Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

If you tweet it in all caps, that makes it true!

You cannot shame the shameless.

Stamping your little feets and demanding that they see how important you are? Not working anymore.

Shut up, hissy kitty!

Hey Washington Post, “Democracy Dies in Darkness” was supposed to be a warning, not a mission statement.

Republicans don’t lie to be believed, they lie to be repeated.

Donald Trump found guilty as fuck – May 30, 2024!

Dear Washington Post, you are the darkness now.

I desperately hope that, yet again, i am wrong.

The press swings at every pitch, we don’t have to.

Let me eat cake. The rest of you could stand to lose some weight, frankly.

All hail the time of the bunny!

“In the future, this lab will be a museum. do not touch it.”

America is going up in flames. The NYTimes fawns over MAGA celebrities. No longer a real newspaper.

You are either for trump or for democracy. Pick one.

This country desperately needs a functioning fourth estate.

Seems like a complicated subject, have you tried yelling at it?

“woke” is the new caravan.

Consistently wrong since 2002

A democracy can’t function when people can’t distinguish facts from lies.

Lick the third rail, it tastes like chocolate!

These are not very smart people, and things got out of hand.

Republicans in disarray!

I have other things to bitch about but those will have to wait.

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Reader Interactions

52Comments

  1. 1.

    Martin

    Hmm. Half-dressed photo of Hannah Montana and now John wants a cigar.

    Dude, you make it too easy…

  2. 2.

    Ninerdave

    I have been tobacco free for a while,

    Three weeks for me, going on 4…

    27 years of smoking and at least the last ten, two packs a day. Yaa me.

  3. 3.

    D. Mason

    I have been tobacco free for a while

    Didn’t your mom teach you to not be a quitter?

  7. 7.

    Krista

    Dude! The Balloon Juice gang are the second-highest fundraiser for Obama on ActBlue, right behind the Great Orange Satan & Co.

    Nicely done!

    /raises glass to fellow commenters.

  8. 8.

    AkaDad

    I have been tobacco free for a while, but every now and then, I will be damned if I do not want a cigar.

    It’s weird that you mentioned this, because I’m trying to quit. I used to smoke a pack and a half a day, now I’m smoking 2-3 cigarettes a day.

    I should have waited until the primary was over.

  9. 9.

    aghast

    Just a reminder that this is the end of the month (and it’s been a difficult and discouraging one –)

    Any money we give by midnight helps the O campaign show it’s still in the game —

  10. 10.

    Martin

    Heh. This must kill the wingnuts. Fox News survey:

    *****SUMMARY CHART*****
    Favor Unfav Can't Never
    able orable say heard
    Bill Clinton 52% 43 5 -
    George W. Bush 35% 61 4 -

    The Clenis destroys the, how did he put it:

    … man of extraordinary vision and brilliance approaching to genius, he can’t get anyone to notice. He is like a great painter or musician who is ahead of his time, and who unveils one masterpiece after another to a reception that, when not bored, is hostile.

    Yes, it’s our hostility that prevents us from recognizing the genius.

    OMG! myiq is George Bush!

  13. 13.

    A Different JC

    Just ponied up some money to Actblue through the Balloon-o-meter. Happy to help the cause (and I think giving money to Obama should be called ‘ponying up’… just for old times’ sakes).

  14. 14.

    SteveinSC

    Hmm, a glass of cognac, a lovely, giant Cuban cigar. The things that dreams are made of. (quit 23 years ago “…and after 20 years, he still grieves…”)

  15. 15.

    Mike P.

    Smoked for 20-plus years, and finally gave it up about this time last year.

    Every once in a while, though, I crave so hard even now that I sneak over to 7-11 and buy a pack, smoke a couple, and crush the remainder.

    Tobacco made me its bitch long ago, and I still love it somewhere deep inside. My belief is it’s gotta be one of the most difficult addictions of all to completely break free of.

  17. 17.

    Krista

    Tobacco made me its bitch long ago, and I still love it somewhere deep inside. My belief is it’s gotta be one of the most difficult addictions of all to completely break free of.

    Indeed. In times of stress, I still crave a cigarette. This September, it will have been six years since I quit. And I know how very easily I could start it back up even now.

  18. 18.

    maxbaer (not the original)

    The worst about quitting cigarettes was waking up in fear that I had started smoking again because I was smoking one in a dream.

  21. 21.

    scrutinizer

    Good news, myiq! Spermania 19 is out! Why don’t you run along, download a copy and amuse yourself for awhile.

  22. 22.

    merrinc

    I was going to tell y’all that I saw the MUP yesterday but instead I’ll say that I saw the next President of the United States, dammit. Yes, it was awesome.

  24. 24.

    ThymeZone

    This September, it will have been six years since I quit. And I know how very easily I could start it back up even now.

    Congrats to all who have quit, and courage to those who will continue trying.

    About 140 weeks now for me. I’ll never smoke again unless my doctor orders me to.

    I quit umpty-leven times before. So don’t give up if you fail a few times.

  25. 25.

    zoe from pittsburgh

    I’ve been a political junkie most of my life– I’m 32. I worked in DC in a liberal political org for a number of years and all of my friends are still professional political folks in various progressive non-profits. We spend most of our free time discussing policy and strategical missteps, so I’m not used to liking candidates much beyond basic respect and accountability, rationally and logically and such. (Except for maybe Paul Wellstone. I did adore him.)

    But when I went to see Obama on the night before the PA primary in a crowd of 10,000+ very happy, excited people I realized that this was something I had never seen before. It was something I never even imagined possible. People not only caring about politics but waiting in line for HOURS to hear one speak!!?!! And when he did it was something else.

    I had someone I was trying to meet there about 30 minutes before the event but she called to say that there was a line over a mile long outside– she drove along it– and those were all the people who DIDN’T get in.

    So, yeah, I totally get what you’re saying merrinc.

  26. 26.

    Breschau

    I find it bizarre that tobacco has absolutely no addiction hold on me – I can smoke a pack of cigarettes in an evening of drinking and pool-playing, or smoke 2 or 3 cigars in a round of golf, and then get absolutely no cravings. I can literally go a month afterwards and never even think about smoking.

    But put a bottle of Irish whiskey in front of me, and I’ll drink half of it before I realize just how drunk I am.

  27. 27.

    nightjar

    Tobacco made me its bitch long ago, and I still love it somewhere deep inside. My belief is it’s gotta be one of the most difficult addictions of all to completely break free of.

    So true. That’s why I compromised and quit smoking 7 years ago but use Skoal. It’s so nasty, I can stand only a small amount per day (cherry flavored kind), so I’m thankful for that, but I’m still addicted to nicotine. Oh well.

  28. 28.

    UnkyT

    Quit smoking years ago (when my first child was born), but I’ll be damned if I’m going to give up my weekly Maduro.

  30. 30.

    chuckieboy

    UNRELATED. I AM A DISABLED VIET NAM VET. I WAS RAISED ON THE WEST SIDE OF CHICAGO, RIFE WITH THE RACISM. SO TYPICAL OF THOSE TIMES. THE ARMY AND VIET NAM SHOWED ME WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO BE A NIGGER. UNFORTUNATELY, MY COUNTRY HAS NOT MOVED BEYOND THE HATREDS I THOUGHT WERE COMING TO AN END. I AM THOROUGLY SADDENED WITH THE PEOPLE OF THIS COUNTRY FOR ALLOWING US TO BECOME THE EMBODIEMENT OF INTOL LERANCE AND RACISM. I GUESS IT IS THE RESULT OF NOT PAYING ATTENTION. IN ANY EVENT, I BELIEVE IT WAS UPTON SINCLAIR WHO SAID, FACISM WILL COME TO AMERICA CARRYING A CROSS WRAPPED IN A FLAG. WELL, HERE WE ARE. MOST CERTAINLY, IF THE REPUBLICANS PREVAIL IN THE NEXT ELECTION, I AM ABANDONING MY COUNTRY, AND PERHAPS IF A DEM WINS. I HAVE HAD GREAT TIMES HERE, FAMILY, FRIENDS, SUCH AN ABUNDANCE BUT ULTIMATELY SUCH A WASTE. VIA CON DIOS.

  31. 31.

    Chuck Butcher

    I parted company with alcohol 20 years ago-in a couple weeks. On the other hand I’ve smoked Camel straights for thirty seven years and cigarettes for 40. I’ve smoked +/- 1 pack/day since I took up Camels. If they quit making them I suppose I’d quit. It’s one thing to be addicted to something I like, it would be another to simply maintain a distasteful addiction. Yes, I’ll actually go without, as deeply addicted as I am, if I happen to run out and others are available.

  32. 32.

    John Cole

    I didn’t mean to start a painful thread for all the former and reformed smokers, but I have to confess- I smoked every day for years, and I don’t, anymore.

    However, if I want a cigar every 6-7 months, I sure as hell have one, and I don’t feel even a bit of remorse about it. In fact, I enjoy it.

    As far as I am concerned, a cigar 2-3 times a year is no health hazard at all, especially compared to my pack a day smoking habits I have now kicked.

  34. 34.

    Andrew

    At this rate, John Cole is going to be invited to one of those dinner events for big campaign money bundlers. I fully expect him to go dressed as his favorite BSG character.

  35. 35.

    ninerdave

    However, if I want a cigar every 6-7 months, I sure as hell have one, and I don’t feel even a bit of remorse about it. In fact, I enjoy it.

    As far as I am concerned, a cigar 2-3 times a year is no health hazard at all, especially compared to my pack a day smoking habits I have now kicked.

    Hell ya. Seriously, as much as I despise the ball and chain that was my smoking habit. I have no problems with a cigar….and hopefully I’ll be able to have one again as I enjoy them. Cigarettes, not so much.

    Ciger = nice scotch
    Cigarette = Old English.

  36. 36.

    ninerdave

    Wow, Seriously, we the potty mouths are $7k away from beating GOS.

    To over take them in # of donations and amount of donations would be f’n killer. I’m adding another $50 tonite.

  39. 39.

    Notorious P.A.T.

    I’ll donate once I get my next paycheck.

    It sounds kind of sadistic, but a psychology professor I had said that a great way to quit smoking is to wear a rubber band around your wrist and snap it whenever you get a craving. Can’t say if it works from personal experience.

  40. 40.

    Bunyip

    Hi – long time lurker here.

    I just donated $100 on behalf of Michael D.

    Love the blog. Read it every day. Keep up the great work.

  41. 41.

    Krista

    It sounds kind of sadistic, but a psychology professor I had said that a great way to quit smoking is to wear a rubber band around your wrist and snap it whenever you get a craving. Can’t say if it works from personal experience.

    ‘Twould probably worked better if you wore it around your…ahem. By the time you found a private place in which to unzip your pants, and then went through the agony of snapping the rubber band, any desire to smoke would have long since passed.

  42. 42.

    Gregory

    Cool…I came back to say you were a little closer, and the meter had already updated! Sw33t!

  43. 43.

    Krista

    Sweet. Right on the front page of ActBlue, we see this:

    Today’s Hot Pages

    The People’s Email Network
    by The People’s Email Network

    Special General Election GOTV Fund
    by Donna Edwards

    Balloon Juice for Obama
    by John Cole

    Dan Seals for Congress
    by Seals Campaign

    Ethan Strimling for Congress, ME-1
    by Strimling for Congress

  44. 44.

    Scrutinizer

    ‘Twould probably worked better if you wore it around your…ahem. By the time you found a private place in which to unzip your pants, and then went through the agony of snapping the rubber band, any desire to smoke would have long since passed.

    Don’t say stuff like that. It’ll make myiq want to start smoking.

  45. 45.

    b. hussein canuckistani

    Never smoked, but my mom did, and I got to watch her die a horrible cancerous death. So way top go quitters, and an extra pat on the back for the ones with kids. I’ll raise a glass of single malt scotch in your honours tonight.

  47. 47.

    A Different JC

    chuckieboy: I HAVE HAD GREAT TIMES HERE, FAMILY, FRIENDS, SUCH AN ABUNDANCE BUT ULTIMATELY SUCH A WASTE. VIA CON DIOS.

    Rough stuff, chuckieboy, but it’s odds-on that Obama’s gonna win it November. I don’t know any time in US history when the country’s in such bad shape that the voters go with the incumbant party.

    P.S. Thank you for your service and we appreciate your sacrifice (even if people will still ask if you wear a flag pin)

  48. 48.

    ThymeZone

    Twould probably worked better if you wore it around your…ahem. By the time you found a private place in which to unzip your pants, and then went through the agony of snapping the rubber band, any desire to smoke would have long since passed

    Problem is, two years later and still not smoking, one has gotten addicted to the rubber band …..

    Not me. I didn’t mean me. I swear to G….

    SHUT UP.

  49. 49.

    Conservatively Liberal

    OT:

    Yo peeps! We are hitting the road to The Dalles, Oregon today, and then up to Spokane tomorrow. Looks like the central Oregon route wins (rather than the coastal route to Lincoln City and through Portland), and it will get a bit cold in the higher altitudes, but I have the motorcycle gear for it.

    Don’t trash the place too much while I am out being a road warrior. ;)

  50. 50.

    Cain

    Have a great safe trip, CL. We’re on our way to Mount Hood in about 10 minutes! :-) If I see motorbikes, maybe I’ll honk ;)

    cain

  51. 51.

    Dreggas

    The DC Madam has been found dead in florida, apparently of “suicide” get out the tinfoil and start makin hats.

  52. 52.

    here4tehbeer

    Smoker since I was 15. Now 50. Quit cold-turkey this past February 29th. No drugs or patches. No replacing cigs with food, candy, gum. Still a big cup of coffee in the morning – still lots of alcohol at night. Basically no different than before I quit except that it’s minus one pack of Marlboro Reds per day.

    Feeling really good too. Just quit my day job of 20 years and will be out on my own after a brief vacation. Rarely any anxiety pangs or “gosh I really need a smoke”. Don’t know why it worked this time, but this is Day 60 (or 61 or 62 depending on the math used).

    50. New Life. Happy as a clam. Loving It! :)

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