yank down that image, John. Personaly, I thought it really enhanced the site ambience.

  9. 9.

    Tax Analyst

    February 13, 2008 at 9:04 pm

    4tehlulz Says:

    NSFW IMAGE REMOVED.

    Goddammit. I go do one errand and I miss the good stuff.

    It was just a couple of big ole dildo’s. One white and one bright pink. Kinda like the ones you might see in those Porn distributor flyers you can order from, at least that’s what I heard, anyway.

    I don’t know why it’s block-quoting my own reply, but…

  10. 10.

    Warren Terra

    February 13, 2008 at 9:06 pm

    In the spirit of keeping things safe for work, I won’t repeat the particular words here, but Molly Ivins’s column on Warren Chisum’s sodomy amendment is fantastic, in particular the key phrase about the sergeant at arms.

    Follow the link, and search for “Chisum’s own amendments”.

  11. 11.

    Ted

    February 13, 2008 at 9:07 pm

    Um, John, could you be a little more careful with images like that – that is really, really not work safe.

    Reminds me of the time Sadly,No! posted the picture of the tailpipe sodomizer in the middle of a work day.

    So what was the picture John took down?

  12. 12.

    Zuzu

    February 13, 2008 at 9:21 pm

    I don’t know why it’s block-quoting my own reply, but…

    Betcha didn’t click the “/B-Quote” tab at the end.

  13. 13.

    Zuzu

    February 13, 2008 at 9:25 pm

    Warren Terra Says:

    In the spirit of keeping things safe for work, I won’t repeat the particular words here, but Molly Ivins’s column on Warren Chisum’s sodomy amendment is fantastic, in particular the key phrase about the sergeant at arms.

    Follow the link, and search for “Chisum’s own amendments”.

    How did she get away with that?!

  14. 14.

    Xenos

    February 13, 2008 at 9:29 pm

    The downside is that there are now two circuits with completely divergent doctrines on this matter, so there is a good chance of seeing this at the Supreme Court by the end of the year.

    Just what we need in an election year! I wonder where Nino the hairshirt (whipping himself for God, not pleasure [yeah, right]) is going to come down on this.

    Look for McCain to be raising big bucks from the anti-dildo groups.

  15. 15.

    Jen

    February 13, 2008 at 9:34 pm

    The Molly Ivins video (NSFW!) on that website is very funny.

    In these Hillary times, I miss her so much.

  16. 16.

    myiq2xu

    February 13, 2008 at 9:36 pm

    NSFW IMAGE REMOVED.

    You’re not supposed to be surfing during working hours anyway.

    Get to work ya lazy bums!

  17. 17.

    Ted

    February 13, 2008 at 9:48 pm

    How did she get away with that?!

    I don’t know, but in the few years I was aware of her work before she died, I got the sense that you probably didn’t want to mess with her.

  18. 18.

    myiq2xu

    February 13, 2008 at 9:53 pm

    The Molly Ivins video (NSFW!) on that website is very funny.

    In these Hillary times, I miss her so much.

    I blame her for converting me to liberalism. I was perfectly happy as a conservative Republican until I started reading her columns. Damn woman just made too much sense.

    RIP Molly

  19. 19.

    limbaugh's pilonidal cyst

    February 13, 2008 at 9:59 pm

    Jeez, ya yanked that pic before I could see it. Could it possibly have been this?

  20. 20.

    Jen

    February 13, 2008 at 9:59 pm

    Myiq, I’monna make your head explode.

    Nah, she’d be pleased that she converted you, if imperfectly.

  21. 21.

    myiq2xu

    February 13, 2008 at 10:00 pm

    Some of my favorite Molly quotes:

    The First Rule of Holes: when you’re in one, stop digging.

    It’s like, duh. Just when you thought there wasn’t a dime’s worth of difference between the two parties, the Republicans go and prove you’re wrong.

    Naturally, when it comes to voting, we in Texas are accustomed to discerning that fine hair’s-breadth worth of difference that makes one hopeless dipstick slightly less awful than the other. But it does raise the question: Why bother? Oh, it’s just that your life is at stake.

    I have been attacked by Rush Limbaugh on the air, an experience somewhat akin to being gummed by a newt. It doesn’t actually hurt, but it leaves you with slimy stuff on your ankle.

    Having breast cancer is massive amounts of no fun. First they mutilate you; then they poison you; then they burn you. I have been on blind dates better than that.

    Next time I tell you someone from Texas should not be president of the United States, please pay attention.

  22. 22.

    myiq2xu

    February 13, 2008 at 10:05 pm

    Myiq, I’monna make your head explode.

    Nah, she’d be pleased that she converted you, if imperfectly.

    I’m not sure if she originated it, but she talked about “holding your nose and voting” for various candidates. If she was still with us, I’m sure she would have plenty to say about all three finalists.

    I like her quote about Texas Baptists though, cuz I think it applies to Mike Huckabee:

    “The problem with our Baptists is that we don’t hold them under water long enough.”

  23. 23.

    The Other Steve

    February 13, 2008 at 10:09 pm

    Weirdest thing…over the last couple of weeks we’ve gotten 8-10 calls from “Al Franken for Senate,” from a 402 area code. Every time we answer, they hang up. We live in Alabama. Anyone have any idea why this is happening?

    No clue. 402 area code is Nebraska. I’ve been called by Franken for Senate, and it came from a 763 or 952 number, which is here in Minnesota.

    Could be a Republican operation testing their phone system, with the intention of robocalling pretending to be Al Franken for Senate in order to annoy the hell out of voters. The tried pulling things like that in 2006.

  24. 24.

    Jen

    February 13, 2008 at 10:17 pm

    with the intention of robocalling pretending to be Al Franken for Senate in order to annoy the hell out of voters.

    in Alabama? That’s possible, but weird and not very cost-effective. There should be a way to complain about harassing phone calls, though, no?

  25. 25.

    Jen

    February 13, 2008 at 10:18 pm

    Some of my favorite Molly quotes:

    Watch the video and you’ll have some new ones, too!

  26. 26.

    Jen

    February 13, 2008 at 10:33 pm

    Far too late for anyone to notice it, but I thought this was a pretty good article on McCain. Summary:

    Determining how McCain would act as president has thus become a highly sophisticated exercise in figuring out whom he’s misleading and why.

  27. 27.

    zzyzx

    February 13, 2008 at 10:39 pm

    So how long until Obama starts telling people that Clinton’s campaign doesn’t think that they count in his stump speeches. I’ve made a point to go out and vote over lesser offenses.

  28. 28.

    Jen

    February 13, 2008 at 10:44 pm

    So how long until Obama starts telling people that Clinton’s campaign doesn’t think that they count in his stump speeches.

    I’m not sure what this means. Do you mean is he going to call attention to the fact that her people keep saying things like that state Obama won doesn’t count because it’s a caucus/it’s black/it has a “V” in it? Because she’s doing a pretty good job shooting herself in the foot there, I don’t think I’d mention it.

  29. 29.

    zzyzx

    February 13, 2008 at 11:04 pm

    “Could we possibly have a nominee who hasn’t won any of the significant states — outside of Illinois?” Chief Strategist Mark Penn said. “That raises some serious questions about Sen. Obama.”

    Source

    Just as a person who once voted on a measure (that narrowly passed, so it was important that I did) at 8:55 on election day once because I was tired of opponents spamming unrelated newsgroups, it makes it a lot harder for me to vote for Clinton in November after that. I will if I have to, but it’s going to be holding my nose.

    …please someone tell me that after polls coming out showing Obama with leads over McCain in CO and NH and Clinton with deficits, that we’re not going to do the stupid thing. Maybe it’s the Mariners/Seahawks fan in me, but I don’t see any way that we don’t blow this election…

  30. 30.

    TenguPhule

    February 13, 2008 at 11:14 pm

    Determining how McCain would act as president has thus become a highly sophisticated exercise in figuring out whom he’s misleading and why.

    Everyone and to get what he wants.

    SATSQ VI.

  31. 31.

    Linda

    February 13, 2008 at 11:39 pm

    I wonder if this affects the Mississippi law?

    It leave the Supreme Court having to decide whether or not to leave 2 conflicting Federal decisions in place and ignoring the conflict, or agreeing to decide the issue themselves. Considering the composition of the Court, I would just as soon let the law be different in Mississippi and Texas. I don’t see Scalia or Kennedy or Robert or Alito thinking that dildoes are a private matter. In fact I don’t see any of them seeing privacy as being a right at all.

  32. 32.

    GSD

    February 14, 2008 at 12:19 am

    Too bad this didn’t get kicked up to the Supreme Court, because we’d have to see if Scalia would recuse himself from the case.

    What with him being the biggest dildo on the court.

    -GSD

  33. 33.

    wasabi gasp

    February 14, 2008 at 12:31 am

    Sucks for the cucumber farmers.

  34. 34.

    TheFountainHead

    February 14, 2008 at 1:46 am

    “Could we possibly have a nominee who hasn’t won any of the significant states—outside of Illinois?” Chief Strategist Mark Penn said. “That raises some serious questions about Sen. Obama.”

    I saw that, ad you know, the first thing I thought WASN’T, “Oh my god, I can’t believe he would say that about any state let alone MOST of them.” No, my first thought was, “If we elect her, he comes with her.” Can you imagine him saying something like, “Well our Coalition of the Willing as the countries that matter.” What an awful politician. What an awful person.

  35. 35.

    srv

    February 14, 2008 at 2:26 am

    Great. Now Texans can go f**k themselves.

    (I stole this from someone on reddit, but it was so good).

  36. 36.

    Tom in Texas

    February 14, 2008 at 3:35 am

    Yea umm… if anyone wanted a dildo prior to today in Houston, they could certainly find one, and the stores that sold them weren’t shy about carrying accesories. It’s kind of like how one can only sell tobacco pipes and accessories (right next to the cleansers and six foot “Legalize It” poster).

  37. 37.

    Dennis - SGMM

    February 14, 2008 at 8:35 am

    OT, In an article in today’s WaPo titled
    Predatory Lenders’ Partner in Crime, Elliot Spitzer details how the Bush administration in 2003 used the powers of an obscure federal agency to prevent banking regulators from acting against predatory mortgage lending. The same agency also blocked individual state’s attempts to pass laws against the practice.

    Not only did the Bush administration do nothing to protect consumers, it embarked on an aggressive and unprecedented campaign to prevent states from protecting their residents from the very problems to which the federal government was turning a blind eye.

  38. 38.

    NickM

    February 14, 2008 at 8:38 am

    It Texas, it’s legal to own a machine gun – unless you stick it up your ass.

  39. 39.

    Mike D.

    February 14, 2008 at 8:39 am

    Miss Molly’s “not at all a prep-school ho-bag” routine was old and busted a million years before Ann Richards stood up for decency for recovering alcoholics. Also, Miss Molly sucked the Crazy Straw of suborning testimony before a federal grand jury… granted that Bubba later pardoned 125,000 federal inmates convicted of perjury on account of “ain’t no Grand Jury got a right to ask embarrassing questions,” but try to explain the exceptionalism to a ten-year-old.

    Especially one who says “so Hillary is gung-ho on seating delegates from states who got their asses spanked, and she was the only one running, and that’s cool? I’m so totally being the banker the next time we play Monopoly. Girls rule. Anyone who doesn’t like it can kiss a butt.”

  40. 40.

    NonyNony

    February 14, 2008 at 8:45 am

    Tom in Texas –

    Yea umm… if anyone wanted a dildo prior to today in Houston, they could certainly find one, …

    Sure, and if the cops wanted to harrass you for some reason then buying one is an excuse to let them. Stupid laws like this remain on the books because it gives the authorities reasons to poke their noses into your business to see if you’re doing anything illegal. The more of these “nusaince laws that are ‘never’ enforced” that are on the books, the more likely it is that they can find something you’re doing that is technically illegal and use it. If they’re “good” cops they use it to go digging for other illegal stuff you’re doing. If they’re “bad” cops they use it to harrass people they don’t like. Funnily enough, I’ve run into far more “bad” cops over the years pulling crap like this than “good” ones.

    It’s kind of like how one can only sell tobacco pipes and accessories (right next to the cleansers and six foot “Legalize It” poster).

    Exactly.

  41. 41.

    Jake

    February 14, 2008 at 8:46 am

    Evangelical ministers in Texas must be elated. Hopefully there are no restrictions on the number of wet suits you can own.

  42. 42.

    Jamey

    February 14, 2008 at 9:05 am

    You know how to make pickle bread? You have to use dill-dough.

  43. 43.

    Jen

    February 14, 2008 at 9:36 am

    You have to watch the video, sometime while not at work, of the shop in Austin that sells “educational models”.

  44. 44.

    Xenos

    February 14, 2008 at 9:43 am

    Mike D. Says:

    Miss Molly’s “not at all a prep-school ho-bag” routine was old and busted a million years before Ann Richards stood up for decency for recovering alcoholics. Also, Miss Molly sucked the Crazy Straw of suborning testimony before a federal grand jury… granted that Bubba later pardoned 125,000 federal inmates convicted of perjury on account of “ain’t no Grand Jury got a right to ask embarrassing questions,” but try to explain the exceptionalism to a ten-year-old.

    Mike- care to translate that from the original bubba-onics?

  45. 45.

    chopper

    February 14, 2008 at 10:02 am

    “Could we possibly have a nominee who hasn’t won any of the significant states—outside of Illinois?” Chief Strategist Mark Penn said. “That raises some serious questions about Sen. Obama.”

    could we possibly have a nominee that can actually pick up votes outside of the states that are gonna be a lock in november anyways? this raises some serious questions about senator clinton.

  46. 46.

    gypsy howell

    February 14, 2008 at 10:05 am

    Mike- care to translate that from the original bubba-onics?

    I’m glad it wasn’t just me.

  47. 47.

    Grumpy Code Monkey

    February 14, 2008 at 10:54 am

    From the Statesman article:

    The state also argued in a brief that Texas has legitimate “morality based” reasons for the laws, which include “discouraging prurient interests in autonomous sex and the pursuit of sexual gratification unrelated to procreation.”

    Several things. First of all, I’m really curious as to why the state thinks it has that authority. From where does that authority originate?

    Second, if the state indeed believes it has “legitimate morality based” reasons for banning sex toys to discourage “the pursuit of sexual gratification unrelated to procreation,” then by extension the state must also believe it has legitimate reason to ban all forms of contraception, which encourage “the pursuit of sexual gratification unrelated to procreation.” Not only that, the state must also believe that it has legitimate reasons to ban all sexual activity that does not result in procreation, including regular old WASP-style missionary-position sex between married couples if the woman is not currently ovulating, because that is also “the pursuit of sexual gratification unrelated to procreation.”

    Third, cases like this illustrate to me that there are multiple definitions of “conservative”, and that they contain mutually exclusive elements. Goldwater-style little-l libertarian conservatives, who sought to preserve individual liberty by minimizing the role of government in daily life, would cheer that this law was struck down. Social conservatives, who seek to preserve traditional values and mores by maximizing the role of government in daily life, are no doubt upset by the ruling.

    If this does come up before the Supremes, it will be interesting to see how they spin this, having already struck down the Texas sodomy laws.

  48. 48.

    DFH

    February 14, 2008 at 10:58 am

    The states that have these laws on the books are funny. Don’t they know that the spin cycle on a common washing machine can perform the same function?

    What’s next? Back to wash-boards and tubs?

    Idiots.

  49. 49.

    Jake

    February 14, 2008 at 11:37 am

    which include “discouraging prurient interests in autonomous sex and the pursuit of sexual gratification unrelated to procreation.”

    Hypocrites. If Texas is so concerned about wankers and jerk offs, how does it explain the one the White House?

  50. 50.

    Tax Analyst

    February 14, 2008 at 9:46 pm

    DFH Says:

    The states that have these laws on the books are funny. Don’t they know that the spin cycle on a common washing machine can perform the same function?

    OWWWW!!!%#$#@$@$*&%@@XX@@XXX!!!

    Dammit, that’s the last time I follow an anonymous blog-commenter’s advice regarding sexual gratification.

  51. 51.

    TenguPhule

    February 15, 2008 at 12:17 am

    Hypocrites. If Texas is so concerned about wankers and jerk offs, how does it explain the one the White House?

    It gets him out of their state for six months of the year.

    Can you blame them?

    Well yes, actually you can, but you know what I mean.

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