Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

She burned that motherfucker down, and I am so here for it. Thank you, Caroline Kennedy.

Jack Smith: “Why did you start campaigning in the middle of my investigation?!”

We will not go back.

You don’t get to peddle hatred on saturday and offer condolences on sunday.

Make the republican party small enough to drown in a bathtub.

There are consequences to being an arrogant, sullen prick.

Too often we hand the biggest microphones to the cynics and the critics who delight in declaring failure.

Never give a known liar the benefit of the doubt.

Whatever happens next week, the fight doesn’t end.

One lie, alone, tears the fabric of reality.

The real work of an opposition party is to hold the people in power accountable.

Fear or fury? The choice is ours.

Trump should be leading, not lying.

Dumb motherfuckers cannot understand a consequence that most 4 year olds have fully sorted out.

When you’re in more danger from the IDF than from Russian shelling, that’s really bad.

Republicans don’t lie to be believed, they lie to be repeated.

Historically it was a little unusual for the president to be an incoherent babbling moron.

… gradually, and then suddenly.

Yeah, with this crowd one never knows.

The Giant Orange Man Baby is having a bad day.

Live so that if you miss a day of work people aren’t hoping you’re dead.

They punch you in the face and then start crying because their fist hurts.

Those who are easily outraged are easily manipulated.

Lick the third rail, it tastes like chocolate!

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Reader Interactions

73Comments

  1. 1.

    Pseudofool

    John,
    I’m new to your site and if you have a minute I’d like to know about your conversion from Republican to Democrat? Why you felt one way before and another now? That said I really like your site–smart, pithy, and well-written.

  4. 4.

    Darkness

    I hate clown. thank you for mentioning them. Sheesh.

    John, have you tried the:

    relax your toes,
    now relax your fingertips,
    now relax your feet….
    (think cheezy b-movie hypnotist here…)
    now relax your palms,
    now relax your ankles,
    and your wrists…

    I know it sounds hokey as hell, but if you address it seriously, with your full viciously circling and worried attention, I never get past elbow and I’m out.

  5. 5.

    louisms

    niquil + shot of tequila + lime

    Works great, but, from personal experience, not on an empty stomach. Start with a turkey sandwich and a glass of milk.

  6. 6.

    Gemina13

    Hot chocolate and a shot of cognac chasing a double shot of Nyquil. You won’t have a chance to say “Good night.”

  7. 7.

    Caidence (fmr. Chris)

    it’s the weekend, why would you want to sleep?

    I just do what I do until sleep is more attractive than the code I’m writing girl I’m hitting on

    girl. That’s what I said. Swimmin in wimmins, I say! I’m popular!

    /so lonely

  8. 8.

    MJ

    I can’t sleep either. I spent the last 3 hours playing poker(Omaha hilo) and lost 50 cents. Loosing pennies didn’t help. I piss off some jerk from England who seemed to be in a rush to loose all his money in a hurry. The dope paid to see every flop. Then he accused me of causing him a loose an extra penny. Arguing with an idiot over a penny wasn’t helping matters so I thought I’d pop in here and see what the left wingers were talking about.

    It’s pushing 4:00AM now, I just tried some hot milk with some honey plus a muscle relaxer.

  10. 10.

    myiq2xu

    That’s what I said. Swimmin in wimmins, I say! I’m popular!

    You ain’t popular, you just a ho!

  11. 11.

    D-Chance.

    Mr Cole,

    Just so you know, it is now OK to call Hillary a “bitch”. Tina Fey gives her seal of approval. Amy and Jeralyn both enthusiastically second and third the motion. And just remember… “B*tch is the new Black!”.

    /rolls eyes

    Seriously, shouldn’t Talk Left be graced with the honor of being the first leftist website added to the ‘monitor and mock’ list?

  12. 12.

    maxbaer (not the original)

    Great link, Phoebe! But, please embed. Don’t make John run the primer again.

    Re: Insomnia. I get up and write down whatever it is that’s keeping me up. I feel that records it so I don’t have to think about it anymore. Or you can count wingnuts.

  14. 14.

    myiq2xu

    “B*tch is the new Black!”

    You can watch the clip on the SNL website. Sorry, I’m too tired to link to it.

    The opening last night was a mock debate between Hillary and Obama but I can’t find a clip of it.

    I’m gonna try to go to bed, it’s almost time to get up.

    Kiss my ass “Can’t sleep” at 12:48 am

  15. 15.

    Scotty

    Couldn’t help but notice this headline on Yahoo’s main page. Talk about worthless rehashing of right wing talking points.

  16. 16.

    Scotty

    Something to bore you to sleep.

    If that doesn’t work, classical music played low always works for me.

    I guess I should pay attention to everyone else’s posts.

  17. 17.

    Krista

    Insomnia blows. And of course, the longer you go without being able to fall asleep, the more you fret, which just makes you more awake.

    You’re a prof, right John? Just think of the university subject you find most boring, and next time you’re over at that department, pilfer one of the textbooks to have handy by your bedside to read on those nights when your body is sleepy but your brain is wide awake.

  19. 19.

    Liberal Masochist

    Frank Rich today on the difference between the relative strengths of the Clinton and Obama campaigns. The middle 4-5 paragraphs offer a fairly succinct and accurate description of what’s gone on. All stuff we have noted here over the past month, but it really hits home when you have it all laid out in one piece. It’s like Rich has been reading Balloon juice and has written a summary!

    Shorter Frank Rich: arrogance, poor planning, poor advising and continued poor planning and execution are what doomed the Clinton campaign

  20. 20.

    Punchy

    Couldn’t help but notice this headline on Yahoo’s main page. Talk about worthless rehashing of right wing talking points.

    That, along with this, really seems to confirm the angle they’re going to attack.

    Seriously, they sound like 3rd graders tattling on Obama for not eating all his peas before throwing away his hot lunch. Can’t be the Preznit, ya know, unless you eat every single pea!

    These clowns are simply unreal. I can’t believe I have to keep reminding myself that they’re….in biological age, at least….adults.

  21. 21.

    borehole

    Everybody check out D-Chance’s TalkLeft link.

    The accompanying thread is notable for the presence of overeducated twits saying silly things on behalf of Obama’s candidacy.

    “Two things going on with Fey — as a woman and a New Yorker, she’s irked that all us simpletons in Bush-land think Obama not only has a chance to win the general but to win with a considerable transformative mandate. She’s irked as a successful, influential woman that some of us do not regard Hillary Clinton as a great example of a strong, successful woman and instead see her as a craven, power-mad woman who is a mediocre politician.”

    Tina Fey: funny writer, decent actress, but don’t get her started about transformative mandates. She HATES those.

  23. 23.

    wasabi gasp

    If that doesn’t work, classical music played low always works for me.

    A Steve Reich album may work even better.

    This isn’t intended to be a dig on Reich. I own enough Reich to put down a horse.

  24. 24.

    jake

    That, along with this, really seems to confirm the angle they’re going to attack.

    Well let’s see, as an attack this is completely ineffective because:

    1. They’ve spent the past five years screaming every single person who won’t fellate Bush and ask for seconds is un-Umurican.

    2. The people who have been sucking Bushticle would vote for Osama before they’d vote for Obama.

    3. It is exactly the sort of shrill whiny crap that has driven many GOPers away from the party.

    So yes, I agree. This is their line of attack and in November the bobble heads will be forced to conclude that the vast majority of Americans hate America, which will give them more things to whine about!

    Behold, the perpetual bitching machine.

  25. 25.

    bago

    The thing about dreaming about work is that you actually complete work. Lucid dreams where you design a database schema are kind of freaky. If it were only easier to charge for the hours you spent dreaming about databases.

  26. 26.

    scav

    On a similar note, I’m also very much feeling the lack of Tony Jay’s updates on Flobalob’s latest. With his (unlike Adam’s) absence comes a real hope someone nearby has done a wellness check though.

  31. 31.

    WaterGirl

    ‘@ scav

    Did I misunderstand your comment?

    Tony Jay commented here on Thursday, Friday, Saturday and today.

  34. 34.

    WaterGirl

    ‘@Chetan Murthy

    That’s a good reminder for me to try to dig out the thermometer for the 5 Ukraine charities. I must have that in an email somewhere.

    If you don’t see it up by the end of Tuesday, maybe remind me?

  35. 35.

    CaseyL

    I’d love it if Adam could post his updates/analyses here. There’s so much information out in the wild, and impossible to determine how reliable it is.

  36. 36.

    Cyndi Haden

    This is a test comment but true. I am so glad for this new space, I avoided this space when Balloon Juice was gone, but so glad you are back. During the hiatus I had to research PA candidate Kathy (NOT Kathryn) Barnette (Trump would have picked me if he really knew me) all on my own!. She lost, so no further updates.

  37. 37.

    O. Felix Culpa

    Given the seriousness of this topic and the amount of bad and misleading information out there–not to mention fog of war and all that–i think it’s better left to subject matter experts.

  39. 39.

    mrmoshpotato

    Fuck Putin.

    And God bless the Ukrainians for treating the captured invaders with kindness.

  40. 40.

    David ☘The Establishment☘ Koch

    ‘——————————————————————————————————-
    Judith Nunn @Judith54Nunn

    I’m starting to really feel the Labor win. I just started crying watching Anthony Albanese being sworn in as Australia’s 31st Prime Minister.

    #LaborWins #AlboIsPM
    ——————————————————————————————————-

  41. 41.

    Sandia Blanca

    As Ukrainians have dispersed throughout Europe and other parts of the world, volunteers and agencies are working hard to help them survive and thrive. One such person is Tanja Maier, an American who lives in Austria and is fluent in Russian. She has been volunteering at the Vienna train station since early March, translating, helping people with food, tickets, housing, etc. She began giving out 50-Euro grocery cards when she realized many of the displaced families did not have enough money to shop for food.

    She writes on twitter: https://twitter.com/tanjamaier17
    and has a substack (free) https://tanjamaier.substack.com/about
    There is now an app if you would like to donate money to help her card distribution project
    https://cards-for-ukraine.at/donateto her card

  42. 42.

    BeautifulPlumage

    Michael Weiss, news editor at New Lines Mag, has a pretty informative Twitter feed covering many angles of Russia’s invasion. @michaeldweiss

  45. 45.

    scav

    ‘@Water Girl
    Oh Good! I must have just missed Tony Jay or just not discovered here yet. Still, the latest Party Harty Photos are making the rounds just now. I’m off to read the back catalog while anticipating captions for the latest.

  52. 52.

    mrmoshpotato

    ‘@Watergirl

    Fuck Putin in general.

    And UATVEnglish on YouTube has videos of captured Russian troops.

  53. 53.

    mrmoshpotato

    ‘@NotMax

    I vaguely remember seeing a comment since the temporary site was put up.

  54. 54.

    Jane Dennis

    Basically, I’m holding on for the Aussies – it’s not over whether Labour will have its own majority or not. There’s one seat in Brisbane, iirc, and 5 others. Anyway it’s ok. If they need a coalition, they can has one.

    One of the things about transferable preferential ballots is that the counting isn’t necessarily fast. But worth waiting for.

    Tony Jay? I think he’s respecting the limits of our BJ current environment.
    He’s welcome to rant any time

  55. 55.

    opiejeanne

    When I announced that I have Covid, I think that was on Friday, someone asked if I could get Paxlovid. I don’t remember who that was, but today my doctor sent me an email offering it to me. Tomorrow I have a virtual office visit with her, and then she can prescribe it for me.
    I’m doing pretty well but still not up to snuff yet. Kind of like a really nasty cold, and just when you think you’re getting better you start having coughing fits. That’s about where I am right now.
    I’m still quarantining in the guest room, but mr opiejeanne is starting to come down with something that seems a lot like the way this started.

  56. 56.

    HumboldtBlue

    ‘@opiejeanne: Youse get back up to snuff.

    Holla if ya need snuff, I know a guy.

  58. 58.

    Cathie from Canada

    I thought everyone might be interested in seeing this from the Reddit post noted upthread.
    The news is VERY BAD for getting Balloon Juice back anytime soon – like not before summer, or maybe not ever.
    Here is the exchange:
    First, a 365 anonymous employee guy posts: “Hey, I’m an employee, feel free to ask whatever you want and I’ll answer to the best of my ability”
    So then a Redditer asks him these questions:
    “1.) What is going on? Is it ransomware?
    2.) If yes to 1, have they or are they going to pay.
    3.) When are we going to have our data back?
    4.) Why do they have a twitter and fb account when they do not use it?
    5.) Why do they refuse to communicate in any meaningful way with customers?
    6.) Are you working on your resume?”
    In reply, the 365 anon employee posts these answers:
    “- yes
    – idk they don’t tell me that
    – expect it’ll be a long time. Like weeks to months realistically. It could be sooner but knowing the people involved on our side I’m not hopeful.
    – lol great question. It’s like one dude who does marketing, he’s not really qualified to handle this sort of thing.
    – that’s coming from the CEO. I think it’s a legal liability thing. The messaging is being controlled very tightly.
    – my job’s not at risk ;) but yeah it’s not an enjoyable place to work.”

  60. 60.

    206inKY

    I miss Adam’s updates and appreciate his work more than ever. Scary to think about ransomware.

    Beyond Adam, my main source for deep context on the war has been Kamil Galeev. Highly recommend all his twitter threads since Feb 24th: https://mobile.twitter.com/kamilkazani

    Everybody in my life seems to have covid (but not me). I hope Pfizer and BioNTech will rescue us again.

  61. 61.

    Rich2506

    A fellow that we know is an author, but y’know, celebrates when he sells a single volume, so he doesn’t make a whole lot of money from it. He recently sent me something tracing all of the world’s ills back to various women. I had to stop him when he blamed the fall of the Roman Empire on Cleopatra. I’m like, wait a sec! I’ve known the whole Cleopatra, Julius Caesar, Marc Antony story since high school (Had a poster with Claudette Colbert s her back in college), so I’m familiar with the story. She played a role in the fall of the Roman Republic and its transition to an empire, but essentially, she gets added to the story because hey, adding a pretty woman to a story jazzes things up. She’s an interesting historical figure, but clearly the fellow has a problem with blaming woman for his troubles.

  63. 63.

    BellyCat

    In light of 365 insider tips seems like establishing a deadline for Plan B might be useful?

    In the meantime, I would settle for numbered posts and a slightly bolder font. :-)

    From my Former WordPress days, I recall this being something as simple as just picking another template and everything instantly changes. Am I misremembering?

  65. 65.

    Amir Khalid

    ‘@BellyCat:
    We have this. It’s nowhere near as comfy as what we had before, but for now it will do. I confess, I’m a bit wary of any alterations to our new (and let’s hope, temporary) digs that are not strictly necessary.

  66. 66.

    WaterGirl

    ‘@BellyCat

    You can change themes for sure. I spent hours going through themes to find one that with a setup that would look at all familiar and do the things we needed it to do.

  67. 67.

    Gin & Tonic

    If that supposed employee thinks their job is not at risk, then they are stupider than you can imagine. It’s held by private equity. They’ll shut it down and throw everyone out without blinking.

  68. 68.

    Ohio Mom

    BellyCat May 24, 2022 at 7:31 AM
    …,I would settle for numbered posts and a slightly bolder font.

    Me too! This light font is hard on my old eyes. And I also miss the numbers. With those two things restored. I’d learn to live without an edit function.

    If everything the Reddit poster says is true, I feel for Cole. The record of his most important life’s work, gone in a POOF! I hope the fact that it continues despite it all, is a comfort to him.

  69. 69.

    RubberDuck

    ‘@Gin & Tonic

    My experience with various VC shuffles is they were straight about stopping Fucked Company from bleeding anymore cash, but that didn’t stop daydream believing employees spinning fairytales about a turnaround.

  70. 70.

    WaterGirl

    ‘@BellyCat

    I think you mean numbered comments and not numbered posts?

    @Ohio Mom

    That font was hard on my eyes, too.

    I have changed us to the font that we use on Balloon Juice. It’s better, but still light at the moment.

  71. 71.

    Jinchi

    Rich2506: “I had to stop him when he blamed the fall of the Roman Empire on Cleopatra.”

    Yeah. Isn’t the Roman Empire usually considered to start with Augustus, the first emperor? That happened about 20 years after Julius died.

    Julius Caesar is responsible for the end of the Republic.

  73. 73.

    Rich2506

    jinchi, yes. Cleopatra was active and involved during that period from Caesar to Augustus. She just wasn’t responsible for any of that happening.

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