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You are here: Home / z-Retired Categories / Previous Site Maintenance / About that 3 Am Thing

About that 3 Am Thing

by John Cole|  March 3, 20089:55 am| 52 Comments

This post is in: Previous Site Maintenance

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One of the things I don’t understand about that whole line of attack is that in my own personal experiences, I have never made a clear decision at 3 am. Ever. In fact, I have made some pretty bad (disastrous) personal decisions at 3 am years ago. So what should Obama at 3am?

He should tell the right people to pay attention to the issue, tell them to get ready to brief him in the morning, and then go back to bed.

That is what I would do.

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52Comments

  1. 1.

    SGEW

    March 3, 2008 at 10:00 am

    .

    He should tell the right people to pay attention to the issue, tell them to get ready to brief him in the morning, and then go back to bed.

    But what if there’s someone in the house already?!?

    Isn’t that what the ad was about? That Sen. Clinton would respond wisely to a home-invasion phone call?

  2. 2.

    James

    March 3, 2008 at 10:03 am

    Well John, based on the commercials, if I was ever faced with a 3 AM choice I would simply call up one of the candidates and ask what they would do, since they would clearly be much better thinkers at that hour. Maybe they can promise a citizen hotline!

  3. 3.

    J.A.F. Rusty Shackleford

    March 3, 2008 at 10:08 am

    I don’t see why Hillary would be more likely to be available to answer the phone – doesn’t Barack HUSSEIN Osama awake at 3am to pray to Mecca like all the other MUSLIMS?

  4. 4.

    Dork

    March 3, 2008 at 10:09 am

    In fact, I have made some pretty bad (disastrous) personal decisions at 3 am years ago.

    Come on, Mr. Cole, explain! Did your car have bullet holes, too?

  5. 5.

    4tehlulz

    March 3, 2008 at 10:09 am

    >>But what if there’s someone in the house already?!?

    The incoming nuclear holocaust is coming from inside the house!!!!

    Seriously, I would just go, “Let me put you on speaker while I make coffee. It’s 3am for God’s sake!”

  6. 6.

    Tom Shipley

    March 3, 2008 at 10:09 am

    Isn’t that what the ad was about? That Sen. Clinton would respond wisely to a home-invasion phone call?

    I heard she’s considering picking OnStar as her VP if she gets the nod.

  7. 7.

    ThymeZone

    March 3, 2008 at 10:11 am

    If you are the president, what happens at 3 am is that if something important happens in the world, the Chief of Staff is notified and he or she decides whether to wake the president. If somebody is going to wake the president at 3 am, they will send a staffer to do it personally, not with a phone call.

    At least that is what I glean from anecdotes about such situations over the years. My hunch is that the whole idea of the president’s bedside phone ringing at 3 am is just bogus.

    If there’s an important decision to be made, then the president will be briefed and the key people with the critical information will be available for the purpose of assisting the president with the decision.

    John Kerry also pointed out yesterday that Hillary Clinton, as a Senator, is not involved in 3am crisis decisions, or in foreign policy crisis decisions in general. And she would never have been involved in any heretofore, having had no security clearance for it when she was in the White House. Kerry also suggested that what you want at 3am is not experience, but judgement, and when it comes to foreign policy judgement, Senator Clinton doesn’t seem to have that good a track record.

  8. 8.

    norbizness

    March 3, 2008 at 10:12 am

    My 3 am decisions usually involved drunkenly tugging an IHOP manager’s sleeve and yelling “WHERE’S MY FUCKING TABLE?!?”

  9. 9.

    SGEW

    March 3, 2008 at 10:15 am

    Also, as has been mentioned elsewhere by sharper minds than mine, the point of the ad was thus: Hillary Clinton Does Not Sleep.

    Ever.

    Therefore, you can rest assured that she will be sitting by the phone at all times, ready for every call that might come.

  10. 10.

    Krista

    March 3, 2008 at 10:16 am

    Answering the phone at 3am qualifies you to be President?

    Um, last time I checked, being able to answer the phone coherently at 3am qualfies you for nothing more than working at a 24-hour inbound call centre.

  11. 11.

    Face

    March 3, 2008 at 10:17 am

    My 3 am decisions usually involved drunkenly tugging an IHOP manager’s sleeve and yelling “WHERE’S MY FUCKING TABLE?!?”

    Denny’s, bitches. Denny’s iz where it AT. Gimmie Moons over Mihammy at 3AM and I may blow the cook.

  12. 12.

    John S.

    March 3, 2008 at 10:17 am

    I heard she’s considering picking OnStar as her VP if she gets the nod.

    I thought she was gunning for LifeAlert wrist bracelets. You know those, “I’ve fallen, and I can’t get up!” commercials for seniors. Anyway, at least it speaks to her core demographic of white women over 50.

  13. 13.

    Zifnab25

    March 3, 2008 at 10:20 am

    My 3 am decisions usually involved drunkenly tugging an IHOP manager’s Eckard’s manager’s sleeve and yelling “WHERE’S MY FUCKING TABLE CONDOM?!?”

    Fixed. Now with 80% more sexy.

    So we all concede that the commercial is tragically fucking dumb. But what would really make me laugh my ass off is if they could edit out Hillary Clinton and edit in Mark Penn.

    I could totally see that fat bastard rolling President Hillary out of bed at 3am to get a jump on the loaming school uniforms issue. Micro-issues! Mother of god, it’s the micro-issues!

  14. 14.

    John S.

    March 3, 2008 at 10:21 am

    And she would never have been involved in any heretofore, having had no security clearance for it when she was in the White House.

    B-b-but, she was the First Lady!

    I hear she had her very own fireman’s pole leading to the bat cave and everything. Also, I think selecting a new china pattern for the White House carried some serious foreign relations implications with it, so don’t forget to include that, too.

  15. 15.

    4tehlulz

    March 3, 2008 at 10:22 am

    >>I could totally see that fat bastard rolling President Hillary out of bed at 3am to get a jump on the loaming school uniforms issue.

    If Hillary became the Japanese prime minister, that could happen.

  16. 16.

    West Coast libertarian

    March 3, 2008 at 10:24 am

    I thought she was gunning for LifeAlert wrist bracelets. You know those, “I’ve fallen, and I can’t get up!” commercials for seniors. Anyway, at least it speaks to her core demographic of white women over 50.

    How “honest” of you.

    /sorry but I just really miss Darrell

  17. 17.

    Bob In Pacifica

    March 3, 2008 at 10:26 am

    3 a.m. decision: which breakfast platter gives you bacon AND sausage?

    I can remember discovering that the bus stopped running at 2 a.m. and so the decision was: cab or walk? And that decision was dictated by finances.

    I can remember going home with a woman after lots of beer and those onion and cheese cracker thingies at McSorley’s and wondering if my breath would be tolerable, but then she’d been drinking and eating the same stuff. Worked out great.

    But I don’t want my Commander-In-Chief making decisions after a night at McSorley’s.

  18. 18.

    The Other Steve

    March 3, 2008 at 10:28 am

    I thought she was gunning for LifeAlert wrist bracelets. You know those, “I’ve fallen, and I can’t get up!” commercials for seniors. Anyway, at least it speaks to her core demographic of white women over 50.

    I’m certain John McCain has the LIFECALL demo all sewn up, based on seeing his backup dancers on stage.

  19. 19.

    TheFountainHead

    March 3, 2008 at 10:29 am

    Wake me up when this is all over…I’m in serious fatigue mode. When they start talking about what a Memo a low-level Canadian official wrote about a meeting with an Obama “advisor” said…well…I think the proteins in my brain are starting to denature…

  20. 20.

    The Other Steve

    March 3, 2008 at 10:30 am

    3 a.m. decision: which breakfast platter gives you bacon AND sausage?

    Fucking Fabulous Fourteen. It’s a Tremendous Twelve with a side order of sausage. :-)

  21. 21.

    John S.

    March 3, 2008 at 10:31 am

    I’m certain John McCain has the LIFECALL demo all sewn up, based on seeing his backup dancers on stage.

    Only amongst the LIFECALL men, and as we saw, some of his backup dancers may not make it to November.

  22. 22.

    Caidence (fmr. Chris)

    March 3, 2008 at 10:39 am

    see, what you’re forgetting is: Hillary will be awake at 3 AM regardless.

    She’ll be watching circa 1992 Lifetime reruns, where a studious White mother with a beautiful little girl is beaten and raped over and over again by her Black building super.

    But — BUT — because she, deep down, has that-willpower-that-all-women-have-but-didn’t-know-they-had-it-until-Lifetime-told-them, she manages to live on, on this “uneven playing field”.

    And at 3 AM, after the movie finishes… she’ll know how to keep her God-Given American “family” safe

    /P.S. Fuck you if you think that was sexist. Self-imposed bullshit victimology is genderless.

  23. 23.

    Davebo

    March 3, 2008 at 10:49 am

    I have never made a clear decision at 3 am.

    Well I’d be willing to bet you’ve never worn a pantsuit and makeup at 3:00AM either!

    The magical unity pantsuit (MUP) makes all the difference in the world!

  24. 24.

    RareSanity

    March 3, 2008 at 10:51 am

    She’ll be watching circa 1992 Lifetime reruns, where a studious White mother with a beautiful little girl is beaten and raped over and over again by her Black building super.

    Don’t forget that the mother’s ex husband beat her, physically, mentally and sexually abused the daughter and then left them for a younger woman. Oh yeah, he had been cheating for years, but the mother put up with it, for the child.

  25. 25.

    TheFountainHead

    March 3, 2008 at 10:52 am

    Mark Penn says “Fuck You!” to the Clinton Campaign.

  26. 26.

    Huntly

    March 3, 2008 at 11:03 am

    I like the fact that the commercial just says that “something is happening in the world.” No shit, “something” happens pretty much every second.

  27. 27.

    Breschau

    March 3, 2008 at 11:10 am

    Also, as has been mentioned elsewhere by sharper minds than mine, the point of the ad was thus: Hillary Clinton Does Not Sleep.

    Ever.

    So she was sent back from the future to protect John Conner? Wow – that’s pretty cool. I may have to change my vote now.

  28. 28.

    Carnacki

    March 3, 2008 at 11:32 am

    But would Senator Obama be fully dressed like Senator Clinton at 3 a.m.? Hmmm? And what if the call is coming from within the house?!?

  29. 29.

    Cassidy

    March 3, 2008 at 11:39 am

    I have never made a clear decision at 3 am. Ever. In fact, I have made some pretty bad (disastrous) personal decisions at 3 am years ago.

    You’re obviously not Presidential timber.

  30. 30.

    Caidence (fmr. Chris)

    March 3, 2008 at 11:41 am

    But would Senator Obama be fully dressed like Senator Clinton at 3 a.m.? Hmmm? And what if the call is coming from within the house?!?

    Oh, god. You mean, the culprits are INSIDE the HOUSE??

    What if the President — searching for the source of the mystery — dwells deep into the basement and discovers a secret room, guarded by fingerprint and retinal scan access (and how come he has access??)?

    And inside, a shadow-decorated room, furnished with cryptic displays of every type! This strange “Situation Room”… according to name plates, this is a table where the “Joint CHEIFS” conspire to do nefarious deeds! But, “Cheifs” of what?? Some long-forgotten Native American tribe, come back to exact revenge against the first born children of the White Devil??

    WHAT WOULD *YOU* DO??

    /DUN DUN DUNNNN

  31. 31.

    Brachiator

    March 3, 2008 at 11:44 am

    Also, as has been mentioned elsewhere by sharper minds than mine, the point of the ad was thus: Hillary Clinton Does Not Sleep.

    Ever.

    Hillary Clinton, like Chuck Norris, does not sleep. She waits.

  32. 32.

    grumpy realist

    March 3, 2008 at 12:05 pm

    Well, if the ability to wake up and deal with an emergency at 3AM is what we need in a President, I’d suggest looking for an experimental scientist from MIT, because a) lotsa people at MIT are awake at 3AM anyway (ahhh the corroded Venezuelan Crude at the 24-hr Coffee House) and b) many an experimentalist has had the experience of getting a phone call from Campus Safety saying:” Dr. Laurie? Um, we’re not exactly sure what happened, but there’s a large hole in the wall of your lab and…..”

    (Moral: do not let the nice janitor turn off the pumps to the apparatus cooling your experiment.)

  33. 33.

    grumpy realist

    March 3, 2008 at 12:11 pm

    (P.S. The MIT experiment I was thinking of did not manage to blow a hole in the wall, but did manage to fry roughly $750K worth of equipment. The hole-in-the-wall case was when someone did not adequately chain a (filled) gas tank to the wall; it fell over; the top broke off with subsequent extreme propulsive activity through quite a few walls….at a university that I shall keep nameless.)

  34. 34.

    DougJ

    March 3, 2008 at 12:16 pm

    John, that just proves that you’re not presidential material.

    But we already knew that from looking at your contertops.

    And what kind of message would it send to the terrorists if they saw our C-in-C eating those Hola fruit ice things?

  35. 35.

    Dug Jay

    March 3, 2008 at 12:30 pm

    Given the somewhat greater than usual number of typos and incorrect grammar usages included in this short post of Mr. Cole, I assume he must have written it at 3:00 AM.

  36. 36.

    Punchy

    March 3, 2008 at 12:35 pm

    Looks like someone called the Steelers GM at 3AM and offered Worthlessberger’s agent, Steely McBent, a 8 year, $102 milly contract.

    Holy crap that’s an enormous deal.

  37. 37.

    J. Michael Neal

    March 3, 2008 at 12:43 pm

    Looks like someone called the Steelers GM at 3AM and offered Worthlessberger’s agent, Steely McBent, a 8 year, $102 milly contract.

    Holy crap that’s an enormous deal.

    Yeah, but they can cut him in two years and owe him $1.98.

  38. 38.

    Svensker

    March 3, 2008 at 12:56 pm

    Hillary Clinton, like Chuck Norris, does not sleep. She waits

    No, no, no. She FINDS you.

  39. 39.

    RSA

    March 3, 2008 at 1:03 pm

    He should tell the right people to pay attention to the issue, tell them to get ready to brief him in the morning, and then go back to bed.

    He could read My Pet Goat to put himself back to sleep.

  40. 40.

    jenniebee

    March 3, 2008 at 1:29 pm

    Denny’s, bitches. Denny’s iz where it AT. Gimmie Moons over Mihammy at 3AM and I may blow the cook.

    Especially in Richmond VA, the Denny’s on West Broad Street at the Glenside exit. But it’s not for the food, it’s because the anchor table is usually occupied at that hour by a group of decidedly non-sober trannies.

  41. 41.

    4tehlulz

    March 3, 2008 at 2:53 pm

    non-sober trannies.

    Continue….

  42. 42.

    DougJ

    March 3, 2008 at 3:23 pm

    I’d like to see one where the call is at 3 pm and it wakes McCain from his afternoon nap.

  43. 43.

    Zuzu

    March 3, 2008 at 5:05 pm

    But we all know Hillary is not only awake, she is fully dressed in suit and pearls, ready to take the call.

  44. 44.

    Zuzu

    March 3, 2008 at 5:08 pm

    At least that is what I glean from anecdotes about such situations over the years. My hunch is that the whole idea of the president’s bedside phone ringing at 3 am is just bogus.

    I dunno. I’m pretty sure Jed Bartlett’s phone rang a few times. I remember Abby being mad as a wet hen, too.

  45. 45.

    JGabriel

    March 3, 2008 at 6:16 pm

    John Cole:

    I have never made a clear decision at 3 am. Ever. In fact, I have made some pretty bad (disastrous) personal decisions at 3 am years ago.

    Cassidy:

    You’re obviously not Presidential timber.

    Maybe not, but he sounds like a guy you’d want to have a beer with – disastrous personal decsions (of others) being a prime form of entertainment.

    .

  46. 46.

    JGabriel

    March 3, 2008 at 6:22 pm

    Caidence:

    P.S. Fuck you if you think that was sexist. Self-imposed bullshit victimology is genderless.

    Ah, but the stupidity is genetic.

    .

  47. 47.

    t jasper parnell

    March 3, 2008 at 7:43 pm

    Bill Clinton said, somewhere or another
    “Every mistake I ever made in my life — personal and political — every significant one, I made when I was too tired.”
    I suspect that we would all be tired at 3 am, unless — as noted — drunkenly demanding condoms, Denny’s food, or related whatnot

  48. 48.

    RSA

    March 3, 2008 at 9:15 pm

    Is Denny’s still the place to go if you’re non-white and want to be refused service or beaten up? Just checking.

  49. 49.

    JGabriel

    March 3, 2008 at 9:27 pm

    Nah, under the Bush administration they’ve made that a government service. Funny how they didn’t want to privatize that one.

    And the government isn’t as discriminatory. They’ll beat up whites too – just tell’em your a liberal.

    .

  50. 50.

    ScottF

    March 3, 2008 at 9:40 pm

    Personally, I’m just getting tired of the phone ringing. Maybe we can find someone to prevent it from ringing in the first place?

  51. 51.

    Tax Analyst

    March 3, 2008 at 9:57 pm

    So what I glean from this (without seeing the ad, of course, so it’s a VERY informed decision) is that HRC,(1) Never sleeps, and (2) is constantly fully and totally informed about EVERY possible contingency and ready to JUMP OUT of bed in a split second (even people who don’t sleep need to rest a little, don’t they) and handle.

    But what if she’s, ya know, “engaged” with Bill at 3:00am?

    I’ll tell ya’ what, though…if I’M President and somebody fucking wakes me at 3am in the morning SOMEBODY is going to nuked, fer shure.

  52. 52.

    Invigilator

    March 4, 2008 at 8:43 pm

    What I want to know is, what if the phone rings at 2:59 or 3:01 am? Why haven’t any of the candidates addressed that question of vital importance for American democracy?

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