Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

Quote tweet friends, screenshot enemies.

The republican caucus is covering themselves with something, and it’s not glory.

Just because you believe it, that doesn’t make it true.

People are weird.

Donald Jessica Trump found guilty as fuck – May 30, 2024!

They were going to turn on one another at some point. It was inevitable.

White supremacy is terrorism.

There are some who say that there are too many strawmen arguments on this blog.

Perhaps you mistook them for somebody who gives a damn.

So many bastards, so little time.

The willow is too close to the house.

I am pretty sure Katy Tur wasn’t always such a bootlicking sycophant.

I was confident that someone would point it out and thought why not me.

Bad news for Ron DeSantis is great news for America.

“Jesus paying for the sins of everyone is an insult to those who paid for their own sins.”

Every one of the “Roberts Six” lied to get on the court.

We are aware of all internet traditions.

The truth is, these are not very bright guys, and things got out of hand.

Everything is totally normal and fine!!!

Democrats have delivered the Square Deal, the New Deal, the Fair Deal, and now… the Big Joe Biden Deal.

If you are in line to indict donald trump, stay in line.

Putin dreamed of ending NATO, and now it’s Finnish-ed.

They traffic in fear. it is their only currency. if we are fearful, they are winning.

He imagines himself as The Big Bad, Who Is Universally Feared… instead of The Big Jagoff, Who Is Universally Mocked.

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Archives for April 2008

The Final Tally

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Looking at the returns this morning, it is right where I thought it would be– 54.3-45.7 (with 9,203 out of 9,264 districts reporting), about a an 8 1/2% margin of victory for Hillary (I consistently predicted 8-12%, so this is neither a surprise nor a huge win in my book- this is about what I expected from the ideal state for her- not to mention the drubbing Obama has taken from Hillary, the media, and the GOP). A big enough margin for her to fall into the “gray area” as to what she needs to keep fighting on, but not big enough to really accomplish anything regarding the delegate count. And while her win does fall in that gray area she needed, it is probably important to note she has lost the Gray Lady.

What is shocking is the turnout- 2.5 million Democrats versus 750k Republicans voting statewide. That can not be good for the GOP down-ticket this fall.

Hillary’s campaign now seems to boil down to her playing the role of Lucy, with little more than catcalls that Obama “can not close the deal.” “Sure,” she seems to say, “he has kicked my ass in every measurable metric this campaign, but why, oh why can he just not finish me off? Clearly that means you should make me the nominee.”

Regardless, Hillary’s vanity campaign will continue on, trailing in delegates, trailing in the popular vote, trailing in enthusiasm and money, but not lacking in the firm resolve that only Hillary can save us all from our selves. I can not tell you how much I am looking forward to more Clintonian triangulation and McCain worship and plans to nuke Iran over the next two weeks as we wait for the super-delegates and the voters of North Carolina and Indiana to break out the wreath of garlic and wooden stakes so we can finally be rid of this menace.

And donate here. It sure will be nice when my money is going to something useful, like beating up on McCain, but such is the price of Hillary’s ego and inevitability. It will be worth every penny to send her packing.

*** Update ***

This is weird. According to the crack Balloon Juice research staff (aka the comments section), it appears that the official PA state election page is inaccurate. The actual margin of victory is 9.4%, and not the previously reported 8.5%. Duly noted. Nothing changes.

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Most Terrifying Headline Ever

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If you read this story, it is not even remotely funny, but it does have the most terrifying headline ever:

Lynchings in Congo as penis theft panic hits capital

Lynchings AND penis theft? That can’t be good for tourism.

Consider this an open thread.

*** Update ***

BTW- The Day After is currently showing on the SciFi channel. I have not seen that movie since I was 12-13 years old. I remember another movie that terrified me when I was a kid was Gray Lady Down- there was a scene where they had to close off a hatch and drown a sailor. Still remember that.

*** Update #2 ***

I had forgotten Dorfman was in The Day After…

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9,000,000

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Unless it like, totally sucks around here, or unless John totally assplodes the site because of tonight’s results, Balloon-Juice will reach 9,000,000 visitors. Drop by and say hi. If I can, I’ll try to figure out from Sitemeter who the 9 millionth visitor is. There’ll be a nice prize. Meanwhile, if you’re sick of primaries, NBC is airing the Best of Chris Farley. I’d forgotten how funny he was.

Update -April 23, 10:39 EST: If you look at the Sitemeter button on the bottom part of the left frame, you’ll see how close you are. I’m thinking later in the day today.

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McCain: No More Aid to Israel

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Well, he didn’t quite come out and say it, but it’s implied:

…McCain is one of the few in Congress not to indulge in pork, we again are cautiously optimistic with his pledge to stop earmarks by promising to veto every pork-laden spending bill “and make their authors famous.”

Either McCain just made a mistake, or he doesn’t know that foreign aid to Israel is attached as an earmark (which would call into credibility his knowledge of one of our most notable funding packages year over year.)

And now, back to your regularly scheduled primary programming…

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Election Open Thread

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Post your results here.

I have had the tv on for 2 minutes and am already ready to scream as Joe Scarborough asks why “obama can not close the deal.”

Gee. I dunno. Because he is running against an exceedingly popular candidate who has a 16 year advantage building a political machine who just a few months ago was Mrs. Inevitable?

Idiots. That is like bitching at the Giants for only beating the Patriots by a few points.

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Make It All Stop

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Via Memeorandum, more idiocy:

Policy differences between Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton have been far and few, but a new one emerged on Monday over a proposed gas tax holiday. Obama says he’s against while Clinton says she’s in favor, putting her on the same side as John McCain, who proposed such a holiday last week.

Gas prices could hit $4 this summer, raising the ire of voters and putting pressure on presidential candidates to promise immediate action.

Speaking on Larry King Live on Monday night, Clinton outlined a series of steps to address the issue at the beginning of the show, reflecting the growing importance of pocketbook concerns among voters. “I would also consider a gas tax holiday, if we could make up the lost revenues from the Highway Trust Fund,” she said, without specifying how to make up those lost revenues.

Earlier Monday at a community college in the Philadelphia suburbs, Obama rejected a tax holiday as bad economic policy. “I’ve said I think John McCain’s proposal for a three-month tax holiday is a bad idea,” Obama said, warning consumers that any price cut would be short lived before costs spike back.

“We’re talking about 5 percent of your total cost of gas that you suspend for three months, which might save you a few hundred bucks that then will spike right up,” Obama said. “Now keep in mind that it will save you that if Exxon Mobil doesn’t decide, ‘We’ll just tack on another 5 percent on the current cost.’”

The cause of our current gas price problem is not the gas tax, and a tax holiday makes no sense. If you think the gas tax is the problem, permanently revoke it. Otherwise, quit pandering.

Seriously- there are so many things out there that have a real impact on gas prices- the weak dollar, increased demand in developing economies (think China and India), refining limitation, tensions in the Middle East, peak oil, and so on. A gas tax holiday solves no problems. Period. I guess this pandering from Clinton and McCain should not surprise me- I remember being livid when Bush, Harry Reid and Kerry were spewing nonsense about the Strategic Petroleum Reserve.

Our energy problems are long-term, and they are big. Cosmetic bullshit like a brief pause in the gas tax will do nothing other than to continue to erode my faith in our elected officials. This being an election year, I can see some sort of bipartisan stupidity pushed through both houses in no time.

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