Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

We are aware of all internet traditions.

I didn’t have alien invasion on my 2023 BINGO card.

Putting aside our relentless self-interest because the moral imperative is crystal clear.

Reality always lies in wait for … Democrats.

Do not shrug your shoulders and accept the normalization of untruths.

New McCarthy, same old McCarthyism.

In my day, never was longer.

I’d like to think you all would remain faithful to me if i ever tried to have some of you killed.

Putin dreamed of ending NATO, and now it’s Finnish-ed.

Is it negotiation when the other party actually wants to shoot the hostage?

Anyone who bans teaching American history has no right to shape America’s future.

If you’re pissed about Biden’s speech, he was talking about you.

The arc of history bends toward the same old fuckery.

Fuck these fucking interesting times.

I did not have this on my fuck 2022 bingo card.

Ah, the different things are different argument.

Authoritarian republicans are opposed to freedom for the rest of us.

“Squeaker” McCarthy

Republicans choose power over democracy, every day.

Shallow, uninformed, and lacking identity

Republicans don’t trust women.

Ron DeSantis, the grand wizard, oops, governor of FL

Republicans seem to think life begins at the candlelight dinner the night before.

I see no possible difficulties whatsoever with this fool-proof plan.

You are here: Home / z-Retired Categories / Site Maintenance / Update: 9,000,000th Visitor

Update: 9,000,000th Visitor

by | 59 Comments

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And the winner is…

Well, I don’t know… I do know the IP Address, the Domain, and where the person is from. If you believe it’s possible you were the 9,000,000th visitor, leave a comment (include your location and ISP) and I will check the IP address against the Sitemeter database to see for sure (and I know Sitemeter is not necessarily the most accurate, but it’s the best I have.)

The winner visited at exactly 12:52:40 pm (Eastern) and is from Canada.

The prize is a $20 gift certificate of your choice. It has to be something I can get online and email to you.

Update: We have a winner!! Congrats, Partisan. Let me know in the comments what type of gift certificate you want, and I will email it to the address you use to comment.

Reader Interactions

59Comments

  3. 3.

    capelza

    I was thinking Krista, too.

    Hmmmm…poutine, it’s cold (in a very wet way here) and I want some. I’ll make it for dinner.

  5. 5.

    chiggins

    It’s me! It’s me! I’m from the Great White North! Um.. The Great White Northeast!

    Okay, Northeast D.C., um.. sorta.

    THAT REALLY COOL THING IN THE SKYMALL CATALOG! GIMME! C’MON!

  6. 6.

    Adam C

    That actually might be me. Kind of unlikely since I don’t represent many of the first 8,999,999 visitors…

  10. 10.

    jake

    Congrats, Krista! (I also assume.)
    You can utterly crush our spirits by telling us how your $20 US GC bought a pack of gum and a beer.

    American beer.

  11. 11.

    Ed Drone

    Alas, I was taking online training for my job at that time. Danged work gets in the way every time!

    Ed

  12. 12.

    Adam C

    The easiest way to do this is to tell me where you live and who your provider is…

    Sorry. That would be “Mississauga” and “Rogers”. Is that location information given out when I visit a site?

  13. 13.

    ThymeZone

    I think it’s Krista by acclamation.

    Congrats, Krista. Please remember us little people who helped you along the way :)

    Not me, I am referring to actual little people, such as midgets.

  15. 15.

    Zifnab

    Do they have midgets in Canada? I thought the import tariff on those guys was really high.

  16. 16.

    Neal

    Not me, I am referring to actual little people, such as midgets.

    You never get your money’s worth with a midget.

  18. 18.

    Partisan

    C’est Moi?

    Kamloops, Shaw,….

    Keep it mind it is Visitor, not comments.

    __________

    We have a winner!! Congrats, Partisan.

    Where would you like the Gift Certificate to come from? Should I send it to the email address you use to comment?

  24. 24.

    schooner

    I was on last night in Ottawa. My provider is Bell Sympatico but I’d have to check my ISP when I get home.

  26. 26.

    jake

    Unless the midget has big ears and a flat head you can set your beer on.

    Don’t forget the teeth that roll back in their head.

    You guys suck. Or your midgets suck.

    Whatever. My co-workers are reaching for the tranq gun again.

    Congrats Partisan (and John).

  29. 29.

    ThymeZone

    Yes, but applying the Hillary Rule, Krista is the winner if we always assumed that any Canadian poster of note would be Krista, and she was won all of the “big” provinces.

    Also, Krista has proven she can win under pressure. In this case, the pressure of having no evidence that she is actually the 9m-th visitor. Or has the experience to hold that position. She wins because We Want Her To Win.

    So let’s put petty differences aside, and declare Krista the winner.

  31. 31.

    aghast

    I’m in Canada (NB, upper St John Valley, actually Michael) My IP address is 142.167.66.133

    (Waiting breathlessly…..)

  32. 32.

    Decided FenceSitter

    ThymeZone Says:

    Yes, but applying the Hillary Rule, Krista is the winner if we always assumed that any Canadian poster of note would be Krista, and she was won all of the “big” provinces.

    Also, Krista has proven she can win under pressure. In this case, the pressure of having no evidence that she is actually the 9m-th visitor. Or has the experience to hold that position. She wins because We Want Her To Win.

    So let’s put petty differences aside, and declare Krista the winner.

    Mr. Thymezone, please provide an address so that an invoice may be sent for:

    1 Monitor
    1 Keyboard
    1 12oz. Coke Zero
    1 Pain and Suffering due to the use of Coke Zero as an involuntary and unplanned reverse neti pot.

    Thank you,
    Decided FenceSitter’s Lawyer

  34. 34.

    DougJ

    Yes, but applying the Hillary Rule, Krista is the winner if we always assumed that any Canadian poster of note would be Krista, and she was won all of the “big” provinces.

    This is a caucus anyway, so the whole contest doesn’t count.

  35. 35.

    Billy K

    I say we give it to Krista anyway. Who is this “Partisan,” anyway? Do we really know him? Hell, do we even know if it’s a “him?”

    We KNOW Krista is a “her,” right?

  36. 36.

    Mary

    Yay for Partisan! This calls for a little poetry in celebration:

    “In Kamloops, I’ll eat your boots.
    In Trois-Rivieres, I’ll eat your hair.”

    Well, just a little poetry. Not the whole thing. I wouldn’t want to spoil you.

  37. 37.

    Neal

    This is a caucus anyway, so the whole contest doesn’t count.

    Are there a lot of black commenters here at Balloon Juice? Cuz, you know, Jesse Jackson might win here if that were the case and…and…John Cole voted Republican in the past so he’s a red stater…and…and…what difference does it make if you win a democrat primary in a red state since, you know, they are going to vote GOP anyway? Right?
    I say Krista gets it.

  38. 38.

    Kathy

    Oh, it’s me, Hillary!!! I’m actually from Canada by way of Illinois, Arkansas, New York, Pennsylvania, Punjab…

  39. 39.

    Krista

    leave a comment (include your location and ISP)

    Nova Scotia. Aliant/Bell Sympatico

    Michael already said it wasn’t me, but I’m very touched by all of the support. You wonderful, hard-working Americans deserve a Canadian who will not quit, and I vow to you now that I will not quit. However, I do need your support. Please make all campaign donation cheques payable to “Krista Election Campaign” and funnel them through John, who knows how to find me.

    (On a side note, however: I know Mary commented a couple of times yesterday, and she’s a Canuck as well. Could be her!)

  40. 40.

    Krista

    Oh duh, I just read the comments more closely. Congrats, Partisan.

    Of course, you do realize that because we’re a country of hippie socialists that you have to share that $20 with the rest of us, right?

  41. 41.

    Notorious P.A.T.

    The winner is from Canada.

    Are you sure it’s not Michigan? We’re sort of like Canada.

  44. 44.

    Jon H

    From the pie story: “One side of the pamphlet contains an excerpt from a September 2006 review of Friedman’s book, “The World is Flat,” written by Raymond Lotta for the journal “Revolution,” which styles itself as the “Voice of the Revolutionary Communist Party, USA.” The review is highly critical of Friedman, who the review claims cannot see his own errors while “seated in the business class of his analytical jetliner.””

    How big of an idiot do you have to be, as an environmentalist, to not realize that the biggest environmental catastrophes on Earth were in Communist countries?

    I’m glad Friedman got pied, but seriously.

  46. 46.

    firebrand

    Tom Friedman got pied? That’s a pretty ballsy move in this day and age. I mean, with all this food price inflation, imagine how much that pie cost at the supermarket.

  48. 48.

    Zifnab

    How big of an idiot do you have to be, as an environmentalist, to not realize that the biggest environmental catastrophes on Earth were in Communist countries?

    I think you can be a Communist without being a Maoist or a Stalinist. The USSR and the People’s Republic of China betrayed the basic ideological tenants of Communism – workers’ rights, equal distribution of resources, universal brotherhood – about as badly as physically possible. That’s part of the reason their revolutions failed.

    That said, you can be a Socialist or a Communist without blissfully longing for the days of Chernobyl or The Great Leap Forward in much the same way that you can be a Capitalist without applauding the Exxon Valdez.

  52. 52.

    b. hussein canuckistani

    If we are doing the Canadian socialist beer and doughnut sharing thing, count me in.
    After all, I live in Toronto, and it’s my job to take stuff from the cowboys and newfs that live in other parts of the country.

  53. 53.

    PeterJ

    If Partisan sends his/her $20 to Obama, I’ll match it. Come on, who’s with me??

    Would probably be best not to do that.
    If he’s Canadian he can’t give Obama money, if he’s a US citizen then it might be problems depending on who gave him the money…

    It will just end with a Special Ed post about how foreigners are funding Obama through Balloon Juice…

  54. 54.

    ThymeZone

    Mr. Thymezone, please provide an address so that an invoice may be sent for:

    1 Monitor
    1 Keyboard
    1 12oz. Coke Zero
    1 Pain and Suffering due to the use of Coke Zero as an involuntary and unplanned reverse neti pot.

    Thank you,
    Decided FenceSitter’s Lawyer

    Well, a small check is being sent to your lawyer, but I cannot be expected to buy every piece of equipment that is damaged by spitting up beverages when I make a joke.

    Instead, I will make a donation in your name to the Save the Keyboards Foundation.

  56. 56.

    nightjar

    It will just end with a Special Ed post about how foreigners are funding Obama through Balloon Juice…

    Canadians aren’t foreigners, are they? I like to think of them as our comrade cousins living in the attic.

    Anyways, I’ll make a donation after the 1st. Although, since the primary race is over, I don’t know why.

  59. 59.

    Partisan

    John,

    any chance that you can donate the gift certificate to a worthy local charity in your neck of the woods, or even recycle it into keeping the blog going?

    I hate to bring it up, but $20 USD is not the money it used to be, : )

Comments are closed.