Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

I’m pretty sure there’s only one Jack Smith.

Our job is not to persuade republicans but to defeat them.

… pundit janitors mopping up after the GOP

If senate republicans had any shame, they’d die of it.

A snarling mass of vitriolic jackals

I like you, you’re my kind of trouble.

Do not shrug your shoulders and accept the normalization of untruths.

Sitting here in limbo waiting for the dice to roll

We cannot abandon the truth and remain a free nation.

But frankly mr. cole, I’ll be happier when you get back to telling us to go fuck ourselves.

A democracy can’t function when people can’t distinguish facts from lies.

Incompetence, fear, or corruption? why not all three?

My years-long effort to drive family and friends away has really paid off this year.

After roe, women are no longer free.

Is it irresponsible to speculate? It is irresponsible not to.

Americans barely caring about Afghanistan is so last month.

Consistently wrong since 2002

I’ve spoken to my cat about this, but it doesn’t seem to do any good.

When someone says they “love freedom”, rest assured they don’t mean yours.

I did not have this on my fuck 2022 bingo card.

It may be funny to you motherfucker, but it’s not funny to me.

Why did Dr. Oz lose? well, according to the exit polls, it’s because Fetterman won.

Pessimism assures that nothing of any importance will change.

Let me eat cake. The rest of you could stand to lose some weight, frankly.

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21Comments

  1. 1.

    Conservatively Liberal

    You need more practice at this Michael. Try this on for size:

    ..Republicans would be crawling over each other, kicking, scratching, biting and gouging eyes, to pass legislation to save the embryo!

    See? That is an accurate description, is it not? ;)

  3. 3.

    CapMidnight

    Republicans would be crawling over each other, kicking, scratching, biting and gouging eyes, to pass legislation to save the embryo!

    …an drivin by the 9-year-old girl’s place to check out her bumper stickers etc for Malkin’s column

    (If she’s a superdelegate, does she get two votes?)

  4. 4.

    SteveinSC

    “Calling Dr. Frist, calling Dr. Frist.” “You’re wanted in the video booth, stat.”

  6. 6.

    kid bitzer

    seems pretty clear that she’s the real murderer, right?
    i mean–there they are, floating side-by-side in utero, when all of a sudden she goes all space-invaders on her kid sister.

    and what *do* the wing-nuts think? this thing got a soul at conception, right? did it get baptized when she was? has it heard the word by proxy?

    just a weird story. weird as in “weird”.

  9. 9.

    Krista

    It’s not fixed. It now reads “It This Were America.”

    Don’t you mean “If This Were America”?

    Michael, you gotta stop drinking in the morning.

  10. 10.

    cleek

    i would’ve left it… then i could get away with all kinds of crazy shit, by blaming it on my evil embryonic twin.

  12. 12.

    Paul L.

    With universally healthcare
    …Democrats would be rushing to pass legislation to force this mother to get a abortion!

    Amy Carlsen: I’m laying on the table for maybe an hour she is checking and taking pictures…

    Amy had a feeling something was wrong.

    Amy Carlsen: And she said, “The babies are conjoined.”

    This selfish woman went on to give birth to the twins and tied up valuable medical resources to separate them.

  14. 14.

    Blue Buddha

    Actually, I’m surprised the Republicans haven’t called Greece and terrorist state and Bush pumping up rhetoric to bomb them. This is a virgin birth*, people! We’re talking the next Jesus Christ! And now the theocrats plot to hasten the Apocalypse has been foiled by a professional murderer abortion doctor.

    * Virgin births do occur in humans, and the kid is an exact twin of the mother, as there is no other genetic material. The chances of it happening, however, are astronomically low.

  15. 15.

    Bubblegum Tate

    All that embryonic twin needed was a sandwich and a bottle of water, and it would’ve been up and at ’em in no time, totally ready to co-star in a Doublemint Gum commercial! But the Culture of Death couldn’t wait to MURDER it!

  18. 18.

    Krista

    Michael D. Says:

    Krista: I’m on pain medication! Leave me alone!

    Only if you share. ;)

  20. 20.

    Blue Raven

    Virgin births do occur in humans, and the kid is an exact twin of the mother, as there is no other genetic material. The chances of it happening, however, are astronomically low.

    I’ve joked that the dermoid ovarian cysts I keep developing are failed attempts at the second coming. Though if they are, I’m either getting used by a god I don’t worship or my own gods have a really twisted sense of humor.

  21. 21.

    afferent input

    This phenomenon is called fetus in fetu. Goggle image search of said term returns some very scary pictures.

    Not recommended for those with weak stomachs.

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