Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

A Senator Walker would be an insult to the state and the nation.

Something needs to be done about our bogus SCOTUS.

A Senator Walker would also be an insult to reason, rationality, and decency.

We are aware of all internet traditions.

I’m pretty sure there’s only one Jack Smith.

I was promised a recession.

Eh, that’s media spin. biden’s health is fine and he’s doing a good job.

Second rate reporter says what?

Republicans are the party of chaos and catastrophe.

Proof that we need a blogger ethics panel.

The worst democrat is better than the best republican.

If you’re pissed about Biden’s speech, he was talking about you.

The words do not have to be perfect.

And we’re all out of bubblegum.

Technically true, but collectively nonsense

When I decide to be condescending, you won’t have to dream up a fantasy about it.

Nothing worth doing is easy.

The willow is too close to the house.

Let’s delete this post and never speak of this again.

Russian mouthpiece, go fuck yourself.

The truth is, these are not very bright guys, and things got out of hand.

If you are still in the GOP, you are an extremist.

“Squeaker” McCarthy

Impressively dumb. Congratulations.

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Reader Interactions

65Comments

  2. 2.

    Incertus

    I predict I will continue grading essays, and that they will either get much better or much worse depending on how soon I begin drinking.

  3. 3.

    demimondian

    Alfredo Gonzales will fail to win, again, for his stellar turn as a charming, but forgetful, ex-attorney struggling with the effects of long-term KoolAid use.

  7. 7.

    calipygian

    George Bush wins Best Actor in a landslide in a reprise of the role that Cliff Robertson made famous in “Flowers for Algernon”. It was the role that Dubya was born to play.

  9. 9.

    demimondian

    srv —

    Heh. Good line. No, I hadn’t heard.

    calipygian —

    What about the guy who did Bush’s stunt double in the middle, when his character was supposedly lucid? He surely deserves best supporting actor, doesn’t he?

  12. 12.

    Kynn

    Prediction: Michael “I don’t drink anymore” Demmons just can’t help himself and cracks open a six-pack or two because of the Oscars.

  13. 13.

    jake

    John McCain takes an Oscar for his role in “No country for old men.”

    Mitt Romney takes one for “Best Special Effect.”

  17. 17.

    demimondian

    Ob Disc: Romney’s victory will come for his star turn as the one live actor in Pixar’s Toy Story III, in which he played “Mr. Potatoehead Junior”.

  18. 18.

    John S.

    Hillary Clinon will petition to have Obama stripped of his Oscar for Best Writing (Adapted Screenplay) on the grounds that he plagiarized the story his screenplay was based on.

  19. 19.

    Liberal Masochist

    calipygian – you may be right. In a recent speech, Chehey referred to Vladimir Putin as “Friendo”

  20. 20.

    Ninerdave

    I predict…I’m going to have another Talisker, level my Druid, and watch the WW I documentary I’ve been Tivoing.

  21. 21.

    myiq2xu

    I predict the Clinton campaign will hire Anton Chigurh after tonight.

    Betcha Tweety gets very polite if they do.

    And she’ll be a slam dunk to win in November cuz this will be no country for old men.

  23. 23.

    myiq2xu

    I predict that the sky will open, the light will come down, celestial choirs will be signing “Yes, We Can!”, and all the awards will go to Barack Obama.

    And somebody in the front row will faint.

  25. 25.

    myiq2xu

    Ninerdave – try a Lagavulin 16 or a nice Highland Park 18. Yum.

    I prefer the Yokohama 78 – It’s better than the 69 because you get 8 more

  29. 29.

    Liberal Masochist

    myiq – why does Michael Jackson like to have sex with twenty-five year olds?

    A: because there are twenty-five of them!

    (rim shot)

  30. 30.

    TheFountainHead

    Whoever let Tilda Swinton out of the house like that needs to be drawn and quartered.

    Seconded.

  31. 31.

    TheFountainHead

    PS. Whoever the lighting designer was this year should be drug out back and shot. Atrocious.

  32. 32.

    myiq2xu

    myiq – why does Michael Jackson like to have sex with twenty-five year olds?

    A: because there are twenty-five of them!

    What do Michael Jackson and Sears have in common?

    A: they both have little boys jeans half-off!

  34. 34.

    p.lukasiak

    No Country for Old Men — the Obama campaign slogan if he gets the nomination

    There Will Be Blood — Pundits discussing the February 26th debate

    Atonement — Barack Obama explains support for making handguns illegal, encouraging welfare moms to have more babies, completely unrestricted access to abortion for everyone, and hanging out with unrepentent terrorist bombers

    Juno — the story of a happy-go-lucky candidate who finds himself in a really difficult situation, but everything turns out okay in the end like it always does in the movies

    Michael Clayton — what? You expect me to come up with something snide with THAT title?

  36. 36.

    Krista

    Random thoughts thus far:

    John Travolta’s hairline looks like somebody drew it on with a Sharpie.

    Tilda looked rather ghastly, but her acceptance speech was amusing.

    Sad that Ellen Page didn’t win (yay, fellow Nova Scotian girl!), but I wasn’t really expecting her to, so what are you gonna do? Marion Cotillard was adorable in her acceptance speech.

    Can I just say that it really irks me that the presenters get more time to talk than the actual winners do? Cut down on the cutesy, oh-so-precious presentation banter (or cut it out altogether), and give the winners 15 more seconds. It’s not like most of them will ever get a chance to be up there ever again.

    Cate Blanchett always looks phenomenal, and George Clooney is really the only one there who looks as comfortable in a tux as he would in his pyjamas. Not that I’ve seen George in his pyjamas…yet. A girl can still dream.

    Why does Renee Zelwegger always purse her lips like she just sucked a lemon? And her haircut…yikes!

    Is it wrong that I can’t stop staring at Nicole Kidman’s forehead, looking for signs of movement? Nope. Didn’t see any.

  37. 37.

    myiq2xu

    Why does Renee Zelwegger always purse her lips like she just sucked a lemon? And her haircut…yikes!

    I never understood why she gets so much attention. It’s not that she’s unattractive or a bad actress, but she’s not anything special.

  39. 39.

    myiq2xu

    Is it wrong that I can’t stop staring at Nicole Kidman’s forehead, looking for signs of movement? Nope. Didn’t see any.

    Krista is definitely female.

    Most guys are only vaguely aware that Kidman even has a forehead.

  40. 40.

    TR

    John Travolta’s hairline looks like somebody drew it on with a Sharpie.

    I thought it had been sprayed out of a Krylon can, but that’s pretty close.

  46. 46.

    jake

    Is it wrong that I can’t stop staring at Nicole Kidman’s forehead, looking for signs of movement?

    Careful now. If the lights hit the snowy slope of Kidman’s brow the right way your retinas will be toast. Why do you think Cruise squints like that?

  49. 49.

    Ninerdave

    Ninerdave – try a Lagavulin 16 or a nice Highland Park 18. Yum.

    Oh yeah, had ’em both, love ’em. On a peaty kick at the moment.

  50. 50.

    Brachiator

    why does Michael Jackson like to have sex with twenty-five year olds?

    A: because there are twenty-five of them!

    Better punch line: because there are twenty of them.

    I liked when the woman from “Once” came back onstage and gave her acceptance speech about the importance of dreams and hope. Edited out of the broadcast was Hillary Clinton rushing out, slapping the poor woman down with her own Oscar, and shouting “Get real! Get serious!”

    I seriously liked when troops in Iraq gave out an Oscar. Look for the inevitable conservative wingnut spin later tonight and all day tomorrow.

  51. 51.

    Ninerdave

    Alright here’s a question for all the Oscar buffs. It’s a question that you’re not going to be able to answer to my satisfaction, I promise, but I’ll pose it anyway.

    Why do you care? What does it matter? Especially the Red Carpet. WTF? Who cares what people are dressing like.

    I gave up on award shows when Jethro Tull got the first “Heavy Metal” grammy, beating out Metallica. Award shows do not reflect the best of the year, they reflect something…I’m not sure what.

    I ask this as someone who is peripherally involved in the music and movie biz. Who cares what the Academy thinks?

    And what is up with “celebrity” worship in this country? My wife gets People and I flip though it occationally: my IQ drops 2x (pun intendend) when I look at it.

    Maxim has more meat in it than People.

    So explain this too me? Anyone?

  54. 54.

    myiq2xu

    And what is up with “celebrity” worship in this country? My wife gets People and I flip though it occationally: my IQ drops 2x (pun intendend) when I look at it.

    I never read people, as you may have guessed.

  55. 55.

    SmilingPolitely

    I’m a sucker for the nominee that cries. Yes, I’m an uber-pansy.

    Hillary is an exception, of course, as her tears are pumped in via artificial tubing installed in her stupid face.

  56. 56.

    Martin

    I wonder if we are nearing the point that the Republican Party could just be indicted under RICO laws? The Siegelman story, along with the DOJ and voter suppression story, taken as a whole really starts to smack of organized crime. These aren’t acts of individuals but large collaborative efforts to break the law.

  57. 57.

    Brachiator

    Ninerdave Says:

    Why do you care? What does it matter? Especially the Red Carpet. WTF? Who cares what people are dressing like.

    I gave up on award shows when Jethro Tull got the first “Heavy Metal” grammy, beating out Metallica. Award shows do not reflect the best of the year, they reflect something…I’m not sure what.

    Someone might easily ask, who gives a rat’s ass about Jethro Tull?

    Of course, the answer is that what gives us pleasure is personal, and nothing much is gained by insisting that anyone justify his or her preferences.

    I ask this as someone who is peripherally involved in the music and movie biz. Who cares what the Academy thinks?

    I watch the Oscars, but pretty much forget about them the next day. However, I do enjoy seeing talented people like Daniel Day Lewis recognized for his talents. I was even impressed by the award given to 98 year old veteran production designer Robert Boyle, and noted that he for years inspired new generations of film makers at AFI.

    Maxim has more meat in it than People.

    Apparently, Maxim has its share of outright fraud as well, judging from this recent news story:

    The Black Crowes are lashing out at Maxim magazine for reviewing the band’s new album — apparently without actually hearing it first.

    The review, published in Maxim’s March issue, gives the Crowes’ “Warpaint” a rating of two-and-a-half stars out of five.

    “The writer — who has not heard the album since advance CDs were not made available — wrote what appears to be a disparaging assessment anyway, citing, `it hasn’t left Chris Robinson and the gang much room for growth,'” said a statement on the band’s official Web site.

    The band’s manager, Pete Angelus, said the magazine explained that its review was an “educated guess.”

    The full story can be found here:

    Black Crowes say Maxim review a fraud

    So explain this to me? Anyone?

    By the way here is a piece of Best Original Song co-winner Marketa Irglova’s belatedly given Oscar speech. (P.S. Don’t tell Hillary Clinton, because it’s all about dreams and hope):

    ”The fact that we’re standing here tonight, the fact that we’re able to hold this, it’s just proof that no matter how far out your dreams are, it’s possible,” Irglova said during take two. ”And, you know, fair play to those who dare to dream, and don’t give up. This song was written from the perspective of hope, and hope, at the end of the day, connects us all, no matter how different we are.”

  58. 58.

    Mary

    My favourite part of the Oscars was Tilda Swinton is all her redheaded, shiny-faced, glorious eccentricity. I’m usually one to rag on bad fashion, but she stepped sideways instead of trying too hard (I’m looking at you, Nicole and Cameron!) and I adored her for it.

    Otherwise, it was pretty boring. I found someone else to do this evening and caught up with the show on fast-forward. The lack of time for a full writing job showed. I’m glad they tried, but this won’t go down as one of the classics.

  59. 59.

    Zuzu

    I never understood why she gets so much attention. It’s not that she’s unattractive or a bad actress, but she’s not anything special.

    I don’t get it either. Her acting just seems to consist of turning her head different ways while pursing her lips.

    Although I have to say her take on the Kim Novak character in “Vertigo” for this month’s Vanity Fair is pretty great.

  60. 60.

    Zuzu

    I seriously liked when troops in Iraq gave out an Oscar. Look for the inevitable conservative wingnut spin later tonight and all day tomorrow.

    As I recall they were quick and loud in complaining about the lack of shout-outs to the troops in at least one prior show.

  61. 61.

    Zuzu

    I always love the reactions of the moms and spouses and kids when someone’s name is called. Real human beings, and all.

    I loved where the camera just almost caught Frances McDormand putting her fingers in her mouth for a big ol’ whistle when her Coen hubby was leaving the stage.

  63. 63.

    Asti

    RE: Siegelman story

    I just sent two emails to TZ in regarding the AL blackout, but I’m going to copy and paste the second one here:

    Huffington Post

    Second Email:

    WKYT blames network for last-minute blackout

    Okay, get this:

    I did a search of “Alabama Blackout” thinking I was searching the parameters of the story I just sent you (the Siegelman segment on CBS 60 Minutes being blacked out in parts of Alabama, Tennessee and Florida – on station WHNT in Huntsville, AL) and I had found links to Harpers Magazine (linked on BJ, where I initially found the link to the story, I learned of the blackout on the Harper’s page) and when I did that search I mentioned above, I found that there was another blackout of a CBS affiliate WKYT-27 (a different CBS station in the same viewing area – Alabama, Tennessee and Florida) on Saturday afternoon during the final minutes of a college basketball game which created havoc for the viewers who called and complained, and a news story was created about it on the link at the top of this email.

    I did a search and found some info on Huffington Post which also referenced a link to Democratic Underground in the comments (I don’t like using DU but, there were viewers from the area who were putting up the crawler message on the black screen in that viewing area which stated that there was a technical difficulty at the CBS NY control center (which only affected people in the Alabama/Tennessee/Florida – read Local Siegelman) area and nowhere else. The info on DU states that calls were made to CBS-NY to ask if the blackout glitch was their fault and they said that the station was not being truthful and that if any blackout occurred, it occurred due to problems in Alabama. The info I found on the Siegelman segment blackout states that the station returned to normal broadcasting not long after the Siegelman segment was over (12 minutes into the show I think it said).

    Here is my theory:

    A request came through from someone very influential in AL or Washington (Karl Rove’s people?) on Saturday to WKYT-27 stating they needed to black out the station on Sunday night during the Siegelman segment and they did not read the memo carefully and blacked out the game on Saturday rather than the 60 Mins segment on Sunday (or maybe they blacked that out too, a second CBS station in the same area, nobody is reporting what that station aired last night). WKYT-27 also blamed the blackout of the basketball game on a technical glitch at CBS NY.

    What do you think?

    This is a huge censorship issue, I think this needs to be pushed as much as possible.

  65. 65.

    jake

    The band’s manager, Pete Angelus, said the magazine explained that its review was an “educated guess.”

    ???

    Whoa. Dude.

    My WTFoMeter just blew up.

    I’m going to make an “educated guess” that the staff at Maxim runs around in big girl’s panties and have inflatable sheep in their cubicles.

    But you know what? This country is still being run by people who invaded a country for one reason and when that reason turned out to be a big fucking lie, they shrugged and said “Hey, we guessed wrong. Sue us.” So in the grand scheme of Suck, an “educated guess,” about a record release is only such a brief fleeting teeny tiny suck a spider wouldn’t enjoy it.

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