Come for the politics, stay for the snark.

We still have time to mess this up!

if you can’t see it, then you are useless in the fight to stop it.

🎶 Those boots were made for mockin’ 🎵

Do not shrug your shoulders and accept the normalization of untruths.

You can’t attract Republican voters. You can only out organize them.

Accountability, motherfuckers.

“Everybody’s entitled to be an idiot.”

The party of Reagan has become the party of Putin.

It’s always darkest before the other shoe drops.

Putin must be throwing ketchup at the walls.

And now I have baud making fun of me. this day can’t get worse.

No offense, but this thread hasn’t been about you for quite a while.

Thanks to your bullshit, we are now under siege.

You don’t get rid of your umbrella while it’s still raining.

Is it irresponsible to speculate? It is irresponsible not to.

Conservatism: there are some people the law protects but does not bind and others who the law binds but does not protect.

Not all heroes wear capes.

Pessimism assures that nothing of any importance will change.

Eh, that’s media spin. biden’s health is fine and he’s doing a good job.

An almost top 10,000 blog!

My years-long effort to drive family and friends away has really paid off this year.

It’s the corruption, stupid.

Balloon Juice has never been a refuge for the linguistically delicate.

They fucked up the fucking up of the fuckup!

You are here: Home / z-Retired Categories / Site Maintenance / Another Open Thread

Another Open Thread

by | 107 Comments

This post is in: 

Sorry, just not in the mood to blog.

Today was my birthday, btw. Woo- 38 going on 12.

As a humorous side note, my mother is at the beach and forgot. She sent a card before she left, but is there with dad and the aging Jack Russell and no newspapers, so I called and talked for a few minutes, and then finally asked her if she had something she wanted to say. She said, “No, should I,” before I reminded her. We both had a laugh.

I thought it was pretty damned funny. At any rate, I will post again tomorrow.

Reader Interactions

107Comments

  1. 1.

    donnah

    Happy Birthday, John. This was the first year that two of my sons were away at college for their birthdays and it was surprisingly difficult for me as a mom. I’m sure your mom would be mortified if she knew she forgot to say something when you called.

  2. 2.

    Conservatively Liberal

    Your MOM forgot your birthday? Ouch. Happy Birthday! Only two more years until your midlife crisis!

    ;)

    I am 48 going on 13, so I am just ahead of you…lol

  3. 3.

    Joshua Norton

    My mother tends for “forget” my birthdays, too. I may be getting older, but I don’t have a middle-aged son to deal with like she does. In fact she just flat out told me that she didn’t mind me aging but I was dragging her along with me.

    Anyway, Happy BD. Next year is your last official one. Everything after is an “anniversary” of your 39th.

  4. 4.

    jake

    Happy birthday John. Maybe Tunch will bring you a dead rodent with candles stuck in the ears.

    Now get offa my lawn ya little whippersnapper!

  6. 6.

    Conservatively Liberal

    Happy birthday! My 40th is coming up in January and I’m not thrilled about it.

    My condolences. ;)

  9. 9.

    mainsailset

    been there, bought a dog.
    She’ll come around, in the meantime instant gratification as in a good steak, a beer and maybe a dead fish stowed in the trunk of her car will help move life along…

  10. 10.

    Breschau

    Happy birthday, Mr. Cole.

    My 38th was back in January. To celebrate, I got together with family, friends from college, and even some friends from high school (our 20th reunion had been 2 months before). Went to a nice Irish pub, where they actually knew how to pour a proper Guinness pint. Between those and the rounds of Bushmills, I think I ended the night somewhere around Breschau+14.

    The next morning, I discovered the difference between drinking like that at 38, and drinking like that at 28. Ouchie.

  11. 11.

    Kirk Spencer

    But zzyzx, that just shows you haven’t thought about it.

    I am thrilled – absolutely giddy – every time I celebrate another anniversary of becoming 39 (nine of them so far – my first decade is half a year off). As the saying goes, it beats the alternative.

  12. 12.

    gsp

    Happy birthday, Moran. Despite your age, you still crack me up. I’m with that “commenter” from a previous post that said you’ll go Republican by 2012 but will add you’ll be an independent/libertarian in 2016 when you are 46.

    Good night, Asshole.

  13. 13.

    stuck in 200

    Happy birthday, John. My 50th (going on 25, but I may have been 25 going on 13) is in two weeks, and I wish I could get everyone involved to forget about it.

  14. 14.

    zzyzx

    Yes it does, but this weekend I went out twice to see music (admittedly late night shows) and as a result, I had to throw away Sunday. 10 years ago, I wouldn’t have even noticed it.

  15. 15.

    cay

    38 will be a memorable year if Obama gets in. Your mom is probably trying to forget the birth itself.

  17. 17.

    Crusty Dem

    Happy Birthday, John. Remember, you may be 38, but this is your first birthday as a DFH, so in many ways, you’re young again.

  19. 19.

    demimondian

    Heh. I’m the youngest person here who isn’t fifty yet, it seems — and I have John beated by *almost* a decade; I won’t reach 48 for…um…well, let’s say I’ll be 48 by election day, but only barely.

    /whippersnapper.

    (But then again, I work at Gollum, where most of my colleagues are still childless. I have a kid in college.)

  20. 20.

    p.a.

    Happy Birthday

    Just got back from a week fishing in Maine. No TV, no radio, no cell coverage. So the House caved on FISA/Telcom Immunity. F&#@ing gutless Dems. Does Shrub have to get below 10% before they grow balls? All that nice mellow post-vacation vibe right down the shitter. WTF…

  21. 21.

    Nikita

    Happy Birthday John! I’ve lurked at this site for over 3 years but never posted. I couldn’t resist this time though. Your own mother? I don’t know whether to laugh or feel bad…

    Okay, back to lurking.

  23. 23.

    john b

    happy birthday, john.

    two weeks away from 26, i think i’m now the youngest person here.

  24. 24.

    kate r

    you were calling her to thank her for doing all that work 38 years ago, right? red roses are nice, too, for the mother.

    but seriously, ouch that she forgot. Is that something she does or could it be an indication of trouble? My mother never remembered anything like birthdays so when she started going gaga it took us a long time to figure it out.

    I had my first boy on my birthday just to avoid that sort of problem. The other two remain a problem.

    Oh. Hey. Happy Birthday.

    Don’t complain about how old you are or you’ll start getting the “it’s better than the alternative” smart-ass response and eventually want to smack someone.

  26. 26.

    Michael D.

    If I forgot my mom’s birthday, I would never live it down. I would be made to feel guilty for the entire year and would have to really go the extra mile the next year.

  29. 29.

    Adrienne

    Sorry John B. I win. I’m a young jazzy thang at only 23 years young!!!!

    You guys are some old fartin geezers!

  30. 30.

    JL

    Happy Birthday John, What’s amazing is the vast age group of your blog. Since I’m 58 and going on 22, it seems that you cover all age groups. Maybe a seventy something can chime in. Happy Birthday.. Glad that you finally woke up to the liberal media.

  31. 31.

    frogspawn

    Happy birthday, John.

    That kinda reminds me of one hungover weekend morning when I called my mother and said “Happy Mother’s Day!”, and she responded:

    “Mother’s Day is tomorrow, you idiot.”

    At least that meant it was still Saturday.

  32. 32.

    ThymeZone

    Happy birthday and many happy returns, John.

    The future belongs to the old. I have no use for the young, as we all know, youth is wasted on them.

    Booya.

  35. 35.

    Just Some Fuckhead

    I thought it was pretty damned funny.

    Always the soldier, smiling bravely through the tears and rejection. I think I’m going to – no, be strong, Fuckhead. Get over here John and let’s just hug it all out!

  37. 37.

    Church Lady

    Happy birthday, John. Here’s to many more. It’s a shame your mother forgot, but when she remembers (and she will), she’ll feel awful. I know I did when I forgot my Dad’s birthday a few years ago.

    On the bright side, you’re only 38, and the thirties are a wonderful place to be. I turned fifty this year, and was absolutely determined that there be no hoopla. To my surprise and relief, everyone complied. The only thing to celebrate about 50 is still being alive. Other than that, it pretty much sucks. Being eligable for AARP is just the icing on the cake – and they will hunt you down and badger you by mail until you join.

  41. 41.

    Genine

    Happy Birthday, John!

    Wow, there’s a nice wide age range on this blog. I think its cool, it adds to the discourse around here!

    I’ll be 33 this year, but I feel 17!

  42. 42.

    srv

    Not the worst crowd:

    22 – Jun – 1980 Eric Stretch ()
    22 – Jun – 1973 Carson Daly ()
    22 – Jun – 1971 Kurt Warner ()
    22 – Jun – 1964 Amy Brenneman ()
    22 – Jun – 1964 Dan Brown ()
    22 – Jun – 1954 Freddie Prinze ()
    22 – Jun – 1953 Cyndi Lauper ()
    22 – Jun – 1949 Meryl Streep ()
    22 – Jun – 1949 Lindsay Wagner ()
    22 – Jun – 1948 Todd Rundgren ()
    22 – Jun – 1941 Ed Bradley ()
    22 – Jun – 1936 Kris Kristofferson ()
    22 – Jun – 1921 Joseph Papp ()
    22 – Jun – 1906 Billy Wilder ()
    22 – Jun – 1903 John Dillinger ()

  43. 43.

    Kathy

    Reminds me of the movie “Sixteen Candles” yes I am showing my age (44). Happy Birthday John you young thing!

  44. 44.

    calipygian

    Wow. You were born on perhaps the most significant day in the history of the world – the day Germany invaded Russia, losing WWII.

    Is there any day that can be said to be even more consequential?

    And today is the day 20 years ago that I joined the Navy. I have collected my last DoD paycheck and switch to the VA next month.

    We joined the military at roughly the same time. You are a college professor. I am an unemployed retired E-6.

    You’ve done well. I wish I had chosen as well.

  46. 46.

    Fulcanelli

    I turned fifty this year, and was absolutely determined that there be no hoopla. To my surprise and relief, everyone complied. The only thing to celebrate about 50 is still being alive. Other than that, it pretty much sucks.

    Ah, excuse me Church Lady, ma’am? maybe your life sucks at 50, but hmmmmm, whose fault is that? …Satan? I also turned 50 this year and life’s good and gettin’ better. My kids are awesome and make me so proud, my wife’s amazing and I quit a dead end career and became self employed and I’m gonna be a granddad.

    Happy Birthday, Mr. Cole, don’t listen to the whiners in the bunch, you seem wiser than most at 38, you’re bucking the “you’ll be a conservative by the time you’re fourty”,… bullshit, for starters.

    No Fear. Not at 50, not at 80.

  48. 48.

    Neal

    A happy birthday to you, Mr. Cole.

    I’ll just revise my day and say that the Brooklyn Local and the Yuengling I had earlier this evening were in your honor.

  49. 49.

    Delia

    Wow. You were born on perhaps the most significant day in the history of the world – the day Germany invaded Russia, losing WWII.

    And two days later is the anniversary of the day Napoleon invaded Russia, thus losing his Empire. What conclusions shall we draw? Late June is a really bad time to start a land war in Russia?

    Or:

    Take it away, George W. Now’s your last chance to do a really awesome legacy and sink your country but good.

  50. 50.

    RandyH

    I don’t turn 38 until November but I do know what it’s like for family to forget your birthday. But maybe it’s because they know I haven’t celebrated a birthday since I turned 21. What’s the point? Remind me that I’m getting older and that I have no milestones to look forward to?

    Feel glad that your mother forgot your birthday, you old childless spinster.

  51. 51.

    RandyH

    Feel glad that your mother forgot your birthday, you old childless spinster.

    And have another drink.

  55. 55.

    Bubba Dave

    Happy birthday, John. My #38 is still three months away (less a week) so for the next 83 days I’d like to state:
    Dude! Yer a GEEZER!
    Now is it football season yet?

  56. 56.

    Dennis - SGMM

    The only thing to celebrate about 50 is still being alive.

    Growing old ain’t for sissies. I was bummed earlier this year when I turned sixty. My dear wife told me, “You’re making yourself old.” She was right. I sure as hell can’t run a 40 minute 10K like I could twenty years ago but I’m still a DFH (With the ponytail to prove it) and I’m more comfortable in my own skin than I’ve ever been in my life.

    OT: MSN.com has announced that Tom Brokaw will host Meet the Press through November.

  57. 57.

    Bob In Pacifica

    Ah, 38. When I was thirty-eight we first learned about that bad man Willie Horton. And the constitutional right to privacy to your garbage that you put out at the curb was taken away. And the American Savings and Loan was bailed out. And “Never Going To Give You Up” by Rick Astley was Number 4 for the year.

  58. 58.

    Crusty Dem

    FWIW, John, my mother never forgot my birthday, but for my 17th (lo, those 20 years ago), she gave me a Carly Simon CD. I’ll leave it to you to decide which is worse.

    OT (even for an open thread), this is the most fun thread to troll I’ve ever seen. Seriously.

  60. 60.

    Crusty Dem

    Dammit, and with one link I break their website. Seriously, is Larry Johnson using Joe Lieberman’s old website? I think he spends more money on his flowbee-quality haircut than his web hosting.

    I know I shouldn’t complain, but it’s become my go-to place for Dada-esque absurdity.

  64. 64.

    Surabaya Stew

    A very happy birthday to you, Mr. Cole. I’m not far behind myself, so I feel kinda what you are feeling today. Just thank God (or Bhudda, Shiva, the Flying Spaghetti Monster, or whatever one prefers) that you came to your senses before you turned 40. Otherwise, you would have been a jerk forever!

  65. 65.

    mrmobi

    Happy Birthday John. You’re a veritable puppy. Age 38 was a very good year for me, it was the year my daughter was born. She’s 23 now, and is the very best work I’ve ever done. I highly recommend children, and not only if they’re properly cooked.

    Thanks for being the intrepid soul you are, John. There aren’t many in the blogosphere with the guts to run a wide open site like this. You get banned at Talk Left just for saying Obama has any redeeming characteristics these days.

    And Crusty, WTF, that page just completely locked up my computer! Can you believe the shit that gets posted at No Quarter? It’s become a pure hate site. Tell me again why the CIA is a good idea?

  66. 66.

    J Bean

    Happy Birthday! It’s my birthday today, too! However, at 11 years your senior, I’d say 38 looks pretty good to me.

    The reason Hitler chose June 22nd to invade Russia was because Napolean chose the same date. They both failed, but Happy B’day anyway.

  67. 67.

    IndyLib

    Happy Birthday, John.
    And may your next 38 be spent giving us all a place to openly snark, bitch, moan and complain while sniggering at the same from you!

  69. 69.

    Conservatively Liberal

    … but I’m still a DFH (With the ponytail to prove it) and I’m more comfortable in my own skin than I’ve ever been in my life.

    This DFH (with the ponytail to prove it) is following right behind you. Granted, the top of the head is damned sparse, but the ponytail goes to my waist…lol

    A ponytail is very useful on a guy. If you are outdoors working and a fly (or bee) lands on your back, do what a horse does! Plus it is a great asshole detector. If someone acts like an asshole because I have long hair, I know to steer clear or be ready to fire back. One time in the laundromat of an apartment complex I lived at, an old neighbor lady told me (in a disgusting tone) ‘If my son had hair like yours, I would cut it off’. I politely told her ‘I am glad that I am not your son’.

    We rarely talked after that exchange, but about a year later she slipped and fell between her car and another one in the parking lot. I was driving out of the lot and spotted her lying between the cars and there was blood running down the pavement (coastal parking lots are steep to promote drainage in heavy storms). I jumped out of the car and assessed her situation, which was no broken bones but she had fell face first into the pavement and her glasses broke at the bridge of her nose and sliced deeply across the bridge so that her nose was literally hanging on her face. It was the grossest thing I had ever seen.

    Some other tenants were in the parking lot by then and I called for help. One called the ambulance and another got me a towel so we could use it to hold her nose up and apply pressure to slow the bleeding. The ambulance came and took her to the hospital and she was airlifted out to Medford, Oregon for emergency surgery.

    When she returned I went over to check on her and she was crying and apologizing to me for being such a “mean neighbor”, and she thanked me over and over for helping her. From then on we got along great, and her and my wife became fast friends. Her daughter came about six months later and moved her down to California to live with her. My wife and her corresponded up to her passing away about three years ago.

    The whole thing brings the tears back to my eyes in remembering how contrite she was, you could see that it really anguished her that she judged someone by the way they looked. Afterward, I would gently kid her about how I like to go around fooling people into thinking I am a nice guy, but she would say that with a wife like mine there was no way I could ever be a bad guy.

    Yeah, I’m a DFH and proud of it. As we all should be.

  70. 70.

    Bill H

    Happy birthday! My 40th is coming up in January and I’m not thrilled about it.

    Take heart, my 65th was last week, and I am not really very old.

    Happy Birthday John. Your Mother loves you, and so do we.

  71. 71.

    Blue Raven

    Happy Birthday, John. Life begins at 40.

    Trust me.

    Granting that I am only about four months into my 41st year on the planet, so far, I can only agree with you.

  72. 72.

    Blue Raven

    Whoops! Forgot to say happy birthday, John!

    Or as it’s said in my favorite European language aside from French, breithlá shona duit!

  76. 76.

    Conservatively Liberal

    RIP George Carlin. Sad news, sorry to have to report it.

    Oh man, that just sucks. RIP George, and watch out for Sister Mary and her steel ruler, and be sure to hang out with Father Rivera.

    The class clown has left the building. Sad.

  78. 78.

    Kevin

    RIP George Carlin. Sad news, sorry to have to report it.

    FUCK!

    Seriously, though, that sucks. George Carlin was one of the best social commentators we had in this country. He was as close as we had to Lenny Bruce in these days.

  80. 80.

    LanceThruster

    The Birthday Cake Polka

    Put another candle on my birthday cake
    We’re gonna bake a birthday cake
    Put another candle on my birthday cake
    I’m another year old today

    I’m gonna have a party with my birthday cake
    Come on and take some birthday cake
    Put another candle on my birthday cake
    I’m another year old today

    We’ll have some pie and sandwiches
    and chocolate ice cream too
    We’ll sing and play the day away
    and one more thing I’m going to do
    I’ll blow out the candles on my birthday cake
    and when I do, a wish I’ll make
    Put another candle on my birthday cake
    I’m another year old today
    ……..

    Put another candle on my birthday cake
    We’re gonna bake a birthday cake
    Put another candle on my birthday cake
    I’m another year old today

    I’m gonna have a party with my birthday cake
    Come on and take some birthday cake
    Put another candle on my birthday cake
    I’m another year old today

    We’ll have some pie and sandwiches
    and chocolate ice cream, too
    We’ll sing and play the day away
    and one more thing I’m going to do

    I’ll blow out the candles on my birthday cake
    and when I do, a wish I’ll make
    Put another candle on my birthday cake
    I’m another year old today
    Happy birthday to you
    I’m another year old today.

  82. 82.

    Calouste

    Happy Birthday John!

    Oh, and the reason invasions of Russia started in late June is that it is late enough for the land to dry out after the snow has melted (Belarus was basically one big swamp in them days) and early enough to at least attempt to reach Moscow before the winter really hits.

    For an excellent account of Napoleon’s invasion read ‘Moscow 1812: Napoleon’s Fatal March’ by Adam Zamoyski.

  83. 83.

    Cain

    Happy Birthday John! You’re only one year younger than me… (and we’re probably some of the younger people on this blog!)

    cain

  84. 84.

    Zuzu's Petals

    Well c’mon, she cared enough to send a card ahead of time. Being at the beach for a week is a pretty good reason for forgetting what day it is.

    I remember coming home on one of my birthdays to my mother singing the birthday song on my answering machine. She was the only one who remembered. I miss her every day, but stuff like this brings a tear to my eye.

    So on that note … Happy Birthday, John !

  85. 85.

    baldheadeddork

    Happy birthday John. I liked you even before you got your head screwed on straight. ;-)

  86. 86.

    Mike D.

    “I can’t believe it! They _fucking_ forgot my birthday!”

    I got this from my dad a few years ago. He was waist-deep in alligators and I was feeling blue and frankly didn’t want a birthday that year myself. Whoa, flashbacks. Anyway! My grandmother didn’t feel me up; bit of a win there.

    Here’s to you, John, and here also is to Geddy Watanabe, who had to get a voice coach to plaster over his Middletown accent to become Long Duck Dong and who kept fucking up scenes because he’d wander off into Tom Sawyer or Dr. Zhivago territory. Yes, I _can_ drink two beers at once, thank you very much. No Bothan spies were harmed during the course of learning that trick.

  87. 87.

    MMM

    Thanks a lot – I lost the over/under…..

    You are still #1 on the list, even though you are a shadow of your former self….

  88. 88.

    Krista

    Happy Birthday John! (I already wished you a happy birthday on the other open thread, but hey — what does one extra birthday wish hurt, right?)

    Thanks for providing such an awesome forum for us to bitch, argue, laugh and bond. There are many people (or characters, in the case of TZ) on here who I consider to be my friends — you included, John. And you made it all possible by creating this crazy community for us. I hope that this year brings you many, many wonderful things.

    /hugs

  90. 90.

    kirok

    Happy Birthday, John. Yesterday was my birthday, too. I have seven years on you, pup. I spent the day fishing Passage Creek in the Massanutten Mountains. My mother called me. :-p

  91. 91.

    Janefinch

    Happy birthday, JC! Mine is in 3 days but I think I broadcast far and wide everything that people are to do to mark the occasion of my birth…I leave nothing to chance.

  93. 93.

    Face

    Perhaps your mom was….uh…..er….a little “occupied” with Pops when you called (beaches do that!). Chicks forget everything when that’s going on. Actually, that’s the best time to get them to commit to a 3-way or baseball game.

  97. 97.

    David Hunt

    Today was my birthday, btw. Woo- 38 going on 12.

    When I turned 37, I remarked to some internet friends who didn’t realize I was that age, “I’ve still got the emotional maturity of a man half my age.” Depressingly, after I turned 40 last year, that joke started losing its power.

    Happy belated birthday.

  98. 98.

    tim

    Had no idea you were so young, John.

    As a latecomer to this blog, post-your political awakening as it were, somewhere along the line I picked up the idea you were in your mid to late forties.

    Unfortunately, this means you are a bonafide CHICKEN HAWK, given your youth and vitality at the time of your support for GWB’s first stolen assumption of the throne and then his glorious war and then your support of his SECOND stolen election.

    Lovely.

    So all these years you could have been fighting the good fight for your deeply held convictions in Afghanistan and especially in Iraq, you’ve been sitting on your youngish ass, safe in the states, blogging, getting drunk a lot, and even after your alleged political revelations, calling lots of people much smarter than you are “morons.”

    Nice.

    It’s just astounding to me that folks like you and Andrew Sullivan continue to have any credibility and standing at all, and that anyone takes you seriously, after all the profound matters about which you’ve been gravely mistaken and the vitriolic, acidic style in which you attacked your poltical/sociological opponents.

    Yet…there it is. The fact that you and Andy enjoy any standing at all in American political discourse, especially among left-ish blogistan, is a good indicator of what it is that is truly wrong with U.S. society: MOST American voters really ARE uninformed, willfully stupid morons with absolutely no awareness of perspective or even recent history.

    You seem like a nice enough guy…just deeply fucked up in the personal responsibility/self-awareness department.

    There’s still time to sign up for miltary service, and to take part in your wars. The services are taking 40 year olds now.

    All best on your coming military adventures.

    Tim

  99. 99.

    CaseyL

    Belated happy birthday, John.

    I’m surprised to hear you’re only 38. You’ve really nailed the curmudgeon persona, and that usually takes a few more years’ seasoning :)

    As someone who’s a good bit ahead of you, let me just say that one of the few compensations for getting older is that genuinely not giving a damn what people think of you becomes easier and easier – and, as a direct benefit of that, so does being happy, if not joyful, pretty much all the time.

  101. 101.

    Sherrell

    Per First Read…Karl Rove says Obama reminds him of “the guy at the country club with the beautiful date, holding a martini and a cigarette that stands against the wall and makes snide comments about everyone who passes by.”

    really? are the repubs really trying to paint Obama as the man of privilege and McCain (husband of a beer heiress) as the regular joe! what’s worse is what does it say about the country if they succeed!

  102. 102.

    Sherrell

    Per First Read…Karl Rove says Obama reminds him of “the guy at the country club with the beautiful date, holding a martini and a cigarette that stands against the wall and makes snide comments about everyone who passes by.”

    really? are the repubs really trying to paint Obama as the man of privilege and McCain (husband of a beer heiress) as the regular joe! what’s worse is what does it say about the country if they succeed!

  104. 104.

    Tax Analyst

    OH…yeah – my favorite birthday remark, “Aging is mandatory, but maturity is strictly optional”.

  105. 105.

    Krista

    Oh, and Tim? John has already served. So your “chickenhawk” comment is just silly.

Comments are closed.