Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Our messy unity will be our strength.

Proof that we need a blogger ethics panel.

Conservatism: there are people the law protects but does not bind and others who the law binds but does not protect.

I see no possible difficulties whatsoever with this fool-proof plan.

The arc of history bends toward the same old fuckery.

Shut up, hissy kitty!

Something needs to be done about our bogus SCOTUS.

Our job is not to persuade republicans but to defeat them.

Balloon Juice, where there is always someone who will say you’re doing it wrong.

Let there be snark.

There are a lot more evil idiots than evil geniuses.

Do we throw up our hands or do we roll up our sleeves? (hint, it’s door #2)

We need to vote them all out and restore sane Democratic government.

Books are my comfort food!

The poor and middle-class pay taxes, the rich pay accountants, the wealthy pay politicians.

When someone says they “love freedom”, rest assured they don’t mean yours.

Hell hath no fury like a farmer bankrupted.

Dumb motherfuckers cannot understand a consequence that most 4 year olds have fully sorted out.

It’s not hopeless, and we’re not helpless.

I’d like to think you all would remain faithful to me if i ever tried to have some of you killed.

I’d try pessimism, but it probably wouldn’t work.

Disagreements are healthy; personal attacks are not.

Lick the third rail, it tastes like chocolate!

The fight for our country is always worth it. ~Kamala Harris

You are here: Home / Humorous / ATTN: Sadly, No!

Reader Interactions

97Comments

  2. 2.

    Punchy

    “Sharon Soon”? Is that a stage name, or a timeline of when I can expect her for my table dance?

  3. 3.

    jenniebee

    I liked the one who complained about how selfish and materialistic those bleeding-heart liberal men are.

    So many narratives, so little minds.

  4. 4.

    jake

    Holy skank Batman!

    Gotta love the fact that the female half of the fRightWing don’t like guys who are cocky and talk too much. This greatly decreases the chances they’ll breed.

  5. 5.

    ThymeZone

    First of all, (liberals) don’t have the same values and I find that to be a fundamental problem. I know a lot of people are willing to accept that, but I’m not. Their whole world view is different from someone who has conservative values and traditional values as a way of life.

    Being focused on yourself, and your rights, and materialism, and no ultimate sense of morality — because I guess when you believe in a more secular way of life, a more liberal viewpoint, it’s all about what you can do for yourself and how you can be happy…and you don’t have any belief in absolute truth or religious principles to guide how you live.

    I am way past finding this sort of thing shocking, I have relatives who talk exactly this way.

    What troubles me is that we have to share a country with people like this. With people who think the earth is 6000 years old, and then talk disparagingly about what other people think or believe.

    These people are literally intellectual cripples, which is in itself just sad, but what’s scary is that they think being crippled is superior. And we have seen what happens when we let them try to run the country.

    If anyone never needed to understand why there is spoof, and why we win when the line between spoof and right wing politics is blurred, you need look no further than the linked article here.

    Oh.My.Fucking.God.

    Is there enough pie? If we opened a new Mrs. Smith’s factory, could there be enough pie?

  7. 7.

    Cain

    Er.. I found it wierd that they think that liberal men don’t open doors or pay for their date or what not. I’m sure they are lying. Whether you’re a conservative or a liberal you’re going to do your best to make the best impression to a women you’re interested in. Unless of course, you’re a complete punk.

    For the record, I open doors for everyone regardless of class, creed, and color. heh.

    cain

  8. 8.

    demimondian

    Like, OMFG. They’re, like, you know, I don’t know, like…wow…I mean, you know? Do I really need to *say* it?

  9. 9.

    b. hussein canuckistani

    They are teh hawt, but I’m intimidated by them cuz they are smrt and I am a liberal man of little brain.

  10. 10.

    demimondian

    Whether you’re a conservative or a liberal you’re going to do your best to make the best impression to a women [sic] you’re interested in.

    Um, cain. Hint. “Women” is the plural form.

    The females in whom I’ve been interested — admittedly, given my long-term monogamous status, a rather out of date collection, I’m sure — prefer not to be shared. I’ve never done the experiment, at least not at first hand, but I’ve *heard* that this whole “two-timing” business is generally received with a certain amount of disapprobation by a putative love-interest.

    Just sayin’

  11. 11.

    Halteclere

    I wonder if these “liberal” men that the women dated claimed to be liberal, or (more likely) were just assigned to the category “liberal” when the men didn’t act the way the women thought they should.

  12. 12.

    Jen

    I think the attentions of conservative blog-reading men is an appropriate punishment for being a conservative female blogger.

    Back to the open thread thing, I really wish Davidson had won, and on the .05% chance any Davidson fans are here, I’m really sorry.

    To continue the openness, the Bush administration is evidently proposing a massive financial systems overhaul. Without any investigation whatsoever into what this is, two thoughts. 1. I thought it wasn’t brokee…? and 2. No matter how bad it is, let’s just please wait until the Obama administration. I am sure I have enough canned goods to last me several months and I can hunt, fish, and trap the rest. There are a lot of squirrels around here. So let’s just hold steady. Or, you could try to work for this guy.

  13. 13.

    sparky

    liberal muscle-flexing is bad! ah, now we know the secret of conservative success–flab manipulation!

  14. 14.

    Stooleo

    Yeeeaarrrgg.. Whats up with the last one? (Dawn Eden? (another porn name?)) Shes got them crazy eyes that make you think there is someone behind your right shoulder.

  15. 15.

    4tehlulz

    You know, good young conservative women such as these are like anyone else. They need a little help in the dating world. Since right-wing politics are so important to them, I think they should try these places:

    One
    Two

  16. 16.

    Zifnab

    So there are two girls on that site I’d qualify as “hot” and I’m betting at least one of them is a hyper-mega-bitch from hell.

    Another turn-off with liberal guys, at least for me, tends to be 2nd Amendment stuff. Gun rights? I think it’s kind of wimpy when guys don’t think people should be able to protect themselves.

    LULZ! She wants tickets to the gun show.

  17. 17.

    Krista

    Being focused on yourself, and your rights, and materialism, and no ultimate sense of morality—because I guess when you believe in a more secular way of life, a more liberal viewpoint, it’s all about what you can do for yourself and how you can be happy…and you don’t have any belief in absolute truth or religious principles to guide how you live.

    Grrr…man, you have NO idea how much that burns my ass. So if you don’t believe in some invisible deity in the sky, you don’t have any morals, according to this one.

    Guess what, you stupid, stupid woman? Your morals are in place because you fear punishment and anticipate some sort of afterlife reward. My morals are in place because I want to be a good person, for its own sake. It’s called a conscience — look into it.

    She may be devout, but she’s rather judgemental for a professed Christian. And she’s lucky she’s not saying that within my earshot, because it would take every moral fibre of my being to not give her a swift kick in the box.

  18. 18.

    Notorious P.A.T.

    Being focused on yourself, and your rights, and materialism, and no ultimate sense of morality

    Yet more evidence that the divide in this country is not political, but religious.

    But we’re not allowed to say that, because religion is considered inherently good.

  19. 19.

    Chubbs

    The main thing I got from it and their “ideas” about liberal men was that it is safe to say, Liberals don’t like ugly women.

  20. 20.

    Jen

    Also, can I get an amen for North Carolina, thank you, thank you very much. Did you know we were rewarded with extra delegates for not moving our primary forward? That, Florida, is how you work de system.

  22. 22.

    Zifnab

    She may be devout, but she’s rather judgemental for a professed Christian.

    You’re repeating yourself.

  23. 23.

    jake

    Some of the guys I have dated started out liberal, but they didn’t stay that way.

    You convert them, huh?

    Yeah, pretty much. It’s a slow process, but not impossible and I’ve done it.

    And when I’ve made them into mindless zombies then I cast away their souless bodies and move on to my next victim!

    The braless wonder who complains about guys who don’t act like gentlemen keeps boggling my mind. Sorry, if you flash ’em people are gonna look at ’em.

  24. 24.

    Buck

    Also, can I get an amen for North Carolina

    AMEN! All that is left is to beat Kansas and then UCLA…

    OOPS! Thought we were talking about basketball.

  25. 25.

    jrg

    Back to the open thread thing, I really wish Davidson had won, and on the .05% chance any Davidson fans are here, I’m really sorry.

    Everyone here in Raleigh was pulling for them. It was cool they made it as far as they did.

  26. 26.

    The Other Steve

    That reminds me. I have a bunch of grocery bags out in the garage I have to take in for recycling.

  27. 27.

    Jen

    AMEN! All that is left is to beat Kansas and then UCLA…

    Well, duh, that’s how my bracket goes, too!

    Yeah, I was proud of Davidson. Supposedly the trustees gave bus fare, hotels, and meals to any student who wanted to go to Detroit to see the game.

  29. 29.

    Clif

    An alert for Gavin has been sent over at S,N! As one of the S,N! bloggers, I must thank you for posting a link to that treasure trove of photoshopping opportunity. I’ve been looking for a suitable picture of Ms. Fiano for some time.

  30. 30.

    Voice of Reason

    You’re all dying to know my opinion, so here it is: Sharon is the hottest, and Dawn is the scariest.

  31. 31.

    flavortext

    This Newsweek op-ed by Karl Rove on the Dem convention is actually an interesting read, if only because it reveals just how truly Machiavellian his mind is.

    (Via the excellent Electoral-vote site.)

  32. 32.

    jrg

    In the article about female right-wing bloggers and their dating habits, the word “liberal” is mentioned 23 times (the word “conservative” is only mentioned 20 times).

    This must be very comforting to conservative men. There’s no way I’d be worried if my girlfriend told me 23 times in a day how much she does not like muscular black guys. No sireee!

    Looks to me like all the liberals in town already had romps with these girls, but these gals have not been with enough conservative guys to figure out that all of us men are assholes, regardless of party affiliation.

  33. 33.

    bhagamu

    Wow… I’m about to crack from holding in laughter during class, where I’m reading this.

    Ah well, there goes my hope for conservatives dying out sometime soon… they’re starting to breed :(

  34. 34.

    b. hussein canuckistani

    Being focused on yourself, and your rights, and materialism, and no ultimate sense of morality—because I guess when you believe in a more secular way of life, a more liberal viewpoint, it’s all about what you can do for yourself and how you can be happy…and you don’t have any belief in absolute truth or religious principles to guide how you live.

    I see where they get the notion that liberal men are assholes.. any woman I dated who came out with this might get the door in the face treatment too.

  36. 36.

    Jay B.

    it’s all about what you can do for yourself and how you can be happy…

    That first part is tattooed on your ass when you become a Republican. The second is straight out of the Declaration of Independence. I’m a fan of the latter. More importantly, I like how self-interest and joy are apparently anti-religious. Why, again, do people go to church?

    and you don’t have any belief in absolute truth or religious principles to guide how you live.

    I’ll have to agree with that one. Today, like most days, I woke up, punched a cat, put toast on my feet, drove into a line of kids on a crosswalk and then polished the golden calf that hangs from my rear view mirror, before threatening an old lady, stealing some candy from a child and screaming at my co-workers.

  37. 37.

    Blue Raven

    Being focused on yourself, and your rights, and materialism, and no ultimate sense of morality—because I guess when you believe in a more secular way of life, a more liberal viewpoint, it’s all about what you can do for yourself and how you can be happy…and you don’t have any belief in absolute truth or religious principles to guide how you live.

    Being a polytheist myself, this sort would accuse me of the same thing despite the fact I have an entire freaking committee to deal with instead of a single entity. But then, I don’t think I’ll be doomed to eternal torture in the afterlife if I don’t toe the line, so clearly I’m just as selfish and stupid as an atheist. Pay no attention to the virtues described in the mythology! None of them existed before the Christians invented them (ok, ok, the Jews had them, but they’re imperfect Christians, so says Ann Coulter).

  38. 38.

    slag

    Being focused on yourself, and your rights, and materialism, and no ultimate sense of morality—because I guess when you believe in a more secular way of life, a more liberal viewpoint, it’s all about what you can do for yourself and how you can be happy…and you don’t have any belief in absolute truth or religious principles to guide how you live.

    Can I just say that their materialism and vapid selfishness is possibly the biggest reason I dislike conservatives, in general. I guess it’s all who you know.

  39. 39.

    The Other Steve

    you know, reading through these we should have are own thread about dating tips.

    My first tip. Be wary of dates who go to the restroom after eating more food than the reigning champion of the international hot dog competition.

  40. 40.

    Brachiator

    ThymeZone Says:

    What troubles me is that we have to share a country with people like this. With people who think the earth is 6000 years old, and then talk disparagingly about what other people think or believe.

    On my worst days, it sometimes troubles me that I have to share a country with anyone who does not think exactly like I do.

    On the other hand, in the days of my desolate youth, the last thing I cared about was a woman’s ideology.

    Meanwhile, in another corner of the forest, while getting ready this morning, I listened to a snippet of Rush Limbaugh’s Morning update, prattling on about how great the economy is doing, thanks to the Bush Administration fending off all those evil libruls. And then I see these two stories on teh Internets:

    As Jobs Vanish and Prices Rise, Food Stamp Use Nears Record

    Driven by a painful mix of layoffs and rising food and fuel prices, the number of Americans receiving food stamps is projected to reach 28 million in the coming year, the highest level since the aid program began in the 1960s.

    The number of recipients, who must have near-poverty incomes to qualify for benefits averaging $100 a month per family member, has fluctuated over the years along with economic conditions, eligibility rules, enlistment drives and natural disasters like Hurricane Katrina, which led to a spike in the South.

    But recent rises in many states appear to be resulting mainly from the economic slowdown, officials and experts say, as well as inflation in prices of basic goods that leave more families feeling pinched. Citing expected growth in unemployment, the Congressional Budget Office this month projected a continued increase in the monthly number of recipients in the next fiscal year, starting Oct. 1 — to 28 million, up from 27.8 million in 2008, and 26.5 million in 2007.

    And from the Beltway, land of milk and cronies,HUD chief quitting, cites family reasons

    The Bush administration’s top housing official, under criminal investigation and intense pressure from Democratic critics, announced Monday he is quitting.

    Housing and Urban Development Secretary Alphonso Jackson said his resignation will take effect on April 18. The move comes at a shaky time for the economy and the Bush administration, as the housing industry’s crisis has imperiled the nation’s credit markets and led to a major economic slowdown.

    Jackson, 62, has been fending off allegations of cronyism and favoritism involving HUD contractors for the past two years. The FBI has been examining the ties between Jackson and a friend who was paid $392,000 by Jackson’s department as a construction manager in New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina.

    The HUD chief made no direct mention of that in his resignation statement. Explaining his move, he said: “There comes a time when one must attend more diligently to personal and family matters. Now is such a time for me.”

    He did not take questions or elaborate on the family reasons he cited for the decision. The group assembled to hear Jackson’s statement applauded and he left the room.

    President Bush said he accepted Jackson’s resignation “with regret.”

    “I have known Alphonso Jackson for many years, and I have known him to be a strong leader and a good man,” Bush said in a prepared statement released by the White House.

    Jackson has a friendship with President Bush that dates to the late 1980s, when they lived in the same Dallas neighborhood. He was the first black leader of the housing authority in Dallas and president of American Electric Power-TEXAS in Austin.

    I guess it is a cheer for diversity that Dubya’s cronyism is color blind.

  41. 41.

    The Other Steve

    On the other hand, in the days of my desolate youth, the last thing I cared about was a woman’s ideology.

    I was more concerned with the size of her land holdings.

  42. 42.

    The Other Steve

    I was more concerned with the size of her land holdings.

    Does this make me materialistic?

  43. 43.

    The Other Andrew

    I’m amazed that they can make claims about “absolute truth” while simultaneously denying evolution and climate change, performing semantics-gymnastics about Iraq, and proudly putting agenda above reality whenever they can. If someone spontaneously combusts from cognitive dissonance, is it still spontaneous?

  44. 44.

    slag

    I was more concerned with the size of her land holdings.

    Does this make me materialistic?

    Only in an eighteenth century sort of way.

  45. 45.

    libarbarian

    I was going to try and start a game of “Shag, Marry, and Maim”, but then I realized that I would just maim them all.

  47. 47.

    slag

    Another turn-off with liberal guys, at least for me, tends to be 2nd Amendment stuff. Gun rights? I think it’s kind of wimpy when guys don’t think people should be able to protect themselves.

    Yeah. That Bruce Lee and his wimpy hand-to-hand combat. I look at him and think, “What a wuss–if only he had a gun”. Doesn’t everybody?

  48. 48.

    Zifnab

    I’m amazed that they can make claims about “absolute truth” while simultaneously denying evolution and climate change, performing semantics-gymnastics about Iraq, and proudly putting agenda above reality whenever they can.

    It helps if you’ve mastered the art of being a giant fucking liar.

  50. 50.

    Susan Kitchens

    Being focused on yourself, and your rights, and materialism, and no ultimate sense of morality

    Wait a second. I though that my private property was a good thing. So good, it’s, well sacred. I have the right to defend myself. Second amendment and all that. it’s my right. And that is a good thing.

    My right to advance my own lot in life by working hard to acquire wealth and enjoy the fruits of my labors is a good thing. And my right to make a killing in the stock market and not have to pay capital gains tax — well, sure, you might call that materialistic, but it’s a conservative materialistic viewpoint, and therefore, it’s good.

    I stand strong for conservative values!

    because I guess when you believe in a more secular way of life, a more liberal viewpoint, it’s all about what you can do for yourself and how you can be happy…

    Further, I hate it when those gosh-darn libruls say that the government has a right to take my hard earned money and redistribute it to others who aren’t, you know, deserving. It’s my material wealth that the government is stealing, I tell you — stealing! It’s my private property, I tell you! And private property is sacred! Sacred!

  51. 51.

    LiberalTarian

    “… and they have all dated a lot.” No kidding. Serially single, looking for the perfect conservative man. And they don’t like ’em too sissy and they don’t like ’em to macho–paging Larry Craig, Mark Foley, Gannon/Guckert, Rush Limbaugh*, Roy Cohn, David Drier …

    Yes, I think these women are looking to be the ultimate fag hag. Nothing wrong with that, just be clear on your objectives ladies.

    *My gaydar says absolutely.

  52. 52.

    Gerald Curl

    Good gravy, Sharon Soon’s jumper cable saga is the worst story of all time. Sharon, dear, when you tell that story to someone, the look you see on his or her face is called agony. People often look interested when they’re in physical pain.

  53. 53.

    montysano

    Shorter Dawn Eden:

    Personally I’m totally into balling liberals, but the voices in my head tell me that it’s wrong.

    Man, she’s got them Glenn-Close-in-“Fatal Attraction” eyes.

  54. 54.

    binzinerator

    it’s all about what you can do for yourself and how you can be happy…and you don’t have any belief in absolute truth or religious principles to guide how you live.

    Jebus H., this is a modern conservative worldview, not a liberal one.

    The projection here is total.

    None of the movement conservatives believe in any absolute truth or religious principles, other than doing whatever the fuck they want and whatever the fuck it takes to stay in power. Religious principles are adhered to only when they can be used to further that goal.

    We’ve seen this incredible moral hypocrisy demonstrated over and over again by these people. Just look at their putative leader of this movement, the Born Again and self-described Man of Faith and Compassionate Conservative George W. Bush. Here is a man who insists on the sanctity of life found in a petri dish of stem cells while repeatedly lying to start a war that has killed hundreds of thousands of real human beings, among them tens of thousands of children. Here is a man who claims “we don’t torture”, even though he was responsible for the promulglation of state-sponsored torture. Here is a man who belligerently insists on more and more privacy for what he does as a public servant while eliminating the privacy of private citizens in this country. Here is a man who claims your rights as a citizen are safe while reserving for himself the power to decide which citizens may retain those rights. Here is the man who has called on the young men and women of this nation to leave their families and go enlist and fight in his war, and yet who sought to avoid and successfully avoided fighting in the war of his time. Here is a man who insists that those in the guard and the reserves and elsewhere honor their obligations even as he repeatedly changed the terms to prevent their coming home when their time was done, and yet who had disappeared from his own unit rather than honor his own safe and minimal military obligation.

    Every principle of conservatism, of patriotism, of democracy, of christianity has been twisted and turned inside-out by these fake christian greedy little fucks.

    For people who have demonstrated over and over again their own moral relativity, that their guiding principle is the ends justifies the means, it’s stunning how they simultaneously believe they have a moral superiority.

    But then again, they’re Conservatives. Their capacity for hypocrisy and their inability for introspection, empathy, and self-awareness is legendary.

    “Fuck you I’ve got mine” is the watchword of conservatism. That is their real guide on how to live.

  55. 55.

    John Cole

    I went to dinner with a boyfriend and we were just hanging out in the parking lot on a random Sunday night and we ended up getting into a fight and he had this policy of not leaving until we settled it. So, he didn’t want to let me out of the car until we settled this fight.

    That is a recipe for success.

  56. 56.

    Krista

    I went to dinner with a boyfriend and we were just hanging out in the parking lot on a random Sunday night and we ended up getting into a fight and he had this policy of not leaving until we settled it. So, he didn’t want to let me out of the car until we settled this fight.

    Good catch, John. That IS creepy as hell, isn’t it? Evidently she has a thing for false imprisonment. No wonder she didn’t like liberal guys — they’re sort of against that kind of thing.

  57. 57.

    jake

    I’m not going to make a joke about Double Gitmo.

    In fact, the knowledge that these young ladies could easily grow up to be Pam Atlas/Debbie Schussel clones makes me feel a little guilty for laughing at the way they dress and pose like something out of Girls Gone Wild and whitter about the importance of morals and their heads don’t explode from the cognitive dissonace.

  59. 59.

    LiberalTarian

    I went to dinner with a boyfriend and we were just hanging out in the parking lot on a random Sunday night and we ended up getting into a fight and he had this policy of not leaving until we settled it. So, he didn’t want to let me out of the car until we settled this fight.

    And she was two-minutes walk from her house. I dunno.

  60. 60.

    petereugene

    Gerald Curl Says:

    Good gravy, Sharon Soon’s jumper cable saga is the worst story of all time. Sharon, dear, when you tell that story to someone, the look you see on his or her face is called agony. People often look interested when they’re in physical pain.

    Think someone should tell Ms. Soon and her equally knuckleheaded boyfriend that the trunk of the car is a mighty fine place to store the jumper cables?

    In the house? Both of them? WTF?

    Or is it just too much fun watching them fight about whose house to go to to get the cables?

  61. 61.

    The Humanist

    We were sitting in the car and I left my car on and when I realized it was going to be a while, I turned my car off. I didn’t realize that my lights were on. My car was parked 3 houses away from my house because I lived with my mother and she had this tendency to look out the window and spy on me. So, two hours later, my car wouldn’t start and it was stuck a block in front of my house.…

    We needed to jump the car with jumper cables, but I couldn’t go in my house and get them. My boyfriend decided we would drive back to his house, which was half an hour away, to get the jumper cables. So, we drove, and couldn’t find the jumper cables. So, we called AAA and were on hold for a while by that point and then AAA hung up on us. We were so tired we slept in the car for a little while. We kept trying to call AAA back, we got them back, and they said they’d be there in 15 minutes. But, we tried the car again and I guess, because it had been 3 or 4 hours, the battery has juiced back up and the car started fine. So, at like 4:30 in the morning, I was able to get my car in the driveway where it belonged and I could go home.

    To recap the incredible true saga of survival against all odds by Ms. Sharon Soon:

    1) She turns her car off, but doesn’t notice the bright headlights are still on. Well, she did have a lengthy fight with the boyfriend to launch into!
    2) She is stuck with her dead-battery car a full three houses….ONE SUBURBAN BLOCK from the sweet embrace of home (which is apparently guarded by Piper Laurie from the movie Carrie)
    3) With absolutely no chance to walk the block to her house and get jumper cables, the young lovers are forced to make a crucial decision….take the one working car that they have and drive a 1/2 hour to the boyfriend’s pad!
    4) To add to the mountain of obstacles Sharon faced, the villains at AAA hung up on her. I probably would have too if this was the story she was peddling.
    5) After enduring a cavalcade of miseries (including sleeping in a car because walking a block back to her home was out of the question), her car miraculously comes back to life…and is able to complete the arduous one-block journey back to home and hearth.

    Soon to come to a cineplex near you…

  62. 62.

    Jay B.

    That’s like After Hours without the jokes to relieve the state of tension and ameliorate the suspension of disbelief.

  63. 63.

    jake

    My car was parked 3 houses away from my house because I lived with my mother and she had this tendency to look out the window and spy on me.

    OK. Either this is some well crafted spoof or it’s all elaborate fRightWing code for “After our argument my boyfriend and I had hot ‘everything except officially violate our chastity vows’ make up sex and fell asleep. Call me!”

    Nom de Pole aside, no red blooded neoconservette would object to a mom keeping an eye on her darling daughter. And if mom were that concerned, she would have noticed that DD didn’t show up until near dawn.

    Mom would also have be stone blind if she didn’t notice a car three houses away that sat there long enough for the lights to drain the batteries and call the cops to report lurking terrists.

  64. 64.

    Cain

    Um, cain. Hint. “Women” is the plural form.

    The females in whom I’ve been interested—admittedly, given my long-term monogamous status, a rather out of date collection, I’m sure—prefer not to be shared. I’ve never done the experiment, at least not at first hand, but I’ve heard that this whole “two-timing” business is generally received with a certain amount of disapprobation by a putative love-interest.

    Man, I mistype ONE letter, and you’re giving me grief. :-) two-timing of course is probably not a great experiment to try. A woman scorned is not one you should trifle with.

    cain

  66. 66.

    jake

    Note to Interior Designers: No one really wants to return to the womb. It’s just something people say while they’re stoned. Please adjust your color palette accordingly, thank you.

    Man. At least we now know why Jimmy Carville is sofaking nuts.

  67. 67.

    Librarian

    Some of the guys I have dated started out liberal, but they didn’t stay that way.

    You convert them, huh?

    Yeah, pretty much. It’s a slow process, but not impossible and I’ve done

    Yeah, it’s tough taking a thoughtful, caring, unselfish person and turning him into a callous, heartless, uncaring, selfish, ignorant asshole.

  68. 68.

    dnA

    Everyone’s missing far and away the best line:

    My experience with liberals is that superficially, they may be more fun to be around. They’re a bit looser and more relaxed. They make an effort to be more sensitive, but the sensitivity only goes so far. It’s easy for a man to keep this illusion of being a great, sensitive romantic if he knows he’s just going to sleep with you and then say good-bye. Anybody can be Mr. Love God for one night or one week or one month.

    Didn’t stick around for breakfast, did he?

  69. 69.

    Dork

    Some of the guys I have dated started out liberal, but they didn’t stay that way.

    You convert them, huh?

    Yeah, pretty much. It’s a slow process, but not impossible and I’ve done

    And when she quits giving out the poontang, $100 says he gives up the “conservatism”. Natch.

  70. 70.

    jenniebee

    The comments are just a gold mine:

    If you marry a modern liberal or a progressive, then there’s more than a chance that she’s has a victim and/or entitlement mindset. That’s not much of a problem during the good times, but come the bad times, you’re going to join the ranks of the divorced.

    That’s just so bugfuck crazy, it can’t be deconstructed, it just has to be hung there and contemplated. It’s the Warhol’s Soup Can of conservative idiocy.

    But I would have to disagree that a hallmark of liberalism is the arrogant dismissal of new ideas. I think that is a hallmark of far left liberals like those at the Kos.

    If this is true, then it’s time for a language re-alignment. Liberals will have to be renamed “Liberal Conservatives” and the people we now call conservatives can be… I dunno… the Counter-Revolutionary Front?

    This looks like a good moment to remind that the human sexual organ is between the ears, not the legs. She can be an 11/10 on the scale of sheer total hotness, but if her brain’s addled, she’ll also be a bad lay. (Rule of thumb: the easier girls are, the worse they are in bed.)

    This one starts out good, then dissolves into a puddle of sex-obsessed jackassedness.

    See, that’s the problem, there is no such thing as a classy liberal female. There’s classy females, and liberal females.

    A person who makes this statement knows from classy?

    Oh, but it is. Liberalism, as a disorder, combines elements of psychological projection, narcissistic personality disorder and ADD/ADHD. Those who suffer from it are simultaneously convinced that they are the center of the universe and not responsible for their own actions. It’s really quite fascinating, from a psychological standpoint.

    Physician, heal thyself.

    Whoops, looks like he isn’t qualified to do that!

    I only minored in [psychology] (undeclared at the end, sadly, because I didn’t want to deal with the bureaucracy), but have kept up with my reading, especially over the last eight years of studying Liberals. My conclusion: you’re friggin’ nuts!

    Huh. I bet he thought he was being funny or something there.

  71. 71.

    Librarian

    I tend not to date liberals, for a reason. Politics is so important to what I do and I follow it so much. I can’t respect a guy who’s liberal all that much because it makes me question his intelligence. So, that’s a big minus because I’m thinking how smart can this guy be if he thinks John Kerry is a great politician? (Laughs) If he thinks Barack Obama would be a great President, I think, gee, how bright could this guy be?

    Talk about projection. This one is channeling Ann Coulter.

  73. 73.

    Prospero

    1. Pick one old book out of hundreds simular.
    2. Skip bits you don’t like and pick ones you like.
    3. Spin bits you’ve picked in whatever way you please.
    4. Call this “absolute God-given morality”.
    5. ???
    6. Prof(e)it!

  74. 74.

    libarbarian

    To recap the incredible true saga of survival against all odds by Ms. Sharon Soon:

    1) She turns her car off, but doesn’t notice the bright headlights are still on. Well, she did have a lengthy fight with the boyfriend to launch into!
    2) She is stuck with her dead-battery car a full three houses….ONE SUBURBAN BLOCK from the sweet embrace of home (which is apparently guarded by Piper Laurie from the movie Carrie)
    3) With absolutely no chance to walk the block to her house and get jumper cables, the young lovers are forced to make a crucial decision….take the one working car that they have and drive a 1/2 hour to the boyfriend’s pad!
    4) To add to the mountain of obstacles Sharon faced, the villains at AAA hung up on her. I probably would have too if this was the story she was peddling.
    5) After enduring a cavalcade of miseries (including sleeping in a car because walking a block back to her home was out of the question), her car miraculously comes back to life…and is able to complete the arduous one-block journey back to home and hearth.

    Am I the only one who think the entire story reeks of the “I didnt want my overly protective parents to suspect I was 3 houses down getting fucked in a car like a 2-dollar whore. I spent my youth rebelling against them by fucking everyone who had a cock and paid me any attention, but now that I’m a conservative and expected to uphold morality, I will just leave all the sex details out and hope my story still makes sense.

  75. 75.

    merrinc

    Back to the open thread thing, I really wish Davidson had won, and on the .05% chance any Davidson fans are here, I’m really sorry.

    *waves*

    Thanks, Jen. We are very proud of our team.

  77. 77.

    jake

    Then again, you are talking about a woman who enjoys seeing James Carville naked.

    Oh you just HAD to go there, didn’t you? What’s your address, I want to send you a boot full of sick.

  80. 80.

    scrutinizer

    Rule of thumb: the easier girls are, the worse they are in bed.

    Nope. Not true at all.

  81. 81.

    The Other Steve

    Then again, you are talking about a woman who enjoys seeing James Carville naked. Why would we expect a fine sense of aesthetics from her in the first place?

    While James Carville may be no Matt Damon, I can assure you that Mary Matalin most certainly ain’t no Jessica Alba.

  82. 82.

    LiberalTarian

    Some of the guys I have dated started out liberal, but they didn’t stay that way.

    You convert them, huh?

    Yeah, pretty much. It’s a slow process, but not impossible and I’ve done

    Really, it’s more like, “Please, stop harping on me. Alright, alright, I’m a conservative.”

  83. 83.

    libarbarian

    Rule of thumb: the easier girls are, the worse they are in bed

    .
    Nope. Not true at all.

    It depends. If your idea of “good in bed” is “able to lay perfectly still and suppress all enjoyment while I do my dirty business and then pray for forgiveness with me afterwards”, I suppose it’s probably true.

  84. 84.

    Echo without Bunnies or Men

    Well, these girls are all single, so what does that tell you?
    They are frigid.

  85. 85.

    demimondian

    Christ on toast, that’s one ugly decorating scheme.

    Then again, you are talking about a woman who enjoys seeing James Carville naked. Why would we expect a fine sense of aesthetics from her in the first place?

    Half of me wants to barf at the thought of seeing James Carville naked. The other half is nauseous at the thought of seeing Mary Matalin naked. If the two halves ever manage to establish communications, I’m in trouble, I think.

    Seriously, I wish I had the gonads to actually decorate a room that way. I think I have the good sense not to do it, but I wish I had the out and out chutzpah to actually be really in-your-face enough to inflict that level of PINK…in mean PINKPINKPINKSHOCKINGPINK…on people…and then make them sit in it. It has a certain aggressive charm, you know?

  86. 86.

    jake

    Someone needs to test the water for LSD chez Carville/Maitlin, STAT.

    and then make them sit in it. It has a certain aggressive charm, you know?

    When you realize that’s their dining room “aggressive charm” becomes “Sadism with no safe word.”

    I bet Maitlin ties people to the chairs (with pink silk ropes) and force feeds them pink food. “Would you likes some more LOBSTER NEWBURG? How about some PINK GRAPEFRUIT? Mwhahahaha!”

    And then Carville comes in. Wearing a pink tutu.

    And the victim is too full to scream.

  87. 87.

    Lesley

    I’m trying to picture a liberal who’d want to date Cassie or any of of those twits. I guess they’d have to be desperate.

  88. 88.

    Brachiator

    libarbarian Says:

    Am I the only one who think the entire story reeks of the “I didnt want my overly protective parents to suspect I was 3 houses down getting fucked in a car like a 2-dollar .00002 Diamond whore.”

    Adjusted according to the Spitzer Sleaze Index.

  90. 90.

    Je support les troops

    ?!:

    I think that’s because conservative men buy into this feminist orthodoxy less. They don’t have a thing about paying for you on a date…

    Indeed.

  91. 91.

    Dan

    Chubby white trash. Too bad they are conservatives. They seem to be Bill Clinton’s type.

    Wait a minute, let me back up. The Clintons are starting to romance the right-wing these days.

  93. 93.

    woobie

    Tell me the worst dating story of your life.

    I went to dinner with a boyfriend and we were just hanging out in the parking lot on a random Sunday night and we ended up getting into a fight and he had this policy of not leaving until we settled it. So, he didn’t want to let me out of the car until we settled this fight.

    We were fighting for like another 2 hours. …We were sitting in the car and I left my car on and when I realized it was going to be a while, I turned my car off. I didn’t realize that my lights were on. My car was parked 3 houses away from my house because I lived with my mother and she had this tendency to look out the window and spy on me. So, two hours later, my car wouldn’t start and it was stuck a block in front of my house.

    It was a disaster. We needed to jump the car with jumper cables, but I couldn’t go in my house and get them. My boyfriend decided we would drive back to his house, which was half an hour away, to get the jumper cables. So, we drove, and couldn’t find the jumper cables. So, we called AAA and were on hold for a while by that point and then AAA hung up on us. We were so tired we slept in the car for a little while. We kept trying to call AAA back, we got them back, and they said they’d be there in 15 minutes. But, we tried the car again and I guess, because it had been 3 or 4 hours, the battery has juiced back up and the car started fine. So, at like 4:30 in the morning, I was able to get my car in the driveway where it belonged and I could go home.

    price of dating your kidnapping boyfriend: 0 dollars
    value of common sense instilled by parents: 0 dollars
    reading this on April Fool’s day AND it’s true: priceless

  94. 94.

    Phoenician in a time of Romans

    Looks to me like all the liberals in town already had romps with these girls, but these gals have not been with enough conservative guys to figure out that all of us men are assholes, regardless of party affiliation.

    Well, Dawn Eden the-born-again-virgin apparently was a rock journalist and hung out with a lot of touring bands when she was in her twenties. Then she edged over thirty and started talking about how wonderful chastity is.

    Draw your own conclusions.

Comments are closed.

Trackbacks

  2. […] 31, 2008 Blogolicious Insider Blogostuff Posted by John O under Political | Tags: Balloon Juice, bat signal, blogger dating, John Cole,Sadly No! |   You go here, first. From a registered former GOP voter and apologist turned smart, practical, objective Democrat. You could call John, “unusual.” […]