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You are here: Home / Elections / Election 2008 / Hillary’s New Campaign Strategy

Hillary’s New Campaign Strategy

by Michael D.|  May 20, 200810:18 am| 12 Comments

This post is in: Election 2008, Humorous

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Next vote wins!:

Significantly trailing Sen. Barack Obama in delegates, Sen. Hillary Clinton made a last-ditch effort to settle the hotly contested presidential race Monday, when she loudly shouted a proposal that the candidate who gets the next vote wins the Democratic nomination. “All sides have battled long and hard, and now it is time to take up a fair and impartial method for deciding this: next vote takes all,” Clinton said, adding that she was crossing her fingers behind her back to ensure that the electoral process is allowed to take its course. “Although I am open to discussing the feasibility of implementing a best-two-out-of-three policy, it has become clear the only way to settle this historic campaign is whoever can run to that door first—go!” Members of the Obama campaign disputed the results of the footrace, pointing out that the Illinois senator had long ago called for ace of black magic times infinity with no backsies.

Sure, it’s The Onion, but would you really be surprised?

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12Comments

  1. 1.

    Neal

    May 20, 2008 at 10:22 am

    I bet one of those Clinton “strategists” is reading this thinking “Fuck, that’s a great idea!”.

  2. 2.

    rob!

    May 20, 2008 at 10:24 am

    that former, gravel-voiced shill for Mitt Romney was on MSNBC a few minutes ago, and, ye gods, she actually started to make sense.

    in reference to Hillary’s supporters being “enraged” that she’s losing, she said “real equality means you might lose the competition. you don’t get to automatically win just because this is the first time a woman has run for president.”

    when Mitt Romney People start making more sense than Hillary, we are truly in Bizarro World. less votes = winner!

  3. 3.

    Zifnab

    May 20, 2008 at 10:28 am

    rob!, it is always easier to see the speck in your neighbor’s eye than the plank in your own.

    Republicans have been absolutely prescient about finding all the things wrong with their Democratic opposition. Every now and again, I even agree with what they find so unsettling or illogical.

    Strangely, all this wisdom hasn’t done them much to win elections in the past two years.

  4. 4.

    ThymeZone

    May 20, 2008 at 10:29 am

    If Hillary were just a blogger on BJ, and making up the crazy shit she has been slinging lately, we’d laugh her extra large ass outta here.

    On the Big Stage, though, you can say anything. Up there, you won’t get challenged.

  5. 5.

    Neal

    May 20, 2008 at 10:35 am

    extra large ass

    Barack Obama should apologize for that sexist comment of yours, TZ.
    I expect him to renounce immediately.

  6. 6.

    ThymeZone

    May 20, 2008 at 10:38 am

    Barack Obama should apologize for that sexist comment of yours, TZ.

    I was only quoting Reverend Wright.

  7. 7.

    Neal

    May 20, 2008 at 10:45 am

    I was only quoting Reverend Wright.

    Was Jeremiah Wright wearing a flag pin at the time that he said that?

  8. 8.

    r€nato

    May 20, 2008 at 11:27 am

    At first, I thought that WAS a real Hillary quote. That’s how far the Hillary campaign has descended into self-parody.

  9. 9.

    TenguPhule

    May 20, 2008 at 11:46 am

    Michael D Continues on a Roll of Posts that actually make sense.

  10. 10.

    KCinDC

    May 20, 2008 at 12:06 pm

    Yes, the way Clinton talks about West Virginia, and the way she will talk about Kentucky, the Onion article isn’t far from the truth.

  11. 11.

    Tax Analyst

    May 20, 2008 at 12:21 pm

    KCinDC Says:

    Yes, the way Clinton talks about West Virginia, and the way she will talk about Kentucky, the Onion article isn’t far from the truth.

    Well, we all know that as Kentucky goes, so goes the Nation, right?

    Uh, well…not really, except in Hillaryland this week.

  12. 12.

    Dreggas

    May 20, 2008 at 2:33 pm

    Tax Analyst Says:

    KCinDC Says:

    Yes, the way Clinton talks about West Virginia, and the way she will talk about Kentucky, the Onion article isn’t far from the truth.

    Well, we all know that as Kentucky goes, so goes the Nation, right?

    Uh, well…not really, except in Hillaryland this week.

    Yep, she even said yesterday no president has won without winning Kentucky. There’s enough legalease in there that it deserves an asterisk.

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